Spoof news snippets from Monday 29 March 2010
Sarah Harding - worth more than her weight in diamonds
Sarah Harding - worth more than her weight in diamonds
SH is so wound-up she craps diamonds
GRB! - - - Green, red and Blubber!
Airline passengers who take a dump, give a pint of blood, and undergo liposuction just prior to boarding get 300 free air miles.
'Green and Red'
Airline passengers who take a dump and give a pint of blood prior to boarding get 200 free air miles.
Airline passengers who take a dump prior to boarding get 100 free air miles.
Peaches Geldof given Utlimatum by Miss Ultimo
and summarily axed
It's Those Kids!
President Obama blames the United States being heavily in debt on student's poor math skills.
"Well, Bush On A Segway, What's Wrong With Obama's Ear?"
Youngest daughter gives away the fact that the President sleeps with band around his head so he won't sleep on his ear the wrong way.
Big Ben Even Bigger Hit!
New figurines on Big Ben come out on the hour and show the Queen kicking Prince Charles in the ass, 24 hours a day.
"What's This Button For?"
Inside scoop: President Obama in Afghanistan partly to apologize for VP Biden who played around and dropped two 500-pound bombs on his trip.
New Paris Hilton Movie #9
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "The German Ate Her!"
New Paris Hilton Movie #8
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "One Blew Everyone In The Cuckoo's Nest"
New Paris Hilton Movie #7
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "I Saw Who You Did Last Summer"
New Paris Hilton Movie #6
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "Where The Boys Are...Becoming Men"
New Paris Hilton Movie #5
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "White Women Can Hump!"
New Paris Hilton Movie #4
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "Guess Who's Naked And Coming At Dinner?"
New Paris Hilton Movie #3
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "The Last Time I Pawed Paris!"
New Paris Hilton Movie #2
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "N.U.D.E.", filmed on location in South Korea.
New Paris Hilton Movie
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "A Ringo Starr Is Borne!"
Indian Buuts Car Customer Complains
Customer who bought one of those Indian 60 MPG, Buuts, say that manual had "Perfect for four clowns" with "clowns" in microscopic print. Car Company says small print a part of owning a small car.
Bring It On!
Pfizer may have come up with another peter pill. This one acts almost immediately and for up to eight inches. Some side effects include barking like a dog, eating shit, brain tumors and lawsuits.
Adult Diapers #19
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "One lump or two, Sir?" "Three, I'd say, Bunter! Oh, you meant the sugar?"
Adult Diapers #18
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "I said Dump! Go ahead and Dump!"
Adult Diapers #17
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "Lumpy Dumpy sat at the Mall, didn't care at all!"
Adult Diapers #16
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "Santa at the mall? We got you covered before they get you covered."
Blame Economy class ready meals for clogging up the plumbing
British Airways = Arab shit is wiry
Pluck or depilate before you board!
British Airways = Hairy wrist bias
Can't Please Everybody
American drug company sued for not listing the possibility of suicide as a side effect says that it couldn't list everything the ***** things caused. "The box was too small!"
Just when the IRA says it's given up all that bombing stuff
British Airways = Baits Wary Irish
Fundamentalists' bomb making equipment discovered in national carrier
British Airways = Sharia Wiry Bits
Our Flag Up There
In response to China saying they have too many American dollars, United States to charge nations for using our moon at night. "Armstrong claimed that for the US years ago", says Ben Bernanke.
Foreigner Kicked Out Of Country
Shit Soft-Rock act Foreigner have been deported from Thailand.
This is the 92nd country that has banned them from singing 'I wanna Know What Love Is' on their territory.
Local Concert Puts Bums on Seats
Organisers of a local rock festival have allocated twenty free seats to the local Homeless community.
Local Man Fails To Steal Candy From a Baby
"It's much harder than I'd been lead to believe", he said.
Cheney, Castro Disagree
Former Vice President Cheney says that the Cuban Castro gang from his end of the island were the ones to slip in and waterboard those prisoners. Fidel claims he was only invited to watch!
Warmists Get Own Malady
People who believe in global warming will receive a new classification of mental illness. Bi-polar Bear Warmophrenics will be registered disabled and will not be allowed to operate heavy machinery.
New marijuana legalization being hashed out in smoked filled room.
Dastardly Spoof reporter, Earl Grey, in Moscow dives for cover!
After the terrorist attack in Moscow the Spoof sent its intrepid REP, Earl Grey, down the Subway, he dived for cover, slipped on the greasy floor and landed up a HAG's dress eating a Subway!
Found! Ministers Alive!
Seven former Labour cabinet ministers including former Home Secretary Jackie Smith have been found alive and well at a disused RAF base near Cirencester, Wilts.
I went to the Blockbuster and asked, "Can I borrow Batman Forever?"
He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow."
I was traveling and wanted a train ticket to France and
the ticket seller said 'Eurostar?'
I said "Well I've been on on the radio a couple of times but I'm no Dean Martin."
Jeff and Ron in Wig Promise
Rock legends Ron Wood and Jeff Beck have promised to only source their wigs from free range farms in future after their supplier was found to be breeding toupes in squalor at Hairpiece Farm.
Harry and his troubles
Harry was stealing things in the supermarket yesterday while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires.
They caught he and he was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
Becoming The Norm
New swear words in today's White House and Congress? "Well, George Bush On A Segway! Now I've heard everything!"
Another Theft Reported
Identity thief dresses up like Ben Franklin, makes off with nearly $1,000,000 in $100 Dollar Bills.
Populace Perplexed with Pope's Platitudinous Approach to Pederast Problem
Only Trouble, They All Look So Silly Out There!
Preacher handing out 3D glasses at church really gives the crowd the old "Fire & Brimstone" an extra oomph!
Adult Diapers #15
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "Singing Dry Hole! Dry Hole! It's up Shit Creek we go!"
Adult Diapers #14
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "I got the new ones with Obama's face on the inside!"
Adult Diapers #13
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "Oh what a wonderful whiz, it is!"
Adult Diapers #12
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "Hey look! One lasted a full week for the kid!"
Adult Diapers #11
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "Like to gamble? Relax, whether you're in the pot or not!"
Adult Diapers #10
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "Can I be excused? I think I just double-dipped!"
Lewis Hamilton acted like a DICKHEAD and now its been confirmed, he is one!
An Australian minister accused Lewis Hamilton of acting like a DICKHEAD, as they say in POMMYLAND, that's a kettle calling a pot BLACK (Politicians are well-known for their DICKHEADEDNESS!)
Adult Diapers #9
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "I think I'll just sit back and go with the flow!"
Adult Diapers #8
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "Lead the bar crowd with 'Wasting Away Again In Margaritaville!"
Adult Diapers #7
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "I see you're wearing yellow pants also."
Adult Diapers #6
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "To pee or not to pee...it's your choice!"
Adult Diapers #5
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "Hey, Magic Johnson and Larry Bird dribbled too!"
Adult Diapers #4
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "YOU just shit?? Me Too!!!"
Adult Diapers #3
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "Urine & Year Out, we got you covered!"
Adult Diapers #2
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "Fart as hard as you like, without fear!"
The benefits of Adult Diapers: "Don't Worry, Be Crappy!"
3D Movie Remake #39
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "The Girth Of A Nation"
3D Movie Remake #38
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "She Done Him Wrong (His Penis Is Gone)"
3D Movie Remake #37
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "The Jizz Slinger"
3D Movie Remake #36
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "The Hunchback Of Notre Dame Meets OJ, The Running Back From USC"
Pope Facing Accusations
Pope accused of enforcing "Don't Ask, Don't Tail" several years ago.
Stay In Practice
'I am very proud': Pensioner becomes oldest father in Britain at 76. Credits 50 years of weiner waving!
Pill-popper nation: Prescriptions soar as we pick up more than 16 EACH every year. "And that's not even including sick people", states NHS spokesman.
No Photos Please
Barack Obama gives pep talk to troops, shits pants twice, on surprise visit to Afghanistan.
Lucy In The Sky?
The girl with kaleidoscope eyes: How Danielle started seeing colours of the rainbow 'snowing'. Some say it means LSD.
Just Proving A Point!
Police accused of trespass after 'burgling' 50 homes to show owners how insecure they are. Also forced to give back burgled items.
Wrong Side Of The Law
New law being passed where wind turbines placed that will cost you a $100 ticket if farting on the wrong side.
Bug Still Around
Sick-leave Britain as one million set to fall ill with winter vomiting bug that has spread into spring. "We're now calling it the "Winter/Spring Vomiting Bug", says doctor.
Watch Your Gestures
British man faces six months in Dubai jail for making offensive gesture at Iraqi student. "I though smiling was a universal signal of friendship", states jailbird.
Ernest T Bass Relative?
Man who got 15 years for prison break-in is now missing from cell.
Simpson Loses This Year
Lautner, Miley Cyrus win Kids' Choice Awards. Bart Simpson finishes close third.
Here It Comes
AT&T will take $1B non-cash charge for health care, cut retirement pensions in first move since Obamacare approved.
Southern Dinosaur Bogus?
First tyrannosaur fossil from Southern Hemisphere turns out to be obese sheriff from Hazard, Georgia who fell into a tar pit in 2008.
Southern Tyrannosaur Discovered
First tyrannosaur fossil from Southern Hemisphere wore straw hat, smoked corncob pipe.
Earth Hour Has Longer Observance Than Intended
Landmarks, cities worldwide unplug for Earth Hour go dark for ten more hours after everyone turns them back on at once, creating blackout.
"Where's The Dog?
Grasshopper outlook strikes fear on Western range. "At least they're not those horrible locusts", states naked, bald-headed rancher, wife and kids.
Grand Day Today, Tonight
World stocks, euro, dollar, pound, penises rise as debt worries ease.
Prison's Too Crowded #6
Many felony pot cases, somebody offed in gang war, getting tossed out of court.
Prisons Too Crowded #5
Many felony pot cases, bank holdups where criminal is permanently purple from exploding bag, getting tossed out of court.
Prisons Too Crowded #4
Many felony pot cases, elderly person too slow to make it across intersection, getting tossed out of court.
Prisons Too Full #3
Many felony pot cases, blown up cars that got someone else's parking place, getting tossed out of court.
Prisons Too Full #2
Many felony pot cases, runaway Toyotas, Fords, Chevies, Nissans, Amish buggies getting tossed out of court.
Prisons Too Full!
Many felony pot cases, murders where accused just having a bad day, getting tossed out of court.
Not The Same
Miracle under scrutiny in John Paul beatification. "Popemobile hydroplaning was not the same as walking on water">
Election Goes Uncontested
Myanmar opposition party won't contest election. "Wouldn't be around long if we did", stated leading opponent.
Obams/Drug Company Deal Emerges
THE INFLUENCE GAME: Drug lobby's health care win as they cut deal to keep high prices as uninsured forced to buy insurance even if they have no money for it.
FBI Arrest Three
At least 3 arrests after FBI raids in Midwest as officers told once again that the Taliban are in the "Mideast", not "Midwest".
No Real Miracle
Miracle under scrutiny in John Paul beatification. Man who levitated from chair in the front row was merely passing gas.
It Was Already Parted
Miracle under scrutiny in John Paul beatification as several in front role in visit say he did not cause the parting of the hair on guy in first row.
But Obamacare Passed
County Parks and Recreaction sees usage rise in 2009 as many who lost their homes last year now living in tents.
Older Couple Climb Something
Local couple climb Mount Kilimanjaro "or was it Mount City Dump. Do you remember, Hon? It's right over there about a mile from here."
Health Care To Cause Docctor Shortage?
Health overhaul likely to strain doctor shortage as many planning to retire or go to other professions.
Obama Makes Six Hour Stop
After week of wins, Obama turns to Afghanistan, where he cannot bribe his way past the Taliban.
3D Movie Remake #35
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Invasion of the Booby Snatchers"
A fine kettle of fish!
Carbon Neutral = Tuna Barrel Con
Southern Baptist snake charming congregation behind this fantasy?
Carbon Neutral = Cobra Nun Alert
Impossible to stop this rot
Carbon Neutral = No Curable Rant
This one's plain disgusting!
Carbon Neutral = Anal Cunt Borer
Blame Pavarotti for all this global warming nonsense!
Carbon Neutral = Curb Anal Tenor
Screwing over the earth again?
Carbon Neutral = No Carnal Brute
That's what you get for shagging minerals...
Carbon Neutral = Carnal Bone Rut
Carbon Neutral = A Rectal Unborn
Blame the pandas!
Carbon Neutral = Nocturnal Bear
Global warming campaign's all in the head
Sandra Bullock = Carbon Skull Ad
Is this hwe fanzine site?
sandra Bullock = Anal Dorks Club
She's putting on weight
Sandra Bullock = Carnal Sod Bulk
Something fishy about this Oscar winner!
Sandra Bullock = Banal Cod Lurks
Hellfire Club grandee up the swanee
Sandra Bullock = Sunk Cabal Lord
Greasy smear test
Sandra Bullock = A Lard Sunblock
Big pussy dental porn
Tottenham Hotspur = Panther Tooth Smut
Following coldest winter in 30 years
Al Gore rings John Edwards for PR advice.
Tottenham Hotspur = Thumps Another Tot
Betting on a rodent's molars
Tottenham Hotspur = Hamster Tooth Punt
except in Wales c/o WAG.
Turning up the Premiership heat
Tottenham Hotspur = Hot Thermostat Pun
Spurs blaze of glory
Tottenham Hotspur = Hot Stunt Metaphor
Obama health care recruiters fly into Heathrow
Seeking thousands of trained doctors to treat 40,000,000 new patients in the USA.
Class war suspected in today's blasts
Moscow Bombings = Big Snob Cow's Mom
Hairtrigger device set off the explosions?
Moscow Bombings = Mob Son Combs Wig
Robert's mother semtex hairpiece
Moscow Bombings = Bob's Mom's Wig Con
Fitting climax for fanny semtex mastermind
Moscow Bombings = Womb Boss Coming
Reuterus blames Russian choiristers
Moscow Bombings = Womb Combo Sings
Blame it on the mother
Moscow Bombings = Sobbing Cow's Mom
Macca's ex is the devil's spawn
Heather Mills = Hellish Mater
WAG by another name
Welsh Assembly Government - praises lots of things - but ingores the bottom line - Wales remains is at the bottom of the UK economic barrel c/o WAG.
New Government Aid
The U.S. mint plans to alter the formula of its printing paper by adding spandex to the cotton. This is their way of helping with the economic hardship by helping Americans stretch a dollar.
From China, Japan, Future Generations
Report: The United States now mostly a "Borrow-Based" economy.
Nut Screws Washers and Bolts
An escaped lunatic is being sought by police around Broadmoor after he attacked and raped three women in a nearby laundry.
Essex Man Scoops £100 in Nigerian Lottery
Fred Gullible of Harlow has won a fortune in the Nigerian Lottery. "I got a nice email asking me to send £25,000 to cover expenses, so I sold my house. I'm expecting a cheque any day soon" he said.
Elephant Stops Train in India
The Delhi to Mumbai express was halted for more than two hours today, by an elephant on the track. "It was the wrong kind of elephant" a spokesman said.
London to Sidney rail tunnel announced
Plans have been unveiled for a direct London to Sidney rail tunnel. Trains will run twice a day though the 12,000 mile tunnel, travelling at up to 3000 mph, except through Kent.
Really Really Low
Nancy Pelosi ratings fall below that of Benito Mussolini days before he was hung.
Guest Martha Stewart revealed on Oprah Friday that while she was in prison, she actually had to drink red wine with her fish.
New Jersey man found dead with head in the oven after his robotic doll walked out on him with TV repair man.
3D Movie Remake #34
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Some Like It A Lot!"
3D Movie Remake #33
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Yank That Doodle Dandy"
3D Movie Remake #32
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Paki Driver"
3D Movie Remake #31
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Snow White & The Seven Inches"
What Did He Say?
Vice President Biden was overheard saying that the November mid-term Congressional election will be a referendum between Demicans and Republicrats about President Pelosi's health care legislation!
Paper or Plastic
A UN study indicates that some plastic items placed in microwave ovens cause sexually transmitted diseases. The UN calls for an immediate ban on heating condoms in microwave ovens!
Anyone Got the FLIT?
Every 17 to 20 years Democratic far left liberals arrive like Locusts to devour the USA political system. The liberals then crawl back into their holes, while ordinary citizens clean up the mess!
Watch the Door on Your Way Out
Democratic liberals had an orgasm over the passing of "Obamacare." In November the Democratic Party may wakeup with 50 cents on the pillow & a bloody arsehole, after being screwed by American voters!
Gambling on the Future
Inside sources claim Senate Majority Leader Reid has been hired as a Las Vegas NV gaming consultant. Employment is scheduled to begin in early January 2011, should the Senator be leaving his old job.
3D Movie remake #30
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Singing Into Jane!"
Environmentalists Push for a Return to Whale Oil Lamps
Environmentalists "unplug" for a day to protest electricity! A counter protester said "these people have been unplugged for years" and carried a sign that read Build More Nuclear Power Plants!
EPA Taking No Chances
A leaked EPA memo indicates the Donkey is being considered for inclusion on the endangered species list. Plans are very preliminary & highly dependent on the November 2010 Congressional elections.
Not Possible, But Maybe
Mark Twain said "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." VP Biden must be over 125 years old to have met Mr. Twain!
Arab League Suggests Closer Ties with Iran
When you think you have the Middle-East situation figured out someone throws another rattlesnake into the pit! Perhaps Dr. Einstein was wrong when he said "God doesn't play dice with the Universe."
Obama Administration Search for TSA Chief Continues
A potential candidate is Porky Smith, an Iowa pig farmer. Press Secretary Gibbs confided "nobody else in the Obama Administration seems to know what they are doing, so one more won't matter!"
President Obama Issues 15 Recess Appointments
The president has appointed Ms. Sally Smith as the new recess monitor at PS 227 in the Bronx NY, Mrs. Josephine Jones as the…………………!
San Francisco Goes Dark
The lights went out in San Francisco CA, but not because of protests! It seems too many vibrators were plugged in at one time, overloading the electric grid.
President Obama Abolishes the US Postal Service
The president announced abolishment of the USPS. The 600,000 workers will be assigned to run the Internet delivering email! The problem of using the Internet to deliver packages must still be solved.
Miley Cyrus to Quit Music
"The Spoof" writers were seen acting strange & some considered jumping out of windows, as a source of good material is vanishing! Then Miley announced she is concentrating on movies & calm returned.
3D Movie remake #29
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "The Slow Spank Convention".
Subversion of the US Constitution
Democratic far left liberal loons cite the clauses of the US Constitution that fits their Socialist agenda. These same Democratic loons manage to ignore other relevant clauses of the US Constitution!
3D Remake #28
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Shitter's List"
3D Movie Remake #27
With the coming of 3D television some of the old movies may be re-released with a more adult look, such as "Woman Holiday"
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