Order by:
Rating:

He's An Old Hippy!

Local man turns 65, desperately hanging onto Dylan and the Dead!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Israel Turns To U.S. For Help

Netanyahu to press U.S. for military threat on Iran. "They won't listen to us because we don't exist."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Long Dry Spell

Slim hope for change in 1st Myanmar vote since '90. That's 1890!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Iran Takes On Weaker Foes First

Iran, showing off it's new military might, asks Canada to apologize or else, even if you haven't done anything. You want a piece of us?

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Bush Remembers His Pony

In new book, Bush remembers getting a pony for his birthday. "I had only been out of the National Guard for a couple of weeks and daddy comes over..."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

15-Minute Update

Study shows that due to so much reality TV, people will now average 18 minutes of fame each.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

TV Scandal!

Big scandal with infomercials as it has been discovered that cheering crowd has been hand-picked!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Freedom of Speech Attacked As Too Liberal by Repulicans

Washington, D.C. - An outcry among tea party, and Repulican party members, as allowing everyone eaqual speech rights is deemed too Socialist. The Bible Belt has been restricted from doing anything.

written by Inhopeless, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Each Blames The Other

Archaeologists say that they have misplaced complete Brontosaurus skeleton they dug up last week in Montana.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Here's Your Fortuneless Cookie

Los Angeles votes to remove all fortunes from fortune cookies. "Fortune influences children to eat sweets not good for them, just like the Happy Meal."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

This Time Forever!

(Place Hollywood couple's name here) say that this time it's the real thing for both of them!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

S.F. Passes Ne Law

San Francisco passes bill to outlaw smoking at your residence.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Free Health Insurance?

Peoples Republic of China may pay for all Americans to have free insurance. "What else are we going to do with a skyscraper full of $100 bills, build another one?"

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Swimsuit Contest To Continue During The Whole Show

Due to low ratings, Miss America Contest to be moved to Mexico. "They wear a lot less down there", states producer.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

It Was Just The Right Time!

The Odd Fellows have decided to come out of the closet! Been in there since 1452!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

"I'm Not Touching That!"

Bottle with message tossed into Lake Superior twenty-One years ago pops up in New Orleans man's commode!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Must Cut Costs!

Congress votes itself a 10% raise. "Thought we'd help the newcomers", says 30-year veteran. "We do that every two years."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Apple to release own version of SimCity

Not to be outdone by EA Games, iCity will only feature rich, white and obnoxious cities, such as Manhattan and Central London

written by Inhopeless, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Levitra Patch!

Men say the new Levitra Patch works great and for a week. However, "It takes a lot of hair and skin when you tear it off.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Message From Titan!

Message from Titan: "We have caught rogue probe gang and fribbled them."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

UFO Study Group Back!

Air Force UFO Scientists back at building, asking for some hemorrhoid cream.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Air Force Scientists Disappear

Air Force Bureau of UFOs closes after disappearing overnight. "That will help budget", says GOP. "See if they'll take PETA!"

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Bush Book Excerpts

Bush Book: And I'm drunk and sitting next to a beautiful woman, friend of mother and dad's. And I said to her out loud "what is sex like after 50?".' Then Laura says, 'You'll never know!"

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Five Star Hotel For Patients

NHS hospital is putting patients up in five-star hotel rooms
as more patients come in complaining that they have a bone in their leg.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Red Carpet Blown Away

Winds blow away red carpet laid out for Obamas' send-off. Lower classes brought for them to walk across their backs.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Another Midcourse Correction

Obama says 'midcourse corrections' to come at home. Secretary of State Hillary to be moved to ambassador to Azerbaijan.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

The Excitement Builds

Voters choose new parliament in Azerbaijan! Stay tuned to TheSpoof, the only site carrying all the Azerbaijan updates!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

"Having Even Seen A Budget!"

Rand Paul wants to cut budget but short on details. After all, he's been in Washington for 4 days.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Obama Dancing Up A Storm!

Obama dances, celebrates Diwali in India. Does it wrong and causes six inches of rain. Many events canceled.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

GOP Strikes Back!

Republicans tell Obama no use in running to India to learn to charm snakes. They've already imported instructor here.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Obama Lightening Up

Obama starts second day in India on lighter note. "Yesterday he was dancing, today he's learning to play music to charm snakes. Should help him in Washington", says Indian Newspaper.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

They're ALL There

Friends: Boehner no Washington D.C. 'insider'...except for the bars of course.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

"That's Not My Son!"

Michael Jackson: SONY Sets Dec 14 Release Date for 'New' CD. Family claims it's not real. "Listen to that one he's singing with Elvis", says Joe Jackson.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Clinton: Won't Run For President

CBS: Hillary Clinton Rules Out 2012, 2016 Presidential Runs. But wouldn't say 'No' to a VP offer.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Black GOP Part Of Tea Party

Fla's first black GOP rep says effort to paint Tea Party as racist failed. "Most tea is black", he states in Fla. paper.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Putin Pootin Around

Putin races Formula One car in new stunt. Announces that he will play for the Buffalo Bills in their last game of the season.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Certainly Appeared Like It At Times

Muslims dismissive of Obama's visit..."Thought he was one of us."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Obama: Me Too!

Security panic after cop guarding Obama hotel shoots self in leg. "I know exactly how he feels", says Obama.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Everybody Dancing

Obamas dance up a storm in Mumbai. Republicans dance it up in Washington!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Passenger In Disguise!

Man uses elaborate disguise to get into Canada. Though most confessed later that they thought Nixon was dead.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Bush On Book Tour #2

Bush on book tour keeps accidentally signing his tie.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Bush On Book Tour

Bush to speak with Lauer, Winfrey, Leno, others...but none with higher IQ's than these.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Chewing Champs!

Wyoming, West Virginia lead in chewing tobacco use, number of singles!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Sloth Bone, New Political Nickname Found

Researcher IDs Ice Age sloth bone in Colorado. "They tend to rot very slowly."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Driverless Taxis Next?

Bloomberg to promote electric taxis in cities. Prepare for your hair to stand straight up when visiting NYC. Of course, it does anyway over taxi driver's driving.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

You Lost, Get Over It! #2

Remainder of Dems in House, Senate call Obama and tell him they're headed for India also!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

You Lost, Get Over It

MSNBC Analysis: Tea Party lawmakers must be willing to be unpopular. Except with the voters, apparently!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Pelosi Announces She Will Be Minority Leader

Pelosi will seek to stay as House Dem leader. Dems across nation wonder how to deal with Obama's nose in the air, Pelosi's eyebrows in the air.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Pelosi More Humble

Pelosi will seek to stay as House Dem leader. "I'm simply the best", she declares!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Alarm Glitch Warning #2

Alarm glitch could have iPhone users scrambling. "Fired Postal worker with machine gun jut around that next corner!"

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Alarm Glitch Panic

Alarm glitch could have iPhone users scrambling: "Warning, this iPhone is actually a terrorist bomb!"

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

No Kidding, Chester?

Missing turbine part key to A380 emergency probe. Airline says that it was probably needed for turbine to work.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

No Problem With That Here

Japan says it will open up economy, seek more FTAs. Demand citizens not to save so much.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Paul Not Afraid To Speak

Sen.-elect Paul: GOP must consider military cuts. "For instance, let's bring those 50,000 in Iraq after Obama pulled our troops out, to come guard our southern border."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Until Then, Docs Don't Know Ass From Hole In Ground

Ryan: 2013 earliest to repeal health care law. Prepare for a lot of confusion between.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Cantor Objects To Pelosi

Cantor: If Pelosi stays, then Dems don't get it! Pelosi tells Cantor, "You don't have to sing it like that!"

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Terrorism Worries

Terrorism threats in Indonesia worry US officials. "Us too", say Indonesians.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Obama: I May Never Return To US

President Obama: "Economy is recovering but at a (mumble) case. What? OK OK! At a 'snail's' pace! You happy now?"

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Keep Gays In Military

Marines' leader: Keep policy on gays in military, big boys!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

No Baggage Allowed?

LA police search train for suspicious baggage. Many airlines say they may only allow a carry-on from now on. People can ship clothes ahead in x-rayed boxes.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Another Emergency Landing

AirTran flight makes emergency landing in Tennessee. Pilot says it was a plot that some on board wanted to see Country Music Hall of Fame.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Mosquitoes Versus Mosquitoes

Wiping Out Mosquito-Borne Diseases - With Mosquitoes! Patients to swallow the live insects.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

The Shadow Knows

Economy recovering, but recession's shadow is long. Who knows how long it is? The Shadow Know! Claims it's a whopper.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Coming Out Of The Closet

Many Moms say that they are relieved when sons come out of the closet. "It's always such a sticky mess to clean up", says one.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Repeal Gay Ban

Gates urges Congress to repeal gay ban now. Comes out of the closet.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Now Ye Know!

Many ask who started Daylight Savings Time. It was Ben Franklin who had been out too long drinking ale at night and had tremendous hangovers.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Midcourcse Corrections

Obama says 'midcourse corrections' to come at home. Family garden replaced by marijuana patch.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Guinea Vote Goes Ahead

Guinea vote goes ahead as ethnic tensions simmer, pop out all over the stove.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Russian Vets Protest

Rallying Russian vets say defense minister must go. "He wouldn't have the courage to destroy the earth with missiles!"

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

The Waste Train

Train track protests, melting of tracks, slow nuclear waste in Germany.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Signs You're Exercising Too Much!

Among the 10 Signs You're Exercising Too Much, experts say "Fatigue" is one of them. So hat lets most of us of the hook as many of us get fatigue from walking to the car.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

What Did We All Approve?

Obama says 'midcourse corrections' to come at home. "For one thing, SOMEBODY has to read that whole Health Care Bill!"

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Greek "Kiss-In"

Gay Greeks hold a "Kiss-In" while Pope is visiting. "Just as long as that's all they're doing", stated the Pope. "The Greeks have a reputation from many years ago."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Here Comes The Wast Train #3

German protesters mobilise against nuclear waste train. "Hold signs: "Hell No, We Won't Glow!"

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

President Dancing!

Obama dances with Indian children for hours. May rule US from India.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Here Comes The Waste Train #2

German protesters mobilise against nuclear waste train. Authorities tell them it's only passing through and headed to Poland just kidding of course..it's going elsewhere.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Here Comes The Waste Train

German protesters mobilise against nuclear waste train. Government warns this not to get close. You could go blind but trust us on this.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

We'll Do As We Please

Obama urges India, Pakistan to improve relations. Pakistan, India urge President to keep his yap shut.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Nigella Kitchen To Go 3D

Reinforced glasses required for viewers. Literally eye-popping.

written by Skoob1999, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Molinari Wins Close One

Molinari holds steady to win HSBC Championship. Tiger Woods finishes...oh who cares about Tiger Woods?

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Initially Approved

APEC meetings open this AM with talk of Pacific Rim FTA. Something about free trade. Can't read initial talk. LOL.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Volcano Burns Travel Plans

Indonesian volcano sparks travel chaos as millions of tourists go elsewhere.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Pope In Spain

Pope defends family as Spanish gays hold 'kiss-in'. Pope washes hands in front of heads of state.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Preparing For Austerity Here?

Local Greek vote a big test for austerity measures. Obama, congress tell Americans to look toward our future unless we do something now!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Preparing For Austerity

Local Greek vote a big test for austerity measures. All Parties thrown big ones before approval.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Alarm Over Mail From Yemen

UAE airlines ban Yemen cargo after mail bomb plot. General statement worldwide: Do Not Open Mail From Yemen Before Or After Christmas!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Pot Dow, Meth Up!

Marijuana voted down in California. Cheap meth ingredients available everywhere.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Race Against Time Bombs

Around the world, a race against time bombs in air. UPS, competitors in a world of hurt.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

72% Unwed Mothers

Blacks struggle with 72 percent unwed mothers rate. Correction: Black women and children struggle!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Repeal Gay Ban!

Gates urges Congress to repeal gay ban now. "We need as many Butch women as we can get!"

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Go Myanmar!

Myanmar holds rare elections amid heavy criticism, heated and debates held with hatreds. Lies and false promises! Much the same as here.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Midcourse Corrections #5

Obama says 'midcourse corrections' to come at home. "No more beer conferences. Form now on they're 'The Bourbon Bunch'"

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Midcourse Correstions #7

Obama says 'midcourse corrections' to come at home. "Pelosi is out of the Speaker of the House and is being replaced by Mary Bono."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Midcourse Corrections #6

Obama says 'midcourse corrections' to come at home. "I just became an Independent."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Midcourse Corrections #4

Obama says 'midcourse corrections' to come at home. "Michelle's mother is out on her ass!"

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Midcourse Corrections #3

Obama says 'midcourse corrections' to come at home. "I've gotten rid of the water dog and got us a Manx cat."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Midcourse Corrections #2

Obama says 'midcourse corrections' to come at home. Joe Biden is fired. Rand Paul will become VP!

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Midcourse Corrections

Obama says 'midcourse corrections' to come at home. "I'm canceling the first two years and starting over."

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Bio-Scientists say no to viagra, buy young "pussies" instead!

Bio-Scientists meeting in Oslo advise ageing men to stop taking viagra and replace it with licking young "pussies", ageing women should go 4 x a year to Kenya and suck on black, hard licorice sticks!

written by Jaggedone, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Missing Milliband Brother Found

Steve Milliband, the brother of Dave and Ed has been found. He is not to be confused with the popular 1970's beat combo.

written by Ben Macnair, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Boris Johnson has a lie in

London Major Boris Johnson has had a lie in. He is reading the Sunday Times, and having a lazy day. The Daily Mail are investigating.

written by Ben Macnair, 07 November 2010
Rating:

"Star-Whackers" insulted by Quaid allegations

The group calling themselves the Star-Whackers responded to Randy Quaid's recent accusations that they're out to get him. "Hey, we only whack A-listers. Who does he think he is?"

written by Juvenal Delinquent, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Dos Equis announces replacement for The Most Interesting Man in the World

The new ad campaign will feature The Least Interesting Man in the World.

written by Juvenal Delinquent, 07 November 2010
Rating:

The Most Interesting Man in the World announces retirement

Will spend his remaining years being "uninteresting".

written by Juvenal Delinquent, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Study: GEICO Ads take up 15% or more of air-time on television

Study also reveals that GEICO can not only save you 15% or more on car insurance, the commercials can actually save you 15% or more of your time watching bad tv shows.

written by Juvenal Delinquent, 07 November 2010
Rating:

American astronauts cast ballots in orbit

NASA made arrangements with county officials to allow votes cast from beyond Earth's gravitational field. Maybe I should have been an astronaut. My votes don't seem to carry any weight either.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 07 November 2010
Rating:

George Bush still doesn't care about black people

In his new memoir, Decision Points, the former President says the worst moment in his presidency was not the misery of Hurricane Katrina, but when Kanye West insulted him about it afterwards.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Bent over backward? Try forward!

President Obama sees potential for compromise with Republicans heading into negotiations. Normally astute liberal still doesn't realize these conservatives don't compromise.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 07 November 2010
Rating:

National discord

Indian media report that Obama is "hitting all the right notes" on his visit. This is no easy feat - much like the U.S. Congress, the music of India does not emphasize harmony.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Putting the "Last Action" in Last Action Hero

U.S. will hunt for al-Qaeda operatives in Yemen using Predator drones. Meanwhile, apathetic Schwarzenegger paces California governor's mansion droning about having to complete term.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 07 November 2010
Rating:

"I said you're not playing offense today!!"

Nancy Pelosi head-butts former National Football Logo quarterback Heath Shuler, North Carolina Blue Dog Democrat, after he says he will challenge her if she runs for House Minority Leader.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Middle class only expanding around the middle

GOP aims to fatten up bank accounts of wealthiest 2% with money meant to provide affordable health care for average Americans. Like the 42 million living below the poverty line, for instance.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Meg Whitman cuts 30,000 jobs

Former eBuy executive Meg Whitman, who invested $140 million in a gubernatorial campaign to run California "a little bit more like a business," has failed. Exhausted campaign workers go home.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 07 November 2010
Rating:

A mountain of voter response

Now that the dust is settling after the midterm elections, President Obama announces millions of unanticipated new jobs -- cleaning up all the dust that is settling after the midterm elections.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Dubya graduates in top 2% -- of tax bracket

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell says on Saturday that Republicans will not agree to tax relief for Americans unless their old pal, George W. Bush, gets his fair share.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 07 November 2010
Rating:

President Obama aligns trade chakra

Announces $10 billion in new exports. Auspicious deal hopes to transfer gallons of U.S. red ink to call centers and back offices in India - as red dots on the foreheads of women working there.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Food for thought

All you can eat in London for a fiver ! 150 quid on train to get there !!

written by Neil J, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Could Be!

Germany minister now warns of terror attack threat after several packages blow up in back room of 45 postal services.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Inner City Honor Students

Mayors across the US say that they have a lot of inner city honor students. "They go every weekend saying "Yes your Honor, No your Honer!"

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Economy In Slow Recovery

Many businesses say that the economy in the US is still sluggish and that they may have to let go illegals.

written by Bureau, 07 November 2010
Rating:

Dannii Minogue Appears On X-Factor Sporting New Haircut

Apparently she uses the same hairdresser as Steven Gerrard. That one with the seeing eye dog and the white stick.

written by Skoob1999, 07 November 2010
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