Order by:
Rating:

Game Warden Warnings

Game wardens across the United States warn hunters not to get turkeys they are hunting mixed up with Lame Ducks in congress. "They look a whole lot alike!"

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

PLO Has Super Rock!

Israel accuses the PLO of building a Super Rock big enough to drop in the sea and cause a tsunami over their coastal cities. "They're way ahead of all of us in Rock Technology!"

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Polar Bear At Mideast Peace Talks

Fate of the Mideast talks in hands of rabbit-like polar bear.....That should be 'polarizing rabbi'!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

"Want A Silver Bullet?'

Men arrested in Nashville, Tn. tell officers that 'Billy Joe & me had this funny idea to come into the bank as the Lone Ranger & Tonto & danged if Billy Joe didn't dress up like the Lone Ranger too."

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Dick and Bush Share Love Fest on Stage

Dick Cheney and George Bush came together on stage to dedicate the Bush library. The men couldn't stop talking about the other's abilities, afterwards.

written by UWGB-Beek, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Jules Verne Ahead Of His Time

Scientists discover new, large squid species in the Atlantic Ocean attacking a cruise ship!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Congress Worried about Energy Drinks--Job Creation Can Wait

Congress won't help the economy, but they will make sure you don't have caffeine in your alcohol. They believe this move will help them get the soccer mom vote in 2012.

written by UWGB-Beek, 16 November 2010
Rating:

We Need Younger Men To Be Silent

Gethsemane Abbey in Kentucky lure younger monks by offering them all the bananas and fruitcake they can eat.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Vick Routes Redskins

Vick totals 6 TDs, Eagles rout Redskins 59-28. "Best Doggone game of my life", says Vick afterward.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Sounds Just Like Him

Golfer blinded by bad shot sues pal for no 'Fore!' Gerald Ford is dead, right?

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

NRA Declaration

The National Rifle Association today stated that they approve of shotgun weddings, just so long as anyone didn't get hurt.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Limbaugh: What Did I Tell You?

After the latest member of the Supreme Court Justice Sotomayor re-injured her right ankle, Rush Limbaugh pointed out that she's already moving to the left.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

You'd Think He'd Want to Come!

West Virginia celebrates it's annual "Take Me Home, Country Roads" Festival. Invited once again this year was John Denver but, as usual, he probably won't show up!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

What Have YOU Got In YOUR Pants?

The TSA's invasive new screening measures include officers putting their hands down people's pants if wearing baggy clothing in a shocking new elevation of groping procedures. Just like Rock Concerts!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

NKorea Celebrates Special Day

North Korea celebrates "Death To Everyone On Earth But Us" Family Day today at all parks. You WILL attend!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Politics As Usual

Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi make up new roles for those under them so that they may have a title, free car and chauffeur.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Some Pirate In Painful Condition

A UN report today shows that many of the captured Somali pirates are in bad shape. "On in three have barnacles attached to their balls."

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

China After The Grand Canyon?

China Buys Up More US Debt. Say they may use large cache of dollars to purchase the Grand Canyon just in case they need a bigger place to store them.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Sure, For That Kind Of Pay

The 'tortured' 16: More than a dozen British terror suspects to get up to £10million compensation. Thousands volunteer for next waterboarding.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Crook: Thought They Looked Familiar

Bungling thieves arrested after trying to sell £7,000 rings back to different branch of same shop. Sounds like the Dortmunder Gang again.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

William & Kate

Wills and Kate: We'll take it one step at a time but we want to start a family. We've already put in some practice.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Breaking Shelves In Barne & Noble

Congress voted today to quit selling copies of the new Health Care Bill. Already 47 had injured their backs an 37 hernias caused buy trying to carry the thing.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Wal-Mart Going "Green"

Huge company out of Benton, Arkansas green with envy over Chinese accomplishments.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Dora Still Scratching Her Head

President Obama to pay visit to Flockistan, New Gumby! Still outnumbered and hated in Washington.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Did They Ever Leave?

Recession forces teens to move in with grandparents. Before that, it was the price of gas. Further back: "I'm scared of boogers!"

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Few Little Vegans

Daily LOL: Only 3% Of Kids Vegetarian: How Can Parents Help? By eating their bbq short ribs while kids are away at school.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Two Together, What Are The Odds?

A Maryland and his wife were caught with her pants down. Over $80,000 in her panties which is unbelievable. Number one, you can't have a blocky ass. #2 A politician running away with his WIFE?

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Through Out Three Bad Ones!

Sarah Palin coins 'word of the year,' books boffo cable debut but not quite up to Bush "nucclar".

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

........the old soft shoe baby!

Vince Cable the dopey politician and ex lead singer with the live wires has been mooted to appear on the Christmas edition of Strictly Come Dancing. When it comes to fancy footwork Vince is the boy!

written by Herrdoktorfox, 16 November 2010
Rating:

UK store bans toy piggies because Muslims don't like them!

A UK kiddies store has banned piggies from playing on their toy farms. The store feels that Muslims might get upset about piggies being on a UK toy farm, "bacon sandwich anyone!"

written by Jaggedone, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Middle East Peace Deal of the Day

TEL AVIV - Peace Deal of the day: Buy one crisis, get a rougue state absolutley FREE!

written by Inhopeless, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Is Prince Willie's Kate a virgin?

The answer is she's certainly not one of Allah's 71 waiting for martyr's to arrive, and she's not a red aeroplane either?

written by Jaggedone, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Ireland Bad Off As We Are!

Ireland now on the brink of disaster according to expert, Napper Tandy,

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

What If It Freezes Hawaii?

Colder winters possible due to 'climate change'. "Cold winters a sure sign of global warming", claims Gore. "Same for milder winter."

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

OBAMA SET TO LEAVE COUNTRY -- AGAIN.!

President Barack Obama is all set to leave the country again but here's the catch: He's coming back.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Makes A Great Target!

Sen. Harry Reid announces he has been re-elected as Senate majority leader by Democratic colleagues..also Republican colleagues!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Rangel Convicted

More on Rangel ethics violations: Convicted of 11 out of 13 charges; panel now considers appropriate punishment but may be lenient since they may be next.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Order In House, Tar & Feathers Are Banned!

Dejected House Dems wipe away tears as GOP celebrates victory. Turn on Pelosi!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Back From The Dead

Man Brought Back from the Dead at High School Football Game. But referees will not allow 18-year-old Zombie to play.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Obama Support At 26%

SHOCK POLL: ONLY 26% OF PUBLIC THINKS OBAMA WILL BE REELECTED. "We'd ask for resignation now if not for Biden."

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Airline to Use Ground-Based Craft, Decreases Flight Time

LONDON - British Airways have decided to use ground-transport instead of newer Airbuses and Boeings for Domestic and Int'l flights. Will save passengers' flight times, and include smoking breaks.

written by Inhopeless, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Rangel Puts On A Good Show

Showman Rangel gives 'em the old razzle-dazzle. "I don't even have an attorney. Asked what has he been doing all this time, counting your money?

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

BIG SIS SEES ALL

Scanners and pat-downs upset passengers. Some males have patdown THEN scan and asked for a copy to advertise.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

TSA XXX: NAKED BODY SCANS LEAK ONLINE

Like, who didn't see this coming? Some people have no shame. Hey, boobs on #17 must be hanging down into her skirt.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Maybe If We Moved Out Illegals?

Weaker Dollar Seen as Unlikely to Cure Joblessness. Plus checks you take home worth considerably less.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Vending Machine Recommendations

Vending machine recommends drinks to buyers. "Skip this crap and buy you a Bud."

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Flip Though This One Even Faster

Barbara Walters to interview Obamas next week, their first big interview in days.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Cher's The Expert.

Cher's Advice To Christina Aguilera: 'Ex-Husbands Will Come And Go' so keep some subs on a list in the future so you'll be ready.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Upset In Bishop Land!

US bishops elect NYC archbishop as head in startling last-second upset! Talk about an elected bishop appointment, this is one for the books. Now back to the Brett Favre report!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Biting The Hand...

Cholera backlash fuels anti-UN protests in Haiti. "We would be so much better of on our own!"

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

All Nude Airplane Scanners

Nudist colony junket on special naked airlines still have to be patted down...especially down.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

American Malls Emptying

America's malls say they expect a lot of good byes during the upcoming Holiday Season!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Royal Riding Accident

Prince William's hat is reported to have blown off whilst riding with Kate Middleton today.

Upon hearing the news Prince Charles commented, "That's my boy!"

written by ExiledRoyal, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Old Fossils Releaved

Crews shifting work from fossil site to museum. Old folks home say they're glad to hear it.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

At Last An Apology

Danish astronomer's remains exhumed in Prague. Apology submitted by Vatican over burning at the stake after saying earth not center of the solar system.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Astronauts May Back Out Of Last Mission

NASA finds 4th crack on space shuttle fuel tank. Graffiti on two sides plus 97 tiles were loose.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Pot Calling Kettle Broke

Chinese stocks sink as Irish debt crisis boils. Reps from Greece recommend dumping Ireland from the EU.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Irish Crisis Looms Over EU Meeting

Irish crisis, contagion fears loom over EU meeting. Reps told to stay in separate room.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Stop Screaming & Bend Over & Spread Your Cheeks!

We're not gonna take it anymore! Anger intensifies over new TSA screamings!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Tea Party Stirring Up The Old Boy System

Tea Partiers in Washington riling up new members and lameducks! "That's what we came here to do", says rep. "No more free spending, expensive add-ons to bills!"

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Learn Them Best You Can!

With this here divided Congress, tough road for learning reform!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

What In Tarnation?

Mich. teacher ejects student for anti-gay remarks. "I was just surprised at our low CAT scores and stated, "Well, I'll be a ring-tailed varmint", says teacher.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

What Did I Say?

Mich. teacher ejects student for anti-gay remarks. "All I said is that some of our pupils were at the bottom of our student scores."

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

New Pharmacies Popping Up

Walmart drug plan for seniors may not be best deal as Druglord Pharmacies begin to open across the USA as part of NAFTA!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Drug Payments Change

Change in drug payment rule may trigger headaches, especially if drug lord sends headbangers after you.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Living Large In The USA

Study: Amid housing slump, home sizes shrink. "Downsizing wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't super-sized all of us beforehand."

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Downsizing It!

Study: Amid housing slump, home sizes shrink, 10 X 10 foot apartments in Manhattan for only $10,000 a month.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Housing Changes

Study: Amid housing slump, home sizes shrink. But you can afford a huge tent!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Palin's Word Of The Year!

Sarah Palin coins 'word of the year,' "Dumocrats" books boffo cable debut.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Fighting For Survival!

EU 'fighting for survival' over debts: president. "You're not the only ones", says new US Congress!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

The Pope Show #2

Pope goes HD with Vatican's new high-definition TV. Look for their ads during this Sunday's NFL games!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

HD Pope Show

Pope goes HD with Vatican's new high-definition TV. "Makes popemobile seem like it's right in you TV room", they advertise.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Will They Show Up?

Randy Quaid, wife, due back in SoCal courtrooms. However, no one exactly where they are, though word sent to let them know how it turns out.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Go PETA!

More than 900 pigs found dead on Pennsylvania farm. PETA after owner's skins over owner's cruelty.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

900 Dead Pigs

More than 900 pigs found dead on Pennsylvania farm. "Sloppy way to run a pig farm", says one.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Britain, US Continue Stupidity Contest

UK agrees settlement with ex-Guantanamo detainees who should have enough to really blow things away next time.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Bout To Return

Thailand extradites alleged arms dealer Bout to US as many in US think the Thais would have delivered justice better.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Stoning The Devil

Muslim hajj pilgrims perform devil stoning ritual. Leaders of Iran, Taliban, al-Qaida hide.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Longtime Engagement Also

UK's Prince William engaged to longtime girlfriend. Marriage will be next Spring, Summer...Fall.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Tests For Help For Stroke Victims Finally Begin

UK starts world's first stroke stem cell trial. About time according to most victims. Many would have volunteered years ago for any tests.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Drug Payments Screwed With Again

Change in drug payment rule may trigger headaches, bullet wounds.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Down For The Count

Murkowski lead at 1,706 as Alaska count continues as re-counting votes could last till next election.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Iran Showing Military Muscle

Iran kicks off 5-day air defense war games. Ask Saudi Arabia, Kuwait to pay close attention.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Highly Pissed At Airports

Those tired of getting extensive pat-downs at airports are protesting by having ejaculations during it.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Pilots Have Had It Also

Pilots among those dismayed at scanners, pat-downs. "I get an erection every time."

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Pilots Among Weary

Pilots among those dismayed at scanners, pat-downs. "I glow in the dark", states one pilot.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

May Need Prescription In Some Cases

Change in drug payment rule may trigger headaches, backaches, hemorrhoids.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Common Sense #3

Study: Amid housing slump, home sizes shrink. Newly marrieds new a Love Nest, not a Showplace.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Common Sense #2

Study: Amid housing slump, home sizes shrink. Two bedrooms and bath and a half plenty of room for small family.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Common Sense Prevails

Study: Amid housing slump, home sizes shrink as many discover that two people don't need 8 rooms.

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Student Defends Teacher

Gay Michigan student defends suspended teacher. Is 'molestation' such a bad thing?

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Freezing Crooks Bank Acounts

Sarah Palin coins 'word of the year,' books boffo cable debut. Next word, "Alaskianization"!

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Sarah Refudiates Critics

Sarah Palin coins 'word of the year,' books boffo cable debut claiming "refudiate".

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

It's Called Responsibility

Welders detained in deadly China high-rise fire. Did US check builders of collapsed twin towers?

written by Bureau, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Seasonal Outlook

It is unlikely to be a white Christmas this year, according to a statement from a British National Party spokesman today.

written by Sidney Bollocks, 16 November 2010
Rating:

Nepotism doesn't exist in Dallas, says Cowboys coach. My brothers earned their jobs.

Cowboys interim head coach Jason Garrett is angry about nepotism allegations. "It's simply not true," he said, standing next to TE coach John Garrett, scout Judd Garrett and backup WR Lucy Garrett.

written by anthonyrosania, 16 November 2010
Rating:

The Eagles have released the following statement:

"We hope you are enjoying this evening's Eagles game. We hope, this makes up for Izel Jenkins, Matt McCoy, cutting Cris Carter, 'for who, for what', and Rich Kotite's entire career. Merry Christmas.

written by anthonyrosania, 16 November 2010
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