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Rating:

OCD sufferers make the best husbands

A study for Women! magazine has shown that OCD men make the best husbands. "Well, they do all the cleaning and tidying," said features editor, Carol Singer.

written by IainB, 30 August 2011
Rating:

God denies he has a TIVO

God has made a rare public appearance to deny claims that he has either TiVO or Sky+. "I am all seeing. I don't need a PVR," he said. "However, I do like Sky 3D, that looks cool."

written by IainB, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Sarah Palin: Marriage

Sarah Palin has arranged a shotgun wedding. Her 12 bore has just got hitched to her sawn off.

written by IainB, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Old People Ain't What They Used to Be, Claim Young

The youths of today have issued a statement saying old people these days are "too cranky, spit tobacco too much, talk about the "olden days" too much, smell funny and don't have enough war stories".

written by padddy5, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Dogs vs Cats War Intensifies

Dog soldiers have broken the Catatonic border tonight in an effort to reach the capital Kitteni. War broke out last week when the Daschundian Archduke Fido Ferdinand was assassinated in Catajevo.

written by padddy5, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Obama Upset

President Obama has said he is upset by recent hate campaigns & thinks the crucx of the problem is due to him being black. The Republicans have since confirmed it's because he's useless.

written by Marc A Cutler, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Biting Remark

Widow of Seychelles Shark victim Ian Redmond has said the one thing that kept her going is the knowledge that it happened at the end of the holiday & not the beginning. 'Overall I had a good time'

written by Marc A Cutler, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Shear Luck

After impaling his eye on garden shears surgeons raced to save the eye & life of an 86 year old man. Speaking afterwards the Dr said 'I don't know why we bothered, he's 86, he could be dead next week'

written by Marc A Cutler, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Arsene Hole

Arsene Wenger said he doesn't understand the fuss regarding Arsenal's 8-2 defeat at the hands of Man Utd. 'It's been blown out of proportion, I saw India lose by hundreads at Old Trafford' he said.

written by Marc A Cutler, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Destiny's Child

So Beyonce announced she was pregnant live at the VMA's and what a touching moment it was. The look of overwhelming surprise on the face of Jay-Z was almost as palpable as the look of guilt on Kanye's

written by Marc A Cutler, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Ninja patrols take over police duties in UK cities!

The UK police, totally out of their depth dealing with increasing criminality and hoodie behaviour are to be replaced by Ninja patrols with Samurai swords. If you see a floating headless body smile!

written by Jaggedone, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Bedtime "fruitier" since Mable took over baked bean suppers at the Church

Parishoners at Harfold, Vermont's St. Peter's Catholic Church are complaining about a "fruitier" (stinkier) bedtime since Mable Clark took over the cooking of the Church's weekly baked bean suppers.

written by Lyndon, 30 August 2011
Rating:

"Don't Forget About Me", Urges Donald Trump

Donald Trump has issued a statement pruporting he should be in the news more often. "I'm a really, really, really rich and handsome guy. People should talk about me!"

written by padddy5, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Gaddaffi moving to London

In breaking news, UK Prime Minister David Cameron has granted Colonel Gaddaffi asylum in London. "I like him" said the PM "he cracks me up with his queer sense of humour". Gaddaffi will arrive today.

written by whatinthe world, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Bolt is a Blot

Sprinter Eugene Bolt, disqualified from a race, has left a Blot on the whole image of athletics.

written by j.w., 30 August 2011
Rating:

Economist's advice to would-be entrepreneurs: get a job!

Harfold State College professor Samuel Mank (B.A. Bus. Management) delivered a message in Tuesday's Econ 102 class. If you're thinking of starting a business, stop it! "Just get a real job!" he said.

written by Lyndon, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Their Gap Is Identical

David Letterman has said he is getting the gap in his teeth fixed because he is tired of people asking him if he is related to Madonna.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 30 August 2011
Rating:

The Most Amazing Camel In The World

Scientists in Saudi Arabia say they've just cloned the world's first camel. They stated they do have a slight problem but are confident that they'll soon get the 18 humps reduced down to one or two.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 30 August 2011
Rating:

"I Wanna Buy An E"

Vanna White of the game show Wheel of Fortune, has confessed that she cannot stand the sight of vowels.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 30 August 2011
Rating:

The Tax Money From New York City Alone Will Be Quite Substantial

President Obama says he has figured out a way to put a dent in the $14.3 trillion national debt. He will be putting a $2,000 Same Gender Tax on same sex marriages.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Obama Needs Another Vacation

President Obama's phew rating indicates that only 49% of voters consider him to be a strong leader, down from 58% and only 44% describe him as a person who can get things done, down from 55%!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 August 2011
Rating:

It's Only a Small Typo

The printer contracted by the DNC to manufacture President Obama's reelection bumper stickers mailed out 10 million "ANYONE BUT OBAMA IN 2012" placards. The printer is a Republican!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Riot Precautions

Metropolitan police saturated a section of London with extra officers, empowered to use tough searches at the Notting Hill Carnival. Adult revelers showed up naked and thus avoided being searched!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Obama's Flawed Jobs Plan

Pres. Obama's jobs plan creates more EPA bureaucrats to enforce new regulations on boilers & cement plants. These rules can't even be met by new plants, meaning private sector jobs will be lost!




written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 August 2011
Rating:

New Book about Obama

The current Republican presidential candidates have cooperated to write a book about President Obama being reelected. The title is "Four More Years, subtitled How The USA Committed Economic Suicide!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Go to Your Left

The White House East Wing contains additional executive office space. Pres. Obama's far left wing base has discovered the East Wing is on the right side of the building & demands he never go there!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 August 2011
Rating:

Off His Meds

Former Democratic VP Al Gore compares climate change deniers to racists. 1960's civil rights movement veterans are offended and compare Al Gore to Chicken Little!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 August 2011
Rating:

President Obama is Enamored by Academics

Ask any retired engineer, in any technical field, how many people they ran into with PHD after their names who couldn't find the men's or lady's room without a road map!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 August 2011
Rating:

More Liberal Obamanomics

Pres. Obama nominated a Princeton University academic to be Chairman of WH Council of Economic Advisers. The president turned down Republican Herman Cain, who actually has created private sector jobs!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 August 2011
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