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Rating:

Tweety Bird All A-twitter

Famed cartoon character Tweety Bird proudly celebrates the hatching of his son, ReTweety.

written by Sharon Diane King, 15 September 2010
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Tooth Fairy Goes Upscale!

Bluetooth Fairy found tucking gifts of iPhone 4's under rich children's pillows.

written by Sharon Diane King, 15 September 2010
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POPE B - LAUGH? IF ONLY

Pope Bendadick = (long think)......... nope, can't think of anything funny about the evil old bastard apart from his name.

written by marlow, 15 September 2010
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2005 Empty Shelf!

2005 Heisman Trophy award to remain vacant. "No one good enough that year", says committee.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Democracy In Action?

No time to play 'games' with tax cuts, Obama says. "We agree', say GOP. "So leave them alone. People need jobs not more taxes!"

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Cloned Animals In Most Shops Soon

Clone food 'in all our shops within two years' watchdog reveals. It's either that or becoming a vegan.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Riots Will Develope

'Don't be ridiculous': Home Secretary tells police they CAN make cuts safely after riot warning. "I hope they riot around her house", states one policeman.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Move Your Troubles To Someone Else

'Inexcusable' failures left rogue technician free to go from hospital to hospital sexually assaulting women under anaesthetic. Sounds like the priest's situation.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Rating:

Pope Faces Atheists!

Pope faces atheist hate campaign in UK after top German aide says: 'When you land at Heathrow you think you're in a Third World country'. "Just don't be surrounded by a lot of priests."

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Police: Naked Woman Steals Taxi

Police in Liverpool say a woman disrobed in the back seat of a taxi and demanded that the driver "take her home". When the driver failed to understand what she wanted, she stole his cab.

written by Moose, 15 September 2010
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More New Taxes

WVA considers tax on food at drive-thrus, Kentucky a tax on knife trading and Tennessee a tax on playing the banjo!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Need To Cut Somewhere Else

Chicago cops plan massive protest against manpower shortages. Ask City officials if they want gang rule like the 1930's.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Consumers Screwed Again

Bank of America warns of new fees after financial reforms go in place!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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"Like Watching Paint Dry!"

General Petraeus Concedes War in Afghanistan Could Take Another 10 Years! We may as well give Russia another try against Taliban.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Unless It's Marijuana

NYC to try banning smoking in parks and beaches. Smokers want proof smoke breathed by others!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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New Boss, Same As Old Boss!

US troops continue combat missions in Iraq, despite Obama's end-of-war speech. Good thing he didn't parachute onto a warship!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Helping Fund Programs

California medical marijuana dispensary to sell pot-flavored ice cream, potsickles!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Bet It Felt Bigger!

The airport screener arrested for assaulting a coworker who taunted him about the size of his penis after his genitalia was exposed by a full-body scanner, told police that he snapped.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Rating:

Government Sounding Panicky!

Gov't say banks should share FANNIE, FREDDIE costs. Banks, so you can bankrupt us also?

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Greenspan On His Way Out?

Greenspan supports raising taxes, letting Bush tax cuts expire, freeing the rabbits of Tibet!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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No One Trusting Government

POLL: Only 25% of public trusts government, up 5% over last year.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Tea Party VS Beer Conference

'Tea party' favorites score in DE, NY. 'Beer Conference' favorites gain some nominations also!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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White House Wants More Spending

White House sends spending wish list to Congress. Congress sends message "We haven't paid off the last 20 yet!"

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Payback At The Ballot Box!

Blue-collar, unemployed and seeing red. Say they're voting red state every chance they get!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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"I'm In Mexico I Reckon! UmmHmmm"

Tropical storm Karl hits Mexico's Yucatan. Kills one Doyle Hargraves!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Storm Hits Mexico

Typical storm Karl hits Mexico's Yucatan. I'm sorry. That should be "Tropical" Storm Karl!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Agree On Something!

Clinton: This is a moment that must be seized! PLO and Israeli reps together: "Gesunheit!"

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Rating:

I SAID PEACE! P-E-A-C-E!

Peace talks continued today in Jerusalem between the PLO and Israel, although it was hard to be heard over the shelling from Hezbollah and Israeli plane bombardments.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Pregnant Nun sucking a choco Flake ice cream is banned!

An advertisement depicting a pregnant Nun sucking a choccy flake has been banned, not because of the pregnant Nun, non, but because the Flake was not an Italian one, could it have been Jamaican?

written by Jaggedone, 15 September 2010
Rating:

Senate clears way for Obama's small 'package'

WASHINGTON, DC - The Senate on Tuesday advanced Obama's 'package' for small business but failed to relieve millions of companies from the fear of being 'f*cked in the ass' by the federal government.

written by Moose, 15 September 2010
Rating:

Working While Being Sick

Working while sick? Study finds even doctors and old flashers do it.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Many Still Think They Came By Storks

CDC: One-third of sex ed omits birth control. "Students enjoy the fun part first", says teacher.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Tiger Land?

Study: To save tigers, protect key breeding areas Like "Tiger Girls Want Some! area in Africa.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Forced To Loan To Low Income By Gov. To Begin With!

Regulator says banks slow to buy back bad loans that government regulators forced them to loan.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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First Things First

After blast, DOT seeks tougher pipeline oversight. In order to do that, first we'll need to dig them all up!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Rating:

Do You Mean Bummer?

Dems gamble by shifting fire from Bush to Boehner. Brings instant results: "Who or what's a Boehner?"

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Rating:

Who's A Family?

Who's a family? New study tracks shifting US views. "Different strokes for different folks".

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Massive Fish Kill

Massive fish kill reported in Louisiana. BP says they had noticed some suicidal tendencies.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Boeing Tears Down Old Building

Boeing tearing down historic Plant 2. Captured UFO sneaked out after dark.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Stocks Unstable

Stocks waffle after mixed news coming from the Waffle House!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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New Signal Installed

Lovers Lane to get new traffic signal to warn lover's that somebody might be coming.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Cornhole Tourney Coming Up!

Cornhole tourney to help at-risk kids. Police watching the crowds for priests.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Rating:

Does Anyone Give A Used Food Product?

Fashion Week 2010: Is white the new black? Is square the new round? Is tomato the new to-matt-to?

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Rating:

A Real Turd!

Al-Qaeda No. 2 criticizes Pakistani government in new tape. "Why should we listen to #2", says Pakistan? "He's a real turd."

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Who's That Helping Iraqi Troops?

US-Iraqi raid on Fallujah kills 7 two weeks after President Obama's announcement that all combat troops have left Iraq.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Not Off To A Good Start

Militants launched mortar shells into Israel and Israeli jets bombed targets in Gaza on Wednesday, just as Israeli and Palestinian leaders held peace talks in Jerusalem!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Rating:

Triple Agent?

Famed civil rights photographer doubled as FBI informant, tripled by informing Martin Luther King.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Rating:

Oh Well, We Enjoyed Our Six Months Off

States cutting benefits for public-sector retirees. Private companies doing the same. Many retirees returning to work raising unemployment rates.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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They're Following Earl

Hurricanes Igor, Julia, Karl all making waves but probably going nowhere.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Got A Tea Party & Everything

BP's Hayward to testify to UK lawmakers on spill. "The colonists are acting up."

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Rating:

Palin Pumping Politicians

Another strong primary night for Palin-backed politicians! "Now who's the loser?"

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Rating:

Lady Gaga Gets 'Deli Order' Tweet From Senate Leader Harry Reid

In addition to setting the fashion world on fire with her meat dress , Lady Gaga also got some serious deli business done.

written by Moose, 15 September 2010
Rating:

Fish & Chips Tastier Than Chips & Fish

Similar results found for toast on beans.

written by Mercy Me, 15 September 2010
Rating:

A Sweet One #4

Scientists complete cacao genome mapping. Imagine, hundreds of candy bars with no calories!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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A Sweet One #3

Scientists complete cacao genome mapping. New candy bars that don't cause pimples just over the horizon?

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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A Sweet One #2

Scientists complete cacao genome mapping. See the possibility of 1,000 chocolate bar variations!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Rating:

A Sweet One!

Scientists complete cacao genome mapping. Mars bars more fun that Mars planet.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Woman Like Chill Guys

Why Women Prefer 'Chill' Guys! "They're saving it up for the bedroom."

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Sarkozy's office hits back!

Sarkozy's office hits back at criticism on Gypsies: "WillYOU provide a home for them?"

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Rating:

Afghan Protests Continue

Afghan police fire to clear Quran-burning protest. Protesters say they got nothing else to do. "We'll quit once we have jobs."

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Cell Phone Tracking Device #3

Have Cell Phones Become Personal Tracking Devices? "Hello! I wouldn't do that if I were you."

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Cell Phone Tracking Devices #2

Have Cell Phones Become Personal Tracking Devices? "Hello! We know what you did last summer!"

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Cell Phone Tracking Devices.

Have Cell Phones Become Personal Tracking Devices? "Hello, this is your Uncle Sam!"

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Max Sentence Urged #2

US seeks max sentence for ex-Guatemalan soldier, now catching chickens in Arkansas. "What can be a worse punishment than this?", he asks.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Max Sentence Urged

US seeks max sentence for ex-Guatemalan soldier, now catching chickens in Arkansas.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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It's Time To Change Again

Christine O'Donnell: 'We're in this to win big''Time for a change..another change!'

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Obama Instructs Students #4

Obama tells students to work hard, dream big, always keep your nose in the air!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Obama Instructs Students #3

Obama tells students to work hard, dream big, vote for me in 2012!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Obama Instructs Students #2

Obama tells students to work hard, dream big, pray to Ali three times a day.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Obams Instructs Students

Obama tells students to work hard, dream big. Say "Yes We Can!" at morning, noon and night.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Who's A Family

Who's a family? New study tracks shifting US views. Grinch says we're all the same, us Whos.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Who's A Family?

Who's a family? New study tracks shifting US views. Appeal to native Americans to sort us out.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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BP Sounding Like Iran Leader

Massive fish kill reported in Louisiana. BP says they're not there.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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History Changing Daily

Ernest Withers, Famed civil rights photographer doubled as FBI informant. Benedict Arnold spied for US during Revolutionary War. Daniel Boon missed that 'bar' that he wrote about on the tree.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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We Shall Return The Favor

States cutting benefits for public-sector retirees. Public sector retirees promise wide voting against state officials.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Rating:

Obama For The UN?

Obama widely approval outside US, widely disapproval in the US.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Rating:

GOP Focus On Economy

As Congress returns, GOP to focus on economy as someone has to be.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Divited We Fall?

House Dems deeply divided over Obama tax cut plan. GOP deeply divided over Tea Party. America deeply divided!

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Big night For Tea Party

Mad Hatter wins big. Message: Everyone's tired of same old lamb dressed as mutton.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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Big night For Tea Party

Big night for tea party: O'Donnell wins Delaware. Dormouse upsets favorite.

written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
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George Michael jailed

George Michael, jailed in Pentonville, says that he is in complete accord with the trapped Chilean miners.

"We should both see the light of day after 8 weeks of concerted, heavy drilling."

written by ExiledRoyal, 15 September 2010
Rating:

George Michael goes to prison at last!

George Michael has been sentenced to prison and he just can't wait.
"A holiday in the sun," he said and all of those lovely hairy bums in the shower, YAHOO!

written by Jaggedone, 15 September 2010
Rating:

After His Cloths Come Out Of Dryer, Man Finds Money

He was later arrested for money laundering.

written by Nik Voelz, 15 September 2010
Rating:

American Economy 2.0 Update Ready For Download

Now you can have a much improved functioning American economy. This software update will address all of the problems users encountered in the first edition..Oh wait...no...it's still a little glichy.

written by Nik Voelz, 15 September 2010
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