Spoof news snippets from April 2011
There were 940 spoof news snippets published in April 2011. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Exlax Announces New Slogan
Exlax, the world's leading laxative company has announced their new marketing campaign slogan, "Exlax: For people who just don't give a shit"
Texans Forget The Alamo
"We were so busy with everything else in our lives, it simply slipped our minds," one local noted. The error was discovered by tourists encountering a Walgreens where the historic landmark had been.
International Conference For Doctors Of Urology
International Urology Association conference July 12 in China along the banks of the Yellow River. Renowned urologist I.P. Freeley will present the key speech "Learnig to go with the flow."
Little Orphan Annie Sued Over Bad Financial Advice
A Class action suit is being made against the inept orphan who stated, "Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun." Many following this advice awoke to rain, snow, or sleet instead of sun.
Indian Tribal Names To Be Researched
Anthropologists are currently undertaking a study to determine the origins of the names of various Native American tribes. Of greatest interest to some is the naming of the Kickapoo.
New Marketing Campaign For Proctologists
To promote healthy colon/rectal health, the Association for Proctology announced it's new ad campaign: "You may try to avoid your proctologist, but he'll get you in the end!"
Woman And Three Fishermen Found
An attractive woman who went to sea for a week in a boat with three fishermen, came home with one red snapper.
Procrastinators Anonymous Meeting To Be Held
Procrastinators Anonymous will be rescheduling the meeting that was post-poned from last month to sometime in the near future at a place and time that are yet to be determined.
Viagra Announces New Marketing Slogan
Viagra announced their new marketing slogan today: "Viagra - Just Swell!"
Startling Statistics About American Medical Industry
In a recent study, it was determined that 50% of all doctors in the United States graduated in the lower half of their graduating class.
Popular Dance Craze Sweeps West Virginia
The Hock-a-Loogie Boogie becomes a hit among the hillbillies! Snort back some phlegm and spit it from between your few teeth, into the face of someone who's slept with your sister (besides yourself).
Easter Bunny Visits Libyan War Zone
Here comes Peter Cottontail,
Hoppin' through the mine field.
Hippety, hoppety, BOOM!
....Easter may be delayed.
Viagra Ad Gets In Trouble With The Church
The makers of Viagra have offended the church. In a recent advertisement, a Viagra spokesman, dressed as Jesus proclaimed "With a four hour erection, you may achieve your second cuming before I do."
Subliminal Language CDs Recalled
Sabe a Sueno, the learn Spanish while you sleep CD, is being recalled. Manufacturing defects have left scratches on the CDs that have resulted in many folks only learning how to stutter in Spanish.
Trojan Condoms Announces New Marketing Slogan
Trojan, the world's leading condom company, announced their new marketing slogan today. "Trojan condoms, for today's up and cumer."
In Search Of Returns To Television
The 1970's T.V. show, In Search Of, hosted by Leonard Nemoy, will return to the air this Fall. The first episode will focus on finding Bigfoot and a viable Republican Presidential Candidate.
New phrase coined - thanks to Wayne Rooney
Yup, I was so freaking mad a yelled a number of choice "Rooneys" at the bastard.
For those who enjoy very short Snippets.
And another for Short Snippet lovers.
Last one today for short snippet lovers.
So Farewell, Trevor Bannister
"Are you free, Mr Lucas?" "I'm free."
Another for those who like short Snippets
Forgot my Facebook password so....
It's raining here and I'm watching football on the telly. They lost the sattelite 'feed' for the Blackpool Wigan game so they've put on the West Ham. Aston V. game.
Having Sex is the Number One Cause of Getting Laid, Says Scientists
NEW YORK - [more as in comes in]
Rooney 'caught short' whilst out shopping in town. No problem these days.
Wayne Rooney has made great progress since being caught urinating in public. He has now hired fashion guru Irma Farg Ott to design and manufacture male diapers for him-in Man.U. colours of course.
A Man In Cleveland Arrested With A Glock 9 In His Mouth
Police said he was 'armed to the teeth.'
World to Forget About Libya, Moves Onto New Fad
EARTHIC TERRITORIES - The human race turned its eyes from Libya to some cool guy dancing. When asked 'what is Libya?', 80% said 'a TV show'. Tsk, tsk, tsk, human race.
How to get your Spanish hens to lay more eggs.
Sing, Ole Ole Ole Ole.....Ole Ole.
Might help Man. U score more goals too. Just a thought!'
LPA (Little People of America) drop lawsuit against Wal Mart
The LPA dropped their recently filed lawsuit against Wal Mart when they were told that the news headline 'Wal Mart fires 4 FT employess' actually meant 4 full time employees.
So Farewell, Sidney Lumet
Show me someone who doesn't want to be Henry Fonda in Twelve Angry Men.
Terrific! Thank you.
Okay, First It's Bingo Wings - Can Muffin Tops Be Too Far Off?
The Beverly Hills Chamber of Commerce has outlawed 'Bingo Wings.' Dozens of women are very upset since they will probably now have to move to Burbank.
Paris Hilton By Any Other Name Would Be Just As Snobbish
Paris Hilton has announced that in order to prove to the American people that she is not a snob says she is considering changing her name from Paris Hilton to Paris Motel 6.
Like, Voted, Like, Most Said, Like Word, Like, by, Like, Celebs
NEW YORK - 'Like' has been voted the 'Most Spoken Word by Celebs' by G-G-G-Gossip! Magazine.
Second place was 'uhhh...', while third place was 'OH-MY-GOD!'
This is a Snippet
LOCATION - This is the text of the body of the snippet. Fuck yeah.
Spoof Writer forced to eat own words
A spoof writer has been forced to eat his own words and choked. All the back-slapping from his mates saved him in the nick of time. He also coughed up some sugar cubes which he had been fed.
Ring! Ring! Ring!
A 600-pound woman was caught at the U.S. - Mexico border in El Paso trying to smuggle 42 counterfeit cell phones. Customs agents became suspicious when they noticed her anal cavity was ringing.
The History of A Very Popular German Word
The word Germany spelled backwards is Ynamreg, which is Laotian for "Hey Franz pass me the sauerkraut."
The Tea Bag Party Goes Country
Political Square Dance: The Tea Bag Party turns right again as President Obama turns to the middle, so y'all grab your gal and listen to the fickle fiddle.
What Would Happen In a U.S. Government Shutdown?
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Well,there are only two requirements of the FEDERAL government: Protect the borders and deliver the mail.
The $5 A Gallon Price Is All Part of A Greater Agenda
President Obama says $5 a gallon gas will force more individuals to walk, pollute less, buy fewer groceries, and lose weight, so according to Barry, it really ain't all that bad.
Kate Middleton is 'In The Club'!
Kate Middleton joined a secret society during her education at St Andrews University - 'Skin and Bones'.
Honey Baked Ham
Honey Baked Ham - the finest quality bone-in ham, marinated, smoked and spiral sliced perfectly. Available online or in a store near you. Two for the price of one. Get yours whilst surprise lasts.
Charlie Sheen Has Just Said "No" To The Royal Wedding
Charlie Sheen has stated that he will not be able to attend the Royal Wedding. He did say that he is giving his invitation to Gilbert Gottfried.
Buy Me Some Popcorn and Cracker Jacks But Not Beer
Due to extensive brawls which have broken out in the stands, fans at Detroit Tiger home games will not be allowed to buy beer. They can however buy all the expensive tequila they want.
Sarah Palin Has Returned From HiddenLand
Sarah Palin endorses a new plan to use Anthrax-sniffing dogs. She quickly dodges several hundred shoes.
So Farewell, Elizabeth Sladen
I had a bit of a crush on you when you were Doctor Who's companion, Sarah Jane.
This Is Great For Those Watching Their Caloric Intake
Research scientists in Poland have just made an amazing discovery. They have discovered calories that actually contain no calories.
Best Man Harry fesses up to Wills his wedding night song fantasy
Steeler's Wheel, "Stuck in the Middleton With You"
Africa - The Land of Lions, Zebras, Jungle Vines, and Meddling Buffaranda
Word coming out of Africa is that the country of Dutch West Wakaboonka is considering invading Buffaranda on the grounds of Buffaranda not minding its own business.
The Reason Why NASCAR Said "Adios" To Arizona
NASCAR has decided to leave Arizona because Governor Jan Brewer has banned nachos from the state. And racing fans know that nothing goes better with beer than a plate of hot jalapeno nachos.
Jay Leno Vs. David Letterman
In a move to end their long time feud Jay Leno will appear on The David Letterman Show and read The Top Ten List. And along the same vein, next week Sarah Palin will French kiss Kathy Griffin.
Gilbert Gottfried Has Reared His Ugly Mug Again
A mixture of good news/bad news for Gilbert Gottfried. The bad news is that he lost his job as the voice of the Aflac duck. The good news is he is now next on the list for a total face transplant.
The Reason Why The "Once Popular" Paris Hilton Is Depressed
Reports are that 'Do Nothing" socialite Paris Hilton was seen walking around a mall in Tarzana asking shoppers if they knew who she was. Roughly about 87 percent replied that they had no clue.
Police In Las Vegas Arrest A Man Who Smelled Like Playing Cards
The LVPD desk sergeant stated that the man was arrested in the possession of a stolen bag of tricks.
After All These Years…
A teenage couple who met in a revolving door over 20 years ago, at Harrods in London are still going around together.
Drogba Fancies Man
chester United Move.
Susan Boyle - Not Only A Great Singer, But A Great Businesswoman As Well
SuBoSox, (named after Scottish songstress Susan Boyle) have just become the world's top selling brand of socks.
LBJ Could Hear Them Whispering From 50 Feet Away
An old recently discovered diary belonging to President Lyndon Baines Johnson shows that he was big on earmarks.
Palace Admits That Kate Middleton Does Not Exist
'It's all done with CGI and animatronics,' admitted a spokesperson for Buckingham Palace. 'We can't afford to have another one divorcing, getting killed or just generally embarrassing Her Majesty.'
"Nighty Night" Is Not A Good Thing To Hear During One's Shift
A surprise search of an air traffic controller's locker at Chicago's O'Hare Airport reveals a CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) Device.
The iPad Scam Is Giving Bernie Madoff's Ponzi Scheme Some Competition
iPad 3 will be released in four days. iPad 4 will then be released five days after that. And then iPad 5, will be introduced six days after iPad 5 hits the stores.
Britney Spears Talks Candidly About Her Weight Gain
Britney Spears revealed to USA TODAY that she has gained so much weight lately that her love handles now have love handles.
Charlie Sheen Will Soon Be Receiving 100 Pounds of Japan's Finest Sushi
Japanese leaders today thanked Charlie "Winning" Sheen for getting THEIR meltdown out of the top daily news stories.
The NFL Powers That Be Are Certainly Some Pretty Smart Cookies
In a move to bolster sagging viewer numbers the NFL is considering having the networks move Sunday Night Football to Monday night and Monday Night Football to Sunday night.
Nigella Lawson Certainly Knows How To Cook Up A Storm
Nigella Lawson, noted British food writer, just announced that her most recent cookbook entitled, Cooking Everything With Bananas has just become the number one best seller in Costa Rica.
Even The United Nations Has Had Its Fill Of Libya
The United Nations fed up with all of the political red tape says that they are seriously thinking about handing the Libyan mission over to Al Qaeda.
President Obama and The American Public Go "Tit For Tat"
President Obama on high gas prices: Get used to them. The American Public on Obama's low approval ratings: Get used to them.
Sarah Palin and Chuck Norris - The Lucy and Ricky of The Moose Hunting World
Martial arts expert Chuck Norris went moose hunting with Sarah Palin and came back with a huge moose. "Shotgun" Sarah told the media that Norris had shot the gosh darn moose with a karate kick.
Windscale Not In Danger
British Nuclear Fuels have announced that there is no danger of a tsunami caused by the Blackpool earthquake this week and that their reactors are cool!
The Ever Present Monica Lewinsky Gets To The Bottom Of The Story
Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky is coyly denying reports that she has the words: I Love BillyC.com tattooed on her ass.
Morris Dancers Find Employment - Dig That!
A group of unemployed Morris Dancers from Sheffield have found themselves work. As well as formation dancing and ringing bells, they will be digging for coal. The group will be known as Morris Minors!
The Royal Queen Finally Reveals Her Royal Reasons
Queen Elizabeth has revealed why she didn't invite the Obama's to the Royal Wedding. She said that she did not like Michelle giving her a high five and the president asking her "So what's up mama?"
Farmer Paints Sheep Orange to Prevent Rustling
In the same vein, the Irish scientists have painted the laboratory mice with oil to prevent them squeaking!
Wenger hits back at disgruntled Arsenal fans
'Luke on zee positif side. We 'ave no trophies to be run over weez a bus!'
The Tattoo Business Is Getting Out Of Hand
Tucson police arrest a couple for having the words Dora The Explorer tattooed on their two month old baby. State authorities said if the tattoo had read Ying Ying The Weasel it would have been okay.
Brooklyn Bums Are Not To Be Messed With!
A rather large bum went off on three bag ladies in a Brooklyn alley after one ran over him with a shopping cart!
Okay, Which Queen Is Which?
Kate Middleton's parents finally get to meet the queen as well as Elton John's significant other.
Stark Warning to Girls Joining Boy Scout Movement
… Clue: it's in their motto: "BE PREPARED!"
Well Perhaps He Should Have Called Her A "Lesbianite" Instead
A stand up comedian in San Francisco has been fined for insulting a lesbian in the audience by calling her a lesbian!
What Do Henry Kissinger and Sarah Palin Both Have In Command?
Henry Kissinger is calling for a ground invasion of the Soviet Union. Sarah Palin calls a news conference and states, "Well gosh darnit Hank, it's about friggin time!"
Police Called to Nursery
Merseyside police were called to a nursery in Toxteth , Liverpool, today where a three-year-old boy was found to be resisting a rest
Poor Grammar In Sign Gets Man Riled Up
BIRMINGHAM - Local man says that the Subway ad about 'Do the Math' is wrong. "It's do the mathS!" He complains about PCWorld too. "CDs and DVDs and TVs! Not "CD's"! Implies the store owned by Mr. CD."
More Muslim Immigrants Expected Very Soon!
Since the ban on wearing the Burka in public in France, customs officials are expecting thousands upon thousands of asylum seekers from France this week!
Prince Harry Loses Best Man's Speech in Arctic
Prince Harry put his time to good use whilst stranded in the Arctic by writing his Best Man's speech for his brothers wedding. Unfortunately, a polar bear ate it and only has just over two weeks to write a new one.
Where Oh Where Is Osama Bin Laden?
Osama Bin Laden was recently spotted in a Best Buy Electronics Store in Karachi, Pakistan purchasing a new video recorder.
Gbagbo and Mugabe granted safe passage to Tripoli
'We'll only need one rocket now' says NATO.
Nazis Planned to Kill British Troops with Coffee
MI5 files disclosed that the Nazis planned to kill the British with poisoned coffee. Now 60 years on, the Americans are allegedly doing the same - except we have to pay for it from Starbucks.
GOP to abort shutdown
Expecting House Republicans to choose a temporary government funding bill tonight that will prevent an unplanned government shutdown, John Boehner readies to cut the cord on entitlement programs.
Thought for the day: 'Less is More. No, really.'
Robert 'One-inch' Browning, 1855.
Elton John To Sing The Royal Wedding Tribute Song
Estimates are that two billion people will be watching the Royal Wedding. Elton John has been asked to do the tribute song, which will be "Like A Royal Couple In The Wind".
The Air Traffic ControllerZZZZZ Are Getting Kind of Out-of-Hand
A Seattle air traffic controller has been fired for sleeping on the job. He said that nothing bad happened so it was really no big deal.
Where Oh Where Is The Cold-Hearted Ann Coulter?
GOP Mouthpiece Ann Coulter who has recently been keeping a very 'low profile' was asked by CNN if she had perhaps gone into the government's 'Witless' Protection Program.
George Lopez Really Really Does Like Kirstie Alley
George Lopez says that he felt so bad about all of the mean things he said about Kirstie Alley on Dancing With The Stars that last week he voted for her and Maksim 973 times!
Loony Tunes to Produce New Cartoon in Libya
Warner Brothers' Loony Tunes are to produce a pro-Libyan cartoon which features a new character called "Gaddafi Duck"
So What Exactly Is It That Is So Bad About Ann Coulter?
An adult sex toy shop in Ann Coulter's home town stated that in the past two years they have not sold one single Ann Coulter Inflatable Doll; even after reducing both dolls down from $25 to 15 cents.
Following the recent earthquake in Blackpool which reached 2.2 on the Richter scale, seismologists have warned of a tsunami capable of producing 2 inch (5 cm) waves. Evacuation procedures could be possible.
What Is The Difference Between A Pancake And A Hotcake?
Vermont's Maple Syrup shortage has caused farmers to dump 200,000 pancakes into Lake Champlain.
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer Does Not Like Females Like Ellen DeGeneres and Melissa Etheridge
Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona has just banned pink plastic lawn flamingos due to as she said, the obvious lesbian connotations.
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