Olympic Ambassador accused of rioting!
Judge demands Ferrero Rocher.
Riot on Brother, Riot on!
Shock monk arrest in Salford.
Flying Friesian cow lands on bonnet of a Citreon C5!
A UK flying Friesian cow landed on the bonnet of a passing Citreon C5; the cow was a reincarnated ballet dancer called Dame Margot; the driver an alien called Wurzel. They both had too much cider!
The $avings To The American Taxpayers Will Be Tremendous
The U.S. Postal Service plans to lay off 120,000 workers. They were quick to add that they will be replaced by homeless people whose cardboard signs clearly state that they will work for food.
The Movie Will Certainly Move Many To Tears
Glenn Beck, Brett Favre, and Meat Loaf who are all well-known criers are all being touted to appear in a new motion picture called The Boys Who Cried Wolf.
Tiger Woods Is Now The Loneliest "Player" in America
The once great golfer Tiger Woods has now been reduced to being just another average golfer. He says he's thinking of quitting golf and concentrating on making commercials. For what? Condoms?
Sarah Palin May Be Going Through A Very Big Change
Oprah Winfrey who is an animal lover, says Sarah Palin needs to stop shooting animals as if she were Buffalo Bill. And if she can't then she definitely should get a sex-change operation.
Pistols at Dawn
Police had to be issued with water pistols to combat rioters because The Health and Safety Executive deems it dangerous to operate a water cannon. "Somebody might get wet!" A spokesman said today.
Film about the Tottenham Riots
Stephen Spielberg is to direct a new film about a brave tea lady who fights off many rioters in Tottenham, armed only with a cup and saucer. It will be called "CHA-RIOTS OF FIRE"
Police Cannot Use Water Cannon
David Cameron has had to back down on his promise to allow the police to use water cannon because they only have 3: 1 at Heathrow airport; 1 in Afghanistan and the 3rd was sold off with the Ark Royal.
Furniture manufacturers DFS have been wondering why every one of their shops in the cities where there is rioting have not been looted.
Help find the God Particle!
Intelligent professor types using the Large Hadron Collider at CERN are requesting the help of thousands of internet users to come along with strong magnifying glasses to look for the Higgs boson.
Close Your Mouth
President Obama's response to S&P's downgrade of the USA's credit rating shows how clueless and in deep yogurt he is about solving the nation's economic problems.
Winston and Margaret Would be Proud
In Dalston, a group of 150 mainly Turkish restaurant & store staff protected their businesses. They chased off a gang of 50 to 60 youths, who had set a bus on fire & started smashing store windows.
Smells Bad, but It's Not Cheese
The Republican governor of Wisconsin awarded the Reverend Al Sharpton the "_ _ _ _" Head of the week award for excessive Democratic far left demagoguery during the State Senator Recall Election!
Baltimore MD cuts down 30 full grown trees in front of city hall to put up a grandstand for a Grand Pre race. Don't recycle a plastic bottle & the rabid environmentalists come out of the woodwork!
Let Them Eat Cake
Health food advocates say eat potatoes and bananas. The food police say potatoes are too high in carbohydrates! The energy/environmental police say ships use oil to transport the bananas!
Department of Energy Scientist Gets Award
Scientist at DOE receives an award for inventing an engine that runs on bullshit. Claims he got the idea from listening to President Obama, House Minority Leader Pelosi & Senate Majority Leader Reid!
Bureaucratic Bullshit Added
The emissions from the DOE engine that runs on bullshit have been regulated by the EPA. The modified engine weighs twice as much, costs twice as much and gets half the fuel economy of the original!
Turn-About is Fair Play
National Wildlife Federation approves of the new Obama administration car/truck fuel efficiency standards. General Motors announced today they are going to set limits for wolf and polar bear hunting!
Lack of Leadership is Tiresome
President Obama takes a vacation on Martha's Vineyard MA at the plush Blue Heron Farm ($50,000 per week). Guess what the 14 million Americans who are jobless on unemployment insurance are thinking?
President Obama's Credo
The road to USA financial ruin is paved with US taxpayer's hard earned money!
A New Older Generation
For some senior citizens vacations in the Catskills and the Poconos have been replaced by cruise ships!
The Arab spring is a group of fanatical religious thugs who will take power for 30 years. Then there will be another group of fanatical religious thugs who will take power for 30 years! Then…….
Work for 50 years, skip vacations, put the kids through college & slowly invest in the stock market. Then President Obama spends $4 trillion, ruins the US economy & causes the stock market to crash!