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Rating:

Xmas Cracker

Q What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
A Nothing, it just let out a little wine

written by j.w., 27 December 2011
Rating:

Can You Believe It?

Cheesemakers in the village of Stilton, Cambridgeshire, are banned by the EU from labelling their cheese as Stilton, even though it was originally made there. They are going to rebrand it as "I can't believe it's not Stilton."

written by IN SEINE, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Duke Confesses

The Duke of Edinburgh has confessed to making up the story of his heart pains so that he could avoid the 'ghastly Christmas celebrations'.

written by j.w., 27 December 2011
Rating:

Record sales of ouzo save Greek economy!

The Eurozone has been saved by the massive global consumption of Greek ouzo over the festive period proving that alcohol is not evil and now we can all look forward to a prosperous new year; BUUUURP!

written by Jaggedone, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Florence Nightingale employed by Man United!

In an effort to halt the injuries at Man Utd's lazarett Fergie has employed Florence Nighingale! Her skeleton is to stand in the lazarett at Utd and the players only have to rub her lamp, Genie-us!

written by Jaggedone, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Prince Philip Heart Op Success!

'It was tough going, but we eventually found he found he had one" says surgeon.

written by pinxit, 27 December 2011
Rating:

The Pizza Hut Employee Just Up and Quit (After 25 Years)

A man who had worked at a Pizza Hut for 25 years suddenly quit one day because he said that he just got tired of dishing it out.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Women Say It Smells Awful

What is the worst perfume that a man can buy for a woman? Eau Du Football.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Zimbabwe Is Moving Forward

Zimbabwe which used to be known as Rhodesia will once again change its name. The new easier to pronounce and write name will be Tarzanland.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 December 2011
Rating:

The Arkansas Insurance Companies Have Spoken

Insurance companies in Arkansas are refusing to insure mobile homes against earthquakes stating that earthquakes do not really damage trailers.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 December 2011
Rating:

The All-Around Electrician

A good friend of mine is an excellent electrician who is also a whiz at current affairs.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Portugal Wants To Make A Very Important Correction

Portugal says that the rumors that they are planning to invade New Zealand on New Year's Eve are not true. The planned invasion is actually scheduled for February 14, 2012, Valentine's Day.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 December 2011
Rating:

The Sad Mississippi Fishing Story

A fisherman in Mississippi caught a catfish that weighed 732 pounds. But before he could get it into the boat, it ate the boat.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Arizona's Amazing Plan To Get Rid of Unemployment

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer has said that she will eliminate all of the state's unemployment by having unemployed people double up on jobs of people who are employed.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Cameron vows Britain would never surrender the Falkland Islands to Argentina!

Even if we enough ships to send our reduced forces to the Islands!

written by Inchcock, 27 December 2011
Rating:

A Strange Malady

Leading Republican Gastroenterologists indicate that the constipation of US job creation, experienced during the current recession, is due to a blockage known as Obamanomics!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Some New Food for Thought

Washington DC protestors are on a hunger strike for voting rights. They would be better served reading the US Constitution and visiting Congressional offices to plead for a Constitutional amendment!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Term Limits Needed

Texas Governor Perry believes in a part time Congress and term limits for judges. Then why isn't there a two term limit placed on any serving governor of Texas?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Kids Should Eat Vegetables, But

What advertising moron came up with the idea of getting obese kids to eat vegetables by pouring full-fat salad dressing all over their broccoli? The same person that sprinkles bacon bits on ice cream!



written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Candidate Gingrich is like President Obama

Presidential candidate Gingrich failed to submit the required 10,000 signatures to appear on the Super Tuesday ballot in Virginia. Newt & President Obama feel that many US laws don't apply to them!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Just Like Obama

A number of the Republican presidential candidates seem to ignore the important economic problems the US faces, but instead concentrate on sh*t that doesn't matter to most people!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 December 2011
Rating:

A Blow for Freedom

FCC regulators to mandate that broadcast TV commercials not have an increased sound level above that of the CRAPPO programming!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 December 2011
Rating:

No Problem

NYC allows Occupy Wall Street protesters to congregate around a sewer plant on the Hudson River, where the odor will mask the smell of the protester encampment!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Digital Dunderheads

Rabid environmentalists claim cloud computing causes global warming by trapping greenhouse gases!



written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 December 2011
Rating:

VP Biden Puts Third Foot in Mouth

VP Biden says the Taliban is not an enemy of the US. Some have labeled the statement as the latest in a long history of VP foot-in-mouth disease; others indicate it was not his foot!


written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Advertising Restrictions for Children

The food police want to prevent the eating of sugary cereals by kids up to 17 ½ years of age. Thus, a kid may eat a sugary cereal when he gets his M16 rifle during basic training!




written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Southern Politics

Texas Governor Perry asks if you could trust doing business with a person who cheats on their spouse. He overlooked the southern preachers who cheat on their wives.



written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Newspeak Spoken Here

Occupy protestors, who don't have a job or work, block dock workers from going to work claiming the union workers are being exploited!






written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 December 2011
Rating:

It's called Marxism, Stupid

The EPA wants to regulate the environment by controlling the means of production, product consumption and social interaction via community organizations, without any input from Congress!



written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 December 2011
Rating:

The King is Not In

King Obama I takes a $4 million vacation after throwing two months of payroll tax, unemployment insurance and doctor fix extensions to the peasants!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 December 2011
Rating:

Pelosi Blames Tea Party

Rep. Pelosi (D-CA) blamed the extreme Tea Party element of House Republicans, for saying a two-month payroll tax extension was too short. She apparently had been sleeping during the floor debate!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 December 2011
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