Spoof news snippets from Wednesday 2 February 2011
Anderson Cooper Attacked
CNN is reporting that Cooper was punched and thrown to the ground in Cairo today after being mistaken for Julian Assange by Pro-Mubarak mob.
God don't like Aussies, that's a fact!
God is proving that Australians are not his favourite race of people by battering them now with a cyclone + horrendous floods. Maybe it has something to do with those naughty doings of Brit convicts?
CNN's Anderson Cooper Attacked in Egypt
Cooper was pushed and shoved and hit in the head several times. Fired blabber mouth Keith Olbermann was seen quickly leaving the scene.
State Dept. Issues Traveler's Guide on Egypt
Deflecting criticism of its handling of the Egyptian crisis, the State Dept. warned US citizens to stay away from chariot races, the parting of the Red Sea, falafel and saying Holy Moses!
Top Gear hates Mexico, but love tequila!
The Top Gear team lead by Jermey Clarkson have told the world why they hate Mexico and promptly were accused of racism? Well after all Top Gear is only watchable after a bottle of tequila anyway!
Israel threatens Egypt
Israel has threatened to tell Egypts Mummy if it does not stop throwing stones.
Madonna Buys African Village
Breaking news,still sexy singer Madonna has gone the whole nine yards and bought a full village in Burkino Faso, Africa.She quipped 'It's gonna be cool,now all my friends can have celebrity babies.'
Six more Months of Sarah Ferguson
After seeing her shadow,the Duchess of York has decided to become a spokeswoman for Weight Watchers again.
Canadian City Wants to Change its Name
In an attempt to capitalize on the media attention over WikiLeaks,Winnipeg,Manitoba wants to change the name of its city to Wikipeg.
Fat Scientists Say Obesity is All In Genes
LONDON - Scientists have found out that obesity is all in genes. The scientists massed (NOT WEIGHED) between 90-140kg, and the results are welcome for many who have been hurt at the bullying.
Toulouse Lautrec's Physical Challenge
In France until the 1860's it was illegal to be taller than 5 feet 2".Famous French Short Arse Toulouse Lautrec was the last to be born before the height ban was lifted and luckily was only 5ft 1".
Aussie Cyclone - US freeze
Climate extinguishes the Ashes in Australia as a Cyclone is expected. America forgets Egypt in a snow freeze at home. These weather patterns will occur more frequently unless we pull our socks up.
Blake Lively tops AskMen's 'Most Desirable' list
Changes surname to Lovely.
Now That's Cold
In Entertainment news,it was so cold last night in New York that the Empire Theater's adaptation of Swan Lake actually froze.
Israel have sent in Moses to extract ex-pats and tourists back from riot torn Egypt. The operation is expected to take forty years.
Jesus sees his shadow
Signaling six more weeks until the apocalypse.
Egyptologists debate Mubarak's pharaonic nickname
Invoking Egypt's dynastic past, the names have been narrowed down to: King Mubarakhenaten, Heavehotep, Snafu, Fubar, Da-Nile, and Kaput. Polling will take place soon to determine the winner.
Bush's Daughter Endorses Gay Marriage
Jenna Bush, daughter of President George W. Bush, claims, "It had nothing to do with accidentally seeing my father in his tighty whities."
Obama Administration Offers Mubarak a Way to Leave 'Gracefully'
According to sources President Hosni Mubarak has been promised a bit part in a made for television movie, Mummy Dearest if he agrees to step down now.
Jerry Seinfeld photographed picking his nose
Jerry was photographed 'picking his nose' in famed Plastic Surgeon,U.Vontitigifit's, office. Jerry picked a much smaller nose and will be revealing on Oprah soon.All audience members will get one too.
Aubergine Underwood (Obo)) fundraising to buy new pet for NMC
Spoof writer Aubergine Underwood, known to her close friends as 'Obo' is fundraising to buy a new pet haggis for friend Spoofer, Nae Mair Crap. Donations to be sent directly to the Spoof offices.
Nae Mair Crap mourning death of pet haggis
Nae Masir Crap, Spoof Writer, is today mourning the death of her pet haggis 'Jock'. A memorial service is to be held in the living room of Susan Boyle's new house in Blackburn on Valentine's day.
Armfeetandtoe had a breakdown today
Armfeetandtoe broke down on the M1 motorway this morning. He'd forgotten to rek-charge his mobile phone so stood beside his car wiggling his famous 'crack' until he was arrested and his car towed.
Frankie The J gets a papercut
Frankie The J received a 'paper cut' whilst exercising on a STATIONERY BIKE this morning.
Biggest winter storm in Southern Ontario in 3 yrs.
The biggest snowstorm isto h it Port Dover,S.Ontario,at precisely 8:07 pm. It will reach the village of Fairground (where Lady G. works) by 12:27 a.m. SNOWDAY! CHALLENGE:Find Fairground on a map.