Spoof news snippets from Saturday 30 October 2010
Spoof Writer To Wear GaGa-esque Hat Of Meat For Halloween
It's a rasher of bacon and Skoob says "Just call me Hamhead."
Cheney Keeping Chins Up!
Former VP Dick Cheney says he's glad he'll be out of hospital today. "Or did I just come in?"
Things Get Worse Before Worst
President Obama: America has got to learn that things will get worse before they become socialists!"
Kim Likes Wiley
North Korea's Kim breaks off relations with Warner Brothers after "having had enough of crappy roadrunner".
Almost upon us the ghouls of Halloween. Time to scare us out of our wits. Witches on Broomsticks. Spells and dressing up. Trick or Treats.
So much better than questions in the House of Commons
Harriet Harman Targets Wrong Ginger Rodent
Harriet Harmon says she meant to say; "but there is one ginger rodent which we never want to see in the Highlands again - Niel Kinnock."
Boomers Take Action
A mob of Baby-Boomers has attacked the headquarters of the American Broadcasting Company in New York demanding that they drop the song, "Imagine" from Swimsuit competition of Miss American Pageant.
Master Of The One Liners
New poll out that shows that the number one answer from a guy at a strip bar with lap dancers is, "Is it hot enough for you?"
Ah Yes, Weather Man!
If you live in Bakersfield, California, the clouds you see tomorrow will be cirrus, stratus and one that looks like W C Fields!
This Has Got To Be Good
The Freedom of information Act has now asked Masons why they ride that goat around the room as an initiation ceremony.
Drink-driver crashes into roadside picnic. Asks for lone unopened beer left on the last table.
Duke No. 1 in AP's preseason Top 25 Basketball
However, they are tied for 300th in Atlantic Coast football.
Thousands At Clown Rally
Thousands drawn to Stewart-Colbert 'sanity' rally, including complete nuts.
Lennon Coin & Backside
John Lennon coin issued by UK Royal Mint. Backside has backsides of John & Yoko from old photo.
Rally Really Strange
Laughs, activism, more laughs, Dem candidates, trolling on the ground and pointing at Stewart-Colbert rally.
Finally Some Good News
Scores thought to be dead, found alive in Indonesia tsunami zone!
Twin Cruise Liners
World's largest cruise liner has a twin. Doctors at first thought there were only one!
No One's Listening It Seems!
President Obama: Appeals for common ground "with these idiots!"
Woman Held Under Suspicion
Yemen holds woman suspected of sending mail bombs. She was covered with leaky ink cartridges.
Japan, China Bow & Make Up!
China-Japan tensions ease with informal chat, head-butting.
Now We Know What "Buy-Cracky" Means
America's oldest crack dealer, 87, sent to prison for 18 months or death, whichever comes first.
India To Recieve Obama Invasion
40 aircraft part of Obama's trip to India; 6 armored cars! Must be running money printers overtime.
Dems Attack Pelosi
Dem attacks Pelosi as 'authoritarian'. "She's one big bully", states one Dem representative!
Clowns Sent In!
No numbers yet on the non-political-political rally in Washington.
Swing voters flocking to GOP. Just a Jeremiah Wright predicted about "Chickens coming home to roost!"
Funny Politicians Show Up!
Comedians vowed no politics at rally, but DNC recruits volunteers. They are funnier than comedians.
Comedy Rally Funny
Comedians vowed no politics at rally, but DNC just happen to show up, recruits volunteers.
'Beat up' Obama hits the campaign trail one last weekend. "After this I hope to be the President again."
Flasher Bitten By Victim's Dog.
On the arm. On the arm? Stupid dog. Get it trained properly!
Man with 2 Penises Shock Revelation
"I swing both ways" he says.
Experts In What?
Experts say that massive disease outbreaks in the future will be eliminated, as death tolls continue, there will be fewer people to catch the thing.
Charles's Nazi fetish
HRH Prince Charles admitted today that he at one stage wanted to become a Nazi. "All that dressing up and goose stepping looked like fun" he told a Penthouse magazine journalist.Flaming heck people.
Obama May Champaign After Election
After all, that and playing golf, shooting hoops is what he is the best at doing.
Obama May Champaign After Election
Bush will throw out first pitch at World Series on Sunday. Obama too busy campaigning.
More "Hits" In The Stands Than On The Field!
WORLD SERIES HIGH: Rangers player Josh Hamilton: 'I could smell weed in the outfield'.
Both "No-Nothing" Parties?
John Kerry blasts 'period of know-nothingism', whoever he is!
Halloween Pranks #5
Halloween pranks go too fire as Rush Limbaugh, Nancy Pelosi toilet papered then shat upon.
Halloween Pranks #4
Halloween pranks go too far as youth haul old cars out by Interstates and set them on fire.
Don't Sweat The Small Stuff!
Obama told of threat Thursday night. Says he doesn't have time with stupid bombings with elections this close.
Halloween Prank #3
Halloween prank goes too far as stolen sewer truck deposits burning feces on porch of 1,000 people in Albany, Indiana.
Halloween Prank #2
Halloween prank goes too far as man finds Hummer in tree outside.
Halloween prank goes too far as bathrooms at Barnes & Noble turned over.
Yoner Cartridges Found
'Manipulated' toner cartridge found on UPS plane in UK; no bomb. Investigators being cleaned up for ink stains.
Cargo Planes Contain Suspicious Packages
SINISTER PACKAGES ON CARGO PLANES AS Jack-in-The-Box, Big Spring Snakes Not Considered Funny!
Crazy Rule Against Privacy
Vikings' Randy Moss fined $25,000 for avoiding media. "Next time I'll go out and say "Kiss my ass!" to every question", says Moss.
Randy Travis Divorce #2
Randy Travis and wife-manager, Elizabeth, divorce. "It's sad", says rep. "Divorce so seldom happens here. I blame Hollywood."
Randy Travis, Wife Dicorce
Randy Travis and wife-manager, Elizabeth, divorce. Travis says he has enough material now for 50 more country music hits.
FDA Rejects Diet Drug
FDA rejects highly-anticipated diet drug Qnexa. Mexico: Pssst! Over here!
Haiti: UN Ruining Country
Protesters blame UN base for cholera in Haiti. Say they never had troubles before UN moved in to help.
Oil Spill Areas Hurt?
Scientists to see if oil spill hurt area that once contained deep sea life.
Italy Cracks Down On Vatican
Prosecutors doubt Vatican money-laundering pledges as state cracks down on illegal practice.
Jewish Groups Warned
Chicago Jewish groups on alert for odd packages, especially Emanuel Rahm.
President "Dude" To Show?
Thousands expected at Stewart-Colbert rally in DC. Stewart hopes "Dude" President shows up.
Just Having A Good Time
Thousands expected at Stewart-Colbert rally in DC. No one knows what for.
Doesn't Want It To Come To Trial?
Alleged abuse victim arrested in priest's beating, but priest may drop charges.
Indonesia's Capitol Moving?
Need to Move Indonesia's Capital Growing Urgent in Face of Climate Change, Experts Say. Also, US may move capitol to Las Vegas from Washington, DC. after hearing familiar commercials.
Investigators hunt for mail bombers in Yemen. Investigators hunt for fireworks in mail boxes in Tennessee!
Now Here Come The "Exceptions"
UN seals historic treaty to protect threatened ecosystems. It's only taken them 100 years.
Big Brothers Coming
US, Russia join Asian summit as regional spats simmer. Hope to stop it at "burning bags of dogshit stage".
Celebrating Too Much
Celebrating the Hilltopper spirit in Bowling Green leads to several DUI arrests.
Gas Leak Delays Discovery
Gas leaks force 1-day delay for Discovery's launch. Astronaut crew told to leave off the cabbage.
Hollywood Doctors In Fallout
In hospitals, medical offices and pharmacies, Anna Nicole Smith was routinely registered under pseudonyms to protect her privacy. How many others?
US Still Sitting On It's Ass
India Reliance Industries profit up 27.8 percent because our leaders refuse to allow digging own oil here and only talk about alternative fuels for 50 years.
War-Split Families Have Reunion
2 Koreas hold reunions for war-split families after firing shots at each other the day before.
Why your mailbox is a chamber of political horrors? Because most candidates ARE political horrors.
Majority Want All New Leaders
US citizens say there should be a place on ballots "Thrown Them All Out!"
No Truth Left For Politicians
Why your mailbox is a chamber of political horrors? For Politics, like war, TRUTH is the first victim.
Nigeria: Shipper confirms weapons came from Iran as world ignores chief terrorist supporters.
TV , Electronic Sales Down
LCD TV companies see falling prices as demand down as food becoming more popular.
Bombers Busy At Election Time
Investigators hunt for mail bombers in Yemen. Practice runs in UK, US?
Hawaii Students Records Exposed
Hawaii University posts info of 40K students. Posts for a year before being removed.
1930's Repeat In Different Clothes
Explosive packages reflect new Yemen terror threat to any country friendly to the west.
Still Buying Cheap Products
China-bashing is bipartisan in US races. Then why are we still buying junk from over there?
Bombs Planted, Votes Already Filled In
Investigators hunt for mail bombers in Yemen. Plane bombers in UK, US. Crooked Reid Supporters in Nevada.
Cameron Declares Victory On Budget Cap
"Brilliant! Ace! Two quid from Shepherd's Bush market!"
'Remastered Classics' trend continues with new Disney release
'Mary Poppouts 3D'
Cubans Facing Uncertain Times!
Cubans Facing Uncertain Times! But for most of them, it is now 10:51PM.
Male Enhancement Exposed! Third time this month for "Waving Willy Smith" in the Bronx!
Mexico Too Dangerous
Every Cop in Small Mexico Town Quits After Attack. US elderly now going to Canada for cheaper drugs.
US Tweets Iran Fairly
In Tweet, US Urges Iran to Free Hikers. "That would be tweet music to our ears!"
Spoofs Across the Pond
US spoof writers await mid-term Congressional election results to determine the next two years material. UK spoof writers Members of Parliament were elected earlier in 2010 and have their material.
France is like a company that has always given its employees a holiday turkey and ceases the practice, because of bad economic times to save money. The workers feel they have lost a benefit.
The Naked Truth
The ladies of "The View" plan to do next week's show in the nude. The women want to show they have no testicular fortitude to accept other people's politics but their own!
Another EPA Study
New EPA study indicates that men, who work in closed spaces around gasoline powered automobiles with the engines running, have their testicles fall off after age 50.
Political Clean Up
US Labor Department predicts employment to slightly rise on November 3, 2010, as workers will be needed to clean up all the political BULLSHIT left by the candidates running for office.
Pundit Clean Up
US Labor Department predicts employment to slightly rise again on Nov. 4, 2010, as workers will be needed to clean up all the Republican & Democratic pundit BULLSHIT as to why candidates won or lost.
USA Entrepreneurs Having a good Laugh
VP Biden puts both feet-in-mouth calling for more Washington DC intervention in American's lives, saying only the federal government comes up with good ideas.
A conservative activist has sent the Democratic liberal left wing organization Moveon(dot)org a boxcar full of Ex-Lax to get them to move!
President Obama, House Speaker Pelosi, and Senate Majority Leader Reid have given the American public the bird. American voters could be making Congressional Democrats take wing before Thanksgiving.
It Does Stink
Democratic liberal left arrogant elitist incumbents think their SHIT doesn't stink, but it does! They are trying to hold onto power by slimy means, thinking they are smarter than the American people!
Labor union rank & file members are angry over union bosses spending their dues money on politics. Sounds like the American people's beef with Pres. Obama, HS Pelosi & SML Reid over stimulus spending!
Slime Ball Award of the Week
The Slime Ball award of the week goes to Senate Majority Leader Reid. Reid may have had his state union buddies tamper with Nevada's electronic voting machines to automatically fill in his name!
Democratic Spin Gone Awry
Five days before the 2010 Congressional mid-term elections Democratic "spin-meisters" are trying to convince Americans how good they have been screwed, oops supported, under President Obama!
Tell Your Grandchildren
Democratic liberal Jimmy Carter elected president in 1976. Democratic liberal far left Barack Obama elected president in 2008. Alert your grandchildren now to the presidential election of 2040!
Likely Voters in Chicago Hear Obama Speak
President Obama spoke at a cemetery in Chicago IL, rallying his Democratic liberal base of likely voters who may appear on the election rolls in this city!
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