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Rating:

Derek Jeter Leaves Game, but Middle Finger Not Broken

Jeter was hit twice by errant balls. Right Middle finger wrapped but not broken. Said he's learning how to use his left middle finger when driving and needing to signal to other drivers.

written by Lady Godiva, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Hungry for it?

A Lebanese restaurant in West London has had to close its doors, after only receiving interest from dyslexic lesbians.

written by MonkeyInTheBath, 01 August 2011
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Kobe Bryant Says He's Not Averse to Playing in Europe

Bryant would like to play in Europe but he hasn't picked a sport yet. He fancies a change from basketball and is considering synchronized swimming, when he's learned to swim that is.

written by Lady Godiva, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Women's World Cup proved a reminder as to how far women's soccer has to go.

It has been suggested that Women's Soccer may become more popular with viewers if the women played wearing bikinis as Beach Volleyball players do. This is being looked into as a definite possiblity.

written by Lady Godiva, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Holy fasting month begins

Today begins the holy Satanic month of Baal'a, where followers must avoid drinking blood during the day, and eat nothing but tree bark. The month ends in a celebration of goat slaughter and dancing.

written by MonkeyInTheBath, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Giants' Headquarters buzzing with excitment once more

After six days of closed-door, face-to-face meetings and speculation about lingerie smudges, Giants headquarters is buzzing with excitement at the thoughts of their new BLACK-LACE, spandex underwear.

written by Lady Godiva, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Maria Shriver Reveals An In House Secret

Maria Shriver says that ever since the scandal about her maid bearing a love child from her husband she has been so traumatized that now she does her own housework.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Kathy Griffin Addresses The Lesbian Rumors

Kathy Griffin says that just because she would love to give Sandra "The Kissing Bandit" Bullock the biggest, deepest French kiss that Bullock has ever had does not mean that she (KG) is a lesbian.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 August 2011
Rating:

The Amazing Planetary Mixup

Astrologists have discovered that they've actually confused the planet Venus with the planet Mercury. When asked how in the world this could happen they replied, "That's it, it is not in the world."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 August 2011
Rating:

One of The Kings of Leon Is Acting More Like The Loser of Leon

If Caleb Followill, lead singer with The Kings of Leon, doesn't stop performing while drunk and making an ass of himself the KOL will be reduced to playing at Burger King grand openings.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Jeremy Clarkson & James May Justify Parking in a Disabled Bay

The Top Gear preseneters were showing electric cars which had run out of charge and were therefore DISABLED.

"SIMPLES!!" Clarkson was alleged to have quipped.

written by IN SEINE, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Breast-Feeding Doll Is Coming to America

Parents who are against such a doll being sold, wonder where the madness will end. Anatomically correct Barbie and Ken dolls so little girls and boys can REAllY practise becoming moms and dads?

written by Lady Godiva, 01 August 2011
Rating:

New Coach But Perhaps Little Change

Peter DeBoer had a losing record in Florida, but Devils' General Manager Lou Lamoriello said he was impressed by the new coach. It has luxurious velvet seat coverings, a bar and two washrooms.

written by Lady Godiva, 01 August 2011
Rating:

After Protractor Fight Both Sides Emerged Bruised

Sorry! That headline should read: 'After Protracted Fight Both Sides Emeged Bruised.

written by Lady Godiva, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Do States need schools for the deaf?

Pardon?

written by Lady Godiva, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Man raped in Amsterdam whilst urinating in a passing canal!

During the Gay Parade in Amsterdam a straight man needed to pee, he bent over a canal and whipped out his willy. Some stoned passing gay paraders saw him and thought it was an invitation, OUCH!

written by Jaggedone, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Jim Divine MP Saves Taxpayers £10,400

Jim Divine MP who claimed over £8,000 in expenses was sentenced to 1 year in prison. However, he saved the taxpayer £10,400 by serving only 4 months. Whether he can be a good boy, remains to be seen.

written by IN SEINE, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Queen Elizabeth wants Mike Tindall to get his teeth fixed

When the Queen asked that Mike to get his teeth fixed he answered, "You've a bleeding cheek Mrs. Remember your mother's teeth?" She called him 'impertinent'.

written by Lady Godiva, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Donald Trump's hair goes AWOL

The Donald panicked this morning. He looked in the mirror and saw his hair was gone. The house was searched.His hair was finally found UNDER his cat who must have sneaked off with it during the night.

written by Lady Godiva, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Shock for West Ham!

Saturday night on the first Saturday of the season and West Ham are bottom of the League.

written by j.w., 01 August 2011
Rating:

Sarah "The Spin Doctor" Palin Is Good At Spinning

Sarah Palin was asked about the large number of Tea Bag Party members who are deserting the party. She said, "Well ya know, they ain't really deserting, it's more like they're just leaving."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 August 2011
Rating:

2,000 Fake Piñatas Are Confiscated In El Paso

U.S. Customs Agents in El Paso confiscated 2,000 counterfeit Jay Leno Piñatas. An alert agent said he knew the Leno Piñatas were fake when he noticed they had normal looking chins.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 August 2011
Rating:

The Much Traveled Joan Rivers

It is now official - Joan Rivers now looks more like a space alien than even the damn space aliens do.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Kim "X-Ray" Kardashian Has Just Received Quite A Distinction

The North American Doctors Coalition has just named Kim Kardashian's butt X-ray as the most viewed X-ray in medical X-ray history.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 August 2011
Rating:

But Isn't Any Donation A Welcome Donation?

The White House has announced they are no longer accepting donations of $5 and $10. They ask that anyone wishing to make a monetary governmental donation please make it in the amount of $20 or $50.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Sarah Palin Says The Name Is Staying Put

Sarah Palin wants to put an end to the rumors that her Tea Bag Party is merging with The Douche Bag Party.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 August 2011
Rating:

A Pet Store Tidbit

One of Sarah Palin's neighbors, who apparently isn't the brightest crayon in the Crayola Box, went into a pet store and told the clerk that he wanted to buy a dust bunny.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 August 2011
Rating:

President Obama Says Bye-Bye To The Tree

President Obama has announced that this year in order to save on the White House electric bill he will be doing away with the traditional Christmas tree and replacing it with a Christmas tulip.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 August 2011
Rating:

The Wicked Witch of the West Rants

House Minority Leader Pelosi (D-CA) has again proven a law of political power, "The louder the spoken political drivel, the less influence the orator has on occurring current events!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Saudi's to Avoid Embarrassing Female Shoppers

Saudi Arabian lingerie stores are not complying with a government deadline to replace their male sales clerks with women. Government spokesman calls shop owners a bunch of boobs and asses!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 August 2011
Rating:

New Movie from Hollywood

The movie "Cowboys and Aliens" seems to be doing quite well, having cowboys defeat alien invaders. A sequel is being planned called Cowboys and Liberals!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 August 2011
Rating:

President Obama Moves Right

Democratic liberals say President Obama has tilted towards the right. All the president did was to move his bread and butter dish from the left side of the dinner table to the right side!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Don't Step in Your Own Political BS Harry

Democratic Senate Majority Leader Reid's ego was deflated when he couldn't even get a simple majority of votes for discussion of his debt ceiling plan. He needed sixty votes to just allow discussion!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 August 2011
Rating:

Catnip Anyone

House Minority Leader Pelosi (D-CA) has 70 far left wing liberal cats she has to coral for the latest debt ceiling crisis compromise. Tons of Purina Cat Chow has been delivered to the US Capitol.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 August 2011
Rating:

New Vaccine

Scientists discover vaccine to protect against big government Democratic left wing tax, spend and regulate progressives. It removes these liberals from American's pants and wallets!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 August 2011
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