Spoof news snippets from Friday 29 October 2010
What's The Difference
Discouraged candidates discover that the number one reason people vote for a candidate is which one has the best signs on the road.
No Irregularities This Time!
Poll worker vows no "irregularity" in poll booth this year after someone shit in it in 2008.
Big Coffee Strike!
Coffee growers in 30th day of strike. People walking around in a daze, many with no pants.
Thus Saith George Steppinpapa'smess
Political commentator says that the reason that we hold elections in November is because of all the turkeys we get just in time for Thanksgiving.
Yankee Stadium Spooky!
New Yorkers afraid to go around empty Yankee Stadium at World series time. Sat you can hear George Steinbrenner crying.
Ass Lands On Ass!
President Obama bruises ass when thrown from his beast at a fundraiser for Dem candidates, Donkey Basketball!
New Bieber Album Ready To Go!
"Justin Bieber, The Early Years" Music Set ready to be marketed just in time for Christmas.
Cartoon Network Commercials
The Cartoon Network agrees to withdraw all beer commercials until after 8 PM!
Whisper campaign going on at it's height right now just before the election. Mostly because of people with Laringitis from all the political rallies.
Halloween US is not Halloween UK!
The US are stark raving bonkers about Halloween, the UK, well, is the home of haunted pubs, hotels, houses, "the real thing" so to get the real spooky feeling, go to Transylvania, He's waiting!
Clinton In Guam!
Sec. of State Clinton in Guam to meet US troops. Wears special camouflaged pantsuit.
Indonesia Being Hit With Now With Lava!
Tsunami, volcano ash - now Indonesia braces for lava. "What next?", asks one islander. "Maybe I shouldn't ask!"
McDonalds Made Me fat!
McDonald's ordered to pay ex-employee £10,000 after he claims their food made him fat. Now no workers allowed to eat at work.
PETA Gives OK!
NYC could ban lewd whistles and catcalls...except for birds and cats!
Aid Dollars Disappear #2
Billions in Afghanistan aid dollars unaccounted for. Obama was going to have overseers, remember?
Aid Dollars Unaccounted For
Billions in Afghanistan aid dollars unaccounted for. Just like those that always vanished that were sent to the PLO, until Arafat died.
Look At YOU, You Big Hunk!
Newly released files show Hitler's daily routine, beginning with one-hour session before mirror.
Top of Mount Everest Gets Internet Connection! Bob Sled Rides!
Pelosi To Retire?
Pelosi To Retire If Dems Lose House? "We hope so", say voters. "She's caused us to lose ours."
SKorea, NKorea open fire at border. Border says he will never spend another night there.
Lots Of Strategy
Candidate claims battery after firm handshake from opponent who practiced squeezing rubber ball, show everyone what a weakling opponent would be.
Whitman Closing In
POLL: Meg Whitman Closing On Jerry Brown who has his spaceship cloaked and ready to run.
Planes Delayed In US, UK
Officials examine suspicious packages from Yemen in US, UK. Planes delayed but only powder & wire in packages. Was this a trial run?
Barney Frank Plans New Internet Site
Barney Frank will battle Drudge news beginning in January, with The Fudge Report.
The Halloween Lady
Kid in Halloween asks embarrassed Nancy Pelosi who's she is supposed to be. Others wondering the same.
Workers Finally Lose It
Office worker adding "In Bed" to everyone's comment around the water cooler costs him three teeth.
Mickey Mouse For Whatever
Voting poll reveals that Mick Mouse should go over the one million mark in this years elections.
Don't Get New Ford Wet
Overloaded brownies at Ford Factory leads to three inch poonami!
McGuire Denies Drugs
Mark McGuire now says that he did not take steroids. "Just wanted to see who my true friends and fans were!"
That's Not Brett Favre!
Brett Favre's wife says that nude lower half photo is not her husband. "I should know. This guy is much too big."
Bush Book Released
Former President George W. Bush puts out his new book, "They Brought It On!".
Jimmy Carter #4
Aging jimmy Carter recalls funny tricks his brother "Barney Carter" used to pull. Also, creating his own brand of "Barney Beer".
Jimmy Carter #3
Former President Jimmy Carter is having trouble as he releases his latest book, "The Liberal Bell".
Carter Having Age-Related Problems
Former President Jimmy Carter is having aging problems as he releases his latest book, "Twice I Assaulted Iran Over Hostages, Personally".
Carter Having Trouble
Former President Jimmy Carter is having trouble as he releases his latest book, "Eating Peanuts & Hung Like An Elephant".
Extending Daylight Recommended
Extending daylight could boost health, help planet, help store sales.
President Ignoring Arizona On Purpose"
Arizona beheading raises fears of drug violence as Governor says she'll 'be headed' to Washington to give the President an earful.
Big Bill Dies
Big Bill Arbuthsnot, who played a horse in over 200 old westerns, dies at 101.
Critical test not done on cement before blowout. Halliburton forgot sand in mixture.
Economy Up Slightly
Economy grows at slightly faster pace in Q3. Up .01% over Q2.
Meek To Continue
Dem. Meek denies he'll quit 3-way Fla. Senate race no matter what Bill Clinton advises.
Rumor is that the NFL is going to crack down on hard hits during an NFL game. That's like outlawing Mullets at NASCAR events!
US Economy Needs Laxative
U.S. economy grows at sluggish 2 percent pace in third quarter, as expected...unfortunately.
Making Himself Presentable
Newly released files show Hitler's daily routine. Like giving his mustache 100 strokes.
Anna Nicole Smith Gets Little Rest
Jury convicts Anna Nicole Smith's psychiatrist, boyfriend of stupidity!
'Gawker' paid cash for bogus sex smear on Christine O'Donnell as politics reaches new low!
More NKorea/SKorea Conflict
SKorea: NKorea opens fire at border. Both countries upset that headlines do not spell out their whole names.
Up For Crabs
BUCHANAN: The country is up for crabs...I'm sorry, that should be grabs!
Obese Employee Wins Lawsuit
Judge: McDonald's must pay obese employee $17.5K. Two-seated customers ask, "What about us?"
Topless Volcanos Hot!!
Russia's Kamchatka volcanoes calm after eruptions and blowing tops completely off!
Scientists Study Oil Spiil
Scientists to see if oil spill hurt deep sea life. To see if there IS still any deep sea life!
Time For A Real Change
Tea partiers could face tough going in Capitol. "We hope so", say determined leaders.
Here's A Momento
Arizona beheading raises fears of drug violence. Governor may send head to Obama for aiding illegal immigrants to enter their state.
Offer They Can't Refuse
African Govts Urged to Invest in Social Protection! Don't want to wake up with elephant's head in their beds.
One in every crowd
Paul the brilliant but enigmatic octupus has passed recently and people generally want to express his impact on their lives. All except Jeremy Clarkson who wants to eagerly eat the mighty mollusc.
Early Photo #7
Very early photographic images of humans discovered. Blackened Ben Franklin had just came in after lightning, kite & key discovery.
World's Fastest Supercomputer
China boasts world's fastest supercomputer. Can now outrun world's fastest train.
Everest Summit Wired #3
Everest summit wired up with Internet, photograph with Yeti family.
Everest Set For Internet #2
Everest summit wired up with Internet, message therapy.
Everest Set For Internet
Everest summit wired up with Internet, use of hot tubs.
Concrete Block Recall #2
Makers of concrete blocks recall over ten million blocks. Over 500,000 from under old cars in Arkansas alone.
Concrete Block Recall
Makers of concrete blocks recall over ten million blocks to be removed from basements of buildings.
UN Bildiversity Deal Made
UN summit poised to seal biodiversity deal. Better start cleaning up around the house!
China, Japan Summit
China, Japan begin repairing ties after taking off shoes at Asian summit.
Old Photos Change History #7
Very early photographic images of humans discovered. Doc Holliday was a dentist. Apparently he was a proctologist.
Timing Is Right
Experts say that being so close to Halloween, many more dead people are expected to vote this year.
Votes For Sale
Many local areas in the US get millions for local projects just before election.
Old Photos Discovered #6
Very early photographic images of humans discovered. Custer did not make last stand but was shot in the back by 37 arrows while trying to flee.
Crist Considered Quiting
Meek: Crist suggested quitting Fla. Senate race but others say it was Bill Clinton.
TV Loves Political Ads
Sick of campaign ad avalanche? TV stations aren't. Monday night will be all ads night on all four networks.
TV Networks Love Political Ads
Sick of campaign ad avalanche? TV stations aren't even though everyone mutes them.
New Photo Evidence #5
Very early photographic images of humans discovered. Most American Indians were bare-naked and had long schlongs which made settlers jealous.
New Phot Discovery #4
Very early photographic images of humans discovered. Nero actually was playing with himself while Rome burned.
New Photo Evidence #3
Very early photographic images of humans discovered. Washington actually crossed Shit Creek and caught Germans mercenaries relieving themselves in the water.
Earlier Photos Found #2
Very early photographic images of humans discovered. Washington actually cut down thorn tree and was bare-assed whipped by scarred for life father.
Earlier Photos Found!
Very early photographic images of humans discovered. Napoleon kept hand in pants, not coat!
China boasts world's fastest supercomputer. Can write a spoof before you can think of it.
Two Perfectly Suited Together
Critical test not done on cement before blowout. Halliburton and BP make perfect partners it seems.
Toyota's Crooked Deals
Toyota secretly bought problem cars, lawsuit says. Bought them back from customers so no faults on sudden speeding up could be found.
Spin Meter #2
SPIN METER: Despite claims, bailouts not over yet. Even though it costs $2M per crated job last time.
SPIN METER: Despite claims, bailouts not over yet. Even though they haven't helped bring many jobs.
UK Government no longer concerned with al-Qa'ida threat..
The British public scares the crap out of them though.
Burger King set to open in Indonesia
They've got one in Pompei. Why not build one near another natural disaster site?
Satirical Writer visits Pompei: thoughts.
"Once you see one ruin, you've seen them all"
"I'll show them a decent ruin. I call her my ex"
"Very realistic. Including the security cameras"
Indonesia Going Through "Shit Time"
Volcanoes. Earthquakes. And now Paul the Octopus being denied a decent funeral there. It's all getting a bit too much.
France still striking
Shame they couldn't do that in the world cup.
UK gives aids to Africa
1,000,000 office "secretaries" to be sent following budget cuts.
Strauss Warns England To Be Ready For War
"To secure peace is to prepare for cricket," he said.
Heated discussion on "permissive society"
In short,some praise it and some old fogies loathe it. Oh well. One man's meat is another man's girlfriend.
Lord Lucan was an octupus
Paul the Octupus, it can now be revealed, was in fact missing British man Lord Lucan, who had a very extreme reaction to plastic surgery nearly 40 years ago. He became so reclusive he took to water.
Octupus's dead legacy
Paul the Octupus, who died recently, has left a vast estate to his heirs including 200,000 clams, 43500 mussels and 122 sea horses. Unfortunately they're all dead. Paul, you ungrateful bastard. Ahhh!!
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!