Pope Promises Compensation for Abuse Victims
The Pope has taken person charge of compensating abuse victims. He said, "These are not empty promises, we are going to put our money where our mouth was."
written by Xavier
, 01 October 2010
'Ain't No Mountain Higher!'
Denise Van Outen has discovered 1.5 kg of cocaine in the Andes village of Machu Picchu. It is estimated that the value of the drug could be as much as £100,000 pounds. NOW THAT IS HIGH!
US reveal secret weapons syphilis and gonorrhea didn't work!
The US military has revealed it attempted to defeat it's enemies by infecting them with venereal diseases, it didn't work so they "nuked" the bastards!
Obstacles on the Sixth Hole
This hole is the most Welsh in the Ryder Cup: no fairway; sheep running riot and the flag replaced with rugby posts. Will need 12 shots (more than Wales will get in Euro 2012)
Massive Cutbacks at Public Cemetaries in Europe
Grave consequences expected...
Obstacles on the Fifth Hole
This short par 3 is easily managable if you hit the green... if Lady Gaga didn't decide to dress up specifically for the event. And avoid Victoria Beckham with her new hat: that's not the flag.
Obstacles on the Fourth Hole
The fourth hole is covered with Obama enthusiasts. Recommended you take a bi. I mean a by.
Obstacles on the Third Hole
The third hole contains a variety of bunkers and thick patches of grass. Ideal for you Mr. Woods if you get the urge to find Nigella Lawson or Kate Thornton.
Obstacles on the Second Hole
The second hole, a Dog Leg Left, literally has a dog leg left on the playing field. Thought to be from nearby dumpster.
Obstacles on the First Hole. (1 of 18)
The first hole is 250 yards, and is littered with homeless Romanian people who were kicked out of France
Sarkozy opens "France World"
People must use "Park Tickets" to enter after Nicolas pissed off the EU.
Print workers boycot script in boldcase
Boldcase association fights back
Ireland: Danger Averted
Ireland's broken economy has seen the worst.
Policy makers announced they will fix the problems with a carbon tax, a national broadband network and a very fast train between Dublin and Cork.
New Flat Volcanoes Discovered Across World
The new volcanoes are highly explosive and prone to fume without warning, due to their flat and shapeless forms.
Scientists are calling the phenomenon a "resurgence of feminism".
Britney still bonkers - official.
Britney Spears to remain under her father's care, rules an LA judge.
Local man attacked by a troupe of mime artists.
"They performed unspeakable acts on me....."
New EC Austerity Measures - 2
Portugal says: "How come Ireland gets to play Playstation? It's just not fair! I hate you!
Vatican Bank Officials Quizzed
Said magistrate: "They were good on religion and some science and nature questions, but films and music let them down."
International Court delivers opinion on Reference re Secession of Isle of Wight & Isle of Man
(Hague, Netherlands): Historic 8-versus-7 ruling grants men in midlife crises right to secede and form new nation-state: Isle of Wight-Man.
They Left Out Self Inflicted Brain Rot
A study just released by a rabid environmentalist group blames climate disruption for causing bed bugs, athlete's foot, constipation, body odor, warts, dandruff, baldness and diaper odor.
Consumer Product Safety Commission's New Guidelines
CPSC to issue new guidelines concerning rulers, rubber bands & paper clips for science kits for use by children under the age of 12 years. Apparently there is not enough work to do in Washington DC!
EPA Issues New Regulations on Toxic Spills
EPA says 10 million gallons of urine are inadvertently spilled on men's room floors every day. President Obama will ask Congress for $50 billion to hire federal inspectors to clean up the problem!
Postal Regulatory Commission Denies Rate Increase
The independent PRC that oversees the USPS voted to deny an increase of 2 cents in the cost of mailing a first class letter. The USPS will cut costs by only delivering mail on Wednesdays & Saturdays!
Tax Relief You Can See
It's once again safe to take your wallet, wife/kids and the family jewels out of the safe, from under the bed or from the tin can buried in the backyard! The US Congress has gone home to campaign!
A new Pew poll indicates that only six out of 10 people could correctly identify Joe Biden as the current US vice president. This is no surprise, as President Obama doesn't even recognize him!
Political Lexicon 2010
President Obama's senior advisor David Axelrod said "I do think this is going to be an idiosyncratic election." Republicans are hoping to remove Obama's Democratic idiot sycophants from Congress!