Order by:
Rating:

Police Discover Plastic Comb Hoarder

A man's house was filled with plastic combs, say officials. Every space - the living room, bedroom, kitchen. Piles of plastic combs. Police were shocked to learn the man, ironically, was bald.

written by Nik Voelz, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Al Qaeda using explosive tits.

MI5 has revealed that Al Qaeda is now using explosive tits to bring down airplanes. The new weapons are being referred to as KABOOBS.

written by Daniel Bristol, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Secret Vampire Songs #6

Over the years people have slipped in vampire songs that few recognized at the time, including: First Class' "Leech Baby"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Secret Vampire Songs #5

Over the years people have slipped in vampire songs that few recognized at the time, including: Credence Clearwater Revival's "Who'll Stop The Domain?"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Secret Vampire Songs #4

Over the years people have slipped in vampire songs that few recognized at the time, including: Deep Purple's "Lush! Lush! I Thought I heard Her Calling My Name"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Secret Vampire Songs #3

Over the years people have slipped in vampire songs that few recognized at the time, including: The Beatles "Whelp! I Need Somebody!"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Secret Vampire Songs #2

Over the years people have slipped in vampire songs that few recognized at the time, including: Steve Earle's "I'm The Other Kine"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Secret Vampire Songs

Over the years people have slipped in vampire songs that few recognized at the time, including: "Domain, All Around My Brain" by Bob Dylan.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

New Obama Motto

President Obama has changed his motto from "Yes We Can" to "Yes We Can, With Enough Bribes!"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

It's A Small World

Wall Street falls on news of Uganda's rating downgrade, Andy Johnson of Henderson, Tennessee losing job at meat-packing factory!

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

OAP rocker Sir Paul McCartney is playing at the O2 Arena and promises his geriatric fans free incontinent nappies!

Sir Paul is playing at the O2 in London, OAP's have been buying up tickets and Sir Paul has offered them all free incontinent nappies if they can't make the bog in time, what a gentleman!!

written by Jaggedone, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Local Man takes Pictures of His Wife's Hole and Posts them on the Internet

Local Man Barry Nibbles took several revealing photographs of the rusty, gaping hole in his wife's car roof and uploaded them to an Internet site for all to see.

written by Jesus Budda, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Local Man Beats Children

Local man Crazy Dave wins children's poetry competition despite being over the age of 12 and threatening to kill the judges.

written by Jesus Budda, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Warden wants more Jail Bait

The warden of the local jail has asked the community to send in any worms they find so that the prisoners can go fishing at the prison pond

written by Jesus Budda, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Local Man Supports His Local Hospital

Local muscle man Charles Atlas has held up the roof of the local hospital for the past month using his rippling muscles while repairs have been done.

written by Jesus Budda, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Organs Are Displayed

Supreme Court upholds Hugh Hefner's claim that Playboy magazines are organic!

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Aliens abduct Bay of Bengal island, they felt sorry for it!

Aliens have abducted a Bangladeshi island because they flew by, saw the poverty, felt sorry for the inhabitants and scooped the island up, the inhabitants are now enjoying a life in real heaven!

written by Jaggedone, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Page 12,098 Healthcare Bill: Rabbits Hate Us!

Global warming much worse than we thought. US Senators and Congressmen's brains apparently fried.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Just Sold A Few Souvenirs

Yemen says it had no idea that a terrorist summit was going on there. "We thought we lost that to Iran!"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Goodbye Free Enterprise

Once health care bill signed by Obama, Mount Rushmore Presidents turn their heads away.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

2012

Starts at Llanishen Reservoir

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Serious Question

Joe Biden: mega-tons short of a full deck, and who picked him? And more importantly - WHY?

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Arnold Schwarzenegger on Biden: "Fufu**# big a*&hole"

see supra

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Joe Biden insists

"There's no leak at Lisvane Reservoir".

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

"The burning question"

Cup cake or IED?

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

If 'it ain't broke' - don't give it to Joe Biden

"The man, the moment ... the buffoon".

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Gordon Brown touts a landside win if he can win a spot on Jonathan Ross

where GB will 'dice and spice' Darling's 'luv spuds' served over hot chilli peppers topped off with a dash of fine red wine.

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

"Foul mouthed 11-year-old assassin called Hit-Girl"

Joe Biden's secret luv-child. "Who Knew"

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Worries over the world ending in 2012

could be linked to the ultra-high vacuum inside Joe Biden's head.

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Joe Biden has 'hyperspace' inside his head

that and a sandwich of peanut butter, jam and a meat paste product mixed with a certain fish based product involving frog's eggs.

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Cardiff based Reservoir Action Group (RAG) deny rumours of 'leak'

Asked to comment, RAG spokesperson - taking a leaf out of Joe Biden's single page book, tersely replied: $56# 8*& you.

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Reason 'for the fine mess' we are in ...

something to do with what Rose Tyler ate while on a London bus heading home from work.

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Darth Vadar

has worked out that he will come into existence on mother Earth in about 8 months - curiously about the time of the upcoming November elections.

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

'Give me an arm or a leg'

and I will give you 'the man'. Who said that?

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

"Latest national security analysis"

As the 10th Dr. Who once said: "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE", or some such words, to Rose Tyler.

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Iran banks on GOP wiping out Obama's party

this November.

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

"The son is shining, there aint a cloud in sight it's stopped raining ..." (ELO)

and we have 'Obama Care"

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

UK taxes up, Euro down, Greece economy heading for the rocks, promised green jobs no where in sight

other than that, 'a jolly good day had by all'

written by Tcoah, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Now We Know!

Old record found of alien autopsy in New Mexico shows that an alien's "Probe" is actually his penis.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Old King One-Eye

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed guy is not only king but will tell everyone else, "Since none of us can see, why bother wearing clothes?"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Nice And Silky

New "Sow's Ear" purses that are so popular, condemned by PETA!

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Sung Her Heart out!

Young lady who sung her heart out of TV last night, not a pretty sight to see!

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Main Occupations

According to new census figures thus far, the occupation of most Americans is the couch. #2 is "other countries".

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Taking Precautions

Disney announces that free condoms will be given out to all adults that enter one of their parks, as "Tunnel of Love" now 15 minutes long".

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Gay Marriage Discussion

Hermaphrodites say they have no opinion about gay marriages. We have always been free to marry", says one.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Flynt Shat Upon

Man who tied up Larry Flynt in his wheelchair & robbed the place was followed by another who used Flynt as a commode. Says he thought he was a fancy John. Apparently had nothing to do with robbery.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

NKorean Time Machine #2

North Korean TV shows travelers in their new 5-seconds ahead, Time Machine. Proof, they say is to watch that their mouths are not in sync with the pictures.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Nkorean Time Machine

North Korean scientists say that they have invented a time machine that goes 5 seconds into the future. As soon as they can get it improved to one hour, they will clean up at the race tracks.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Near Classic #18

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "A Sale OF Two Titties!"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Near Classic #17

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "David Cop-A-Feel"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Near Classic #16

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "Pride & Perversion"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Near Classic #15

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "Windy The Poo"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Near Classic #15

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "The Bored Of The Rings"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Near Classic #14

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "The Gropes Of Wrath!"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Near Classics #13

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "Widow Lemon".

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

What Was That?

Study: Only 50% of physicians advised their obese patients to lose weight after collapse of over 10,000 chairs in waiting rooms.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Payoffs High In Congress

Dem payoffs for congressmen to purchase their vote could cost $500 Billion!

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Boob Shots On eBay

Breast screening 'fails to cut cancer deaths': Thousands could be enduring needless surgery. However, shopped photos help pay increase for under-paid doctors.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Who Would Have Thought?

Facebook 'sex encounters' linked to rise in syphilis, a surprise to everyone.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Greenpeace May Become Involved

Teachers leave boy, 5, stranded in tree because of health and safety (then report passer-by who helped him down to the tree police)

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

We've Ignored It For Years

US law to make calorie counts hard to ignore but easy to shrug off. "Like we don't already know that ice cream makes us fat?"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

General Mills Showing Profit

General Mills 3Q profit climbs as sales improve as people reduced to eating cereal three times a day.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Health Care Recriminations

Political recriminations linger over health care. Bucket of piss over door falling on Pelosi doesn't improve things.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Differences In Justices

Justice Antonin Scalia tends to see things as black or white. Justice Stephen Breyer sees a lot more gray. Justice Thomas sees a pubic hair on a cans of colas.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Other States May Follow

California receives much needed funds by releasing 10,000 prisoner with lower $5,000 bond each. Saves state billions.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Monkey Not Butterfly

Elusive monkey romps in Tampa Bay area. Authorities say it might be the "Bright Elusive Monkey Of Love" so popular in song.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Two Story Mosque/Synagogue

Jerusalem approves contentious new building plan. May built synagogue on top of Doom Of The Rock.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Fiat Cuts Jobs

Fiat reported to cut 5,000 jobs, shares rally. Those losing jobs certainly don't.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Bees In Trouble, So Are We

Bees in more trouble than ever after bad winter as many dying of pesticides. Bees pollinate plants, fruit. Plants feed humans. Get the picture?

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

One-Hour Workouts

Older women need 1-hour workouts to fend off flab. Nursing homes to begin track teams, pumping iron.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Indian Military Weaponize Chili!

Indian military to weaponize world's hottest chili. Mexico to retaliate in uncontrolled chili build-up!

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Women Too Fat In Old Paintings

Study: Last Supper paintings supersize the food. Leonardo da Vinci advised to "Watch it!"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Final Chapter

Senate writing final chapter to health care bill, number 4,986!

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Anything CAN Cause Anything

More than 1 million baby slings recalled. Also strollers, playpens, mother's tits as baby could get strangled. Isn't there any common sense left? "Just keep an eye on the babies, OK?"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Samcam pregnant but call it the gynae ward

From Conservative Central Office. Priority message to all candidates at the forthcoming General Election. Push the samcam pregnancy at all times but never say Labour Suite.

written by Nae mair crap, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Supermarket psychologists

All UK supermarket staff will now be trained in psychology. Customers paying cash can still get change, but they have to really want the change.

written by Thinctanc, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Little Bo Peep Has Lost Her Sheep

Again? Can't that woman hang onto anything?

written by Gail Farrelly, 24 March 2010
Rating:

What's Outside Don't Count!

New study shows that 75% of all Texans believe that the world is shaped like Texas!

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

American Education Slips Another Notch

Suits filed today in last attempt to derail health care reform indicate 14 out of 50 U.S. Attorneys General could not correctly identify the Supremacy Clause of the U.S. Constitution.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Spelling Bee Ends Badly

National spelling bee ends with a big embarrassment, when no one can spell "embarrassment".

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

US FCC fines White House $520,000

An FCC spokeswoman explained "there was no excuse for Vice President Biden's F-bomb on live TV" when President Obama signed a controversial health care bill into law...

written by Robin Berger, 24 March 2010
Rating:

It's All Ready

Israel announces that they have finished their tryout of their new Doomsday Weapon, Project Samson! "If we go, we ALL go!"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Ladin Takes Credit

Osama Bin Laden on television once again, taking claim credit for causing global warming.

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Near Classic #12

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "To Catch Her In The Lie"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Near Classic #11

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "Maybe Dick!"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Near Classic #10

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "For Whom The Tail Blows!"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Near Classic #9

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "Harry Potter & The Goober Of Fire!"

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Near Classic #8

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "Shit!" (Stephen King)

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
Rating:

Near Classic #7

Almost Classic Books that never made it: "Jonathon Livingston Seabiscuit".

written by Bureau, 24 March 2010
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