Rooney in world XI, he's allowed to lick Messi's boots!
Wayne Rooney has been selected as a ball boy for a World XI, one of his jobs is to lick Lionel Messi's boots, the other is to wash Ronaldo's underwear! Rooney is over the moon at the honour!
Meryl Streep depicts Thatcher as a demented old bag; Jackpot!
Meryl Streep in her role as Margaret Thatcher has been criticized for portraying her as a demented old bag. And that was when she was in power!
UK banks told to tighten their belts!
English banks have had a warning from the Bank of England director, he has told them to "tighten their belts". Bank directors have given themselves an extra multi-million bonus just in case!
Brits quitting Australia for Britain; the weather is depressive!
Ex-pat Brits living in Australia are returning in their droves they say the weather is too depressing; blue sky, sunshine, warm water, etc. Let's get back to Blighty for a good old fashion storm!
Strauss-Kahn say's hotel sex was stupid, so did the maid!
Strauss-Kahn accused of raping a hotel maid said that hotel sex is stupid. The maid also said it was stupid because he had a "hard" time finding the broom cupboard!
Sarkozy demands new European borders!
Sarkozy and Merkel are demanding new European borders. The new borders are between the French and German borders, anybody entering needs a visa!
Jeremy Clarkson shoots Union leader!
Top Gear moron, Jeremy Clarkson, has shot a union leader outside the Jaguar factory in Solihull. The reason; he dared to look inside of Jeremy's spanking new Jag, socialist bastard!
Noddy & Big Ears accused of racist behaviour!
Whilst travelling on the Underground with their mate, Gollywog, a passenger overheard Noddy calling Gollywog a Gollywog, his name. Noddy & Big Ears have been arrested and John Terry is most upset!
Jeremy Clarkson Apologises For Having Big Face.
"I realise you could land an RAF Chinook helicopter on my forehead and I'm sorry for it but at least my trousers are beyond reproach"
2012 To Be A Giant Leap Year
'In the 2012 leap year, 300 days will be added to February, instead of one,' a G20 spokesman said today. 'This might allow global economic targets to be met. We will review matters on February 256th.'
Victoria's Secret show a success using stick figures instead of humans
The nine million viewers who tuned in to watch the Victoria's Secret fashion show did not see one human model, but instead stick figures that weighed no more than 60 pounds. Still, men were aroused.
written by Lyndon
, 01 December 2011
Markets Acknowledge Seriousness Of Global Crisis
Shares in caves and stone tools today reached an all time high.
Cameron To Simultaneously Invest In Infrastructure, Increase Manufacturing Output And Solve Youth Unemployment
'We will build dark, satanic mills for children to work in,' he told Parliament. 'We are rapidly returning to the economic and social conditions of the early 19th Century, so let's go all the way.'
Jeremy Clarkson: All strikers should be shot!
TV motor-mouth Jeremy Clarkson caused a storm by saying yesterday's two million strikers should all be shot.
"How kind and understanding of him!"
20mph Limits on Nottingham roads
Consultation is under way on plans to cut speed limits in Sherwood, Nottingham to 20mph - then be rolled out elsewhere.
"Good idea? We can't enforce the 30mph limits now!"
The Entire Flock Was Shaking
A shepherd in Glasgow, Scotland told local police that a pit bull had disguised itself as a German Shepherd and molested six of his sheep.
Herman Cain Has Come Up With A New Campaign Slogan
Herman Cain says that things are going well and that his new campaign slogan will be 9-9-9, it all looks fine. Actually a more appropriate slogan should probably be 9-9-9, I blame it on the wine.
The Used Car Salesman Amazingly Told The Truth
A used car salesman in St. Louis became so stressed out that he lost it and he started telling the customers that pretty much everything he says about used cars is nothing but lies.
The West Coast Kids Do Get Bored Quite Easily
Bored teenagers in Burbank have reportedly been seen secretly smoking bacteria.
Cain accuser claims he's a horrible lover, would make even worse president
Ginger White, who claims Cain and she had a 13-year-long affair, said today that if performance in the bedroom was an indicator of how one would perform in the Oval Office, then Cain was a bad choice.
written by Lyndon
, 01 December 2011