Order by:
Rating:

Nigella Lawson cooking tip

Kiwi fruit and other fruit that look like testicles, should always be shaved very closely. This is the so called 'Brazilian' method.

written by IainB, 14 December 2011
Rating:

BNP Come up with an education policy

The BNP have finally come up with a policy in case they get into power, and it's for education.

"We are going to ban all blackboards in schools," said Nick Griffin.

written by IainB, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Diamond Jubillee

Prince Charles is distressed at the forthcoming Diamond Jubillee for the Queen, knowing that DIAMONDS ARE FOR EVER.

written by j.w., 14 December 2011
Rating:

Just a warm up…

The EU are warming us up for the biggest lie that "the Holocaust NEVER happened!" The first one was that "water does NOT hydrate", followed by "prunes are NOT laxatives."

written by IN SEINE, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Indonesian police shave punks hair of Mohican style!

As a punishment for anti-social behaviour the Indonesian police have shaven the hair off of many incarcerated punks Mohican-style; they loved it, Oi!!!

written by Jaggedone, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Powerful Quake Hits South London

A tremor measuring 7.8 on the Richter Scale hit an area of South London with the epicentre at Croydon. Early reports state that 100s lay trapped and that millions of pounds of improvements were made.

written by Clive Danton, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Donald Trump Is One Angry Puffy Haired Dude

Donald Trump is so angry that only two GOP candidates agreed to participate in his GOP Debate that he may just run as an independent Hair Spray Party candidate.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 December 2011
Rating:

NBA's David Stern Is Quite The Businessman

NBA Commissioner David Stern has said that in order to make up for lost revenue due to the NBA Lockout, the league will be selling Michael Jordan autographed basketballs for $10,000 each.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Walmart Will Give Customers A Full Refund

Walmart has reported that since The Alec Baldwin-American Airlines incident a total of 381 Alec Baldwin Bobblehead Dolls have been returned to stores throughout the United States.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Hillary Clinton Will Be Giving It The Old College Try

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton will soon visit the African country of Buffaranda and see about getting the Zuyumyum cannibals to stop trying to turn tourists into dinner.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 December 2011
Rating:

PETA Is Pissed At Lady Gaga

PETA has just announced that they do not appreciate Lady Gaga wearing a bathing suit made entirely from canned tuna fish.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 December 2011
Rating:

The Kardashian Sisters Are Everywhere!

A recent television poll has shown that there are only 724 people in the entire United States who cannot name at least one of the three Kardashian sisters; Kim, Khloe, or Kourtney.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Work from home to reduce carbon footprint

The government want everybody to be able to work from home to improve Britain's carbon footprint. "It's going to be tricky," said one teacher. "But I'll give it a go!"

written by IainB, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Rick Perry Will Not Hesitate To Use The Hell Out of "Old Sparky"

Rick Perry said that if elected president he'll save the U.S. lots of money by implementing Electric Chair Wednesday, in which death row criminals will be strapped into "Old Sparky" and zapped!

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Walmart Has Put It's Foot Down

The CEO of Walmart has just announced that if any customer is caught with a can of pepper spray he or she will be arrested and deported to Nicaragua, where pepper spraying is still legal.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Iran Has Made The United States A Damn Good Offer!

Iran says that they would be willing to return the American spy drone to the United States in exchange for 200 copies of Playboy Magazine featuring a naked Lindsay Lohan.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Mitt "Moneybags" Romney Is Now Denying The $10,000 Bet

Mitt Romney is now backpedaling and saying that he did not mean to make a $10,000 bet with Rick Perry, and that he actually meant to make a $10 bet but Diane Sawyer confused him.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Shoppach contract gives hope that anyone can make a million bucks playing baseball

The Red Sox signed C Kelly Shoppach to a one-year $1.35 million contract. Shoppach, who has hit .197 in 650 at bats over three seasons, gives hope to all fat men who think they can hit a baseball.

written by Lyndon, 14 December 2011
Rating:

A Child Left Behind in Math

DNC Chairman Debbie Wasserman Schultz said that "unemployment under the Obama administration hasn't gone up." Actually, from 2008 till now it went from 7.8% to 8.6%!


written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Dollar Coin Wise and Outrageously Foolish Budget

President Obama says we save $50 million a year by eliminating the presidential dollar coin while his 2012 budget is $3.7 trillion!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Got One Vote

Pres. Obama has "pissed-off" Republicans, blue dog Democrats, Independents, union members, the religious, the pro-choice & environmentalists. So who's left to vote for him in 2012 other than VP Biden?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Gag Order

President Obama finally exerts some leadership via issuing an executive order to put a gag in Democratic House Minority Leader Pelosi's mouth!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Seen Any Flying Pigs?

President Obama wants another term because he needs more time to improve the US economy. Then what was all the Obama administration's malarkey about "Recovery Summer 2010?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Absurdity of the Week

Democratic President Obama and former Republican House Speaker Gingrich claiming they are both Washington DC outsiders!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Fat Chance!

President Obama has asked Iran to return the American surveillance drone. That's like a kid giving you back the empty "Cracker Jack" box after eating the contents and keeping the prize!




written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Atonement Funding

Rep. Pelosi (D-CA) volunteers to pay for the payroll tax extension, additional unemployment insurance and for doctors' payments under Medicare with the money she made from insider trading!



written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Democrats Still Spending Imaginary Money

Rep. Clyburn (D-SC) said that war savings could be used "not just for the payroll tax extension but for unemployment insurance as well," and for doctors' payments under Medicare.


written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Presidential Candidate Campaigns in Iowa

During a speech in Iowa, Texas Republican Governor Perry indicated he had increased jobs in the state's oil industry by hiring 16,000 gay oil drillers!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Chutzpah of the Week

President Obama indicated that he should be reelected because he saved the US economy from getting any worse!


written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Not Being Green

The 29 Republican state governors are upset over President Obama's latest executive order directing the EPA to blow the hot air from the 21 Democratic states in their direction!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Ideologue Defined

A Democratic left wing Obama activist is a person with a personal computer, a made up fancy title and an email media list who sends out nasty-grams that religiously support the president's policies!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

In the Year 2030

TEACHER: Who were Harold Stassen and Martin O'Malley? STUDENT: A former Republican Governor of Michigan and a former Democratic Governor of Maryland, respectively!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

When Did the Indiana Democratic Party Know?

Petition signatures to get candidate Obama on the Indiana Democratic Primary ballot appear to be fraudulent. How anyone could miss Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck's signatures is amazing!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Another Explanation

The Arab League condemned GOP presidential candidate Gingrich's Palestinian remarks, saying the Palestinians are actually descendants of beings from the July 1947 crashed Roswell NM flying saucer!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Happenstance

Perhaps you haven't noticed that every industry that the Obama administration regulators touch turns to CRAP and more American jobs disappear!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Political Correct Words Sought

Liberals were upset over the term "Anchor Baby" (child of illegal immigrants born in the US) being used in dictionary definition. Dictionary Lexiconists change the term to "Kedge Baby!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Projected 2012 Democratic Election News

GOOD NEWS: Democratic President Obama wins reelection by 100 votes. BAD NEWS: Republicans achieve overwhelming two-thirds majorities in the US Senate and the US House of Representatives!




written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Both Have Forked Tongues

LONE RANGER: What have arrogant animal rights activists & holier-than-thou anti-abortionists in common? TONTO: Neither group has any interest in helping to feed abandoned & malnourished US children!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Bah Humbug

The ACLU is upset over people saying Merry Christmas or Happy Chanukah in a federal building, but saying Happy Christmas or Merry Chanukah is OK!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Newspaper Readers Must be Careful

Washington DC resident injured in freak accident when copies of the Washington Post (liberal) and Washington Times (conservative) were both carried under his left arm!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
Rating:

Another Democratic 2012 Election Ploy

As President Obama's approval ratings drop with blue collar and independent voters jumping ship, Democratic liberals are looking to recruit more of the "gimmie something" voters!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 December 2011
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