Convoy Movie Rereleased
The 1978 trucker film "Convoy", which starred Kris Kristofferson, is being re-released later this year.
Although the film was panned by most critics, the trailer was well received.
written by grimbo
, 07 April 2011
How to avoid making babies...
1) Always take a lady by the back passage 2) Be a Gay 3) Castrate yourself with a pair of bolt cutters 4) Choose a partner who is already pregnant 5) Practice "soixante-neuf" 6) Go sheep shagging
The Doors reunion tour
The Doors will be having a reunion tour. However, due to the fact that lead singer, Jim Morrison, is dead, they will feature a variety of lead singers, and be called The Revolving Doors.
written by IainB
, 07 April 2011
The Most Astonishing 'Snowman' In History
Scientists are totally baffled at reports from a National Geographic film crew who recently found a six foot tall snowman in the middle of the Kalahari Desert.
Glenn "Crybaby" Beck's Interesting Prediction
Political talk show host Glenn Beck says that lately he has cried so much that he is afraid that he may run out of tears within two months.
Best way to learn to play the violin...
Whatever you do - DON'T. The beginner stage of learning to play the violin is well known to sound a lot like someone trying to skin a live cat with a blunt razor blade. Why not take up rowing instead?
Where Oh Where Is The Cold-Hearted Ann Coulter?
GOP Mouthpiece Ann Coulter who has recently been keeping a very 'low profile' was asked by CNN if she had perhaps gone into the government's 'Witless' Protection Program.
A laid back Spanish Minister of Finance announced that his country was in no danger of a financial crisis after Portugal had to ask for help. 'We will deal with all this tomorrow' he told Saint Adder
written by j.w.
, 07 April 2011
Internet Cut Off
Gardener Jim Blast cut off the entire internet service in the UK for five hours after accidentally cutting through a cable that ran through his garden. Jim said his potatoes would be worth the upset.
written by j.w.
, 07 April 2011
How to relieve yourself in public without offending anybody...
NEVER unzip your trousers and exhibit your willy in public. This will cause offence and may get you arrested. Instead keep a condom in place at all times - and go whenever you like! Problem solved.
Sarah Palin and Chuck Norris - The Lucy and Ricky of The Moose Hunting World
Martial arts expert Chuck Norris went moose hunting with Sarah Palin and came back with a huge moose. "Shotgun" Sarah told the media that Norris had shot the gosh darn moose with a karate kick.
Best way to skin a rabbit...
First scald the offending rabbit briefly using steam from an infusion of deadly nightshade, then remove the skin with a single "turning inside out" manoeuvre reminiscent of taking off a jumper.
Best way to skin a turnip...
The tried and tested way to skin a turnip is to ride backwards at high speed on a wild boar through a thicket of briar, but you may have to shoot the wild boar later to put it out of its misery.
Armfeetandtoe finds out his dad was a Nun
Its true, my mum told me. She said that everytime my dad was in court, and the judge asked my dad if he had a job, he replied; "Nun"
Cure found for "Garden Fever" sufferers...
There is only one known cure for the deadly virus "GARDEN FEVER." Order a really big truckload of premixed concrete, and concrete the fuck out of your whole plot. Only then will the symptoms subside.
How to spot "Garden Fever"...
The most reliable sign that you have the virus "GARDEN FEVER" is when you find yourself on your hands and knees in the middle of the night, searching for blades of grass that have escaped the mower.
You are not safe - even in your own garden...
Be on the alert when mowing your lawn because all may not be as it seems. Underneath that innocent-looking carpet of perfect suburban grass lurks a little-known virus known only as "GARDEN FEVER."
A little-known danger awaits hikers on Dartmoor, so if you see a patch of ground which closely resembles a VERY LARGE PUDDLE OF PUKE take care not to step in it, because that's exactly what it is.
If you're ever in the Amazon rainforest and you happen to meet a Three-Crested Mudquark you have only one choice. Stand STOCK STILL and play dead. If however you shit yourself, there is no escape.
Was Adam the original w*nker?
Do you know what Adam really thought when he saw Eve? "Phwoar! I'd like to give 'er one, but I quess I'd better not 'cos we'll get kicked out the Garden, so I'll just have to find relief another way."
Beware the Flarp...
The characteristic disguise of the highly poisonous Aphrodisian Mottled Flarp is that of a harmless-looking ball of clay. Approach with EXTREME CAUTION wearing a string vest and bomb-proof trousers.
Ashley Cole sick.
As a parrot John...after Rooney scuppers Chelsea.
Wayne Rooney Shocks The World
Scores winner at Chelsea and fails to swear to cameras.
Aging Actresses Fearful That High-Def TV Will Put Them Out Of Business
A growing group of aging actresses in their late 30's and older are banding together to protest high resolution television broadcasting, fearing it will highlight all their wrinkles and imperfections.
Judge Discovers Defense Attorney Is Incompetent
During a trial, the judge asks the defense attorney to recite the penal code, thinking he's an idiot. The lawyer answers "let me remind your honor this is not a rape case, so penises are irrelevant."
PETA asks 310 million Americans to eat beef, lamb, poultry, or fish dishes three times per day. In this manner these animals will head towards extinction and be put on the endangered species list!
Biologists have ascertained that class action suit lawyers, who advertise on television about prescription drug related problems, are related to leeches!
GOP 2011 Budget Riders
Democrats may be amenable to maintaining the detention center at GITMO & a scholarship program for DC schools. Forcing President Obama to have a paper route to balance the budget is unacceptable.
Obama Keeping GITMO Open
President Obama needs a place to hide the Democratic Party left wing whackos (environmentalists, animal rights activists, food police, vegans, big spenders) until after the November 2012 election.
Broken Republican Promises on Abortion
Liberal state & federal level Democrats have been in our wallets for years. Conservative Republicans promised to stop this spending, but have their hands in our wives, sisters & daughters uteruses!
Liberal Democratic Myths
Liberal Democrats at the federal level claim raising taxes on the rich will solve the revenue problem and Liberal Democrats at the state level claim casino gambling will solve the revenue problem.