Spoof news snippets from Tuesday 19 October 2010
Joe Miller Bodyguard Arrest Blogger
Joe Miller's bodyguard arrested a blogger, because Miller doesn't want bloggers pointing out his hypocrisies about smaller government.
You Cannot Say You Weren't Warned!
'Navy Cuts' were all the rage in the 1940s - especially Capstan full strength. Now the government wants to make them popular again this Year
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Anger in Hungary, fear downstream as toxic contamination
spreads as Blue Danube turns purple!
Man who admitted trying to blow up a downtown Dallas skyscraper is sentenced to 24 years of watching the Cowboys!
New evidence found for flour in stone-age diet as 30,000-year old McMammoth Burger discovered with one bite out of it.
Keep Adjusting Machines
Our shrinking dollar causing havoc at casinos around the country!
Tom Bosley Dead At 83
'Happy Days' dad Tom Bosley dead at 83. Fonzie: "A fond farewell, Mr. G"
Shots At Pentagon
Shots hit Pentagon; Police label it 'random event'. 'We welcome it to keep us on our toes!'
No To Compromise
Compromise on Capitol Hill: Is it really what Americans want? "YES!..well, not really. Where's the fun?"
May Be In Jail But I'm Not Dead!
New sting operation brings in 12 in Kentucky as pharmacies place signs saying 'Mixing drugs bought here with illegal drugs could kill you. Before taking any pills, check with county sheriff's office.'
Delay It Until Next Year!
Many objecting to new Peanuts TV Show, "A Very Charlie Brown Ramadan"
UK scrap the Ark Royal and reincarnate Dads Army!
UK is cutting its military spending and the first to go is the majestic Ark Royal, Dad's army is too be reincarnated and Nelson's HMS Victory reinstated, no fuel just plenty of wind ask Cameron!
X-Factor's Rebecca Ferguson Denies Anal Bleaching Allegations
"I'm a black woman" she told pals. "What would be the point of that?"
Bankruptcies, Closures Everywhere!
The world's tallest building now filled with 10,000 squatters. It's beginning to tilt.
A Real Gut-Buster
IRS hotline now giving out answers to your questions in Pig Latin. "Just adding a bit of jocularity", says rep.
Politics As Usual
After being called witches, etc., Republicans strike back with handing out toe tags with ObamaCare on them.
Geeks Gawk At Girl's Goodies
Computer geeks are finally in fashion say some young ladies. So the brain is beginning to make inroads into the brawn territory. "Dudley, you the man!" one of today's top sayings!
I Need Some Bread
Bread was around 30,000 years ago according to study. "Bread could have been medium of exchange", they surmise.
Panorama Reported Fears Of Mine Collapse Before Accident.
"Bit fuckin' late now!" says Chilean President.
West Coast Post says that the second Twilight Movie was first called "Jacob Black Howls A Who!"
Lemons Demonstrate As They Are Voted U.K's Least Favourite Fruit
Nations favourite, Banana's, say "they're just bitter."
First Name For Twilight Movie
West Coast Post says that the Twilight Movie was first called "Edward & Isabella's Excellent Adventure"
Louis Walsh: "Mr Lee Was A Right Mug For Taking My Advice!"
Latest X-Factor argument is just a Storm in a teacup, say pundits.
"The Chosen One" wants Rooney, but only if he learns English!
Spains Real Madrid have shown interest in buying ailing super-star, Scouser Rooney, one problem, Mourinho has demanded that Rooney learns proper English mate, por favor! Spanish, nunca!
Meltdown At Solar Factory
President Obama interrupts television shows to announce that there has been a meltdown at big solar heat building. Apparently scientists were looking at what a bit magnifying glass would do!
Need For More Cash!
Statue of Liberty, Smithsonian Institution to have slot machine in them.
Shoplifters Cost UK Retailers £4 billion
"We can't afford to pay them anymore. Nope. It's tough, but they're gonna have to go," said retail spokesman.
"We are in talks with their union."
Still Has Hard Feelings!
The thing that once was the planet Pluto now calling itself "Mi Ice T" wiggles in orbit.
Should Be Interesting
Moron Tabernacle Choir set to sing "Tabby Dunlki Lupoopoo Beebeebo" on "American Tonight!"
Is That All?
UFO sighting near Mountain View in California proved to be only unidentified aliens in flying vehicles!
Elvis Still #1
For the twenty-second year in a row there have been more Elvis sightings that there has been of Vice Presidents of the United States!
NFL Announces Ratings More Important than Punishing Favre
"Brett Favre is playing the Packers this weekend, and that means huge ratings and lot and lots of money for the NFL, so we aren't going to punish Favre for his sexist behavior." Roger Goodell said.
GW Was Innocent
Historians now believe that George Washington was covering for his mother when he told father that it was he who chopped down cherry tree. George's mother was an old battleaxe!
Former Vienna Choirboys tell of use of sausage by catholic clergy!
Watch Out For All Three
Lack of love, lost interest in sex and always ready TheSpoof is driving the over-50s to divorce!
Top Two Threats
Britain's No.1 threat: Cyber terrorists who can knock a jet out of the sky, moldy nuclear missiles.
Wheelie Bin Kitty Woman Sentenced!
U.K. woman filmed dumping a cat in a wheelie bin has pleaded guilty to animal cruelty offense. Will live for one week in the wheelie bin.
105 Tons Of Happy Weed!
Mexican authorities seize 105 tons of marijuana on one acre pot!...plot!
Dirty Tricks Already Began
Three van loads of Hughes High students were taken last week, during school hours - to vote & given sample ballots only for Dem. candidates and then taken for ice cream, a Monday lawsuit alleges.
El Paso City Sees UFO
VIDEO: More strange UFO lights, this time over El Paso. Many think it's the ghost of Marty Robbins.
We Are Destroying The Earth
UN: 'We are destroying life on Earth'. 'Of course we've been doing that since Cain & Abel!
Putin TV Interview Fails
Putin's TV interview to prove he's still married backfires; Wife forgets to wear wedding ring, chastity belt.
Ten Percent Unemployment
Mid-October figures say the the unemployment rate in the United States is 10%. Even higher after election next month!
Dems Sweeten The Pot
Dems make pre-election pitch to help seniors; $250 bonus plus $10 for every Democrat elected on the federal level.
No Meat Costumes
Butchers warn against wearing Lady Gaga raw meat dress for Halloween, especially around watch dogs.
Obama's Three Trillion Debt
National Debt Up $3 Trillion on Obama's Watch with little help for economy, number of layoffs, candidates he's supporting, winning.
Men Stand Out!
White Republican men stand out in early voting. Most credit Viagra!
Mayor Naked Cowboy
Times Square Naked Cowboy may run for Mayor. He's especially promoting global warming in Times Square, daily sharp object pick-ups!
Speaker faces foreclosure on house
Senate Majority Leader Reid may be in danger of losing his house in foreclosure. "If he can't graft enough over the years to pay his house off, he doesn't need to be a Senator", both parties agree.
Next Toy Story Different
Rumor: Toy Story #4 3D will be an adult movie starring adult sex toys!
Did Their Best
Mile High Club turns down couple who were trying but suddenly hit the airplane ceiling when plane hit air pocket.
Obama On Another TV Show
Obama to appear on TV science show "Mythbusters". Tiger Woods to appear on "Missbusters".
Obama On Mythbusters
Obama to appear on TV science show "Mythbusters". "No, my mother-in-law does not rule the White House. Not unless both VP and I out campaigning."
Call As Soon As Possible
CPR switch: Call for professionals first, if no phone, make noise like a siren, then chest presses and breaths.
Texas Man Awaits Face Transplant
Badly burned Texas man waits for face transplant. Nancy Pelosi moves up to ninth on the waiting list.
Better Than Recycled Piss
Space shuttle leaking, NASA working up repair plan. Maybe leaks can also be turned into water supply.
Gulf Health Grade Lower
Scientists lower Gulf health grade. "We believe that the oil is still on the ocean floor."
Hedge Instead Of Bush
EU ministers near deal on Hedge funds now that Bush no longer in the way.
France Cracks Down
France's Sarkozy: We'll crack down on protests as police now receive 10,000 wet noodles!
Where Was This During Past 2 Years?
Obama seeks to boost Hispanic achievement just before mid-term election.
Seven Meet In NYC
All 7 NY governor candidates meet in 1st debate. None of the seven seemed to be magnificent.
McCain Backs Palin
McCain shares Palin's view on tea party influence. But he's been gaga ever since naming her as VP two years ago!
Dems Making Bid For Votes
Democrats make pre-election pitch to help seniors. "Whenever you fall down, we'll send someone to help you get up."
Dems Offer Seniors Help
Democrats make pre-election pitch to help seniors. Will allow many to move into government repossessed homes for 2 years.
Would Help Bargaining
Hillary Clinton: Help Me Change Diplomacy With Technology by carrying a nuclear bomb on air force plane she flies on.
May Have Been Used As Currency
Bread was around 30,000 years ago, but better was in short supply says study.
Vidoe's From Behind Residence, Rocks Artificial
NATO official: Bin Laden living comfortably in Pakistan making videos in desert area behind one residence.
Terrorists Attack Chechen Parliament
Rebels stage suicide attack on Chechen parliament as Russia learns it too is scheduled to be wiped out by Islamic terrorists!
Dems Making Desparate Offers
Democrats make pre-election pitch to help seniors. Will pay golf membership fees for next 2 years.
Since You Seem To Enjoy Bombs
Four in New York bomb plot trial found guilty. Sentenced to view next US nuclear test...from ten feet.
Election Up For Bids
Democrats make pre-election pitch to help seniors by offering $250 each. GOP offer $275!
Levi Johnson Wants To Be Mayor
Levi Johnston wants to be mayor; has no platform, little sense!
Future To Hold Many Shields
Russia considering proposal to join missile shield. "Couldn't hurt", says military leaders.
Chavez In Iran
Chavez in Iran for talks on boosting oil, gas ties as most admit that both leaders are full of gas.
Woman Racking Up The Poll-Leads
Prediction for new leadership after next month? Wall Street says woman will be racking up the most wins!
NY Governor's Race!
All 7 NY governor candidates meet in 1st debate. Five slaps on the back, two on the face!
What is a 'super typhoon'? Some say that it's a typhoon that not even kryptonite cannot slow down.
Bread Around 30,000 Years #3
Bread was around 30,000 years ago -study. Some still on sale at the day-old store on Market Street.
Bread Around 30,000 Years #2
Bread was around 30,000 years ago -study. McDonalds Happy Meal now 29,999 years and six months behind.
Bread Around 30,000 Years
Bread was around 30,000 years ago -study. However, David Gates was not always the lead singer!
Bin Laden Living Well #2
NATO official: Bin Laden living comfortably in Pakistan. Unmanned rockets doing door to door search.
Bin Laden Living Well In House
NATO official: Bin Laden living comfortably in Pakistan. "That's a hologram in front of cave."
Crystal Cathedral Bankrupt
Crystal Cathedral megachurch files for bankruptcy. Perhaps multi-millions for building instead of for helping people one reason!
Sarkozy Gets Rough
France's Sarkozy: We'll crack down on protests! No caviar nor escargot for a month.
Dems Buying Votes #4
Democrats make pre-election pitch to help seniors. Ten free early-bird specials at selected restaurants.
Dem Buying Votes #3
Democrats make pre-election pitch to help seniors. Free bus trips to casinos, nudist colonies!
Dems Buying Votes #2
Democrats make pre-election pitch to help seniors. Free Viagra for two years until next election.
Dems Buying Votes!
Democrats make pre-election pitch to help seniors. $250 to help make up for no raises for 2 years until needed for Dem elections
The Russian Government is trying to market Chernobyl as a new tourist spot.
Locals give it three thumbs up
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