Spoof news snippets from Friday 22 October 2010
Sounds Like A Native American
ABC Launches A New Reality Dating Series Called: "Joe Horsepecker!"
NKorea Makes It's Point
North Korea stores last nuclear missile: "Now who wants to call us "the dog eaters"?
Stewart Group Not Gay
Rod Stewart denies that his old group, Small Feces were gay. If we were gay, we would have called ourselves "Big, Bloody Feces!"
Adult Toy Recall
Over 20,000 Chinese made adult toys found to contain lead being pulled from shelves, homes and bodies.
Another Old Favorite Gone
Barbara Billingsley, the Mother of all Beavers, passes away!
VP Into Reading
Vice President Biden spotted carrying a copy of "The Complete Idiot's Guide To Finding Bin Laden".
Can't Tell Who's Mumbling!
Sylvester Stallone in the lead role of "The Ventriloquist" is not a pretty sight.
Gore Line Not Working
Women in Tennessee, Kentucky and North Carolina tired of Al Gore's "I was once Vice President, invented the internet" line.
Sexy female Italian teacher banned from teaching, they prefer a Catholic priest?
A school in Milan has banned a very sexy female teacher from teaching, the mums prefer a Catholic priest as the teacher? The Dad's love her and want her to stay!
Look! He's Walking Inch Off Ground, Glowing
Democrats worried after latest Cheney pacemaker attaches itself to the Hadron Collider frequency!
I'm NOT Voting. Go Away!
Key game between Green Bay and Minnesota interrupted with telephone calls to wife over the latest local gossip and campaign tapes.
Politics Getting Weird
Former Vice President Cheney challenges Bill Clinton to a burger eating heart-attack match!
Obama, Bill Clinton, other Democrats out campaigning suddenly silent after hearing that former president Bush has a rap record out.
Not Disney World!
Hey Curling Champs, where are you going after winning the national championship? "We're headed to Shakertown, where they invented the broom!"
Williams: NPR was looking for reason to fire me. I recommend that no one send in donations.
NPR More Left Wing Than Networks
Williams: NPR was looking for reason to fire me and any other conservative!
Chinese Car Not Selling
New Chinese low-cost car introduced into America, the 'Dinky Dong'..not selling well.
"And You Can Bet Your Sweet Pooper..."
Hugo Chavez announcement to the United States about co-operation with Iran loses macho due to gay interpreter.
Kim & Son Name It "Acme Dong"!
CIA reports that North Korea now says they have increased their rocket speed to ludicrous!
German Giant Siemens Company to change it's name to 'White Honey!'
Stewart Interviewed Again
Martha Stewart still denies any links to organized crime.
Here They Come!
American couches get ready for the great lardass movement as the Holidays approach!
Now He's Rubbing It In!
In his latest video release, bin Laden shown blesing the spot in NYC where 911 Mosque to be built.
Pulled Out Just In Time
Local man who fell into big pig pen nearly defecated!
Boom Times Gone In Las Vegas
For many, gamble lost in once-booming Las Vegas. "It's us against the house", say those still there.
Kept Dead Friend In Car
Driver kept dead friend's body in her car for 10 months fearing police would 'accuse her of something'. She was right: Abusing a corpse!"
Bird Brains Bickering
O Sole Mio-singing parrot at centre of custody battle between ex-owner and council. Threaten to teach bird how to sing "Achy Breaky Heart".
Rooney replacement, Gazza, gets done for possessing drugs!
Man U have enough problems, first Rooneygate and now his proposed replacement, veteran super-whinger Gazza. Sir Alex was hoping to sign him on a short contract, but Gazza's blown it again, a joint!
Pound Falls In Value
Pound slumps to six month low against euro amid claims of new money printing round. Euro falls against Chinese Yuan..Yuan against Gold-Plated Latinum.
Blow Away Cyber-Bully?
Cyber-bullying is 'now the greatest fear U.S. parents have about their children's safety'. New classes being taught on how to cause cyber-bully's equipment to crash!
A "Sub On The Rocks, Please!" #2
Brand-new £1bn nuclear submarine on the rocks: Navy shame as Britain's most deadly vessel runs aground. "Already has a new drink name after it."
Sub On The Rocks, Please
Brand-new £1bn nuclear submarine on the rocks: Navy shame as Britain's most deadly vessel runs aground. Captain prevented from committing hari kari.
Roony Changes Tuney
Fans shock at U-turn as Rooney decides to stay at Old Trafford! "Call me Britain's Brett Favre", he jokes.
UK Nuclear Sub Grounded
"And you're not getting out of this house again until you think about what you did and apologise!" said mum.
Wayne Rooney Marches Down The Hill
Manchester United star, Wayne Rooney, surprised the pundits by signing a five year contract with his club.'I marched up to the top of the hill then I marched down again. I wanted to see the view.'
It Was The Mice
Office worker still blaming his eating of co-worker's lunches on mice, even though mice poop in drawer turns out to black pepper.
Discovered from old diary!
Just revealed: The original Ma and Pa Kettle were black!
NYC officials say that white object over the city two weeks ago was apparently Kirstie Alley mooning reporters after hanging out of helicopter. Copter pilot confesses after she almost brought it down.
Nyc Psychic Arrested, Ruined
Psychic in New York City who was caught slipping money out of clients pockets and purses says her career is ruined, never saw police coming after her.
New York psychic arrested after calling hundreds of Jewish men after seeing that their mother's have die, and telling them that 'Mother wants a word or two with you."
Billion Gallons Of Water On The Moon
Water on the Moon: A Billion Gallons! May bolster case for manned base. Won't have to drink piss-water.
Stink Bug Invasions
'Stink bugs' hit New York, other states in massive invasion. "They'll be gone once election is over", say pest control people.
Don't Make Waves?
NPR CEO: His Views Should Stay Between Himself And 'His Psychiatrist'. Be made to shut up against NPR prejudice!
Williams Speaks Out!
NPR's fired Williams: I Was Fired For Telling The Truth'. That was too much for today's news casters who are in the pockets of political parties.
NPR Catching It From GOP & Dems!
FOX NEWS OFFERS NEW $2 MILLION CONTRACT, EXPANDED ROLE To FIRED NPR REPORTER! "Freedom of speech still protected here", they say.
Fannie, Freddie Eating Up US Economy
FANNIE, FREDDIE bailout could double, triple, need three more bailouts!
Cuomo Blamed For Housing Bubble
New York's Paladino blames Cuomo for housing bubble. "He should change his name to "Freddie Mac!"
Republican Sharron Angle again called on Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid to "man up" and take responsibility for the state's woes! "Or is it rabbit-up?"
No Guts On Cuts?
Can Obama match Britain's guts on budget cuts? Probably not as he's cut very little so far, while adding more.
'Hobbit' Cast Being Completed
Peter Jackson announces 'Hobbit' cast with several descendants of Munchkins from old Oz movie hired as extras.
Expansive Native American exhibit opening in NYC. Displayed bones and remains of culture to show how we disrespect their people.
NPR Funding Questioned Again
NPR's fed funding questioned after firing analyst but liberals say they will continue government funding of 'mouthpiece'.
Lots Of Moon Water?
Last year's moonshot splashed up lots of water but Obama refuses to go any further. India, China say they may go after minerals, etc there.
Climate Deal Still Possible
US envoy: Climate deal still possible in Mexico, if we can be heard over drug gang gunfire!
Pakistan Military Given $2 Billion
AP sources: US to up Pakistani military aid by $2B. "The money's only worth half what it was anyway."
Poll: Americans split on health care repeal. "So let's just half-ass support, reject it", say half of them.
How About Answers?
Questions raised in Ohio gunpoint abortion case! You would think so, wouldn't you?
Obama Learns Of Suicides
Obama says he's shocked, saddened by youth suicides. Told 'None of are exactly cheered up over the incidents!"
Afghan insurgents say "no hope" for peace talks. President Obama: Why didn't you tell us this six years ago?
Yuan To Grow On!
China says global recovery shaky, to spur yuan use. But many oppose the plan. "First yuan thing and then another!"
Spuring Yuan Use!
China says global recovery shaky, to spur yuan use. Many countries say, "How can you get excited about a monetary unit called a Yuan?"
Yes/No On Another Stimulus
Two top U.S. Federal Reserve officials gave competing views on the need for more monetary stimulus to the U.S. economy, as first stimulus brought one job, paying CEO $100 million!
Obama Campaign For Senate Leader
Obama to campaign for embattled Senate leader as most people say they know What's His Ass!
Campaign Fervor Rises!
Campaign fervor rises as more fights at bars now over politics more than sports.
Teen Slightly Hurt
New teen driver injured in one-vehicle crash inside his home garage.
Lohan Luke Back In Court
Lindsay Lohan due back in court on criminal case, now a redhead!
Quiet Negotiations Helped
Diplomat: Quiet negotiations helped obtain release of prisoner in Iran. Mimes say: See we do have some use.
France Unrest Continues
French police force open blockaded fuel depot but then it's closed behind them by rioters.
Found One Older I Guess
Astronomers say they've found oldest galaxy so far...wait a minute..this just in. Make that the Second Oldest galaxy so far!
Award To Anonymous Artist
Anonymous street artist is awarded $100,000. Over 1,000 have now came forward to say, "I'm that guy!"
Tigers To Disappear
Tigers could be extinct within 12 years: WWF. "In Detroit, both Tigers and Lions are extinct already."
Many Voting Early
Election Day is over for millions of early voters. "Why get out in that crowd if no one slips you a $20 anymore?"
WikiLeaks Supported By Al-Qaida?
The WikiLeaks website appears close to releasing what the Pentagon fears is the largest cache of secret U.S. documents in history. At another time of war, this would be considered treason.
Warning: Bill Out Campaigning
Bill Clinton races to help Democratic candidates, drawing big crowds who have made their daughters stay at home,
Oksana Grigorieva Self-incriminates. Moron.
Oksana Grigorieva said in court today, "I am not an extortionist, I was just trying to gain property or money by force, or threat of harm to reputation and... What? That is extortion.? Sh-t."
Rooney trying not to be looney
UK football hero, Wayne Rooney, has decided to form his own company, called Rooneytunes, in a drastic effort to escape his stereo-typed image as a "loony tune". Rooney wants to sign up Madonna. Yeah!
Lady Gaga Cancels Performances
Lady Gaga cancels her shows in Paris this weekend due to strikes having crippled the city. Without meat & hair deliveries she would have nothing to wear, although that option was briefly considered.
World Health Organization Concerns
UN WHO is worried about travelers being injured in car accidents occurring on bad roads, in third world countries. The UN missed the genocide that occurred in Cambodia, Rwanda and Sudan!
Same Old, Same Old
Global climate disruption advocates upset by latest 2011 weather predictions in USA. Weathermen say it will be colder in some places, warmer in some places, wetter in some places drier in some places.
Reaction to USDA Banning Potatoes in Federal School Programs
Kids say they're not anti-healthy food advocates, but take your cotton picking hands off our potatoes! Healthy food advocates need to get a life, get laid or eat a double cheeseburger with fries.
Thanks from an Early Voter
After early voting "BULLSHIT" emails, flyers, TV ads, radio spots & phone calls can be deleted, thrown out, turned off or callers politely told "POUND SAND." Why didn't someone think of this earlier?
National Public Radio Political Correctness Strikes Again
Liberal Juan Williams fired from NPR for remarks about people in airports who can be identified as Muslims. Then SML Reid must be fired from the US Senate for racial remarks about President Obama!
A Case of Peanuts-in-Mouth Disease Reported
Former President Jimmy Carter said, while in Syria, that the terror group Hamas must be included in all major efforts for peace. Hamas has steadfastly refused to sit down and talk with Israel!
Pelosi to Take Job with the Bay Area Rapid Transit
Following the US House going Republican HS Pelosi will go to work for BART in San Francisco CA. Her experience causing train wrecks in Congress has sent commuters back into their automobiles!
Pelosi the Great Pretender
Is House Speaker Pelosi trying to keep her gavel by pretending to be the lightening rod for all Democratic liberal left policies, so that other house members will be saved? Does Pelosi use Botox?
You Sure it's Peanut Butter
Another far left wing study, done for the NAACP, tends to smear the "Tea Party" people. Golly gee Molly did you expect anything else from the radicals that stick to President Obama like peanut butter?
President Obama Breaks Wind
The Obama administration claims the stimulus created 50,000 jobs on wind farms. Many of the wind farms were built before the stimulus money began to flow or before President Obama was inaugurated.
Obama's Bleak Future for Americans
President Obama says mid-term elections will set nation's future. If Democratic left liberals retain power expect more unemployment, taxes, spending, deficits & regulations as USA becomes like France!
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