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Rating:

Homeless Homo Hobo Forms New Political Movement

BOSTON, MA - Frank Barney, a homosexual homeless man residing on Newbury Street held a press conference today to announce the formation of a new political movement, The PEE-Party.

written by Moose, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Bluegrass Boxer!

Barbara Boxer aide charged with possession of pot. Dems must be in bad shape.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Fonda Confesses Plastic Surgery

Jane Fonda admits to having plastic surgery. "I don't normally look like this", stated North Vietnam Vet.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Sourse Of Ghost Girl Found!

Will this cause more accidents than it stops? 3D speed bump illusion of girl crossing the road that suddenly 'appears' in front of drivers. 100 car pileup and bump-ins thus far say no!

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

No More Benefits

We've stopped your benefits... you're dead: Single mother of two young children 'killed off' by HMRC bungle. "Sorry, but bugger off and accept the fact that you're dead."

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Higgens Cleared

Snooker star John Higgins cleared of match-fixing but lands six-month ban for failing to report 'Russian gangsters'. "Mush better than death", he exclaims.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Nice Try! But Get The Billfold Out

'There was a bad cement job', 'Then it was rammed by a big white whale': BP report shifts blame for Gulf of Mexico oil spill to American contractors, whale.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Earth-Shaking News!

Californians fear that the next earth-shattering Hollywood gossip could bring on the big one!

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

NYC Doing Fine, Water-Wise!

A new study shows that New Yorkers still have plenty of water. "More people are pissing in the East River than drinking from it", says health dept. chief.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Lots Of Scattered Wild Chicks In Arkansas

Keeping chickens in cages & using growth hormones until slaughtered has backfired on the Tisson Company. The chickens developed two more drumsticks but the 4 legs made them too fast to be caught.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Scottish footy team re-amateurised!

The Scottish footy is so awful and they have been booted out of pro-soocer and forced into amateur status. Scotland have now the highest rate of suicides in Europe especially amongst the Tartan Army!

written by Jaggedone, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Sounds Like It Was Planned

Powerful thunderstorm knocks out Missouri weather radar tower! Catches most by surprise.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Mutilated bunnies are mistaken for Playboy Bunnies

A pair of UK bunnies have been mutilated by Sicko's, on hearing this outraged Playboy Boss Hugh Hefner sent MI5 in to investigate, fortunately they were the fluffy kind not his Pussy version!

written by Jaggedone, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Little Bit Hard To Say

'Restoring Truthiness' rally: Colbert's answer to tea party? Not much of a slogan. Sounds like dentures loose!

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Hold Onto Something Big This November

2 More Asteroids to Zoom Between Earth and the Moon's Orbit! "Could harmlessly miss us both", say scientists.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Maybe In 2012!

Michelle Obama hosts first White House dance event. Next year Michelle may hold the first White House Moving Sale!

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

White House Firsts!

Michelle Obama hosts first White House dance event. Next year she plans the first White House bankruptcy!

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Another Bad Sign #2

Bad sign: Fed Chairman Bernanke makes report to President while shooting baskets wears t-shirt that says, "YES! We Will Take Wooden Nickles!"

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Another Bad Sign

Bad sign: Fed Chairman Bernanke wearing a rope belt during report!

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

We Will Pay It Back Over Next 20 Years

Big businesses and banks that were loaned money have now been billed for taxes. Ask to borrow enough to pay the taxes on what they borrowed.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

"He Ain't Borrowing Anything From Me!"

President Barack Obama unhappy with mother-in-law after she stamped her letters, Washington DC, IOU, instead of USA.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

No Caviar Recall

Caviar Company asked why it didn't recall caviar when one test showed it had part of a fish scale that could be poisonous. Reply that they considered 'dying from caviar' the best way to go.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

The Sun Bought By The Moon

The Reverend Sun Myung Moon has bought out the tabloid Sun this past Moonday... Monday. Expect some changes.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Obamas On The Road Again

Obama and Michelle plan to take a weekend off again next week and will have a tryout for the next "Dancing With The Issues".

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Same Stature?

Romanian Gypsy leader compares Sarkozy to Nazis. Sarkozy says he's more like Napoleon.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Three Charged Over Bomb Attempt

Pakistan to charge 3 over failed Times Square bomb. Let that be a lesson to anyone else who fails!

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Snooki's Trial Today!

Snooki's trial set to start today according to her sister Poopoo!

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Obama Missing!

Obama missing from Dems' ads but showing up all day long on GOP ads.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Obama Job Pitch Fails?

Jobs pitch fails to dazzle Washington. In fact, most congress avoiding Obama altogether.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Plus It Blew One Up

Giant rats sniff out land mines, and if they miss one, it was just a giant rat.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Fear Over Islamic Center

Fear, flatulence over Islamic center. I'm sorry, that should be "Fear, intolerance over Islamic Center".

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Nothing New On BP Oil Spill!

BP releases findings of oil rig disaster: "It was on our oil rig and it was a disaster."

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

McCain Daughter In Tears

Palin made McCain daughter to cry. "He called HER 'Punkin'"

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Palin Brings McCain's Daughter To Tears

Palin made McCain daughter cry. "Dad said she was prettier than I am."

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Forgot To Warn Us!

Asteroid buzzes Earth; another coming twice that one's size. Then, the big one! After that.......(who knows).

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Looking For Publicity?

As the imam behind a controversial Islamic center near ground zero prepares for a live interview. Will he be able to pull more attention than the Koran burner in Florida?

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

GW Predictions Change Daily

Climate: New study slashes estimate of icecap loss -- by half!

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Another Blow To Job Seekers

NYT: Obama Will Not Extend Bush-Era Tax Cuts to Wealthy. Then the wealthy will not be hiring new workers.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Flooding Around The Globe!

Weeks of rains leave thousands homeless in Mexico as 2012 draws closer.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

And They Gave Us Their Word!

Nigeria: 800 inmates escape during prisoners helping clean roadways.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Toe The Line!

Among Egypt's Christians, few question Church rule. Unlike the forgiving families of Islam.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Cameron's Father Dies

Father of UK Prime Minister Cameron dies in France, a double tragedy for the PM.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Shiver Me Texting!

10 arrested in European raids on Internet piracy as Somali pirates now into computer thefts.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Honduran Shoe Factory Massacre News

Police say victims were laced with bullets.

written by Nick Hobbs, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Honduran Shoe Factory Massacre Update

Police chief says gunmen must have had no sole.

written by Nick Hobbs, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Honduran Shoe Factory Massacre Latest

Police say it's time the gunmen were brought to heel.

written by Nick Hobbs, 08 September 2010
Rating:

'Juicy' Jennifer Thompson to meet Pope.

Pope Benedict has asked for a meeting with prostitute Jennifer Thompson, during his UK tour. 'She seems like a good Catholic girl in need of guidance', he said. ' She's welcome to bring a friend!'

written by Stevey G., 08 September 2010
Rating:

18 Killed In Honduran Shoe Factory Massacre.

Police believe gunmen may have been given the boot.

written by Nick Hobbs, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Rumours that Katie Price has changed her car are false.

Katie Price has not swopped her Range Rover for a car from a popular Swedish manufacturer. The News of the World head-line should have been:
'Paparazzi get snaps of Jordan's vulva!'

written by Stevey G., 08 September 2010
Rating:

Katie Price In Donkey Shagging Scandal!

Oh, wait. No, it was just Alex Reid.

written by Nick Hobbs, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Alex Reid In Prostitute Shagging Scandal!

Oh, wait. No, it was just Katie Price.

written by Nick Hobbs, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Rooney Moonies Clooney.

No story, just loved the headline!

written by Nick Hobbs, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Meat Loaf To Reform.

It will come back as rump steak, without the pastry.

written by Nick Hobbs, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Breaking News...

Glass factory destroyed in massive hail storm.

written by Nick Hobbs, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Wurzel Gummidge Dies In Field Fire.

"It's the last straw" says a devastated Aunt Sally.

written by Nick Hobbs, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Marley's Daughter Pleads Guilty

Bob Marley's daughter pleads guilty to drug charge, Mon!

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Angelina Jolie condemns planned Quran burning

Well, that settles that. You can disagree with the pope but not Jolie.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Official: Rooney Has STD!

The Subaru Impreza STd was cheaper than the STi, but underperformed on the corners. Both had leather interior. A bit like that granny he shagged.

written by Nick Hobbs, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Money Does Bring Some Happiness!

Report: Money can buy you happiness, to a point. Especially men..but only for short periods of time.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Overdoing It!

2 asteroids to whiz harmlessly past Earth and will not come anywhere near and if your hair stands on end, it will be static electricity....Goodbye!

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

No Russian Arms Cheating

Gates: Any Russian arms cheating would backfire. Especially if they have been stored for awhile.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Police Station Egged

LAPD brass plead for calm; protesters egg station. Won't say if eggs are contaminated.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Gore Can't Win For Losing!

School bearing Al Gore's name built on contaminated site. Gore shits and falls backwards in it while on hike.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Old Farmer's Almanac: Global Cooling To Continue

Al Gore rounding up copies to burn on Earth Day! Farmers complain.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Vatican Decries Koran Burning

Vatican: Burning Quran is outrageous, grave move. Sending Spanish Inquisition to Florida.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Clinton Spinning Like Mad

Clinton: It's time to seize an 'American Moment'. That Omama's programs working. Sounds more like a "Senior moment", Hillary!

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Wyeth Paid For Endorsements

Wyeth paid writers to promote hormone therapy: study. And we complain about meds from overseas!

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Paid Testimonials

Wyeth paid writers to promote hormone, penis enlargement therapy: study

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

A Compromise?

Fla. minister: Sept. 11 Quran burn still planned, but have been talked out of pissing on the ashes.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Better Boosters

Car booster seats make gains in insurance testing. Dwarfs, midgets and the French President do not have to have extra coverage.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Hu Wants Stable Ties

China's Hu calls for stable ties with US. Plans to visit Kentucky and look over thoroughbreds.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Gore Completely Snakebit!

School bearing Al Gore's name built on contaminated site. He was also bit by a snake Sunday which broke it's teeth. Now he's in trouble with PETA.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

How About That Dancing

Study of Men Dancing Reveals Moves Ladies Love. Three more floods, two more volcanoes blow during the night.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

There's Your Proof, Say GW Opponents

Old Farmer's Almanac: Global cooling to continue into 2011.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Chicago Mayor's Race Open. #2

Everyone's saying the same thing: Gary Coleman died much too soon.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Chicago Mayor's Race Open.

Chicago mayor race wide open as Daley steps aside to become Fat Al Martini's right hand man.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Obama To Pitch Trio Of Economic Plans

"Whatever they say, only we will do it better."..(GOP proposes renewing tax cuts, freezing spending, getting people back to work.)

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Much Too Practical!

GOP proposes renewing tax cuts, freezing spending. "A devious ploy" say Dems.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

"Radicals" On The Right

GOP proposes renewing tax cuts, freezing spending. Dems seem puzzled about theory of not spending more.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Gore Can't Get A Break, Except The Nose!

School bearing Al Gore's name built on contaminated site. Also, some kid tied his shoelaces to bench while he read paper causing to break his nose.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Wondering About New Wonder Drugs?

Drugmaker Wyeth used ghostwriters to play up the benefits and downplay the harm of hormone replacement therapy in articles published in medical journals. Can we say "Lawsuit!"

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Gore Can't Catch A Break #3

School bearing Al Gore's name built on contaminated site. Also, over starched his underwear and rubbed himself raw.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Gore Can't Get A Break #2

School bearing Al Gore's name built on contaminated site. Also, water-ballooned twice from L & C building twice.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Gore Can't Get A Break!

School bearing Al Gore's name built on contaminated site! Also, he's stepped in dog shit for sixth day in a row.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Stuck In His School Desk Again!

Michigan studies show poor childhood diets could lead to chronic ill health, breast cancer, 400-pound Middle School students!

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

At Least The World Has Priorties Straight?

Fla. minister: Sept. 11 Quran burn still planned. First the cartoonist, the commode flushing and now this.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Don't We Have Bigger Problems Than This?

Fla. minister: Sept. 11 Quran burn still planned. Last minute bombing could just save the day. No word from President either way.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

World Of Hippocrites

Fla. minister: Sept. 11 Quran burn still planned as news hits the globe. Still little mentioned about 500 Christians hacked to death with machetes in Nigeria a month ago.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Obama's Three Economic Proposals #3

Obama to pitch trio of economic proposals in Ohio. Go call on every business & factory. Put on clean underwear. Try begging.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Just Rose Up Overnight?

Ancient city by the sea rises amid Egypt's resorts. Officials say they don't know how it rose up there.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Obama's Three Economic Proposals #2

Obama to pitch trio of economic proposals in Ohio: 1. Don't give up! 2. Open new business. 3. Try Smiling!

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Obama's Three Proposals

Obama to pitch trio of economic proposals in Ohio. Provided he is not attacked by shoes, rotten tomatoes, eggs as former British PM Blair over the weekend.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Not All Our Fault

BP: Multiple companies, teams contributed to spill. "Including the sea creatures who picked that place to live, all those fishermen locating there, hotels, motels, restaurants, etc."

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

BP: Not Just Us Involved

BP: Multiple companies, teams contributed to spill in the Gulf. "Who put all that oil at the bottom of the Gulf, etc."

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Evidence suggests that worrying works for women..


90% of the things they worry about, never happen.

written by matthatt, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Tony Blair answers his critics "My opinions may have changed over the years"...

but not the fact that I am right.

written by matthatt, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Rooney claims "My conscience is clear...

My memory on the other hand....

written by matthatt, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Researchers discover that you don't need a parachute to skydive...

you only need a parachute if you want to do it repeatedly

written by matthatt, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Wayne Rooney two emotions. Hungry and Horny.

If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

written by matthatt, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Muslims Protest Koran Burning

Muslims Protest Plans to Burn Quran. Burn and stomp on American flag!

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

"I Was Only Following Orders!"

Harry Reid: 'I had nothing to do with' bad economy. It was this President.'

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Can't Defend Your Family?

Long Island Man Arrested For Defending Home With AK-47
Says many gang members were coming after his family. "Was I to allow them to kill my family?" Most believe the police arrested the wrong person.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Equal Rights

The Hartford Council announced Tuesday that it has invited local imams to perform Islamic invocations at the beginning of the Council meetings in September. Satanists demand their turn for Halloween.

written by Bureau, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Time for Change

REPUBLICANS: If Obama is elected president he will ruin the US economy. DEMOCRATS: Give him a chance! AMERICAN PUBLIC: President Obama & his far left fiscal policies have ruined the US economy.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Political Correction

Presidential Press Secretary Gibbs admonished members of the media for being disrespectful to the president by calling him an "empty suit." President "Empty Suit" what will you do if…………?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Obama's Political Far Left Wing Hypocrisy

It is a violation of human rights for Pakistani Taliban to blow up schools & kill innocent children. Pres. Obama alerts the UN about Arizonian's protecting themselves against illegal immigrants!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 September 2010
Rating:

No More Political Capital

Obama has not only bankrupted the USA, but has used up his political capital. Congressional Democrats wanting to be reelected are ignoring his latest economic proposals & hiding under their desks!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Republican Congressional Mid-Term Election Strategy

The Republican Party is asking the American people to visualize President Obama superimposed over all the respective Democratic candidates, when they cast their votes in November 2010.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Mid-Term Elections 2010

President Obama is in campaign mode, blaming the Republicans for everything. This should be expected as in the last two years the president hasn't figured out how to get into the governance mode!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 September 2010
Rating:

President Obama's Latest "folly paid" for Proposal

This long-term jobs program exceeds $50 billion to rebuild roads, railways & runways, but would be fully paid for. The American public still has problems sitting down after the $879 billion stimulus!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 September 2010
Rating:

More Democratic Bush Bashing

President Obama noted in his Labor Day speech that former USC running back Bush will be stripped of his 2005 Heisman Trophy for his part in creating the USA's economic problems.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Leaving Washington DC

January 21, 2013 the Obama's waved goodbye from the back of the train taking them to Hawaii for a brief vacation, prior to returning to Chicago IL. Democratic liberals still can't get anything right!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Presidential Nicknames

There was "Silent Cal" (Calvin Coolidge), "Tricky Dicky" (Richard Nixon), "Slick Willie" (Bill Clinton) and now the USA has "Obtuse Obama" (Barack Obama).

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Anonymous Pronouncement

Great-Grandpa used to say "in the USA any idiot could become president." Great-Grandpa was right again!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Far Left Liberal EPA Banning Form

No evidence, data, or facts to support your claim, just fill out the following EPA form! We the undersigned want (product name, no people please) banned because we know better than everyone else.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Rain Drops a Falling

EPA is always looking for new ways to annoy Americans, extort tax money & keep themselves in business. The rainwater runoff concern came about as a result of leaky "Depends" during a staff meeting!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 September 2010
Rating:

For the Birds

Chicken farmers buy the salt the food police say is bad for Americans. The salt may be employed in shotguns to give the EPA a pain in the ass, when trying to enforce their "chicken shit" regulations!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Food Rationing Reported in Venezuela

Hugo Chavez has decreed that bread sell for a dollar a loaf when it costs two dollars a loaf to produce, so there is a bread shortage. Oh, he did hire all those ex-GM car executives as consultants!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 September 2010
Rating:

Common Lunacy

Q: What have the attacks of 9/11/01, Pakistani Taliban killing schoolchildren, building a Mosque at "Ground Zero" in NYC & the burning of Qurans illustrated? A: Their religious nuts outnumber ours!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 September 2010
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