The President and Congress Have Got Some "Fantabulous" Advice
President Obama and the U.S. Congress advise Americans that during these hard economic times they strongly urge that everyone try to live within their beans.
The U.S. Government 'Shut Down' and What It Really Means
Political experts reveal exactly what will happen when the United States government shuts down. They point out that until the next election, no one will probably be able to tell any difference!
The Greatest Hero In The History of Southwest Airlines
An ignored obese male passenger sitting in two seats on a Southwest Airline flight suddenly became a hero as his flying body blocked the huge opening in the plane's ceiling!
Vice President Joe Biden Heaves A Great Sigh of Relief!
Vice President Joe Biden says that he doesn't know what he would have done with himself if the government had shut down.
Professional sports caught rigging finals
An octopus predicting the FIFA World Cup and a gorilla predicting basketball's Final Four? An investigation has discovered that the outcome of these games were rigged to favor the predictions.
Obama Caves Again!
CCN (Crazy Cal News) Washington - President Obama caved in to the Republicans and Tea Party memebers, bowing to them like he did to Hu and the Saudi king.
More Caveman News…
Archaeologists knew this man was gay because he was buried in a crouching position, head first with his backside in the air. A spokesman for Stonewall said: "This is a great turn round for the books!"
First Gay Caveman to Be Renamed
The gay caveman found in Prague will be called Homo Erectus Of course! A spokesman for Stonewall said: "I am glad that the name says it like it is!"
Thought for the day: 'Less is More. No, really.'
Robert 'One-inch' Browning, 1855.
written by pinxit
, 09 April 2011
Police in Scotland Question Moussa Koussa
A spokesman has confirmed that they are also interested in speaking to Goosey Loosey and Foxy Loxy.
Syria Warns....Real Loud!
The Syrian government issued a stern warning after weeks of protests turned especially deadly this week. It will also be very loud since most listeners are either in ICU or the cemetery.
'So what are you doing?' 'Writing something.' 'It is not for that Poof again is it?' I was scared, did my wife think I was in secret communication with a Poof? 'It's Spoof, not Poof!' 'That's worse'.
written by j.w.
, 09 April 2011
Wayne Rooney Is to Become Hollywood Star
Wayne Rooney is to star in a new silent movie called Shreck 8 - Cannot Get Far-Enough-Away-Land. It is silent so that it will not frighten the kids!
Nuclear submarine gunman quizzed
"He passed on the capital of Latvia, so was the weakest link" said Ann Robinson.
written by pinxit
, 09 April 2011
Obama's Brother to Run for President of Kenya
George Obama, the half-brother of Barack Obama, has announced his intentions to run for election in Kenya. He plans to adopt his brother's "Change" campaign and has been studying Barack's speeches.
GOP to abort shutdown
Expecting House Republicans to choose a temporary government funding bill tonight that will prevent an unplanned government shutdown, John Boehner readies to cut the cord on entitlement programs.
The latest 'dirt' on Obama
The internet awash in conspiracy theories about a mysterious scar on President Obama's head, embarrassed Obama explains he merely tripped over a rutabaga in the First Lady's garden, fell on a shovel.
Now they're really in hot water
South Korea scolds Japan for failing to inform neighbors that radioactive water would be dumped into the sea. Curiously, South Koreans yet to adopt "to go" coffee cups labeled:
CAUTION - CONTENTS HOT
Guy Playing Indiana Jones Hurts Himself Trying to Stop Criminal, Gets Shot in Process
A man tried to use a bullwhip to slap the gun out of a robber's hand. The assailant was uninjured as the whip missed him and recoiled into the man's face, cutting his cheek. Then the robber shot him.
Sheen To Start Sex Superstore Once Tour Is In The Can
Charlie Sheen's decided to open a national chain of sexual-oriented superstores, calling it Sex Toys 'R Us. It will feature hard-to-find items as well as the old standbys, things winners use everyday.
"Deliverance" Transformed Into Opera, Squealing and All
"Deliverance", the 1972 film about the great outdoors and what shouldn't go on out there, will become an opera at Carnegie Hall. Ned Beatty's role will be performed by a falsetto, for obvious reasons.
Clark Kent Has Problems Suiting Up For Night Job, Phone Booth Nowhere to be Found
Due to the increasing proliferation of cell phones, phone booths are almost extinct. Clark Kent found out the hard way trying to find one. He wound up having to change into Superman in a broom closet.
They Never Cease Trying to Spend Taxpayer Money
A far left wing think tank study concludes that everyday living may be hazardous to one's health! President Obama is asked to appropriate $61 billion to foam protect every US citizen!
Implementation may be a Problem
President Obama asks Congress for a law reversing the direction of the Earth's rotation. Why not, it's just as stupid as legislation such as ObamaCare passed by the 111th Congress!
EPA Should Sue HUD
EPA wants Maryland to clean up its portion of Chesapeake Bay. A big polluter is a HUD low income housing project that washes lots of trash into the bay. HUD won't pay for fixing the problem!