Heroin Found in National Archives File
A small white blob of powder was found in an original Jane Eyre manuscript. It was concealing the final two letters "ne" where Charlotte Brontë was describing Jane Eyre as a heroinne.
Tony Blair Reveals True Identity
Tony Blair is "BLACKBEARD". He has been advertising Jamaican rum for Blackbeard's in the Cayman Islands which is of course, a tax haven. This confirms reports of him being a pirate.
Hollywood Pays Tribute To The ITV1 TV Programme: 'A Night Of Heroes: The Military Awards'
This evening, in the spirit of the above show, Mickey Mouse has given an award to Superman.
Boobs Go Bust
French government warning to women with silicone breast implants to call in at nearest hospital to have implants removed because dangerous reveals six million French women have fake breasts.
North Korea asks for help
North Korea, in the wake of the death of former President Kim Jong Il, has asked that McDonalds and KFC open restaurant chains in the country so that the people can chow down their miseries. What next
Bieber in charge
With the death of North Korean supremo, Kim Jong Il, power has now transferred to his adopted son, Justin Bieber, who immediately decreed that all North Koreans must buy his new CD. Well, why not?
Webcam and aliens
A Berkshire man has recently communicated with intergalactic aliens via his personal webcam. Nobody is sure how the aliens got in touch though one story goes that the man is really a martian. Whooah!
Piers Morgan, Simon Cowell, Jonathan Ross and John McCririck abducted by aliens
After 30 seconds and a quick glance to the heavens with a random 5-year old's Toys 'r' us' telescope, the search for them has been called off. Efforts to thank the aliens continue in the new year.
Cliff Richard Held After Drunken Rumpus In Church.
When confronted by the press he denied it vehemently saying "You're me besht mates you are! Gish a fag, g'wan gish a fag" and "I'll tek the f***'in lot of yers!"
David Cameron's trip to Afghanistan troops
The fool flew to visit troops whose jobs and pensions he is targeting with his pay-freeze and allowance cuts!
Photo's of Cameron's visit
It Kinda Gives A Whole New Meaning To The Term "Holding Pattern"
Southwest Airlines says that in order to save money and to stay competitive they will soon begin eliminating bathrooms from all planes.
A very puzzled TSA Pat Down Agent in San Francisco has reported that just in the past two days he has found four passengers with mistletoe hidden in their underwear.
Ricky Perry Is A Very Funny Cowboy
Some GOP members didn't see the humor in Rick Perry's Christmas cards which show Mitt Romney dressed as Santa Claus sitting on Sparky the Electric Chair with Elf Michele Bachmann sitting on his lap.
The Tobacco Weevils Are Hungry Little SOB's and Bitches!
North Carolina tobacco growers are astounded at the fact that just since Halloween tobacco weevils have eaten over three tons of tobacco or 70 million cigarettes in Marlboro terms.
Did You Hear About The Michele Bachmann Piñatas?
Mexico has warned the United States that a shipment of 1,000 Michele Bachmann piñatas are defective since they do not contain candy and are filled with hot air, just like Bachmann.
Gary Busey Is One Sharp Bowling Ball
Scientists report that there may be humans living on the planet Saturn. Gary Busey remarks, "So tell me something I don't know."
Rod Blagojevich Has One Hell of A Sense of Humor
Rod Blagojevich, who was recently sentenced to 14 years in prison, reportedly told the warden that he would like to use his 'Get Out of Jail" card, thank you.
The Country Formerly Known As Haiti
Haiti has decided that since the name of their country sounds like the negative word hate they will change it to the more pleasing sounding name Happi.
Ken Clarke let's criminals off of £2 million in fines!
MPs were livid that criminals will avoid paying £3 in every £4 imposed.
A Nottingham Pensioner said: 'I wonder if I beg nicely, they might let me off of the Electricity bill I cannot afford to pay?'