White House Announces Revenue Plan
The US government will open a pizza chain in hopes of generating new revenue. Research shows pizza is the only profitable business in the States.
Fencing on the curriculum
A school in East Manchester has started teaching its working class pupils fencing. "Well, they kept getting caught by he rozzers down the pub," said one teacher.
written by IainB
, 03 August 2011
Pfizer, the maker of Viagra, lays off 5,530 people as it downsizes. The CEO reports that this will have no affect on the actual production of Viagra. Older couples around the globe rejoice.
People of low IQ use Microsoft Internet Explorer
David Cameron uses it so it cannot be true!
However, this rumour could well have been circulated by Steve Jobs.
Discovery Channel Announces New Show.
On the fins of a very successful Shark Week, The Discovery Channel announces the start of Hippocampus Tristis Week. "We are excited about a week of programming revolving around the Sad Sea Horse."
Texans Hurt in Swimming Pool
As the heat wave continues in the US, a Texas couple is scalded in their swimming pool as the water began to boil.
Sir Alex denies Sneijder contact, he's "Double Dutch!"
The saga between Man U and Wesley Sneijder is turning into a farce; Sir Alex denies any contact, but rumours confirm that Sneijer already has a contract to sign: They're both Double Dutch!
Queen Elizabeth's well kept secret is now out in the open
Apparently Queen Liz has suffered from OCD most of her life. That is the reason she wears gloves in public and carries her own cutlery to dinners, in those ugly large handbags.
Is He a Reformed Character?
Ex-MP, Jim Devine who was released in early from a 16 month jail sentence for fraudulently claiming expenses, has joined a Morris dancing team as a fiddler.
Gordon Ramsay pissed at his father-in-law
"I'd love to flambe his fat arse for messing up my business," said Ramsay. Nepotism stinks like hell but once bitten....you know the rest."
Obama 'extremely irate' with The Spoof
President Obama is more than just annoyed with The Spoof. He has demanded that Mark Lowton take down the Nixon/Elvis Caption and replace it with a picture of him with some sexy blonde chick.
A £9,000 inflatable island has disappeared from a secret Garden party somewhere in England. The UK Border Patrol have not been able to trace its whereabouts… In case it has inflatable immigrants.
It's That Time of Year Again
Americans get your hidden stash of money from under the bed, the tin can in the backyard, the trunk in the attic and your spouse's underwear. The US Congress is on vacation for the month of August!
Obama Still Doesn't Get It about Jobs I
Pres. Obama's apologetic speech to liberals indicated he will enforce regulations to make their air & water safe. No mind businesses will close their doors because they can't meet the regulations!
Obama Still Doesn't Get It about Jobs II
Pres. Obama's apologetic speech to liberals indicated he will still send loan (stimulus) money to the unions for infrastructure/construction jobs. No mind his $850 billion stimulus was a failure!
Obama Still Doesn't Get It about Jobs III
Pres. Obama's apologetic speech to liberals indicated he will still try to tax the rich. He has no clue that if he eliminated his tax, spend & regulate policies the private sector would create jobs!
Democratic Liberal Far Left Acronym
Economic growth, indicated by a GDP, that's below 2% won't do very much in reducing the US's 9.2% jobless rate. Oh, President Obama thinks GDP stands for god damned profit and wants to tax the rich!
Possible US Credit Rating Downgrade
Treas. Sec. Geithner said ratings agencies are going to take a careful look at whether Washington DC politicians will control deficits. Do you trust an alcoholic to guard a case of 50 year old Scotch?