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Rating:

Rush for easter eggs on as crimbo shoppers kill two birds with one stone

Xmas shoppers have been snapping up easter eggs too as stores take advantage of the festive rush. Shopper Fred Flange said, 'I ain't going through this crowds shit again in a hurry so just as well.'

written by shufflewick71, 23 December 2011
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Christmas shocker! 'The Buble' doing the honours this year.

News reaches us that Santa is unable to deliver millions of gifts this year around the world due to the measles. After sleigh training and gig reshuffles, Michael Buble will be doing the honours.

written by shufflewick71, 23 December 2011
Rating:

A subscription letter from the 90s shows Ron Paul to be Jew-, gay-hating bigot with calm demeanor

Back in the 90s, politicians could charge $99 a year for people to read their rantings. A subscription letter penned by Ron Paul in 1993 shows Paul to be a calm hater of all things unlike Ron Paul.

written by Lyndon, 23 December 2011
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Netflix CEO bonus cut doesn't add up, shareholders

Reed Hastings will be in line at area soup kitchens after learning that his $3 million bonus will be halved. But since many lost 75% of their stocks' value, they're wondering how a 50% cut computes.

written by Lyndon, 23 December 2011
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Russia ask Mongolia advice about how to launch rockets!

After another space disaster Russia have asked Mongolia to help them with the problem, a 103 year-old Mongolian scientific monk told them, "point the thing skywards, it helps!"

written by Jaggedone, 23 December 2011
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New Zealand get rocked into Christmas by an earthquake!

New Zealand have been visited by another earthquake ensuring them of a "rock and roll" Christmas

written by Jaggedone, 23 December 2011
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Syria promise their people a "bomb" of a Christmas

The Syrian government refuse to stand down and have promised their people a "bomb" of a Christmas; the first one went off killing 40 people! Did Jesus ever walk into Syria?

written by Jaggedone, 23 December 2011
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Christmas Cracker

Q What is the most popular yoghurt for Pigs?
A Oinken

written by j.w., 23 December 2011
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Oxford English Dictionary Accepts Responsibility For Corrupt Bankers, Executives, Police, Politicians And The Media

'We had accidently swapped the definitions of Good and Evil,' confessed a spokesperson for the Dictionary's compilers. 'Leaders were simply following our definition in an honest attempt to do good.'

written by Swan Morrison, 23 December 2011
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Christmas Panic Buying Begins

'I simply never expected Christmas to come along at the end of December,' said a typical harassed shopper. 'It was a complete surprise.'

written by Swan Morrison, 23 December 2011
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Now That Is An Honest-To-Goodness True Fish Story

A Louisiana fisherman reportedly caught a 700 pound carp. A local game warden said that the man hurt his back while trying to turn the fish over in the frying pan.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 December 2011
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Paris, France Is A Whole Lot Nicer Than Zuccotti Park

The Occupy Wall Street protesters plan to send a 10 member contingent to Paris, France in January. So far they have had 9,371 people volunteer.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 December 2011
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Alec Baldwin Cannot Stand American Airlines

Alec Baldwin is still very upset with American Airlines and recently said that if he had to travel to London he would avoid American Airlines and take the Greyhound Bus.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 December 2011
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The Graffiti Situation Is Getting "Old"

The government of Egypt has said that they will catch the graffiti culprits who are going around spray painting the pyramids with the words "This pyramid is fake, it is made out of stucco."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 December 2011
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Michelle Rounds Says Her "Yes" May Turn Into A "No"

It seems Michelle Rounds is having second thoughts about marrying Rosie O'Donnell. When asked why, Michelle replied, "Have you actually taken a good close look at Rosie? - Bow-Wow City!"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 December 2011
Rating:

Drunk driver left 'housebound' by ban for being over the limit

Neil Craig, 69, of Raglan Court, Beeston, is the 3rd driver to be named and shamed in the Post's Christmas anti-drink driving campaign.

Tough - someone innocent could have been confined to a coffin!

written by Inchcock, 23 December 2011
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74 thefts from cars over five days in Nottingham is a 'Fall in crime!'

This 'Fall in theft from vehicles numbers' was due to a concerted Police campaign.

'Very encouraging!'

written by Inchcock, 23 December 2011
Rating:

Laos Is Not Afraid To Make A Musical Statement

Laos has banned rap music on Laotian radio. Authorities said the music has way too many lyrics and it causes the older people lots of stress, tension, and the urge to pee every 3 minutes or so.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 December 2011
Rating:

Tim Tebow Just Has A Better Agent

Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow gets to be the guest host on Saturday Night Live, while Tom Brady quarterback for the New England Patriots gets to film a commercial for Preparation H.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 December 2011
Rating:

Paris Hilton Is No Sarah Palin (Hmmm)

An astrologer in Belgium has noted he has positive proof that the Earth actually has four moons instead of one. Or as Paris Hilton calls it that cute, little, ping-pong ball thingy up in the sky.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 December 2011
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