Spoof news snippets from Monday 18 October 2010
Britain to share aircraft hangar with France
"You bring petrol. We'll bring slaves"
Classified Ad #8
Wanted: Petrol. Will trade for Romanian cheerleading squad. Offers to Sarkozy.
China votes for next leader
Chop Suey expected to beat Kung Fu in elections.
Obama admits he helped push Republicans' car out of ditch
President Obama said that his performance helped push the Republicans' car out of ditch, and that he felt sorry for his actions.
New iPhone app
Now,an iPhone app that tells how good-looking you are...er that shiny finish is called a mirror.It's not an app!
New Supercomputer Gets Religious
Latest supercomputer fast enough for 5 trillion calculations, but dumb enough to fall for organized religion invented in top secret US lab
New Gallup Poll shows that 46% of Americans still cannot name their vice president Biden by name. President Obama said he was fairly certain it was Hillary Clinton. Clinton said she thought so, too.
Global Warming now being blamed on kid playing with matches!
Best Class Yet!
Saudi Arabia Warns of New Terrorist Threat, now that we have fully trained them!
Is This Dog Food?
Oil workers, youths, truckers defy French govt by going on strike, criticizing chefs at top restaurants.
Jackass 3D Sets Records
Jackass 3D sets several records, mended broken bones over the weekend.
Chile Miners Depressed A Bit
Rescued miners in Chile say they celebrated for several days but then the reality of the times hit them. Lindsay Lohan was still in rehab.
What Follows Trillion
Palin pleads: 'Nobody tell Obama what number comes after a trillion!'. "Probably 'shit creek' says Limbaugh!
I'm Ummm 16 With Artificial Knee!
The rise of the silver surfer: How half of women over 55 log on to Facebook as several say they play as teenagers in talks also.
Winter In Britain
Britain will be hit by early winter snow Tuesday as biting winds from the North Pole make daytime temperatures feel as cold as a well-diggers ass..although asses are seldom used to dig wells nowadays.
Nuclear war is less of a threat than cyber attacks, alien attacks and terrorism, an international military crisis or a natural event like a flu pandemic, the new national security strategy warns.
Prince Harry Docu-Drama!
UK's Channel 4 says they will air Prince Harry docu-drama and defends it as a 'serious journalistic' spoof!
Kuwaiti TV Station Attacked
Family-armed mob storms Kuwaiti TV station after satirical show allegedly insults ruling family
Las Vegas Flooding?
Flood advisory issued for the Las Vegas area. Officials afraid that what happens in Las Vegas could make flooding stay in Las Vegas!
Typhoon Megi 'sure makes a mean landfall' in Philippines with winds of 140 mph!
Leave Our Narcotic Thieves Be!
Mexican hit men stalk USA; Drug lords' gunmen target narcotics thieves. "Shouldn't allow that to happen here, to our narcotics thieves as they could hit American narcotic thief", says FBI agent.
Swiss Suicide Clinic Offers Bargains
Swiss suicide clinic wants cocktail of drugs available for heartbroken relatives as well, under new 'Family Plan'.
Sarkozy Versus Bardot
Brigitte Bardot wants to challenge Sarkozy as French president. Asked if he would pinch her tail, Sarkozy replies that her tail isn't real.
French petrol stations running dry, cest la vie, they still have enough vin rouge!
French petrol stations are drying up, par de problem, as long as the supplies of vin rouge don't dry up too, then we've got a real fucking French Revolucion! Merde!
Spoof Writers Attacked by Giant Gerbils With Flu!
Last night as they arrived at an island to discover the Oracle of Knowledge, Spoof writers were beset upon by 4 foot tall gerbils "From Hell". See the Magazine Section for the entire 15 chapters!
Fast Eddie Up The River
Chicag's "Fast Eddie" going to prison. Will "Vacationing Obama" have to testify on retrial?
Enthusiasm for President Obama fades in unlikely place: America!
Paul Won't Shake Hands
Rand Paul refuses to shake hands with his political opponent after debate. "His hand was full of mud", states Paul.
Was Dead But Feeling Better
Woman, 89, Thought Dead Found Breathing, Moving As Police Officers Did Not Check For Pulse! "I can't catch a break", states elderly lady.
The dog used in the walls sausages ads is suing for deformation of character, he claims he never endorsed walls sausages and they used a voice over.
Not just the omlette
Apparently it's not only an omlette you can't making without breaking eggs - this is also true of scrambled eggs, fried eggs and poached eggs.
Research has shown that fatty foods do indeed make you fat
Plenty Of Empty Seats
WHAT RECESSION: DC 'oasis for jobs and growth'...especially after November elections.
Most Afraid Of This Change!
Dems find careers threatened by ObamaCare votes. That thing certainly didn't do us any favors", say state candidates.
Naughty Boys Win!
Roethlisberger sharp in return; Jets and Saints win. Other 'Naughty Boy" Brett Favre also wins.
Film Festival Off To Good Start!
Film festival shows contrasts of Mexico's drug war to that of Shangri La in the Kunlun Mountains.
Lots Of Award Shows Today
Homeless Tonys in search of space for awards show. Several suggest The Grand Canyon!
But There Might Be Side Effects
FDA approves Botox for migraine headaches to help remove brain wrinkles.
Clinton On Drug Violence
Clinton: US working to ending Mexico drug violence. "Can't we all take our drugs in peace?"
Swiss Dig World's Longest Tunnel
Swiss celebrate digging world's longest tunnel. Beats old one of Kirstie Alley's colon!
PETA, Greenpeace Object
UN meeting on saving species opens in Japan. The first one up: Humankind!
Oil Now $81 Barrel
Oil falls to near $81 as US dollar rebounds to fifty cents!
Obama On Mythbusters #3
Obama to appear on episode of 'Mythbusters'. Will illustrate how country can survive catastrophic debt.
Bitter Kentucky Race
Kentucky Senate race turns bitter in debate as someone puts wrong ingredients into mint juleps.
Obama Targets Key Groups #2
Obama targets key groups in election's homestretch, mostly around southern tip of Florida!
Obama Targets Key Groups
Obama targets key groups in election's homestretch. "I'm after those who now made mistake of voting for me to support local Democrats."
News From Texas
Jordanian man faces sentencing in Dallas bomb plot. Meanwhile Dallas Cowboys keep bombing themselves.
CPR Switch #56
CPR switch: Chest presses first, then give breaths. Survey shows some males were already doing this with busty victims!
Pentagon braces for huge WikiLeaks dump on Iraq war. Like loud laughter of troops over announcement that Obama had received Nobel Prize For Peace!
More WikiLeaks Coming Out
Pentagon braces for huge WikiLeaks dump on Iraq war. Like the hours of forcing prisoners to listen to American political speeches.
Public urged to cut waste. "By eating less, you'll get a head start", say experts.
A celebration of life!
A celebration of life! people all over the world today will stop for a second, celebrate that they are not dead, and then go on toward that eventual destination.
Bridges built to help Borneo orangutans meet mates
And opponents claimed that it was another Bridge To Nowhere!
Obama On Mythbusters! #3
Obama to appear on episode of 'Mythbusters'. Wants to rebuke myth that he's most liberal President ever!
Obama On Mythbusters! #2
Obama to appear on episode of 'Mythbusters'. Wants to prove he deserved Nobel Peace Prize!
Obama On Mythbusters!
Obama to appear on episode of 'Mythbusters'. To once again argue that he was born in the U.S.
Latest On Whatever!
Northeast Utilities to buy Nstar in $4.17B deal. As you know, TheSpoof has been following this closely.
G-20 Summit In SKorea
South Korean police ready to secure G-20 summit. Kim in North Korea rubbing hands together with glee-a bad sign.
Attorney Sentenced In Child Porn Case
Ex-NJ lawmaker to be sentenced in child porn case. Claims he had to check them closely in order to know what his child porn clients were doing.
Long Long Trial
Trial to begin in death of DC intern Chandra Levy. After all this time, many are wondering "Who's Chandra Levy?"
"Kick Me!" Replaced By "Follow Me!"
Discovery of GPS tracker becomes privacy issue. Beware of back slaps by CIA, FBI agents.
More CPR Changes
CPR switch: Chest presses first, then give breaths, THEN call for somebody who knows what they're doing.
CPR Rules Change Again
CPR switch: Chest presses first, then give breaths. Fourth change in recent years. How many have been assisted into the next world?
Deja Vu All Over Again: Yogi Berra
Merkel says German multi-cultural society has failed. Pure race disappearing.
NY governor candidates - all 7 - to debate most of the night. Expect shoes to fly, mud up to the knees!
Production Not Good If In Wrong Direction
A productive Congress gets no respect from voters! That's because they produce the programs heading in the wrong direction, say many voters. Like where are the jobs?
X Factor hooker Chloe Mafia is revealed as the new face of the Vegetable Promotion Board.
"I always make sure I get five a day" says Chloe.
Cheryl Cole denies using new album to hit back at ex husband Ashley
Her latest track,"Tiny Todger", now available for download.
Pentagon Brush off Wikileaks Files on Iraq
The Pentagon have braced themselves for the release of 400,000 files on Iraq. They say that it is only 1% of the total in existence. Wikileaks is the 21st century version of the Watergate scandal.
US sinking through leakages over Iraq war!
Leaks about to be published on a Swedish Whistle Blowing website will certainly prove George Bush was a sadistic, mad-hatter moron, Sadam was too, but there was only room for one!
Pentagon readies response to leak
Anyone know a good plumber?
Depeche Mode to sue Chilean miners
Electropop veterans Depeche Mode will sue Chilean miners who wore sunglasses on TV after 69 days spent underground. The band claim that the miners stole their developed in the late 80's image.
BP Glad Americans Have Short Attention Spans
BP announced they are going to stop ads bragging about helping oil spill victims with their $20 billion trust fund, because most Americans attention spans are moving on to other things.
X-Factor - Storm Says We Haven't Seen The Best Of Him
Most people don't want to. He can keep it. Knobhead.
Rolling Stones Considering Retirement
Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Ron Woods and Charlie Watts considered retirement today, after seconds of deliberations Richards said, "Naaaaaaaah." the other three nodded in agreement and went to lunch.
The Monkees Mull Reunion Tour
Hey Hey were the..... old codgers who still sing Monkees songs. Yes Micky Dolenz, Davy Jones, Peter Tork and Michael Nesmith have agreed to a reunion tour that would take them from Tampa Bay to Miami
New REHAB Facility Opens
The Glen Beck REHAB Facility has opened its doors to treat Democratic left wing liberals. The 10 week program specializes in weaning people off of the highly addictive substance Obamajuana!
Guess Who Else is Confused
An environmentalist who predicted 100 severe hurricanes in 2010 was asked why there were only three. He said "because global warming was changed to global climate disruption, confusing Mother Nature!"
Post Petroleum Stress Syndrome
Environmentalists are being admitted to hospitals, in increasing numbers, suffering from PPSS. Many of those pesky old oil drilling platforms in the gulf are to become bases for wind farms or reefs.
Your Other Left Soldier
President Obama announced that legislation repealing "Don't Ask Don't Tell" in the US military will also contain a provision eliminating the commands of right face, right flank and right turn.
The 112th Congress and Resulting Gridlock
A Dem. president, GOP in control of US House & US Senate split. Americans don't get over taxed, over spent, over regulated, bedrooms safe, women keep their bodies & sexual preference is your choice.
Congressional Spending is Obese
Obesity related medical costs are estimated at about $168 billion. President Obama is to ask the Democratic controlled Congress to invest $1 trillion in new spending to alleviate this obesity problem!
Dream Ticket (or Nightmare)
A Democratic group announced plans to challenge President Obama in 2012. Their ticket will be Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton and Vice Presidential Candidate former President Bill Clinton!
Short and to the Point
Democratic and Republican CEOs of a number of Fortune 500 companies have written a short letter to the FED Chairman. The letter simply says "stop f**king around with the US economy!"
Modern Day Kafka-ish Story
President Obama's 27% Democratic liberal left wants the other 73% of American citizens to support their loony, over spending, overtaxing, over regulating and wealth redistribution philosophy.
Democratic Political Hypocrisy
If a political group were to court the white vote, they would be called KKK members by the Democratic left! What is President Obama to be called for courting the black vote? Hypocrite comes to mind.
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