Order by:
Rating:

Golden Syrup "The New Black"

From "The Acts That Mordecai Himmelfarb Had To Turn Down": Joe Straddler, "The Great Pretender", who pretends to be pretending to pretend to be pretending to pretend to pretend to be a pretender.

written by Erskin Quint, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Admiral Drowns In Bath Of Clotted Cream

The Vampyre makes an interesting and intelligent companion. Always a loyal and earnest friend, it is welcoming towards most visitors. Keep it away from Jehova's Witnesses, however.

written by Erskin Quint, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Goat Stampede Interrupts Sikh Funeral

Brick Collector Phil Brisket, 44, of Todmorden, is celebrating today. He has just obtained his 1000th brick. "I know them all individually", says Phil. "They never stray and they're all different, like sheep."

written by Erskin Quint, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Come To The Cotswolds

Why not have an arm off? It never did Lord Nelson any harm. He was still a hit with the ladies and enjoyed a successful career. www.we-buy-your-severed-limbs.com

written by Erskin Quint, 12 November 2010
Rating:

"Goats In Bottles" Collection Wows The Queen

Now is the time to take a throme-rake to your red loams. Sheltered beds will benefit from a good rundle, before you replant Nun's Delight and Strangled Vicar side-by-side. Bludgeoned Heiress is best in a shallow grave.

written by Erskin Quint, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Millions Look To France and Switzerland...!

News that UK gas and electricity prices are set to rise above inflation, many Brits are looking to buy into the services of the Hadron Collider to solve rising energy bills at 0.000000000001p per unit

written by iscrivener, 12 November 2010
Rating:

New For Christmas: Inflatable Bishops

Avant-garde poet Len Blatt's latest book is Thirty-Nine - a collection of 39 sestinas about John Buchan's popular novel of the same name. Blatt hopes that it will sell at least 39 copies.

written by Erskin Quint, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Went To Where?

100,000 Latinos left Arizona this year, report says. "Only two million more to go", says Governor.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Passengers Report On Stuck Ship

Cruise passengers endured stench, cold food "and then the cruise ship had a fire in the engine and we stopped dead in the water."

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Hit Batsman Came From China

Obama sees progress in measured steps, no home run but one walk, one hit batsman and seventeen strikeouts.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Retirement Planners

Seven Ways to Become Your Own Retirement Planner! Number One: Get a job!

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

British Women Have It Bad

Millions of British women bored by their lives because of 'endless housework, no money and a dull sex life'. Women in India, Cambodia sent message of encouragement.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Now It's The Gingerbread Person!

Also Little Person Blue, Person Had A Little Lamb and Person Splat and Person Lean.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

The Kite Surfer

Leap of faith: Kite-surfer becomes first person to clear Brighton Pier in death-defying feat. The first of it's kind, performed by Benjamin Franklin Knievel!

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Gas Prices Set For Huge Hike

Cash strapped consumers advised to light farts to stay warm.

written by Skoob1999, 12 November 2010
Rating:

We Should Do This Here!

Brazil tests literacy of clown elected to Congress. He passes one honk for true and two honks for false test.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Americans Hating America!

School Makes Boy Take American Flag Off Bike. Outlaw apple pie being served in school cafeteria!

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Palin E-Mail Hacker Sentenced

Palin e-mail hacker sentenced to year in custody...of some friendly polar bears.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Postal Service Loses Billions Of Dollars, Pieces Of Mail!

US postal service delivers less mail, loses $8.5 billion. Look for more crack-ups!

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Obama Economics Rejected

Obama's economic view rejected on world stage. Also here too judging by the voting earlier this month!

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Almost All Prices Have Jumped 10-20%

Secret WALMART Survey Shows Inflation Already Here! Anyone who has been grocery shopping in the past year agree!

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Might Get 'Discovered!'

1,300 Security Cameras Now Installed in NYC. Many doing Broadway tryouts before cameras, just in case.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Sweden Storing Emails, Texts

Sweden to store emails, text messages for six months. Many now saying "Kiss My Ass For The Next 6 Months!"

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

People 'Daydream Half The Time'

... mmm? Sorry... what? Oh, I was miles away.

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Internet Czar Being Installed

INTERNET CZAR: Online 'Privacy' Watchdog Planned to keep eye on humor running down President, Congressmen. Magic eye camera on site can see writer. Hi Bureau!

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Is This Him?

Leitchfield, Kentucky man identifies scanned airport photo as the alien he saw trying to grab him in the woods near his moonshine still.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Rage At Scanners, Searches!

PILOTS, PASSENGERS RAGE AT NEW NAKED SCANNERS, PATDOWNS! Both may strike if something else cannot be worked out!

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

No Sales!

Buried Cabbage Patch Dolls from South Korea not selling well this pre-holiday season!

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Lieutenant Pockface?

Study: Major acne problems may raise suicide risk! Some Lieutenants also.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Keeps You Calm!

Setbacks aside, Obama claims stronger global hand, saying he sat and squeezed a rubber ball all through the G-20 disaster.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Ferguson - Rooney Scam!

Reports from Old Trafford suggest that both Sir Alex Ferguson and Wayne Rooney colluded in setting up the stars huge wage hike plus further cash for future signings by "screwing" owners, the Glazers.

written by iscrivener, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Ship Passengers Not Angry

The passengers of the stalled cruise ship say that they didn't mind the rank smell. "After all, we had visited several countries where that was normal."

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Bush No To Memoirs

When asked today about his "memoirs" former President Bush stated that he had written a book, not a memoir. "No women wrote any part of my book."

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Obama's King-Like Book

President Obama says that his latest book will be about his first two years in office and that the 4,907-page book will be ghosted by Joe Biden.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

"The Old Goat Used Whole Bottle Of Viagra!"

Cruise passenger say they endured stench, cold food and extra sex!

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

At It Again

Photo of G-20 Conference has 34 people in it, including Tareq and Michaele Salaki!

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Whales Suffer Sunburns

Scientists say radiation leaving whales sunburned. Claim too mny have been beaching themselves for tans.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Beak Deformed

Scientists: Beak deformities increase in Northwest in wild birds, Barbra Streisand, Bob Dylan.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Will Add Multi-Vitamin Pill To All Meals

Wendy's/Arby's Group loses money in 3Q. Blame stupid health nuts!

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Oil Up Again

Oil slides past $86 amid Europe, China jitters, anything other excuse they can think up.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Obama To Deal With GOP

Obama says hopes to reach agreement on tax cuts but plans to make best deal possible with "The New Warlords" in congress.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Excellent Double-Talk

Obama: Fed action not designed to weaken dollar but to lower it's value.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

So Where's The "Stronger Hand"?

President claims stronger hand on the world stage despite electoral defeats at home, failure at free-trade agreement with SKorea & lackluster international support for his trade and currency disputes.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Payback Time For Priest

Will Lynch, charged with savagely beating the priest he says molested him as a child, says he plans to try to use his trial to publicly shame the Rev. Jerold Lindner in court.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Sports, Hollywood & Entertainment

Investigation: Suicide Rates Soaring Among WWII Vets! Most think it's because of how world turned out that they fought for.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Saving Face, Vase

Chinese face fetches $69.3 million at UK auction. I'm sorry, that should have been 'vase'. My face is lowered.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Some Cats, Dogs More Elegant

US researchers explain how cats lap liquids with elegance. Why some dogs ask for straw for commode water.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Theaters Burned To The Ground

Latest Harry Potter whets appetite for finale where young Potter wakes up and realizes that it's all just been a dream.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

They Are Not All Out Of Iraq!

Iraq power deal frayed as Maliki named PM-elect as different groups decided to go ahead and fight the US for awhile.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Show Your Patriotism

WalMart, Target, etc considering stores of "All American Made" products.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

G-20 A Blowout!

China-US spat hobbles G20 push on world economy. Everybody else just stared hard, stuck out tongue at each other until cameras were allowed in.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

What's In YOUR Attic?

Suburban family's old vase fetches $83 million. Better go prowl the grandparent's attic.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

The Beast Of Benton?

WalMart says it might broadcast preachers throughout store to those who wish to shop on Sunday morning.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Good Question

A lady was picking through frozen turkeys but she couldn't find one big enough. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

written by Spicewood, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Heads Up, WalMart!

Taiwan stores take convenience to divine levels as your filled out name list taken to temples while you shop.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Royal Couple

Royal Wedding? All eyes on William and Kate. Also Pattinson and Stewart.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Too Many Problems?

'Decision Points': What George W. Bush's Memoir Reveals: That neither he nor Obama or anyone else can cope with a world in turmoil.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Choices

It was mealtime during an airline flight. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.

"What are my choices?" John asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.

written by Spicewood, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Clinton Spars With Hezbollah

Clinton warns Hezbollah it can't stop UN tribunal for killing Lebanese leader. Hezbollah warns Clinton if revenge.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Sentenced For Hacking Palin Info

Prosecutors in Palin hacking push for prison time. Either that or show Dems how he did it.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Even If You Have To Borrow From China

Upgrade Your Life: Buy now, or wait? Congress says to Buy Buy Buy!

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Little Guy Screwed Again

According to study by GOP/DEM group, US must cut back on poorer Americans but not cuts for Congress, so-called business trips, projects, holidays abroad.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

NASA Switches To Paper Planes

Paper plane takes photos from space as NASA funds cut again by White House.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Companies Yank Residential Phone Books

Companies yank cord on residential phone books. Why not the whole thing as businesses online also.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

No Man's Land In Phonebooks

Companies yank cord on residential phone books. "Most are on Facebook, TheSpoof anyway."

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

China Spending Dollars Fast

Chinese vase fetches $69.3 million at UK auction as Chinese use zillions of US dollars to snap up antiques, land, banks, etc.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

How Much Do These Studies Cost?

US researchers explain how cats lap liquids with elegance. Next in line: Why dogs eat shit and don't die!

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

How Cats Lap Water

US researchers explain how cats lap liquids with elegance. Hope to get back to that cancer study soon.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Bernanke THE Authority

Bernanke's monetary policy: Why a little inflation is good. "I don't know why the rest of the world disagrees."

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Obama Lauds Iraq Report

Obama lauds inclusive Iraq govt amid frictions but remark; "At least they're not losing their heads." unfortunate.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

How About Food, Medication Inflation

Bernanke's monetary policy: Why a little inflation is good. "Wear those shoes and clothes a little longer. Shop at second-hand store. No inflation there.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

YOU Live on $14,000 A Year!

Bernanke's monetary policy: Why a little inflation is good. It can help the poor learn to do without.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Obama Gets No Cooperation

G-20 refuses to back US push on China's currency. Each nation goes its own way as usual.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

G-20 Ignores Obama

G-20 refuses to back US push on China's currency. President Obama found lying on the floor kicking and biting himself.

written by Bureau, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Cut Throat Cuts

Following news that UK leaders Cameron and Clegg cannot find any more public spending cuts to make they have announced a suicide pact that will see them cut their own throats via the uk10.gov webcam.

written by iscrivener, 12 November 2010
Rating:

So Farewell, Dino De Laurentiis

I liked many of your movies... but Dune was pretty ropey, wasn't it?

written by Ellis Ian Fields, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Celebrity Birthdays: November 11th.

Happy birthday to: Roman Empress Gisela of Swabia, 1,015; Baron Carr of Hadley, also 1,015; Cradle-robber Demi Moore, 58; Closeted actor Leonardo DiCaprio, 36; reality TV skank Brittny Gastineau, 27.

written by anthonyrosania, 12 November 2010
Rating:

Carnal Splendor Spontaneously Combusts in the Sea of Despair

Carnal Splendor, a 100% clothing optional cruise ship for swinging couples, caught fire in the Sea of Despair today.

written by SpaceElevator, 12 November 2010
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