Order by:
Rating:

Same Old Song

"57 Ancient tombs with mummies unearthed in Egypt today, 57 ancient tombs of mummies. Take one out, pass it about, 56 ancient tombs with mummies unearthed!"

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Woody Allen Supports Polanski

Woody Allen Comes Out in Support of Polanski! "And why he never married the little lady, I'll never know."

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Palin Accuses Obama

Sarah Palin says that President Obama was richly supported by the BP oil people. There's where the blame for the oil spill lies", stated Palin. BP, Black President. Get it?"

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

US/SKorea War Exercises

US to conduct naval exercises with S Korea after attack. "That and putting Donald Duck art on our ships should stop Kim", says SKorean military leader.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Fergie Faces Fiasco

'Phew, I've had a heavy day': Fergie tries to put on a brave face over £500,000 cash-for-access scandal at star-studded charity dinner. However, her other face held a smirk!

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Story summarised in headline

This story been summarised in a short headline. The writer wanted to wallow in the feeling of certainty that some total stranger has read his mindless bullshit.

written by The Medium Cheese, 24 May 2010
Rating:

God is busy creating another planet and is using cannibals to do it!

Cannibal planets have been observed gobbling up their neighbours in outer space. Scientists are convinced that GOD is busy creating a planet similair to earth but this time humans will be given brains

written by Jaggedone, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Getting pissed on Guiness is healthy!

Guiness is medicine and been proven healthy only problems are; you end up being a fat bastard with a beer gut, apart from that, booze on!

written by Jaggedone, 24 May 2010
Rating:

How About A String Around Finger?

Lindsay Lohan ordered to wear alcohol-monitoring bracelet. Bracelet explodes upon placement.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

No To Healthcare?

63% Now Favor Repeal of HealthCare Law. 55% now favor of revoking Nobel Peace Prize.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Bene In Danger?

Fiscal crises threaten Europe's generous benefits. Many will be replaced by 'fits'.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

"I Shall Kill The Dwarf!"

France poised to raise retirement age. President Nicolas Sarkozy hints at 90!

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Hu Holds Firm

Will Hu hold firm on yuan? I don't know. (He's on third!)

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Oil Slick Becomes 51st State

Barack Obama announced today that the Gulf oil slick has grown to the point that it is becoming difficult to compare to any state in the upper 50, so they've decided to just grant it statehood.

written by Charpa93, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Change In Attitude

Geithner softens stance on China after Chinese leader shows him three mansions built out of $100 bills.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Gaga Has Penis

Scandal Magazine says that Lady Gaga has a penis. "She has one alright. She keeps it in her purse.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Local Man is God's Gift to Women

God presented the women of the world with local man Barry Nubbins as a special 'treat' from the almighty.
The majority of women were seriously underwhelmed.
Several became atheists in protest.

written by Jesus Budda, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Local Man Looking for Love

Local man Barry Nubbins has been searching all around town for his drunken, drug-addled friend Courtney Love.

written by Jesus Budda, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Local Man Flirts with Death

"He kept winking at me and rubbing my leg under the table", said Death today after his romantic dinner with Jimmy Browne.

written by Jesus Budda, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Local Man Cheats Death

"He had an extra deck of cards up his sleeve all the time", said Death today.

written by Jesus Budda, 24 May 2010
Rating:

82% of Virgin Births Attributed to God

The remainder have been blamed on leprechauns, elves and magical gnomes.

written by Jesus Budda, 24 May 2010
Rating:

All-Time Musical Favorites Of Teens #11

The latest survey taken by teens as a fun break during school finals reveals that "A Cigar Is Worn!" is one of their top all-time favorite musicals.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

RIP Ventriloquist Ray Alan

Gone to a getter clace

written by Roy Turse, 24 May 2010
Rating:

New Lindsay Lohan Movie Shooting on Location in Beverly Hills

Some say it's Lindsay Lohan's best performance ever--trying to appear serious as she is being sentenced by Judge on various drug-related and failure-to-appear charges.

written by Charpa93, 24 May 2010
Rating:

BP Announces Plan Be as Plan A Considered a Failure

A spokesperson for BP claims Plan A, which was to ignore the leak in hopes that it would stop itself, hasn't worked so they are going to try Plan B, out-and-out lying about the severity of the spill.

written by Charpa93, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Following The Gulf Scream

Most heard scream along the Gulf Coast? "You kids get in here right now or I'll beat the tar out of every one of you!"

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Copernicus Reburied In Poland

Scientist Copernicus will be reburied in native Poland it was announced yesterday, right beside the "Tomb Of The Unknown Peckerhead"!

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

BP Announces They'll Try Stopping Oil Leak with Top Kill Method

How it works is this: the oil will continue to kill everything on the surface it touches, such as plants and wildlife, and the dead flora and fauna is then stuffed down a tube to clog up the leak.

written by Charpa93, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Two New Car Museums

The last two factories left in Michigan have announced that they are closing and becoming Car Museums. Detroit will be rolling out the red carpet for tourists by this fall.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Baby Baby Baby Oh... No!

The Disney Channel has announced it will begin production of "Leave It To Bieber," starring teen star Justin Bieber as your average, everyday, tousle-haired, Lexus-driving, pain-in-the-ass pubescent.

written by Geneva Slim, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Still lost

After last night's "Lost" series finale, "The Writers Go Ape-Shit," thousands of "Leeks" (Lost-Geeks) are walking around in circles mumbling, "WHAT the FUCK?? We're still confused! O God help us!"

written by Geneva Slim, 24 May 2010
Rating:

"That Sounded Like An Earthquake!"

FDA warns that eating too many hydroponic tomatoes could cause you to hydroplane off commode.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Bomb Makers Issue Recall

Report: 16 known terrorists got safely though Airport checks in years 2004-2008. Most only noticed as small poof of smoke coming up around their heads as devices fail.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Hurricane Hits Spill!

Weatherman in St. Petersburg, Florida predicts that this year's first hurricane will be called "Hurricane Black-Eyed Pea."

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Moms Are Consistent

Thirteen year old climbs Mount Everest, calls Mom. Told to get down from there this minute before you fall down!

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Poland Tragedy

Three dead in Poland after nitrite oxide spill leaves thousands in stitches!

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Things Will Be Different

Taliban and Al-Qaida spokesmen say that if their is another round of peace talks, they will not come naked next time because of fear of hidden bombs.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Army Specialist Resigns

Army's most senior bomb disposal officer resigns over shortage of recruits in Afghanistan, fingers.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

"Midwife" Was Male!

After 20 years, "Midwife" discovered to be fake after he accidentally cuts off penis while trying to cut umbilical cord.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Now We Know!

'Lost' addresses years of questions in finale. Also, the fact that Gilligan had a higher IQ that Ginger.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Dour Cannes Fest

Death and loss dominate dour Cannes fest. Loud Wailing and beating of chests heard up to a mile away!

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Copernicus Reburied

Astronomer Copernicus reburied as hero in Poland. "So who was the stupid one now?", asks crowd.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

"Rest In Peace..Not!"

57 ancient tombs with mummies unearthed in Egypt. World Dug-up mummy population nearing one million mark.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Prozac Sales Doubles

Poll: Economists more upbeat despite deficit woes. However, 90% are now on drugs.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Soups On!

Campbell Soup net income down, but sales rise, as more and more Soup Kitchens appear in US major cities.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

"Warship For A Warship"

Obama backs SKorea response to sinking of warship. Demands that NKorea allow one of their ships be allowed to be sunk.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Blumenthal Apologizes

Blumenthal apologizes for misstatements on Vietnam. "Although I was never actually there, I watched "Platoon" and Apocalypse Now" ten times each!"

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Let's Get it On!

New Hawaii congressman hopes for quick swearing-in. Lots of hula hula girls bouncing around.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Cleaning Gulf Wetlands Impossible?

Cleaning up all the Gulf wetlands may be impossible, especially with Billy Mays no longer with us.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Two Factors To Consider

Korean tension a factor in Japan base decision to kept Americans near. Also, the fact that Russia holding military games ten feet from Japanese shoreline.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

They Told Us It Was Harmless

For asbestos-ravaged town, questions persist: "Is asbestos factory down the road causing all this?"

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

" I Just Got The Word"

Obama tells military: prepare for North Korea, Iran, Syria, Hezbollah in Lebanon, West Bank, Taliban, Al-Qaida aggression.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Overhauls No Help #2

Landmark overhauls may not help Democrats at polls. Many voters say their wearing overhauls to offices make them look silly.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Overhauls Not Helping Dems

Landmark overhauls may not help Democrats at polls,
especially when most were against them to begin with.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Kim A "Gem"

Lee: NKorea must pay for torpedo attack on warship. While NKorea's Kim demands SKorea pay for lost torpedo.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Would Support New Auto Fee

59% of Santa Clara County, California voters would support $10 auto fee hike. 100% say "No...if it's wasted like the rest of tax money."

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

After Finally Spotting Cameras

TV Show 'Lost' addresses years of questions in finale. "You mean we have been on television all this time?"

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Couple Kidnapped

Yemeni tribesmen kidnap U.S. couple near Sanaa! Wife: "See I told you we were lost!"

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Let's Start By Cutting Congress Salaries In Half!

Obama seeks to force votes on spending cuts. Action could help US only being 13 trillion in debt instead of 13.2 trillion.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

A Ground Roots Movement

New preschools being held in forests of Oregon, Washington & being prepared in other areas of the U.S.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Cement Hard To Float

AP IMPACT: Bad cement jobs plague offshore rigs! Gambino family attorney: We could have told them that!"

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Where's Hawkeye, Hot lips?

Obama tells military: prepare for North Korea aggression. A little late after they have a ship sank.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

About Time, Don't You Think?

BP's ability questioned as Gulf oil chokes marshes and destroys the whole Gulf area after one month, being questioned by President Obama.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

The Fire In Myanmar

A Huge fire breaking out at Myanmar's main market a real Burma!

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

All-Time Musical Favorites Of Teens #10

The latest survey taken by teens as a fun break during school finals reveals that "Little Shop Of Whores!" is one of their top all-time favorite musicals.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

All-Time Musical Favorites Of Teen #9

The latest survey taken by teens as a fun break during school finals reveals that "Cap Beret" is one of their top all-time favorite musicals.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

All-Time Musical Favorites Of Teens #8

The latest survey taken by teens as a fun break during school finals reveals that "Seven Rides For Seven Brothers!" is one of their top all-time favorite musicals.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

All-Time Musicial Favorites Of Teens #7

The latest survey taken by teens as a fun break during school finals reveals that "The Spazz Singer" is one of their top all-time favorite musicals.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

All-Time Musical Favorites Of Teens #6

The latest survey taken by teens as a fun break during school finals reveals that "Bedside Storey" is one of their top all-time favorite musicals.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

All-Time Musical Favorites Of Teens #5

The latest survey taken by teens as a fun break during school finals reveals that "My Pair, Lady!" is one of their top all-time favorite musicals.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

All-Time Musical Favorites For Teens #4

The latest survey taken by teens as a fun break during school finals reveals that "Porgy & Meth" is one of their top all-time favorite musicals.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

No Shit!

Secretary of state Clinton: With North Korea just feet away and maybe having nuclear weapons, South Korea's security situation 'precarious'

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Do You Suffer From Omnipotence?

You're the only one who does.

written by Ron Smith, 24 May 2010
Rating:

No room to move, let alone dance

Popular San Jose nightclub Elbow Room faces either drastic remodel or name change. Burgeoning crowds jamming the dance floor complain, "There's barely enough room to breathe anymore!"

written by The San Francisco Onion, 24 May 2010
Rating:

This is a "salsa bar," right?

Dancing, drinking Columbian tourists kicked out of San Francisco taqueria. "You misunderstand, señores," said owner Don Miguel. "We only serve tacos. Now get that Conga line out of here!"

written by The San Francisco Onion, 24 May 2010
Rating:

The Original Name of Walt Disney's Famous Mouse

Walt Disney stated in his autobiography Mickey Mouse This that the original name of the famous mouse was "Rat's Ass" but he changed it at the last minute for the obvious reason.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Herman Melville's Moby Dick By Any Other Name

Herman Melville, who wrote the sea classic Moby Dick in 1851, said that it was originally titled Moby Penis.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Joan Rivers Looks Like A Damn Freakin' Space Alien For Goodness Sakes!

Joan Rivers, who is rivaling Heidi Montag in the plastic surgery department, has admitted that the only thing on her that she has not had lifted is her dress.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Jane Fonda's "Barbarella" 42 Years Later

Jane Fonda will soon begin shooting on the sequel to 1968s Barbarella. The sequel is titled, Hagarella - The Cellulite Years.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 May 2010
Rating:

The Truth About The Great Short, Short Story Writer O'Henry

The famous short story writer O'Henry revealed in his autobiography that he did in fact take his pen name from the candy bar.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Sarah Ferguson makes public apology

Yeah right. Like we're interested? Sorry you got caught? Or sorry for being ginger?

written by Skoob1999, 24 May 2010
Rating:

BA's Willie Walsh fails job interview

Richard Branson tells him to 'get stretched'

written by Skoob1999, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Good news for ethnic minorities

Duchess of York says Prince Andrew is 'whiter than white' Jackson family alerted.

written by Skoob1999, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Duchess of York takes 40 grand in cash

And the table, and the lamp, and some towels and a dressing gown. And a sachet of sugar.

written by Skoob1999, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Duchess accepts $40.000 on the table

Says she thought she was on 'Dickinson's Real Deal'

written by Skoob1999, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Children Hooked On Tobacco

Health officials in Indonesia say that children as young as 9 have a cigarette habit. "They see older twelve year olds at work and they think it's cool."

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

New Book Explains Everything

Conn. Att. General Richard Blumenthal says all misconceptions about his military service will be cleared up in his new book detailing his Vietnam experience, "Vietnam? I Thought They Said Vienna"

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Man of the People

President Obama says he is a man of the people! Translated, this means 50% of the people pay taxes, while the other 50% live off the first group!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Psychology 101 Experiment

House Speaker Pelosi has devised an experiment that causes Democratic far left wing liberal house members to salivate. The speaker merely says the words "tax and spend!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 May 2010
Rating:

BP CEO Comments on Oil Spill

The oil spill is not too bad, as now all the shrimp, crabs, oysters and crayfish harvested from the Gulf of Mexico will be packed in natural oil!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 May 2010
Rating:

All-Time Musical Favorites Of Teens #3

The latest survey taken by teens as a fun break during school finals reveals that "Annie's Pinched your Bum!" is one of their top all-time favorite musicals.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

All-Time Musical Favorites Of Teens #2

The latest survey taken by teens as a fun break during school finals reveals that "Spermalot" is one of their top all-time favorite musicals.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

All-Time Favorite Musicals Of Teens

The latest survey taken by teens as a fun break during school finals reveals that "The Groin King" is one of their top all-time favorite musicals.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

"Did You Record The Called-In Tip?"

FBI extremely disappointed that the bones they found under old Yankee Stadium are those of Henry Hoffa, Jimmy's uncle.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

FBI Give Up

FBI give up on trying to find Obama's birth certificate. "Well, back to that Hoffa case!"

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Couple Turned In For Watching Porn With Kids In The Room

"Some parents like us worry that their children are watching too many kid's shows on TV. How will they ever grow up?", asks the thoughtful couple.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Least Popular Book #35

In an extensive poll of readers of the most popular books released & re-released during the past 15 years, "Pimple Abundance" finished near the bottom.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Least Popular Book #34

In an extensive poll of readers of the most popular books released & re-released during the past 15 years, "A Million Little Feces" finished near the bottom.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
Rating:

Least Popular Book #33

In an extensive poll of readers of the most popular books released & re-released during the past 15 years, "The Breast O' Mint" finished near the bottom.

written by Bureau, 24 May 2010
« Apr 2010 May 2010 Jun 2010 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
1st
75
2nd
68
3rd
65
4th
73
5th
68
6th
66
7th
108
8th
75
9th
89
10th
85
11th
106
12th
99
13th
98
14th
93
15th
85
16th
101
17th
106
18th
109
19th
100
20th
106
21st
89
22nd
87
23rd
97
24th
99
25th
94
26th
108
27th
125
28th
94
29th
76
30th
86
31st
97
 

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