Order by:
Rating:

Flowering Of Democracy

United States attempt to flower democracy around the world running into poppy growers in Afghanistan.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Daylight Savings Time a Waste of Time

So says Betty Chew of Boonville, Missouri, exasperated clock enthusiast who only recently finished adjusting the last of her extensive collection of memorable timepieces to the previous time change.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Late Football Results

Good news for Scorpio. A tall Malay in armour will bring something for the herb garden. For Saggitarians who have been obsessed about Canada Geese and isinglass, a padded room is indicated.

written by Erskin Quint, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Foreign News

Vinophile
with Victor Ludorum

The 1978 is a challenging St Puillian. The palate is strawberry and pencil-shavings, shot with lime and ground-glass . A cat-litter nose is characteristic.

written by Erskin Quint, 13 March 2010
Rating:

WI News

The Treasure Hunt at Whymple-with-Pissmyre went well. The 3 Lungeworthy Sisters won. They discovered the head of the Bishop of Rottinghurst in a dungheap at Ditchthwaite.

written by Erskin Quint, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Larry King Confession

Larry King confesses that he was once the voice of the Coocoo For Cocoa Puffs bird!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

John Gone

Top Musical Selections From All The John Wayne Movies" canceled by Cable Network Radio.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Haiku

by Harakiri

Pillows full of rats
Wardrobes gorged with writhing eels
My corpse on the bed

written by Erskin Quint, 13 March 2010
Rating:

All Static Channel Gone!

"The All Static For People With Tinnitus" drops off the air once people found they can get that free by leaving radio between stations.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Cable Radio #3

"All-Time Rock Favorites On 100 Bagpipes" the latest to drop off The Cable Radio Network.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Cable Radio #2

"The Lush Rimbald Old Buddy's Drunk Show" the latest victim of Cable Radio Network.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Radio Shows Hurting

"Banjos For Lovers" the latest to fall from the Cable Radio Network.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Around the WIs

Nidderbridge & Clympting hosted a Find the Vicar evening. It was 11:45 before Reverend Numpeter was found in Mrs Quagmire's giant Queen of Puddings.

written by Erskin Quint, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Ponder Awhile

with Mandrake Lampeter Lampeter

Yonder dying sunset sky, blood-orange smeared, caked with firecoal cloudbanks, reeks of pain.

I want to drive this skewer through my eye.

But all I do is stare at yonder sky.

written by Erskin Quint, 13 March 2010
Rating:

What the Romans Did for Fun

For Capricorns this is a challenging time, with asteroids moving through Uranus. For Librans, strangers with harpsichords and false ears are indicated. It is a good time for Gemini to caulk a coracle.

written by Erskin Quint, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Local Weather

Linguini's new film Dead Alive concerns a critically-ill woman who falls asleep and dreams that she is being born. In her dream, she wakes up during birth, to find that she is actually dying. The she really awakens. Or does she?

written by Erskin Quint, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Apartheid Banks

Thousands of struggling bank customers will be connected to Indian call centres while more affluent account holders will get one in Britain. TheSpoof writers will only get a buzzing noise.


written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Bernanke Warning #7

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke warns bank customers to keep a lookout for signs that it may be closing, such as: Free "I'm Screwed" helium balloon with the opening of every new account!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Bernanke Warning #6

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke warns bank customers to keep a lookout for signs that it may be closing, such as: "You'll have to also sign on the bank, Sir. Hey, who has the pen?"

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Bernanke Warning #5

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke warns bank customers to keep a lookout for signs that it may be closing, such as: "You spot several of their office workers also working at WallyMart."

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Bernanke Warning #4

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke warns bank customers to keep a lookout for signs that it may be closing, such as: "You overhear one teller telling another, 'That frog dumpling recipe was wonderful."

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Bernanke Warning #3

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke warns bank customers to keep a lookout for signs that it may be closing, such as: "When the loan officer goes to the vault, she comes back with a bottle of water."

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Bernanke Warning #2

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke warns bank customers to keep a lookout for signs that it may be closing, such as "Kid all get a free rock."

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Bernanke Warning

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke warns bank customers to keep a lookout for signs that it may be closing, such as: "The teller has to check with the manager before they cash your twenty."

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

No Lack Of Vision

President Obama lays out his vision of the rest of his four-year term. "Health Care Bill".

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Blood Pressure Special: 5 Minutes, $15

Occasionally high blood pressure may be a greater indicator of stroke risk than consistently high readings, researchers say. Urge self-paying patients to come in twice weekly.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Acheiving A Single Whammy

Obese drinkers face liver 'double whammy' as many turning to light beer.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Let Me Rephrase That

Former NASA astronauts who went to the Moon have told the BBC of their dismay at President Barack Obama's decision to push back further Moon missions. "One Kick In The Ass For Mankind!"

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Too Simple

Former NASA astronauts who went to the Moon have told the BBC of their dismay at President Barack Obama's decision to push back further Moon missions. "Stamping a few stamps there would pay for them".

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

NASA Anti-Obama

Former NASA astronauts who went to the Moon have told the BBC of their dismay at President Barack Obama's decision to push back further Moon missions. "Especially with today's special effects."

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Could Be Record?

Kentucky man credits "Pure Orange Citrus Mist" and wife's sinus condition for being able to wear the same pair of underwear for six years.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Penis Band Breaks Up

The "Ancient Chinese Penis Band" is breaking up over religious differences says former lead singer.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Mel Shows Finally Shows Up

Problems with Ivory, drunk Mel Gibson and bluefin tuna top agenda at UN wildlife summit. Mel acts as spokesman for the three. "It's those Jews!"

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Finally Reopened

Savannah, Ga., square destroyed in 1950s reopens as suits launched over builders taking 60 years to finish it.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Leno Rocketing

With Jay Leno's ratings jump, Letterman may have to resort to having chin implants.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Women On The Pill

Women on the pill may have longer livers. I'm sorry, that should have read, 'live longer'.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Loggerheads

Endangered listing eyed for US loggerhead turtles, Democrats, Republicans.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Loggerhead Turtles.

Endangered listing eyed for US loggerhead turtles, but you can't get that fact through their thick skulls.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Deforestation Boosts Morale

Meeting on deforestation boosts morale, budget, encourage tree-sitters with bad bladders, suffering from the runs.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Chinese Bid On Railroads

China to bid on US high-speed rail projects. Say they built most of the tracks in US and Canada during 1800's.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Overcharging Taxis

NYC: Taxi drivers overcharged riders by $8.3M-plus. One rider charged $100,000 for trip from Manhattan Upper East to Airport especially upset.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Second Place Declared Winner

Prius that won NASCAR event yesterday wasn't in it. Panicked driver off street figured it was better to run runaway car into race until he could stop it or run out of gas.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Latest On Runaways

Runaway Prius case presents nagging questions, also suggestions from mother=in-law from the back seat.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

US Avoids Abortion Debate

US avoids anti-abortion debate at UN meeting by placeing fingers in their ears and humming.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Israel, Palestinians Break Truce

Israeli troops, Palestinians clash near Jerusalem, for the first time in six hours.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Iraq's Pm Leading

Iraq's PM leads in early Baghdad vote count, 118,657 to 2.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Molecules Spotted

Life-Enabling Molecules Spotted in Orion Nebula but Martian scientists say not to expect too much.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Vienna Sausage Scandal?

Vienna Boys Choir admits there possibly have been sexual abuses.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

But Still Ugly After 80

Study: Women on the pill live longer, especially the new Methuselah pill.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

NASCAR Risks

NASCAR wreck shows how ratings, runaway Toyotas can edge out safety.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Utah A Conservative State

GOP leader's 'skinny-dip of 25-years ago' confession stuns Utah. Also report that one Senator played marbles for pennies 40 years ago!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Big Toe Doctors?

Senators resist Obama over projects in health bill. For instance, having a specialist to attend to each separate toe.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

No More Slings

Infant deaths prompt gov't warning on slings. All baby launchers recalled.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Limbaugh To Costa Rica

Why Rush Limbaugh would go to Costa Rica if Obama's healthcare plan passes. "Just being different", say liberals. Most of us will head for India.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Experts: Important For Some Reason

The chemical fingerprints of potentially life-building molecules have been detected in the Orion nebula by Europe's Herschel Space Observatory probably mean something say experts.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Terror Plots

Mom says daughter held in Ireland in terror plot to kill Swedish cartoonist, all the crazies on TheSpoof.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Medical Civil War

Senators resist Obama over projects in health bill, such as no health care for Republicans, Independents.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Katie Price not the smartest.

Katie Price is not the smartest girl that ever you knew
she had to take off her jumper to count up to two.

written by SPECTRUM, 13 March 2010
Rating:

James Brown's Body no longer lies a mold'ring in its grave

Soul Singer James Brown's body no longer lies a mold'ring in its grave but his soul goes marching on.

written by SPECTRUM, 13 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy #18

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: "Name That Asshole"

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy #17

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: "Famous Groin Pulls In Sports & Sex"

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy #16

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: "All About Caca"

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Postman Pat demands Postal vote

Postman Pat has demanded a Postal vote in the next General election because he is to busy delivering all the letters as quickly as he can to have time to go and vote.

written by SPECTRUM, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Nature Takes Its Course

Chooses Ascot. Aintree too downmarket. Newmarket too upmarket.

written by Skoob1999, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Taliban Ranked Lowest in Customer Satisfaction

According to a new survey the Taliban are ranked lowest among leading terrorist organizations in customer satisfaction. Mainly due to their slow response rate on customer complaints.

written by Adam Click, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Does She Just Wanna Have Fun?

Cyndi Lauper, that is, on "Celebrity Apprentice," beginning Sunday night.

written by Gail Farrelly, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Conservative Curriculum Approved for Schools in Texas

And students are now required to bring guns to school.

written by Gail Farrelly, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Mary Had a Little Lamb, Its Fleece Was White as Snow

And everywhere that Mary went . . . bored the heck out of the lamb, so he stayed home and watched "Animal Planet" on TV.

written by Gail Farrelly, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Twitter now offers a Location-Sharing Feature

"Ain't technology great," remarks one home burglar to another.

written by Gail Farrelly, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Red Tape Shortage

Handiwork Inc running short of red tape due to so much red tape fouling up system.

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Home Security Warning!

US Government taking over nations health care system threat level upped to red!

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy #15

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: "Greatest Hits Of Buster Hyman & The Penetrators"

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy #14

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: "Famous Head Librarians Of Beaver Lick, Kentucky".

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy #13

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: "Hitler's Favorite Charities"

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy #12

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: "How Long WAS His Penis?"

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy #11

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: "All About Arsenic, New Mexico"

written by Bureau, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Washington Morons are not a Baseball Team

FEMA sells off Hurricane Katrina trailers tainted with formaldehyde! This explains why 57% of the American people don't trust Congress and bureaucrats to establish a meaningful health care program.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Some Days You get the Bear

Zero population groups point to the town of Ding-Dong Alaska as proof their programs work. No human babies have been born here, as the population is all male, but there are 500 new Polar Bear cubs!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

No S**t

Environmentalists want the government to ban s**t until scientists find a way to recycle it into food, "green" energy, clothing & other useful products. Congress plans to hold hearings on the matter!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

New Standardized School Curriculum Errata

A correction was made to the idea of 6th graders reading Plato, as it should have been Play Dough!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

More about New Green Jobs

Environmentalists propose creating 150 million new federal jobs to save trees. Toilet Paper Agency (TPA) agents will be responsible to ensure each household member only uses one sheet per sitting.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

House and Senate Debate on Health Care Reconciliation

The Senate bill is just like the House bill. "Is too, Is not, Is too…………………!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Health Care Reform Deadline Pool

You may already be a winner! Just like basketball, play the "day late spread" with respect to March 18, 2010. Send your entry to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Leftover funds will go to pay the national debt.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Why Legislators have Low Approval Ratings

The NY State legislator who wants to mandate that restaurants don't use salt has been sentenced to 20 years working in a salt mine. It seems he overlooked a document called the US Constitution!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Texting and Driving

A new state law mandates that if you are caught texting and driving you will lose a digit for each offense! NOW is suing, as this law still doesn't make the ladies feel any better.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Pain-in-the Arse "Anti-Trust" Law

President Obama calls for Congress to pass a PIA "anti-trust" law that includes political activists, lawyers, big corporations and unions, lobbyists, PETA, ACLU, environmentalists and the food police.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

No More Earmarks?

House Speaker Pelosi (Moses) says she is eliminating no-bid contract earmarks (golden idol) in House initiated legislation. Start building the Ark the flood is coming!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

New Invention Pilot Program

Employing the same technology used in the new airport scanners, some airport unisex restrooms are equipped with toilet seats that raise and lower themselves according to the sex of the occupant.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Religious Discrimination Suit

The Church of Nudity, Debauchery & Obsessive Masochism (CONDOM) is suing the government for religious discrimination. A sacred vending machine was removed from the men's room in a public building.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Constitutional Issue

The ACLU is fighting to let stand the removal of the Church of Nudity, Debauchery & Obsessive Masochism's (CONDOM) sacred vending machine from the men's room in a public building.





written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Impeachment for the Arrogant Demigogs

King Obama I, Empress Pelosi & Court Witch Slaughter need to be impeached for un-Constitutional behavior! They are trying to dictatorially pass a health care bill 57% of the American people reject!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Hell on Earth

An island exists where the environmentalists, animal rights groups & food police are in control. You can't walk on the grass, or eat meat, fast food, salt & fat only Tofu! The place is called Hell.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Food Police Executive Caught in Fast Food Restaurant

Mr. Hypocrite while being dragged out eating several double cheeseburgers and fries said "President Obama can smoke and drink while Health and Human Services rails against alcohol and obesity!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Divorce Rate among Environmentalists Soars

A new study finds that environmentalist's divorce rate is rising because they tend to marry Vegans. Available data confirms the primary cause is that vegetarians will not eat any meat!




written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Congress to Move

The Washington DC City Council has asked Congress to move to another location. The council indicates Congress's 20% approval rating is keeping tourists away from the city and that's bad for business!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Are We Screwed up, or What?

ENVIRONMENTALIST 1: Stop soil erosion! HOMEOWNER: Not a problem, I use lawn fertilizer containing Phosphorous. ENVIRONMENTALIST 2: No Phosphorous as it causes river alga growth via run-off water!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

A Likely Story

Congressman Massa now claims that the president's chief of staff was really on his way to see House Speaker Pelosi, but took a wrong turn!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 13 March 2010
Rating:

Mistake in science book sends sex starved teens to their microscopes

The typo has all the kids scrambling to look at all of the one celled "micro-orgasms."

written by Throckmorton Turdblossom, 13 March 2010
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