Spoof news snippets from Saturday 13 November 2010
Breaking News: Breaking News Snippet Posted About Breaking News!
BIRMINGHAM - Spoofer Inhopeless, referenced himself in a spoof today, which was about breaking news, which in turn, was a spoof about breaking news. The news was that he won some money. Well... £10.50
Mom Not Like That At All!
Bush on post-presidency: 'I miss being pampered'...'powdered and pottied.'
Latest NHS Video
Pornography? No, just the latest NHS video to encourage teenagers to use condoms, especially when having sex.
Pelosi Gone Over The Edge
Nancy Pelosi says she would like to do new Pepsi commercials like the old Michael Jackson ones. Asks if they would change name to Pelosi Cola. "Needs rubber room & rubber sheets", Dems tell Obama.
Another Airplane Incident
Mid-air safety scare as pilots lose control of Airbus with 43 passengers on board. Second incident. No grounding. Might want to consider purchasing extra insurance.
The Very Latest
Drudge Reports: Taliban mount series of new attacks in Afghanistan. First time that has happened in...maybe two hours.
Myanmar's Aung San Suu Kyi, Free after Seven Years of House Arrest
Myanmar's pro-democracy leader's first words were, "I'm going to Disney World."
Tiger Played like a Prat with a Pratt at the Australian Masters
Tiger Woods paired with Aussie Kieran Pratt said his "putter wasn't working."
Amazon Hiring Temps!
Amazon.com to hire thousands to fill orders. Watch for Dems, GOP to each take credit for more jobs in November & December Holidays and not mention the layoffs in January.
Sharon Angle Doing Viagra Commercial
Angle, who lost a senate race against Harry Reid, standing in front of five Harry look alikes says, "Man Up Harry!" Pfizer says sales are up as well.
Iraq Still A Bit Unsettled
In Iraq today, an argument by Shiites and Sunnis over how many people were blown up in an attack, leads to bloodshed.
Watch For It On EBay Soon
Government sells spoils of Madoff's lavish life including over 100 young ladies in Thailand and the Philippines that has just come out.
Not That There's Anything Wong With That
Among the banks helping General Motors with its initial public stock offering next week are two identified by initials only: ICBC and CICC, both Chinese! Look for the Wong Wagon out next summer.
Amazon Pulls Books
Amazon has pulled an electronic book about pedophilia from its online store after complaints and a boycott threat. Next to pull looks like the one "How To Hang One's Self".
UN Ambassador Upset
UN Ambassador from Sierra Leone stays on floor for an hour trying to convince everyone that there IS a Sierra Leone. "and NO, we do not have a Sierra Mist! Ambassador from Kyflockadoodlestan agrees!
This Is Rediculous!
U.S. officials try to address air security worries. "I spend more time having my cavities checked than I do flying", says one pilot!
Tea Party Visits Az Guv!
Members of the Tea Party are visiting Arizona as tourists to encourage their Governor. Seeing this, Arkansas officials print & spread pamphlets saying "Come See Our Cactus Filled With Sand Museum.
Ryan Air to charge for Emotional bagage
Cheep airline RyanAir will introduce extra charges for customers who travel with too much emotional baggage.
The announcement came a day after the release of the Annual Calendar of crew in swimwear
Mind Wandering Can Lead To Pups
Mind Wandering May Lead to a Bad Mood Ring..what? Oh, I said ring. Well, nobody's right all the time Mr. Perfecto! Where was I?
Utes Celebration Low Keyed
On this day in 1932, the state of Mormon officially changed it's name to Utah.
Easy Come, Easy Go!
Chinese workers build 15-story hotel in just six days. Tibetan nationalist blows it up in six seconds.
Always Wanted To Know
Today the states of Indiana, Illinois, Kansas, Missouri and Iowa went to war with each other over each claiming to be "The Heartland of America!"
Left Off Several Windows, Doors
Chinese workers build 15-story hotel in just six days, forget to leave door on bottom floor. Rescued by helicopters and finish job.
Mississippi Governor Not Happy
Yesterday the Governor of the state of Mississippi blamed all the flooding there this summer on "Whatever asshole decided to name the state after a river!"
Obama Turns To Russia?
Obama turns to Russian diplomacy as Asia trip ends. Russia having such a great humanitarian and easy-going record.
One Dropped From Pants Leg
Heavy Wally-World shopper caught with $258 in groceries hidden in the seat of her pants.
Barack Obama Has An Agent?
President Obama's agent says that, despite TV, radio, newspaper and web reports, his client did pretty fair at G-20 Conference!
Maine Still There
The state of Maine would like to announce that it is still there, even without Jessica Fletcher, L.L. Bean!
High Rise Condoms Out
Site of proposed high-rise condoms, retail space foreclosed upon. Sorry, that should be 'condos'.
But We're Afraid To Say Anything!
This morning a conference by members of Greenpeace stated that Stephen King has personally destroyed 22% of the Amazon Rain Forest!
Saudi's Reject Death Sentence
Saudi court rejects death sentence for TV psychic, just as he predicted!
Small Shake Hits PR, Dominican Republic
Small quake shakes it but doesn't break it in Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic.
Outlawed Circumcision #3
Proposed ballot measure would outlaw circumcision in San Fran. Tree Clinic to furnish 'Tips'.
Proposed ballot measure would outlaw circumcision in San Fran. Airport Security to pass on information.
Proposed ballot measure would outlaw circumcision in San Fran. Also, 'Ring Around The Collar'"
Al Franken Confession
Al Franken admits to reporters that his family name was once Frankenstein in the old country.
All We Have Is Franken
Brazil tests literacy of clown elected to Congress. Britain does the same for three elected Village Idiots.
DC The Capitol Alright
7 of 10 richest counties -- surround DC. 6 of 10 best paid prostitutes!
Arafat Museum To Open?
Arafat Museum May Open Soon! Abbas vows to walk in Arafat's nosesteps.
He's Had No Batting Practice
ABCNEWS: Obama strikes out in Asia. Got on base with a hit shoe in stop-overs on his way home.
Arafat Museum #2
Arafat museum in the works. Ringo Starr asked if he was available to pose for pics.
Arafat museum in the works. Will be open for six-months and then blow itself up!
Michael Jackson From The Grave
GROOVES FROM THE GRAVE: Michael Jackson duet with Akon downloads Monday. Features just released for the Holidays, "Christmas Is Just Around The Coroner!"
And WHO Helped Make It That Way?
A Secret WALMART in-store video shows that the average American ass is twice it's size it was in 1975.
Hey Guys, Heads Up!
San Fransisco says it may create a non-circumcision law, about time we 'ring' in the Holidays.
UK Health Policy
MCDONALD'S, KFC, PEPSICO to help write UK health policy. Most wish they would do that here.
"Driving The Devil's Herd..."
On this date in 1967, President & Texan Lyndon Baines Johnson, in the middle of anti-Vietnam group, sang "Ghost Riders In The Sky" in answer to all their questions!
Sunscreen Causes Rickets
Sunscreen causing rickets in middle class UK children. Looks like 'it's the devil or the deep red burn'.
Fake News Also, Since Your Start In San Diego!
Rush Limbaugh calls California the Land of Fake Eyebrows, Boobs, Butts, Hair, Teeth and Personalities!
Bums On Tv!
1,300 Security Cameras Now Installed in NYC. Singing winos video sold to America's Favorite Bloopers, win charge account of $1,000 at bar of their choice.
Another Evolution Myth
The Board of Education in Arkansas today rejected the theory of there ever being a Plastic Man, in 1970 DC!
1,300 Security Cameras
1,300 Security Cameras Now Installed in NYC. Bag Lady stripper causes two officials on project to miss a week because of stomach problems.
Internet Czar #2
INTERNET CZAR: Online 'Privacy' Watchdog Planned. Will monitor your porn time and given choice of being revealed to community or you can send in $50 monthly payment to keep quiet.
INTERNET CZAR: Online 'Privacy' Watchdog Planned. Many checked to see how much porn they're watching.
Scared The Kids
Pelosi: 'We Didn't Lose Because of Me'! "I had my face right out front while others shied away!"
Peotesting Abuse Of Passengers
NJ lawmakers to urge congressional review of procedures, reports of abuse after hearing about the new "Airport Search Network" on cable.
Teddy Bully On Names!
On the day in 1900 Teddy Roosevelt, disgusted with several Central American countries carrying on gorilla warfare, first used expression "Banana Republics".
NY Cancels Indoor Skiing!
NY town cancels $2B resort with indoor skiing. Upset by Obama at conference, Chinese cancel loan!
Customers really upset over leaving home on the Bridge To Nowhere and taking cruise on Boat To Nowhere.
Airlines Add Flights
Alaska Airlines adds Portland-Kona-Bridge To Nowhere flights!
Kayne Cancels On 'Today'
Kanye West cancels upcoming 'Today' performance after they refuse to play Beyonce video.
Spike In Dengue In Brazil
Spike in dengue has Brazil on alert for epidemic. Spike given only 10% chance of surviving.
US/China Space Telescope
NASA's new space telescope costs shoot the moon. $150 million may be financed by Chine provided we share photos.
Fossil Site Shifts Indoors
Crews shifting work from fossil site to museum. "It's a lot more comfortable digging in here", says professor.
Geraldo Wants A Piece Of This!
Leadership struggle averted by House Democrats. Non-telivised duel date to be determined.
For The 50th Time: Earmark Reforms!
Obama calls for earmark reform, GOP calls for ban, Tea Party says NO to whatever President endorses!
China Will Not Increase US Imports
Justin Bieber's Appearance On Vampire Diaries In March, 2011. Most believe he is half right.
Porn Shop Lottery Ticket Wins #2
Ticket bought at Michigan porn shop worth $129M. Purchaser of "6-Inch Extender For Two-Inch Men" ask that his name not be given out.
Porn Shop Ticket Wins Lottery
Ticket bought at Michigan porn shop worth $129M. Purchaser of "The All-Male Bum Dildo" ask that his name not be given out.
Dick Cheney to join Bush on book tour
Former president George Bush will be personally signing copies of his memoir, "Decision Points". Former VP Dick Cheney will be personally crossing out the passages that threaten national security.
More Exorcists Needed #3
Catholic bishops: More exorcists needed. Charles Manson: Bring It On!
Need More Exorcisms Needed #2
Catholic bishops: More exorcists needed after invention of new special pea-soup collectors.
Medicare Pay Cuts
Doctors brace for possible big Medicare pay cuts. Medicare patients brace for Doctor's patient list cuts.
Chinese workers build 15-story hotel in just six days. Earth tremor brings it back down in six seconds.
Scanner Photos Ready #2
Thousands of scanner photos pile up as collectors ready for the first "Best Of Scanner Pics Calendar For 2011!
Scanner Photos Ready
Thousands of scanner photos pile up as collectors ready for #8 of "Scanner Playmates' released.
Several Simply Removing Clothes
'Naked' airport scanners may be 'dangerous', especially to pilots, airline workers who are scanned daily.
French rail sorry for deporting Jews to Nazi camps. Apologize come after only 66 years.
No Deals: You'll Be Gone In 2 Years
Obama makes free trade push at Pacific Rim summit. Everybody else pushes him back.
Butler inmate remains at large!
After sheriff, deputies, jury and mystery readers all believe found him to be guilty.
Study: Minds Wandering Not Good At Work
Letting your mind wander can be dangerous. You could wind up with a stump for a hand on assembly lines.
NFL Letting Hair Down #3
Players all across NFL are letting their hair down. "Give me a lineman with hair, long beautiful hair!"
NFL Letting Hair Down #2
Players all across NFL are letting their hair down. Two players hair to use KY-Jelly to get helmets off after a game.
NFL Letting Hair Down
Players all across NFL are letting their hair down. Say long hair help buffer you against helmet licks to the head.
Boise State Still Playing Weak Teams
No. 4 Boise State routs state rival Idaho Spuds 52-14. Next up: Podunk U.
G-20 fallout: Trade barriers, tensions could rise as Tea Party Seek ban of cheap Chinese products.
Murkowski confident in re-election chances
Murkowski confident in re-election chances although authorities highly suspicious of those who spelled her name RIGHT!
Murkowski Confident Of Win
Murkowski confident in re-election chances although half her writ-ins spelled her name wrong.
FBI After Top Maryland Official
FBI: Top county official, wife tried to hide cash. "Stick $80,000 in underwear. We'll mule the rest!"
Our People Do Not Want Foreign Imports
Chinese leader vows open trade, stable currency for us as we head for #1. The rest of you can deal with it.
Mind Wandering May Lead to a Bad Mood
Especially if it's been on politics, finances and wars overseas lately!
Pelosi's Inward Battle
Catholic bishops: More exorcists needed. About to completely lose Pelosi by looks on her face.
More Exorcists Needed #2
Catholic bishops: More exorcists needed: Several people in Washington need their heads spun!
More Exorcists Needed
Catholic bishops: More exorcists needed: Especially those leaders in Iran, Venezuela and NKorea!
Too Much Paperwork, Too Little Pay
Doctors brace for possible big Medicare pay cuts, patients on medicare cut from doctor's list.
A Simple Contrast
US researchers explain how cats lap liquids with elegance while Chinese workers build 15-story hotel in just six days.
A New City Every Month
Chinese workers build 15-story hotel in just six days as Chinese economy goes soaring to the top!
The G-20 Spin
Obama says US, Asia will benefit from more trade even though no one backed him at G-20 Conference.
Free Agent Derek Jeter Applies for Unemployment Benefits
"I just want to cover all the bases," he said.
Bauxite Rallies At Eleventh Hour
The Elm makes a docile and reliable pet, though it can be skittish if deprived of chlorophyll. Oaks can be expensive to keep, and require lots of space. The Dwarf Redwood is a constant enigma.
Nadine Coyle's "Guess My Accent" Game - never used. £5 Aluminium Norman Wisdom Doorstop - £2.50 ONO Set of 15 Photographs of photographs of photographs of photographs of photographs of photographs.
Visit New Hampshire In The Fall
Charles II, Marie Antoinette, Mary Queen of Scots - all massive celebrities. All headless. Why not join them? Send us your head. We supply all packing materials and postage costs. www.we-buy-your-severed-limbs.com
Norway Can Be Nice In November
Do you really need your legs? We've got cars, stairlifts and motorised wheelchairs these days. Ironside got by without being able to walk. www.we-buy-your-severed-limbs.com
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