Spoof news snippets from 2011
There were 9,338 spoof news snippets published in 2011. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Numerous Injuries at El Paso Amigo Air Show
Several spectators were injured during a frenzied stampede today at the El Paso Air Show. Witness report the crowd became unruly when after several hours there were no plane crashes or tragedies.
A Celebrity Breakup in Reverse?
Barbie and Ken may be getting back together. Oy!
British Get Taken....for fools?
Police abandon investigation re. TV talent show as they suspect publicity stunt. No convincing reason offered yet about how the makers of a show with millions of viewers could gain from such a stunt!
Essex Pub Puts Up a Dartboard!
'Disgusting' ; 'Have they no shame'; 'I'm not even sure it's legal anymore' ; 'Inform Health & Safety', have been just some of the more printable comments from the local community.
Dali's Melted Watch is to go under the hammer!
The actual melted watch Salvador Dali worked from for his ink on paper masterpiece 'Soft Watch at Moment of First Explosion' c.1954 is being auctioned next month in Paris. I wonder if it still works!
Exlax Announces New Slogan
Exlax, the world's leading laxative company has announced their new marketing campaign slogan, "Exlax: For people who just don't give a shit"
Texans Forget The Alamo
"We were so busy with everything else in our lives, it simply slipped our minds," one local noted. The error was discovered by tourists encountering a Walgreens where the historic landmark had been.
International Conference For Doctors Of Urology
International Urology Association conference July 12 in China along the banks of the Yellow River. Renowned urologist I.P. Freeley will present the key speech "Learnig to go with the flow."
Little Orphan Annie Sued Over Bad Financial Advice
A Class action suit is being made against the inept orphan who stated, "Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun." Many following this advice awoke to rain, snow, or sleet instead of sun.
Indian Tribal Names To Be Researched
Anthropologists are currently undertaking a study to determine the origins of the names of various Native American tribes. Of greatest interest to some is the naming of the Kickapoo.
New Marketing Campaign For Proctologists
To promote healthy colon/rectal health, the Association for Proctology announced it's new ad campaign: "You may try to avoid your proctologist, but he'll get you in the end!"
Woman And Three Fishermen Found
An attractive woman who went to sea for a week in a boat with three fishermen, came home with one red snapper.
Procrastinators Anonymous Meeting To Be Held
Procrastinators Anonymous will be rescheduling the meeting that was post-poned from last month to sometime in the near future at a place and time that are yet to be determined.
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Sarah Palin and Bristol Palin are hoping to trademark their names.
Viagra Announces New Marketing Slogan
Viagra announced their new marketing slogan today: "Viagra - Just Swell!"
Startling Statistics About American Medical Industry
In a recent study, it was determined that 50% of all doctors in the United States graduated in the lower half of their graduating class.
Popular Dance Craze Sweeps West Virginia
The Hock-a-Loogie Boogie becomes a hit among the hillbillies! Snort back some phlegm and spit it from between your few teeth, into the face of someone who's slept with your sister (besides yourself).
Easter Bunny Visits Libyan War Zone
Here comes Peter Cottontail,
Hoppin' through the mine field.
Hippety, hoppety, BOOM!
....Easter may be delayed.
Viagra Ad Gets In Trouble With The Church
The makers of Viagra have offended the church. In a recent advertisement, a Viagra spokesman, dressed as Jesus proclaimed "With a four hour erection, you may achieve your second cuming before I do."
Subliminal Language CDs Recalled
Sabe a Sueno, the learn Spanish while you sleep CD, is being recalled. Manufacturing defects have left scratches on the CDs that have resulted in many folks only learning how to stutter in Spanish.
Trojan Condoms Announces New Marketing Slogan
Trojan, the world's leading condom company, announced their new marketing slogan today. "Trojan condoms, for today's up and cumer."
In Search Of Returns To Television
The 1970's T.V. show, In Search Of, hosted by Leonard Nemoy, will return to the air this Fall. The first episode will focus on finding Bigfoot and a viable Republican Presidential Candidate.
Sacramento California Has New Tourism Campaign
In order to capitalize on both their extensive sports activities and indiginous gay community, Sacramento released their new ad campaign "Sacramento - Where Men Are Men, And So Are Half The Women!"
Al-Quida Takes Over FOX Television Network
In a very hostile takeover, Al-Quida has taken over the major network. Some classic programs to show will be "My Three Guns", "I Dream of Jihad" and the popular soap "Allah My Children"
Nebraska To Quit Playing Football
After getting their asses kicked by real teams in the Big 12, Nebraska fled to a wimpy conference only to get pounded again. "We want our mommies!" many Cornholers were crying from the locker rooms.
Fozzi Bear Sues Shakira For Stealing Lyrics
Fozzi Bear, mediocre comedian from the Muppet Show and pooper in the woods, is suing bodacious babe Shakira over her supposed use of his trademark line "Waka Waka" in her hit single of that name.
Sarah Palin Announces Will Not Enter Presidential Race
Sarah Palin announed in Iowa today she will not be seeking the GOP nomination for president. Citing the need to spend time with family and the inability to win as the main reasons she will not run.
A.A. Milne and Ang Lee Collaborate on Martial Arts Film
Crouching Tigger, Hidden Pooh will be released this summer in movie theaters worldwide. Yun-Fat Chow plays Pooh, Jackie Chan is Tigger and Jet Li plays Rabbit in this classic martial arts adventure.
Breaking News Update on Missing Aruba Woman
At a news conference in Aruba today investigators said they had breaking news and a major update on the missing woman. They then announced the breaking news update was that they had run out of leads.
Brilliant news for UK arms industry...
Entire Libyan air force destroyed, $20 billion replacement desperately needed!
Woman Gives Birth On International Date Line
A woman on a flight from Seattle to Tokyo gave birth to twins. One was born just east of the date line, the second just west - Resulting in the second child's birth the day before the first child's.
Lady Accuses Pillsbury Doughboy of Rape
The giggly little guy is no longer laughing now that fingers are pointing accusatorily rather than tickling. In addition to rape the lady also claims his erection gave her a yeast infection.
If a man pats a woman's bottom he's just being friendly: Jeremy Irons
And if a Judge slaps a custodial sentence on ya she's just doing her job!
World's Most Effective Diet Plan
Eat all you want of whatever you want, whenever you want it - and still lose weight! All you have to do is eat it while watching obese elderly women doing jumping jacks in the nude.
"I think I just spotted Snooki!"
"Since when do they allow dogs on this beach?"
New Sequel To the Men Are From Mars Series
For pre-pubescents who are just learning about sex and body differences comes a brand new pop-up book, "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Women Have Vaginas And Men Have A Penis."
Fetus Impregnates Mom With His Own Twin
In the new record for pre-mature ejaculation, a zygote came and inadvertently impregnated his mother with a baby only days younger than himself. Authorities plan to try him as a minor once he's born.
Cheryl Cole in denial!
Extremely talented British singer Cheryl Cole said today she absolutely HAD NOT been blogging from Germany recently.
Suspicious E Mail.
Do not open an E Mail offering 2 free tickets to watch a Chelsea match. It may contain 2 free tickets to watch a Chelsea match.
Pixar Against Drunks Masturbating In Public
Pixar, creaters of Toy Story has announced they're tired of drunks masterbating in public. To address this concern they are promoting their new slogan "Don't play with Woody when you have a Buzz."
Is Kate Middleton Really Laura Branigan?
They look stunningly alike and Laura's death was not long before William and Kate started dating. Could the singer's death be a cover, allowing for a royal to marry a common musician?
A Nation manipulated by it's government into giving consent for it's police to use rubber bullets - against children - instead of demanding those 'brave' policemen be issued with some rubber footwear!
Miracle Announced in America
Politician shows his pants on Twitter and still has a job.
Government's 'Work Training' plans.....for Children!
...Mr Cameron insists plans to end child support benefit will not result in children being abandoned onto the streets. Old style Victorian workhouses will be brought in to accommodate them he says.
GMO Corn Has Surprising Effect On Nebraskans
After many years of growing and eating Monsanto's genetically modified corn, many Nebraskan males are finding their penis turned into a corn cob and their testicles becoming popcorn balls.
Lady Gaga Has Wardrobe Malfunction
During a concert at a mall in Montana, Lady Gaga's outfit ripped open, leaving her naked in front of dozens of people. She noted "I din't get one wolf whistle and half the crowd went home sick."
Hilary Clinton urges Egypt not to use the 1.3 billion dollars of military aid supplied by the U.S. against demonstrators.
"We thought we were sending butter not guns"
Local Weather Report in your area
Look out of your window then step outside.
Power Balance Bands DO Work
So now I don't need my special hat made out of tin foil.
You remember going to the beach...
It's like Facebook without shirts.
Imogen Thomas Anagram
is believe it or not 'a smooth minge'
Charity shops outwit looters.
High Street Charity shops are defying the looters by leaving all their clothes strewn all over the pavement without price stickers on.
Power Balance Bands DO Work
I have one on the wrist of my TV-remote-holding hand and I used it to switch to SKY Sports to watch the Ashes. And England won. Can't argue with that.
Millwall fan gets the hump.
I was having the football banter with a Millwall fan the other day.
He came out with the usual bollocks "no one likes us, we don't care".
I said "I like you".
That shut the cunt up!
Legal ban on twits.
A High Court judge has issued an injunction which bans twits from talking.
When donning trousers, the long, tube-like structures are the legs. Try to ensure that where they meet is at the top.
A hard act to follow!
Britain's Got Talent TV show on Saturday includes 'man of rubber' act who turns himself completely inside out while playing a harmonica!
Jesse James And Sandra Bullock Reveal Their True Feelings
Jesse James said he never liked Sandra Bullock because she was a movie star. Bullock said she never liked Jesse James because he was a scum sucking, bottom feeding, low life, whore mongering bitch.
Britain's Debt Rising by £7,000 A Second
Going to have to give up that Sky subscription... cut down on the wine... and I keep telling you about using the credit card!
Dwarf tossing at FA cup Final..
FA bigwigs will break with tradition at tomorrow's Cup Final.The National Anthem will be replaced by long throw specialist Rory Delap hurling Carlos Tevez from the touchline into a crowded goalmouth.
New phrase coined - thanks to Wayne Rooney
Yup, I was so freaking mad a yelled a number of choice "Rooneys" at the bastard.
Woolly Jumpers Deployed to Battle Gas Price Hike
Yes, that's right, jumping sheep will power a treadmill that will provide electricity for half of London. Hurrah.
Blackburn manager celebrates!
Blackburn are desperate for points to avoid relegation,but now that their manager, Steve Kean,has been charged with drink driving they should have enough to qualify for Europe.
Bureau Forced To Stop Writing Snippets!
TheSpoof.com snippet king, Bureau, has been forced to give up writing the damned things due to 'a bad back'. He told another writer on the site:
"Nobody reads the fucking things anyway!"
Al-Quida To Hold Bake Sale To Fund Terror
After losing their main sponsor, the terror organization has taken to selling home-made food to raise money. On street corners you can see them holding signs reading "Do Not Bum Us, Buy Our Hummus!"
Cannibalistic Vegetarians On The Loose
A group of vegetarians broke into the London Hospital coma wing last night and ate most of the patients. One was caught and confessed that while they were eating people, they only ate the vegetables.
Monopoly Money Counterfeiters Arrested
The crooks were caught printing fake monopoly money in an effort to put a hotel on Park Place. The court sentenced them to "go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200."
Who's To Blame For The California Earthquakes?
It's not the people's fault. It's not the government's fault. It's the San Andreas Fault.
Man Kills His Own Siamese Twin
Police don't know whether to charge for murder, suicide (or attempted). The insurance company is not sure whether to pay as a death or dismemberment, or to whom as the killer was the beneficiary.
This Is the Title of the Snippet Which Appears in the Snippet Itself
BIRMINGAM - This is the title of the snippet which appears in the snippet itself. The snippet is self-referential and talks to the reader of the snippet. OI, RATE THIS 5. Don't click the next button!
Welsh footballer named
The Sun can today reveal that the footballer involved in the superinjunction scandal is Ivor Bigun.
More as it comes in (no pun intended).
For those who enjoy very short Snippets.
And another for Short Snippet lovers.
Army To Deal With Future Riots
David Cameron says he wants to see the Army on the streets of London. "Which fucking Army is that?" asked the Chief of Defence Staff.
The reason for why a man could not buy a train ticket for his pony at Wrexham Station - The Pony Express does not stop at Wrexham Station!
I know a man from Cairo, I met him on Fez Book.
Michele Bachmann Says Thank You To Mr. "PizzaGate"
Michele Bachmann was thrilled to hear Herman Cain say he was throwing in the towel. She stated, "Now all of Herman Cain's white blonde women will be voting for a fellow female...moi."
Rooney's Secret Is Out
He used to be a female shot-putter!
Scientists disprove Deja Vu theory
Nobel Prize winning scientist Adrian Birdbrain has conclusively disproved the Deja Vu theory.
Dannii Accuses Kylie of Lying About Her
Dannii Minogue has turned on her sister Kylie. In the song "the Locomotion", Kylie claims her little baby sister can do it with ease. "I can't really. It's friggin difficult!", Dannii remarked.
Diddy Changes His Name To 'Chuck Berry'
Purchases Naming Rights From Johnny B. Goode
Last one today for short snippet lovers.
Remove clothing before showering... it will be easier to dry yourself afterwards.
President Obama's 17 Days of Christmas (Vacation)
President Obama was asked why his Christmas vacation is going to take 17 days. He replied that he was going to take 18, but 17 is his lucky number.
Fishy goings on in Birmingham!
Birmingham(UK)health officials have confused people by saying they want their fish'n'chip shops to sell healthier dishes.Do they want them to sell boiled fish'n'chips or stop selling fish completely?
New Scientific Study
A new scientific study says that if a person will get up and manually change the TV channel instead of using a remote, he should be locked up somewhere safe where he couldn't hurt anyone..
Bottles Of Juergens Extra Dry Body Lotion Tainted
Disgruntled male employees filled over 2000 bottles with their own semen. They were so chapped by the time they were done, that they considered renaming the product Jerkin Extra Dry.
5'6" Nicholas Sarkozy Deemed 'Sex Machine."
Report appears in June issue of 'Little People ' in Poll taken by Canadian 'Lady Godiva', 4'1", during her retirement tour of the Provinces saying,"I just love Poles, especially little pink ones!"
I don't want to be too negative
But there is no plus button on my calculator.
Prince William starts new fad - World running out of Rich Tea bickies as others copy him.
Prince William has started a new fad - Biscuit Wedding Cake. He has approached McVities to make him a Rich Tea bicky and chocolate cake so his wedding guests have a choice of cake and this is his fav.
Rupert Murdoch statement.
Rupert Murdoch said he has been touched by the messages left on Amy Winehouse's answer phone.
Mr Davies is confused !
MP Philip Davies is confused. He asks, "If disabled people have to be paid at least the minimum wage shouldn't it follow that no able bodied person will be working for the same measly amount of pay?"
Donald Trump May Have To Eat His Debate
Donald Trump has stated that the GOP Presidential Debate he is sponsoring will go on even if Rick Santorum is the only Republican candidate who shows up.
Jason Aldean Picks Up Music Awards Like He Was Picking Cotton
Country boy singer Jason Aldean captured six American Country Awards including "The Best Use of A Farm Tiller" and "Singer With The Most Tattered Looking Blue Jeans."
There Are Some Pretty Tall Postal Workers Throughout America
It's kind of funny how quickly the NBA players gave in to the owners once they heard that the owners were going to hire laid off postal workers to replace the players.
Herman Cain Decided He Wanted To Keep All Of His "Body Parts"
An unnamed, reliable source said that the real reason why Herman Cain dropped out of the GOP race was because his wife threatened to put a world of hurt on his shameless, wandering, pizza sausage.
Victoria's Secret Is Out!
Becks wears one of her thongs every time he steps onto the pitch.
Mitt Romney Says "No" To Donald Trump's GOP Debate
Mitt Romney won't participate in Donald Trump's GOP Debate for 3 reasons. One, Rick Santorum is the only one who'll be there. Two, no chips and guacamole dip. And three, Trump's hair is silly as hell.
Murdoch makes statement
At a press conference he said; "I'll fix this mess by hook or by crook". Probably not the best choice of words but it's nice to Gerald Ratner's speech writer back in work.