Spotted on EBay Today:
A genuine USAF unmanned aerial vehicle in almost airworthy condition with slight burn marks. Open to offers.
31,000 People Complain about Jeremy Clarkson on the One Show
So far 31,000 people have complained about Jeremy Clarkson's comments on BBC's "The One Show"-a bit rich considering that The One Show only has 7,000 viewers. One wonders whether they have seen it?
Teenage astronomer discovers Jupiter-sized planet
"I've told you a hundred times to clean up this room!" his mother shouted at her son, 17, who was searching for his telescope when he found the bloated gas giant under his bed.
Islamic Smart Phone Launched Today
An Indian company has launched an Islamic smart phone today. It contains the Koran in 29 languages and a GPS app which points towards Mecca. It also comes with a handy Burka holder and a prayer mat.
Japanese Motorway Crash Was NOT Top Gear Stunt!
The BBC would like to refute claims that the crash that involved 8 Ferraris, a Lamborghini and a Toyota Prius was not part of filming the next series of top gear. The Stig declined to comment.
Americans Report Missing Drone over Afghanistan
A USAF 'drone' has been reported missing somewhere over Afghanistan. Fortunately, the aircraft has been shot down over Iran. A USAF official said "we need to do something about that steering wheel!"
ASPCC to Sue Ant & Dec
The Australian Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Cockroaches is to sue Ant & Dec for allowing one of the little fellows to crawl up Fatima Whitbread's nasal passage.
Toyota Blamed for Japanese Motorway CARnage
After all is said and done: "The car in front is a Toyota!"
8 Ferrari's in Japanese Motorway Crash
After totalling his £20 million Ferrari in a motorway car crash involving 8 Ferrari's, 1 Lamborghini and a Toyota Prius, one driver was heard to cry, "oh borrocks, my new Fellali no craims bonus!!"
God lives in a massive black-hole!
US scientists have discovered God living in a massive black-hole in galaxy NC4889. It took them slightly longer to find God than Bin Laden, thank god!
Brit supermarkets are "Scrooges"!
Brit supermarkets have been caught nicking from their punters in the run up to Christmas. 1/2 price deals on offer are not because they hiked the prices up a 100% first! Scrooge turned in his grave!
Police in Munich Germany have found a mute politician in the basement of a department store. He was quickly rendered unmute by way of a taser and returned to his constituency. Police refused to talk.
Japanese luxury car pile-up led by Jeremy Clarkson!
British diplomat, Jeremy Clarkson, was leading a convoy of Ferraris to Hiroshima when a pile up happened. Jeremy gave his opinion about the driver who caused it, here his answer; "shoot the bastard!"
Bing ridicule Google
Bing have hit out at Google. "They must be really shit," said Bing project manager. "After all, it' an anagram of Loo Egg, which is a euphemism surely..."
written by IainB
, 05 December 2011
Joe Hart's Goalkeeping tips
Manchester City's goalkeeper, Joe 'All' Hart, has revealed the secret to his success. "During my training, I was told to make myself big," he said. "So I've been eating pies and pizza ever since."
written by IainB
, 05 December 2011
Grylls latest adventure
TV adventurer Bear Grylls has been rescued from a deserted island off Madagascar following a short stay. Rescuers found Grylls incoherent and mumbling something about "bloody BBC budget cuts". Gosh!
You better watch out - You better not cry - Better be good - I'm tellin' you why. . .
. . . the tabloids are hacking your phone
Fido Is No Doubt Heading For Mexico (And Safety)
The Utah hunter who got shot by his own dog is reportedly doing okay. His dog however, was last seen heading for the Utah-Arizona border at a high rate of speed.
Kim Kardashian Says She Is Totally Depressed
Kim Kardashian is said to be very depressed and wishes that people would stop focusing on her failed 72-day marriage and go back to focusing on important things like her humongous ass.
The Reason Why The White House Christmas Tree May Be Returned
It is being reported that The White House Christmas tree may have to be sent back because a secret service agent noticed that someone had carved Palin in 2012 on the tree trunk.
The Illegal Alien Tunnel Was Really State-of-The-Art
Border Patrol agents in Nogales, Arizona have just found a three mile long illegal alien tunnel that was so sophisticated that it had taco vendors and music speakers playing songs by Santana.
The Santa Ana Friggin Winds Are Some Major Blowers
California's Santa Ana winds were clocked at 120 MPH or in hair terms, enough power to mess up the hairdo's of Donald Trump, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, and Michele Bachmann in two seconds flat.
The Two Big Ones Are Merging
Reports are that Facebook and MySpace will be merging and the new name will be SpaceyFace.
Mother had Christmas presents stolen from her car on her driveway in Sherwood, Nottingham
She also had her leather jacket and some cash taken from the Mini Cooper's boot.
"In Nottingham... well I am surprised!"
Bachmann unsure of what gays and lesbians are
Asked at a town meeting if gays and lesbians would be allowed to marry under her administration, Michele Bachmann replied that they certainly would, as long as a man married a woman and vice versa.
written by Lyndon
, 05 December 2011