Helpful Man Unwittingly Gives Away Fortune to Lost Traveler
A man helps out a lost traveler by writing directions down on the back of a lottery ticket and giving it to him. Ticket turned out to be jackpot winner, and the first thing winner's buying is a GPS.
Shut down the damned government already!
With economy just beginning to grow, most Americans actually relieved at prospect of government shutdown. Unproductive Congress preferable to counterproductive Congress, they say.
Autisitic brains are poled differently scientists claim!
Scientists have now proven what everybody else knew, autistic brains are poled differently and I can't do my shoe laces up either, clever bastards!
Ivory Coast guarantee cocoa supplies, "over my dead body!"
World's nr1 cocoa supplier Ivory Coast is in the middle of a bloody civil war, but still has promised to deliver their cocoa beans, the leaders of the warring fractions countered "over my dead body!"
The Most Widely Seen Fall In 'Dancing With The Stars' History
Several members of the Dancing With The Stars studio audience reported feeling a vibrating sensation just moments before Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Kirstie Alley took their devastating fall.
Donald "The Hairdo" Trump Is On A "Birther" Tear
Donald Trump who has demanded to see President Obama's birth certificate now also wants to see the birth certificates of Whoopi Goldberg, Kanye West, Oprah Winfrey, Kobe Bryant, and Snoop Dogg.
Colonel Gadhafi Shows He's Just Like Glenn Beck and Jesse James
A recent CNN interview with Colonel Moammar Gadhafi in his Tripoli mansion revealed an Adolf Hitler Cuddle Pillow in the background.
Why In The World Is Hugh Hefner Getting Married???
When 97-year-old Hugh Hefner was asked about his upcoming marriage he got a puzzled look on his face and asked, "Ah what exactly does upcoming mean again?"
Lindsay Lohan By Any Other Name Would Be Just As "Messed Up"!
Lindsay Lohan who said she is planning on dropping her last name has now said that she may just change her mind and drop her first name, or maybe drop both and change her name to Parasite Hilton.
Taylor Lautner Admits To 'Product Placement' In The Latest "Twilight" Movie
Taylor Lautner has admitted that he sneaked a "Count Chocula" Cereal Box into one of the main scenes of the latest Twilight movie.
These Space Aliens Do Get Around!
Van Halen's Sammy Hagar claims that he was recently abducted by space aliens who told him that they know Charlie "Winning" Sheen personally.
Rush Limbaugh - The Movie Star!
Julianne Moore who will be portraying Sarah Palin in an upcoming movie revealed that Rush Limbaugh has agreed to make a cameo appearance as Bullwinkle - Palin's Pet Moose.
Florida - The "Raincoat" State?
The Florida Department of Safe Sex has released figures showing this year's group of Spring Breakers broke the all-time Florida record for condom use by purchasing a little over 17 million condoms.
Donald Trump Announces His Vice-Presidential Running Mate
Donald Trump who is running for president in 2012, says he will ask Joan Rivers to be his vice-presidential running mate. Trump said they'll campaign as The Hair & The Stare.
Gbagbo and Mugabe granted safe passage to Tripoli
'We'll only need one rocket now' says NATO.
written by pinxit
, 05 April 2011
The Health Service is fine, but there are too many people so keep the service for those who deserve it. Universities are fine but keep those for the deserving as well - those who are on top.
written by j.w.
, 05 April 2011
Led Zep Tribute Band Robbed
A Led Zeppelin tribute band have had their guitars stolen from one of the group's home.
Although police enquiries are continuing, its believed that the thieves came In Through The Out Door.
written by grimbo
, 05 April 2011
Obama's Showing the Stresses of the Presidency, Bush Anticipated a Call Eventually
White House officials for President Obama used the services of a remote viewer to locate the place President Bush hid the key to the liquor cabinet. Bush expected this would happen sooner or later.
Kate Plus Octomom Divided by FedEx Guy Equals Disaster
Kate Gosselin had Octomom and her litter over for a playdate, but things went from mildly amusing to downright weird, as a fight broke out not over toys but the FedEx guy. Both women wanted him badly!
Sarah Palin Shows Why She Is So Geographically Challenged
The Republic of China borders 14 countries and contrary to what Sarah Palin may think, Mexico is not one of them.
Paris Hilton Visits Paris, France
Paris Hilton was asked on her trip to Paris what she thought about Mt. Blanc, France's tallest mountain. The actress replied she thought it was nice of the French to honor Mel Blanc in that manner.
Brazil's Most Popular Sport Is Now Officially Soccer
Soccer is now the most popular sport in Brazil. It has just surpassed the sport of making babies.
The Word Argentina Came From Poland
The word Argentina is derived from the Polish word Argentinanalski which means Land of The Baby Pampers.
Apples' Steve Jobs announces opening of first restaurant
The "iHop" will focus primarily on breakfast and will be opening in the spring.
New Job Creation
MacDonald's is to hire 50,000 workers this year for their fast food restaurants. The food and obesity police objected, but were told by President Obama to shut-up and eat their Big Macs and fries.
Doing the Hoki Poki
President Obama was a reluctant bride with respect to Libya involvement. Now Obama pulls US attack aircraft out of the fight in Libya. Whose side is the US Commander in Chief on, anyway?
A Tad Late
Rabid environmentalist-vegans protest the extinction of the dinosaurs as these animals ate their weight in insects every day, thus protecting organic farms!
Obama's Among the Missing
President Obama is still missing or reversing himself on the economy/jobs Libya, middle-east policy, 2011/2012 budgets, energy policy & 9/11 terrorist trials at GITMO. But not on reelection in 2012!
Caught it from from President Obama
The Democratic governor of MD is not getting some issues through the legislature. He plans to emulate President Obama by using the state's regulatory agencies to circumvent the democratic process!
Big Brother's Alive in the Big Apple
The NYC Health Department's food/behavior police say no more deep fried foods, bottled water, stinky perfumes, cookies, decorations, loud talking and eavesdropping allowed in their cubic villages.
Not Religious Enough for Some Folks
Taliban suicide bombers struck one of Pakistan's important Sufi Muslim shrines, killing 42 men, women, & children, wounding 100. Where are other Muslim nations protesters, oh a Koran wasn't burned!