Spoof news snippets from Wednesday 27 October 2010
Against the odds, TheSpoof.com writer's story has been viewed more than 2000 times ...but never rated ...not even once.
Rumsfeld-Wolfowitz team poised to take over at BP
(London, U.K.) - Americans Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz will lead BP with new company logo: Rumsf'BP'lfowitz.
"We can't possibly erode U.S. trust any further... or can we?"
Laura Bush: Post-White House Life No Bowl of Cherries. "More like the pits!"
Sink Sinking Lower?
Florida Democrat Alex Sink broke the rules during her debate with gubernatorial rival Rick Scott, then compounded the gaffe by lying about it twice afterward. "Everybody has a cheat sheet!"
Obama: Republicans Move To Back Of The Bus!
Black Republicans Demand Obama 'Bus' Apology. "We have just as much right to sit in the front as you have."
Could Luck Out
Lindsey Graham: GOP Should Work With Obama. Just he's on the far far left doesn't mean he is trying to ruin the country.
GOP: No Parties!
GOP Plans to Avoid Big Victory Parties, especially if they lose!
The Bristol Stomp
The judges were raving about Bristol Palin on "Dancing With the Stars." She said she learned those steps because they will stop a bear in it's tracks in total amazement.
Paris Not So Sweet
Everyone is on strike in France, even the garbage men. There are huge piles of garbage rotting in the streets. At least it covers up the perfume on the ladies on the corners.
Forced Marriage A Crime?
Germany hopes to make forced marriage a crime. Look to receive the same threats for bin Laden France just received!
GOP Readies Agenda
Republicans, heading for big gains, ready agenda. Same as Dems two years ago. The same as GOP before that. The same...
Looks Like Johnson
Brett Favre claims that those pics showing a man naked from the waist down is not him. However, he could be his old friend and Green Bay punter, Petite Johnson.
It's A Toss-Up!
Critics say "Paranormal Activity 2" is the scariest thing you'll see all year. That is unless Nancy Pelosi has more botox.
More Doll Recalls
The new Japanese life-like female "Robot For The Lonely Man" is being recalled for explosive boobs. None returned yet as many purchasers can no longer hear announcement from explosion.
Oh We Do Not!
Miami Restaurant "Moby Grape" accused of selling whale meat and wine to customers!
Cow who jumped over the moon udderly destroyed
Whiskey Party Formed To Compete With Tea Party
But they say they will celebrate the night no matter who wins!
I Thought Something Didn't Jive There
Scientists admit mistake over earth rotation. "Be sure to turn your clocks UP 2.52 milliseconds instead of back 1.26 milliseconds.
Female athletes from Virgin Islands nervous after late return from Isle of Man
Blonds Rounded Up
Blonds rounded up once again until after Halloween is over as over 150 have been ran over by parents watching cute kids instead of the road.
China Is Hard On Ducks
President Obama delays his Asia trip until he sees if he's going as a strong leader or a lame duck.
The Airline Quality Rating Report reveals who has the rudest flight attendants and worst food is on Delta Airlines. "Hostess won't even sit in your lap", says one judge.
Many animals face extinction, Spoofers not!
Many of the earth's animal species are becoming extinct, there is one exception to the rule, The Spoofers, they're thriving and immortal: the secret is mucho sex, drugs, booze & ciggies, ole!
Banker declares NO MORE!
A branch of popular bank MugsBank has admitted it has run out of money after every loan on its book failed to pay their installments last month. The Square Mile Branch manager blames bums and beggers.
British Rail to be Broken Up
Association of Train Operating Companies reveals that 80% of complaints are addressed to or refer to former railway incumbants. Government agrees to claim expenses to re-privatise so people realise.
Madonna to open new fitness centers in hopes of finding new boyfriend
Madonna announced that she would open her own fitness centers in the hopes of finding a boyfriend. "I haven't found a man in any of the fitness centers I've visited, so hopefully that will change."
Humans were in China '60,000 years earlier than previously thought'...all the way back to 999,940 BCE.
We Have Lost 50 Nuclear Missiles
Mr President we've lost control of FIFTY nuclear warheads: Obama told how his arsenal was hit by 45-minute computer glitch. Took 20 more minutes to contact Obama out campaigning.
Only One Bomb On Board
RAF jets scrambled twice in one week to intercept Russian nuclear bombers. Russians explain that it was only a training exercise.
Arizona executes death row inmate after British company supplies lethal injection chemical made from black pudding.
NYC Hit With Another Plague
NYC hit with rats, bedbugs, stink bugs - now lice...next up the Bubonic Plague?
So Long Planet Earth
The Hundred Year Starship: The Nasa mission that will take astronauts to Mars and leave them there forever. Ask families and friends not to say "Many Happy Returns!"
Takes Out A Bite
Charges dropped against 3 in NYC hate crime attack, led by McGruff.
No Missile Communications
Air Force to release report on a weekend equipment glitch that disrupted nuclear communications with 50 missiles. They're answering now...we think.
Outage At Nuke Site
Equipment outage at Wyoming nuke site; Shuts Down Squadron Of ICBMs. Could cut the Earth into..but probably not.
REID 'FREE FOOD' AT TURNOUT EVENTS...
"All those we placed on welfare and sent to food banks, here's some munchies!"
Gorbachev Says Afghan War Impossible To Win
Gorbachev warns victory is impossible. "We should know as we tried for years."
Taliban War Not Succeeding
PAPER: U.S. military campaign to topple resilient Taliban hasn't succeeded. Neither has anyone else over the past 1,000 years.
Bin Laden Threatens French!
Bin Laden issues warning -- to French. "We will place all your secret recipes on the web!"
Clinton Flees US
Secretary of State Clinton departs for two-week Asia trip. Says she MAY tune in or voting results but will be very busy.
States Changing Names
RI to vote on dropping 'Plantations' from its name. North Carolina may change it's name to Upper Carolina.
Michael Jackson Top-Earning Stiff?
Michael Jackson top-earning dead celebrity? He's ahead but dead Elvis fans say he's starting to rally.
Overnight camping banned on Corpus Christi Beach as couples find they have been filmed with night cameras.
Deep Space Encounter
Deep Impact spacecraft readies for comet encounter. Not expected to win!
Obama Seeks Votes From Victims
Obama seeks votes among the unemployed, brain-damaged!
No More Built?
Manhattan treehouse given OK by officials rents out for $1500 per month.
Incumbants & Their Pet Projects!
Incumbents challenged over pet projects. One has been in office so long his monkey is using a cane.
Tom Delay Trial Ready
Jury, Maytag repair man chosen for Tom DeLay's money laundering trial.
Honus Was A Card
Holy card! Nuns auctioning rare signed Honus Wagner...the old rascal!
Backyard Treehouse OK
Backyard treehouse survives Manhattan legal fight but several cars set ablaze, some looting!
Storm Brings Weather!
Storm brings wind, rain, occasional periods of sunshine, cooler temperatures, lot of birds in the yard eating worms, highways all wet to Midwest, South.
U.S. Aid For Self-Sufficiency
U.S. Aid Shift Envisions Path to Self-Sufficiency. How about using it here also?
States Changing Names?
RI to vote on dropping 'Plantations' from its name. West Virginia may drop 'East' from it's name.
UN Zeroing In
U.N. talks to save nature zero in on historic deal, going nude.
Wouldn't Want To Interfere
Fisherman in waiters floats out to sea. "Must have hooked a big one", say those who just stood and fished.
Suicide Watch On!
Two Chinese face losing face in trial in U.S. on microchip charges.
Man United go "mexicano Loco" Ole!
Chicarito, alias, Javier Hernadez, is sending Man Utd, fans, players, staff, eeverybody in the "Theatre of Suenós" absolutely "loco", who the fuck is Rooney, miserable Scouse carpet-bagger!
Be Sure To Keep Second, Third Key
How to start your car a key issue in California race.
Drug Kings Taking Over
Entire police force quits in Mexican town. Town makes deal with Drug Lords.
TV Commercials Shrink
TV commercials shrink to match attention spans. Some just flash 5-seconds of cereal box 20 times during one sit-com.
Paul Destroyed By Obama Henchmen?
Insiders say that President Obama had Paul the Octopus wiped out after hearing he was about to predict GOP landslide!
More New Specials
Spectacular unknown species found in Amazon, three more in Arkansas among cousins.
News Species Discovered!
Spectacular unknown species found in Amazon. "It looks much like Nancy Pelosi before the botox!
Zoo Keeped Dime A Dozen
China tells zoos to do better amid abuse concerns. If animal wants to abuse you, let him. He needs an outlet.
NKorea Needs Food Aid
NKorea demands SKorea resume large-scale food aid. 'We need our money for weapons.'
Police, protesters clash in Arab Israeli town. First outbreak in over three hours.
Surprising New Feces Discovered
Spectacular unknown feces found in NYC underground. Must have eaten old lady missing from the Bronx.
Amazon Furnishes New Species
Spectacular unknown species found in Amazon. Five foot tall spider leaves one survivor except for those still trapped in web.
U.S. companies hoarding almost $1 trillion cash: Moody's. "Most of it from bailouts."
Might Do Well In Vegas Show
Spectacular unknown species found in Amazon...big 100-foot gorilla.
Has No None Surviving Enemy
Spectacular unknown species found in Amazon with twelve inch stinger.
Of Course, They Could Learn English
Univision set to become top U.S. broadcast network. Obama says we could all pick up a little Spanish here.
New Species #2
Spectacular unknown species found in Amazon. Seems to be talking in Klingon.
Spectacular unknown species found in Amazon. Either that or an alien is here.
We Sound Like A Horse
Rhode Island to vote on dropping 'Plantations' from its name. Also considering Rhode and Island.
Fast train, big dam show China's engineering might. Meanwhile our bridges are going nowhere.
Obama White House Campaigns
Obama campaigning quietly from the White House. Just forget terrorists for a week more. We need this election.
No Time For Nuclear Attacks
Obama campaigning quietly from the White House. Puts hotline from Russia & China on hold so he can campaign.
Cheri Blair Starts War with Italy
Sylviano Berlusconi is reported to be enraged as Cheri Blair must hold one of the watches he gave her as a present on eBay.
Oscar the Grouch's DNA Traced to Sock Puppet.
New Handle Desired
Former President Clinton is tired of being called "Slick Willie" in his role as a Democratic political operative and elder statesman. He is trying to find a suitable new "Monika!"
They Have Never Been There
Have you ever noticed how Democratic left wing liberals look down their noses at people who live in the states of Louisiana and Wyoming? Yet, they have never been to these states!
Some Democratic Political Pundits
Have you ever noticed that some of the Democratic political pundits seen on TV are former heads of election committees for losing Democratic liberal left presidential candidates!
The DNC Chairman might blame a loss of the US House to Republicans on bedbugs, as he boards a plane for his next assignment as State Democratic Chairman in North Korea (red state).
Seeking New Employment
The DNC, DSCC and DCCC Chairmen may be submitting their resumes to Burger King, seeking new jobs after the 2010 mid-term elections if Republicans take control. You want fries with that?
The Feds are Everywhere
The president has asked the FDA to put its nose into monitoring the effectiveness of "Obamacare" by hiring 1500 hemorrhoid inspectors.
On the Campaign Trail
President Obama was greeted by a San Francisco CA parking valet carrying a pro "Tea Party" sign, when the presidential SUV pulled into the Mark Hopkins Hotel parking garage!
Change the Change
The Obama administration has their hands in American's pockets, such that only loose change is left. If Congress doesn't go Republican, Americans won't even be able to keep the loose change!
Democratic "Big Brother" Speaks
School administrators treat underage school children as if they have no rights, e.g. zero tolerance policies. Now the Obama administration wants bullying to be treated as a civil rights violation!
Powerful special interests namely, labor and teachers unions; loony environmentalists; lawyers; Democratic liberal left corporations and President Obama's mother-in-law control the White House!
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