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Rating:

American Exit of Iraq Now Complete

As American forces withdrew from Iraq there wasn't a weapon of mass destruction to be seen!

written by IN SEINE, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Going around in circles

Astronomers discover an Earth-size planet orbiting a sun-like star in the so-called "Gridlock" zone where conditions could be favorable for life, but partisan politics stand in the way.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Father Christmas commits suicide!

Santa has jumped off of the Forth bridge and committed suicide. The reason was that children only receive hi-tec gadgets, never smile and spend their lives texting and pinging, Merry Xmas, ho, ho, ho!

written by Jaggedone, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Practice what you preach

Mitt Romney says President Obama has "made it more difficult for this economy to reboot, reboot, reboot..." as a Romney aide reaches in, pressing a button behind the presidential hopeful's ear.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Onomatopoeia on a mission

Russian space officials grunt upon learning failed Phobos-Grunt Mars probe will crash to Earth next month. They remain hopeful the upcoming Phobos-Whoop probe will fare better.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Sarah Palin runs, but not for president

Alaska's ex-governor escapes Wasilla in a nick of time as the state's sixth-largest city disappears into the softening permafrost on the northern point of Cook Inlet, making redistricting likely.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 December 2011
Rating:

It's all relative

Rick Perry: "Something's wrong in America when gays can serve in the military but kids can't celebrate Christmas or pray in school." President Obama: "He's lucky he didn't grow up in Kenya!"

written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Rick Perry: "Voters don't understand integers"

Texas governor defends gaffe: "Cutting $5 trillion from Obama's $3.7 trillion budget makes sense. Negative 3.7 plus 5 equals 1.3. Come on, guys, you should have learned this in high school."

written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 December 2011
Rating:

The Reason Why Rick Santorum Is Sizzling!

Rick Santorum has angrily denied the rumor that he has a tattoo with the name Charlie Sheen on his lower back.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 December 2011
Rating:

John Huntsman Knows How To Woo The Iowa Folks

John Huntsman wants the voters of Iowa to look at him as the nice Mormon and to look at Mitt Romney as the bad Mormon that flip-flops like he's changing his underwear.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Michele Bachmann Has Had It With Romney and Perry

Michele Bachmann said that if Mitt Romney and Rick Perry keep making fun of her hairdo she may just cut it all off like Howie Mandel just to shut the two hair obsessed boys up.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 December 2011
Rating:

It Looks Like Newt Gingrich Has The "Cheating" Vote

A survey showed that 90% of all unfaithful GOP males said they would vote for Newt Gingrich. Gingrich smiled and replied "Hey unfaithful guys have a right to vote just like everybody else."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Ron Paul Has Made A $10,000 Bet With Mitt "Moneybags" Romney

Ron Paul bet Mitt Romney $10,000 that he couldn't say I'm a frumpy, finicky, fussy, facetious, freakin flip flopper real fast three times.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Bookies slash odds on a White Christmas!

As 'Arctic' weather swept across Britain yesterday.

Forecasters warn of much more to come with downpours and plummeting temperatures ahead.

"I blame Bing Crosby!"

written by Inchcock, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Highways Agency say it has 500 gritters on standby for the coming Arctic weather!

Oh good.
With 296,988 miles of road in the UK, that's what?

593,976 miles of road to grit each day for each gritter?

Sounds a lot to me!

written by Inchcock, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Michele Bachmann Had Some Words For Herman Cain

Michele Bachmann revealed Herman Cain has called her about a dozen times since he dropped out of the GOP race. She said she finally had to tell him to leave her alone because she is not a blonde.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Debates, Debates, Everywhere One Looks, One Sees Debates

It is now official the Republican presidential candidates have now had more debates than there are people in the state of Iowa.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Ladies and Gentlemen, Kim Kardashian Is A "Winner"

A recent national survey on the subject of marriage has just named Kim Kardashian as The Worst Wife of The Decade.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Rick Perry Is Helping To Keep Iowa Afloat

Rick Perry says that the people of Iowa should vote for him because he personally buys a lot of Iowa corn for his Texas cattle.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Rick Santorum Says It's All In The Definition

Rick Santorum was asked if he had ever been unfaithful to his wife. He paused and replied "Ah, does self gratification count?"

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Michele "Plain Jane" Bachmann Makes A Damn Good Point

Michele Bachmann said that the reason American voters like her so much is because just by looking at her they know that there is no way in hell that she could ever have an affair.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 December 2011
Rating:

And Now Romney and Gingrich Are Playing Tit For Tat

Mitt Romney referred to Newt Gingrich as being zany. Gingrich fired back by saying that he'd rather be zany than a hairy fairy like him.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 December 2011
Rating:

The NTSB Means Business!

In 2012, The National Transportation Safety Board will issue a ban on cell phone use while driving. Violators will have their nose rings, tongue studs, and other body piercing devices confiscated.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Barbara Walters Somehow Overlooked One Particular Fella

Gary Busey is apparently very upset with Barbara Walters because he did not make her Ten Most Fascinating People of The Year list.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Ron Paul Knows How To Put It All In Prespective

Ron Paul said that people need to forget that Mitt Romney is a Mormon and focus more on the fact that he is a Mormon flip flopper.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 December 2011
Rating:

Complaints against Notts Police significantly down in 2011

Not surprising really is it?

There are 280 less officers to complain against now.

Thanks to the the Coalition Government's fight against crime!

written by Inchcock, 18 December 2011
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