Spoof news snippets from Thursday 10 February 2011
New Bond Film In Doubt
Production of the next James Bond film has been suspended "indefinitely" because of uncertainty over the future of film company MGM.
The movie has been tentatively titled "A Question of Finance".
Berlusconi to Attempt World Record
Silvio Berlusconi is to attempt a world record as he notches up 2,568 court hearings. He has not YET been found guilty of anything.
Why Americans call the season before Winter - FALL
Coz nonE of 'em can spell AUTUMN!
Pensioner's handbag brings in record bid at Chrispies
The handbag used to smack the 6 idiots who attempted the jewelry store heist this week, has been auctioned at Chrispies, bringing in 6,000 pounds which will go towards brain transplants for the 6.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her Tuffet...
Well...isn't that what ALL females 'sit upon'?
Georgie Porgie sent to Juvenile Hall
Georgie Porgie sent to Juvenile Hall for 6 months. His crime? forcing kisses on girls and making them cry. His sentence will be lengthened should he 'try it on' with any of the lads in 'juvie'.
Old Mother Hubbard under arrest
Old Mother Hubbard: under arrest for failure to provide for a canine.
She went to the cupboard to fetch her poor doggy a bone, when she got there the cupboard was bare and so the poor doggy got none.
Barack Obama's coins phrase that 'will go down in the history books'
"We're watching history unfold," regarding Egypt's situation, he was heard saying.
Sir...we watch history unfold EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY. Something happens - then it is history.
Dyslexic Fisherman nets 5lb crap
Dave C. Rudd, a dyslexic fisherman from Milton Keynes caught a 5lb crap today. This was his Turd Attempt.
Egyptian President Mubarek Will Step Down Today
Word that Egyptian President Mubarek will step down today just reached the protesters in Cairo: It looks like the Red Wings just won the Stanley Cup.
Bieber denies he was Justin Selena
Obama Takes Orders From King Of Saudi Arabia
B Hussien Obama, who bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia now takes orders from the King. In a phone call the King told Obama not to humiliate Mubarak or pressure him to leave office. Obama did as told.
Softly Softly Catchy Monkey
Drama from Whipsnade Zoo where Carl,a baboon was trying to escape through a hole in the mesh fencing. Thankfully,Wilf Disney, in charge of the monkeys at the zoo, crept up quietly and caught him.
I've just had a haircut
At my recent visit to my hairdresser she used 'snippets' to tidy up the neckline.
Glad she didn's use Spoof Snippets.
Three Blind Mice take Farmer's Wife to Court
The three blind mice took the Farmer's Wife to court and won their case. The farmer's wife is currently spending 12 years in a rat infested basement and will NOT be given access to a carving knife.
Three Bears Drop Charges against Goldilocks
The three bears agree to drop charges against Goldilocks for Break & Enter,theft of porridge, destruction of furniture & soiling of beds. They'll drop the charges if she becomes their house-keeper.
Humpty Dumpty suing King's Men
Humpty Dumpty is indeed suing the King's Men for incompetence stating, "With all their training at the tax payers expense, you'd think they could put a bleeding egg together." More as we get it.
Jack and Jill in custody battle over pail
Jack and Jill-in a heated custody battle as to who should actually take ownership of the pail which they have shared for years. They parted ways when Jack climbed the beanstalk and didn't invite Jill.
Peter Pan is dead-strangled by his own shadow
He got tangled up in his shadow when he took a step backwards, tripped over Tinkerbell and ended up choking himself. A memorial service will be held. Michael Jackson will attend but only in spirit.
Is it me? Or is it me?
Well, I recently looked in the mirror, expecting to see ME, of course, but my mam was looking back at me...and she was laughing her head off.
I've lost my mind
Please, someone, anyone, help me find it. If I remember rightly, it's a very good one...only one lady owner, last used on The Spoof site. Not many miles on the clock but chassis needs ome work.
President Obama is in bed with the unions, environmentalists and lawyers. The president sleeps on featherbedding, green sheets and uses a sharkskin comforter!
Obama Blames Intelligence Community
President Obama blames the intelligence community for not predicting the exact year, month, day and minute of the Egyptian protests. The president indeed does exhibit a lack of intelligence!
Try Again Later
The impeachment of President Obama by the US House has failed. There is no provision in the US Constitution for being clueless about economics, energy, foreign policy, defense and business affairs!
President Obama authorizes the FDA to provide Kaopectate to his vocal Democratic liberal left base. They need all the regulation they can get, based on their incessant diarrhea of the mouth!
Toyota cleared by US government of extraneous electronic interference causing their cars to suddenly accelerate. Investigators now looking at big foot or the loose nut behind the wheel!
Let Them Eat Falafel
Iran bans its TV from showing cooking programs presenting recipes for foreign cuisine such as pizza, pasta & Western fast food like hamburgers & hot-dog. Arab & Israeli Falafel is to be allowed!
Stop Pollution and Fight Obesity
EPA limits each US household to only one roll of toilet paper. The agency suggests cutting down on using the facilities and stopping eating, which fits with the first lady's anti-obesity program.
Name that Organization
LONE RANGER: How do you tell if an organization is made up of Democratic liberals? TONTO: They have "Progressive Big Money Spender" preceding the organization's name!