Order by:
Rating:

Free Kadiddlehopper!

Obama calls on China to free latest Nobel laureate Clem Kadiddlehopper! Then warns his whole staff about practical jokes on his message board.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Bank Of Amerca Halts Foreclosures

Bank of America halts foreclosure sales in 50 states. "We'll think it over some more before halting those in other states", says CEO.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Doesn't Need Any Help

Canadian PM Stephen Harper on Friday said he is confident the global economy, while fragile, is headed in the right direction and he sees no need for further stimulus to bolster Canada's bankruptcy.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

French To Strike

French upper house lawmakers approved on Friday a controversial plan to raise the retirement age, as unions planned open-ended mooning and nationwide strikes against the measure.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Chinese Dissident Wins Nobel Peace Prize

Dissident wins Nobel Peace Prize, enraging China like a bull in a ...well, you know.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Another Rat Leaves Sinking Ship

Still another Obama appointment leaves Washington. Obama's Spin Doctor says he's returning to private practice for big business.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Viagra Warning

Viagra, Levitra discourage men from eating a Mr. Softee Ice Cream for dessert during evening meal.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Love The Left Coast

New Poll: California the #1 Place Americans Would Like to Live, Especially Marijuana Smokers.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Kim's Son Starting To Take Over NKorea

Kim's son, the new Korean leader, shows up to meet foreign ambassadors wearing T-Shirt with "That's Right, Wee Bod!"

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
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Taliban Was Better?

Afghans Complain Current Government, Except For Ass Whippings & Stoning People To Death, Worse Than Taliban!

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Takes Double Hit!

Teen voice of Dora The Explorer claims she was cheated out of millions by Nickelodeon, Cheating Nigerians!

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Nuclear Deterrent Stays

We're keeping Trident: Cameron risks Lib Dem anger as he insists nuclear deterrent stays. "If you wish to be blown to bits, travel over to Iraq!"

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
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Take It Off!

Pregnant Muslim ordered to remove her veil in court because magistrates can't see her face. Magistrates say they're just setting the stage for next 2 weeks of accused strippers.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

You're On Your Own!

Britain: As another freezing winter looms, council hands out 2,000 spades to residents and tells them: 'Dig yourselves out
when it snows'...'But not before.'

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Working Together For A Bitter Tomorrow!

An agreement being negotiated by the UK and France would see British nuclear warheads serviced by French scientists. Five scientists from Iran also offer to help.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Some Positive News At Last!

OFFICIAL: USA could absorb a terror attack and bounce back & blow away half of earth's other countries!

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Heard It All Before!

President accused of exaggerating terror threat for political gain. Just like George Bush. Before that, it was 'They will take away your social security/they will tax you to death.'

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Bad As Clintons & Chinese!

Pres. Barack Obama blasted opposition fund-raisers at a campaign rally Thursday, charging that they solicited foreign donations & pumped the millions of dollars they received into congressional races.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Angry Voters

RASMUSSEN: 63% Angry at Policies of Federal Government; 43% Very Angry! 22% Meet Campaigning Politicians At Door With A Thrown Shoe!

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

People Angry At Fed Policies

RASMUSSEN: 63% Angry at Policies of Federal Government; 43% Very Angry. 2% chewed off their own foot!

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Biden On Campagne Trail

Biden: 'You're the dullest audience I've ever spoken to. I SAID...oh go back to sleep.'

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Real Vampires?

An Arizona man who had previously allowed 2 people to suck his blood was stabbed today after refusing the duo's demand to repeat the bizarre act. "The guy looks like a 200 yr. old Barry Goldwater."

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Bridge To NoMare!

Massachusetts spending $4.6 Million for little used horse bridge; $92,000 per horse. Can we say "Payback For Vote"?

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

California's Slight Miscalculation

CA miscalculated pollution levels 'by 340%' to toughen state's 'clean air' standards. Claims dog ate original estimation so they had to pull one 'out of the air'.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
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59% Of Americans Say Palin Unqualified To Be President

However, 41% rating still higher than either George Bush or Barack Obama.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

No More Sugar?

California Governor Schwarzenegger proposes bill to outlaw sugar completely. Sourpuss not expected to be re-elected.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
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We Need To Stay Vigilante Against Terrorism!

Terrorist Threat due to rise over next few weeks as it does before every election since 911.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
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GOP Rams GOP

Accident overnight as a boat of Swift Boat Veterans accidentally rams into Tea Party throwing copies of Obama health plan into harbor. Everyone agrees to blame John Kerry.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

72,000 stimulus checks sent to dead people!

So expect a really scary Halloween as all 72,000 have been cashed!

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Red Lobster Doing Great

Red Lobster Restaurants still growing and doing well according to latest report. Company credits changing it's name from "Dead Lobster" back in the late 1980s.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Debates Getting Rough

According to new survey, most of the political debates this year begin with the words "Yo Mamma"!

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Innocent 40-Year-Old

An associate of Jerry Brown calls Meg Whitman a "whore" over pension reform. Then claims that he didn't know what the word meant.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Commonwealth games Wind Assisted Records Disallowed

The World Games Federation, in response to the number of swimmers getting Dehli Belly at the Commonwealth Games, have announced that any wind assisted records will be disallowed.

written by Xavier, 08 October 2010
Rating:

The Upholsterer

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

written by Spicewood, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Escapee

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

written by Spicewood, 08 October 2010
Rating:

John Lennon Fingerprints Taken

FBI seizes John Lennon fingerprints before auction. Yoko demands he be immediately reburied.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

NYC Cracks Down On Food Stamps

New York seeks to ban sugary drinks, lottery tickets from food stamp buys.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Drugs, People To Be Higher

Data firm sees 2011 drug sales rising 5-7 percent. However, illegal drugs at all-time 'high'!

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Some Drug Prices Increase

Data firm sees 2011 drug sales rising 5-7 percent, illegal drugs will remain a current levels.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

More Americans Hobbled

CDC: More American adults hobbled by arthritis, two-foot penises from ads.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Scientists Reveal New Guina Finds

Scientists see new bugs, frogs, Bigfoot, Elvis in Papua New Guinea.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Japan Offers Stimulus!

Japan's Cabinet OKs $61 billion economic stimulus. Cuts Godzilla Defense Funding!

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Top Political Insult Thus Far?

The number one insult in 2010 political circles? "You supported Obama!"

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Elections Heat Up!

Insult time, face to face, in campaign's debates. Goes from 'playing fast & loose with the facts' to 'Lying Sack Of Shit!"

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Biden Still Embarrassing Obama

Democrats see glimmers of hope in election gloom. Advised by Joe Biden to clap hands three times. "That's how we saved Tinkerbell as a kid", he tells reporters.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Obama Defends Program

US spending on Afghan security contractors slammed as it is passed on to Al-Qaida. "Money will be worth very little soon anyway", say Obama.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Arisona Sheriff Backs Deputy

Sheriff's office: Shirt backs up deputy's story although liberal judge says he made it up. "A poor old drug warlord wouldn't do such a thing."

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Judge Orders Pledge

Miss. judge again asks courtroom to say pledge "just to thin out the weasels".

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Too Expensive

NJ gov. scraps long-planned NJ-NY railroad tunnel. "It's either that or school children lunch program", he tells reporters.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Brazil Likely to Elect First Woman President

Brazilian representatives encourage Taliban to do the same.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Just A Slight Delay

Nepal Peace Process Delayed, Says UN. "But not past 2050", adds young optimist.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

100 Days Without A Budget

California lawmakers debate budget through night. "We may have to cut the "Artsy Fartsy Bill".

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

It's Flat Alright!

Employment seen flat in September. "Most of us 'flat on our asses' claims one unemployed guy at liquor store.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Grumpy Sues

Over 52? Then you're probably grumpy! Grumpy sues, names Happy as attorney.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Say We're Grumpy

Over 52? Then you're probably grumpy say stupid idiots in London! The very nerve!

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Holding Our Own!

AP Interview: Calderon sees a drug war success, although amount of drugs being shipped into US still the same.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Sludge In Hungary Mostly Poison

Greenpeace: high arsenic, mercury levels in sludge, but on the positive side, they found traces of pure water here and there.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

"Blue" Danube

Greenpeace: high arsenic, mercury levels in sludge. Danube pollution could be bad for those using it for bathing, drinking water.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

On The Plus Side

Economy likely creating some jobs, but not enough. Especially for more bill collectors, bankruptcy lawyers.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Cheryl Cole And Simon Cowell Not Seeing Eye To Eye

Because she's 5'3" and he's 5'5" Sinitta doesn't give a shit either way.

written by Skoob1999, 08 October 2010
Rating:

California Hippocritical

Mexico: US wavers in drug war with Calif. pot vote. "You want the drugs or don't you?"

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

No Yoga #3

Southern Baptist leader on yoga: Not Christianity. "Better to do a slow Scat or Funky Chicken Coming Home To Roost!", says Jeremiah Wright.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

No Yoga #2

Southern Baptist leader on yoga: Not Christianity. "Better to shake you booty in front of husband at bedtime."

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

No Yoga

Southern Baptist leader on yoga: Not Christianity. "Better to do 'the Monkey, Slow Twist".

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Have You Seen These Men?

Culprits identified in worldwide honeybee die-off. "One is a Chester Paladin and the other, George Beekiller.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

America Changing

Angle: Muslim law taking hold in parts of US. "While campaigning I was beaten on the as by rods."

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Glimmer of Hope

Democrats see glimmers of hope in election gloom and doom and the predictions of Nastradamas, Edgar Cayce.


written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

The American Nightmare

Republican leader says American dream under siege. "It's turned into a nightmare the past two years", says Romney!

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Same Round Head With Flat Spot

NKorean official confirms Kim Jong Un as leader. Apparently doesn't like cartoons but old Westerns.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

"What's HE Done?

Chinese Dissident Liu Xiaobo Wins the Nobel Peace Prize. President Obama pissed.

written by Bureau, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Commonwealth Games: Pool Blamed For Delhi Illness

"We told them: 'Don't drink the water.' But did they listen? Nooooooo!" said a Games spokesman.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Classified Ad #1

For Sale: Copies of the Script Album, and clearly not any tiny Romanian immigrants wrapped in a box. Honest. Send details for N. Sarkozy. £10 ono

written by masterchev, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Brown disqualified from Delhi 100 metres

Disgraced former Uk Prime Minister Gordon Brown has been eliminated from the 100 metres track event at the main stadium. He unusually appeared in the starting lineup only to be escorted from the venue

written by whatinthe world, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Pentagon officials evoke Quentin Tarantino

Defense Secretary Gates, General Petraeus on U.S. military employing Afghan warlords: "Somebody's stickin' a red hot poker up our asses, and it turns out the Taliban's name's on the handle."

written by The San Francisco Onion, 08 October 2010
Rating:

The Yanks aren't coming, coming over, over there

Senate investigation determines U.S. military employed Taliban insurgents as security guards in Afghanistan. Seems Washington never runs out of new ways to ship even more American jobs overseas.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Just like in the movies

After Victor Perez rescues abducted California child, California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger calls him a "true action hero." Naked Perez drops from sky, replies, "Your clothes. Give them to me, now!"

written by The San Francisco Onion, 08 October 2010
Rating:

Obama's Chicken Shit Policies

OSHA & the EPA are writing new regulations for waste ammonia gas emissions in chicken houses. Don't you feel so much safer that the Obama administration has their hands on this chicken shit problem?

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 October 2010
Rating:

US Housing Market in Trouble

President Obama will not sign legislation making it difficult for homeowners to challenge unjustified foreclosure actions. Apparently the Chinese bank holding the mortgage on the White House called!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 October 2010
Rating:

What Palestinian-Israeli Conflict WJ Clinton?

A Pakistani Sufi shrine was a target of homicide bombers killing 42 Muslims. Islamic militant hard line interpretations of Islam allow no room for the mystical Sufi practices common in Sunni Pakistan!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 October 2010
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