Order by:
Rating:

Seance Summons Michael

Michael Jackson appears at seance. Tells people there that right after he died, he heard, "Welcome to hell, here's your banjo."

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Humpless Camel Almost Extinct

Both PETA and Greenpeace say that the next species to become extinct is the humpless camel, unless they can get him to hump.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Global Warming Tipping Point Passed

Global Warming tipping point has already passed, says British study after comparing facts to cows.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Pirates Attacked, Feelings Hurt

Swift Boat Veterans, tiring of following John Kerry around, now attacking Somali pirates. "You call THAT a keel-hauling, you bunch of water wuzzies?"

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

High Speed Chases End

Los Angeles Police to end high-speed car chases. "Half of them are runaway Toyotas anyway", reports Chief.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Congo Could Be Last Stand If Rockets Fail

Military forces of the Congo say they have a huge rock throwing catapult that could destroy meteor headed for earth.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Mild Setback

NATO forces in Afghanistan suffer setback when entire Afghan police force goes AWOL.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Dolly, By Golly #15

Dolly Parton may have her first top ten song in many years with her latest release, "When A Girl Goes From Teeny Boopers To Double Whoppers"

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Dolly, By Golly #14

Dolly Parton may have her first top ten song in many years with her latest release, "Hills & Dells & Humpback Whales"

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Dolly, By Golly #13

Dolly Parton may have her first top ten song in many years with her latest release, "Hooters, Shooters & Bald Commuters"

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Dolly, By Golly #12

Dolly Parton may have her first top ten song in many years with her latest release, "Double Chins Between Bobbsey Twins"

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Dolly, By Golly #11

Dolly Parton may have her first top ten song in many years with her latest release, "Creamy Naughties From The Double Lattes"

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Dolly, By Golly #10

Dolly Parton may have her first top ten song in many years with her latest release, "Party Joys From The Hardy Boys"

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Dolly, By Golly #9

Dolly Parton may have her first top ten song in many years with her latest release, "Wonderful Sights From The High Beam Lights"

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Dolly, By Golly #8

Dolly Parton may have her first top ten song in many years with her latest release, "May I Be So Bold As To Remove The Jello Molds?"

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Dolly, By Golly #7

Dolly Parton may have her first top ten song in many years with her latest release, "Making Tracks To The Booby Snacks"

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Dolly, By Golly #6

Dolly Parton may have her first top ten song in many years with her latest release, "Those Lucky Fellows Beneath Their Beach Umbrellas"

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Dolly, By Golly #5

Dolly Parton may have her first top ten song in many years with her latest release about her husband, Jugs An Old Boy With Buddhas Of Joy"

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Dolly, By Golly #4

Dolly Parton may have her first top ten song in many years with her latest release, "Elmer Fudds In The Muds"

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Dolly, By Golly #3

Dolly Parton may have her first top ten song in many years with her latest release, "Orbs & Gourds"

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Dolly By Golly #2

Dolly Parton may have her first top ten song in many years with her latest release, "Jugs Keep It Up".

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

If There's Any Justice In The World

We won't have to listen to Lemar.

written by Skoob1999, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Dolly, By Golly

Dolly Parton may have her first top ten song in many years with her latest release, "Shading Two Dwarfs From The Midday Sun".

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Obama Pissed

President Obama has delayed his trip overseas to try to get the health care bill passed. Today he left a meeting looking stonier than a Taliban execution.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

BNP is forced to become the BMCNP (British multi-culti Nationalist party)!

Nick Griffin has been forced to accept non-whites into the BNP, now called the BMCNP, Nick doesn't like it much but states, "funds are funds, votes are votes, black or white so who gives a f**k!"

written by Jaggedone, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Massa Accused of Groping Lady GaGa...

"Honest to God, I thought it was a dude!"

written by Jill The Shill, 12 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy #10

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: "Potent Petables"

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Toyota to install Microsoft Vista in all Ignition Systems

It is said that this will guarantee an end to their cars speeding up for any reason.

written by Mr Dovie, 12 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy #9

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: Comedians That Made Harvey Korman Laugh On Carol Burnett Show!

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy #8

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: Hurricanes: Number Of Deaths Reported!

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy #7

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: Things Nobody Give A Crap About!

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy #6

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: Scientologists That Jump On The Couch!

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy #5

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: Farts That Changed The World!

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy #4

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: Name That Putin!

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy #3

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: Facts About UFO & Those Aboard

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy #2

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: Britney & Other Celebrities Belonging To MENSA

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

No Longer On Jeopardy

Famous Jeopardy Categories they have decided to drop, includes: "Tonto's Relatives".

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

They're Criminals, Not Disodents

Report: 1 in 100 American adults in jail, every single one voted against Obama.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Americans Cutting Back

Consumers cutting back on food, clothing, health care, vacations. Everything but high speed internet.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Economists Talk About Stagflation!

Study: More actuaries and CPA's get sexually excited by the work 'stagflation' than any other.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Obama Calls For Sacrifices

Obama and Rahm say that several more wrist cuts may happen before enough Democrats change mind about health care bill.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Bad Sign!

Reporters say it's a bad sign after Bernanke comes to meeting wearing rope for a belt.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

First Hummer Of Spring!

New Hummers could double in size. Sure sign better times are ahead.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Leisure Time In Front Of TV

Report: Half of leisure time of Americans taken up by watching...hey, that was outside the plate by a mile. Stupid Ump!

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Customers Slip In Salt Packets In Pockets

New York restaurants face salt ban in new health bill... causing chefs' blood pressure to soar. Chef's decide to use MSG for replacement.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Headless Corpse Discovered

Archaeologists uncover headless corpses of 51 Vikings executed by Saxons in Dorset killing field, probably during Thatcher Administration.


written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

One Of Dad's Old Lines

"Do you work in a strip club?' Gaffe-prone Prince Philip puts his foot in it again with woman Navy sea cadet."


written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

No Regret For Waterboarding

'I'm proud of using waterboarding to break terrorists,' declares Bush's top political adviser. 'I'd battery their balls if it would save American lives.'

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Olson Dead

Pro Football Hall of Famer Merlin Olsen tackled by the Grim Reaper.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Sign "Drive Slow!"

Harvard Law School is now open after break. Watch out for lawsuits!

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Cavemen Using Tools

Huge sticky strip found hanging inside mouth of cave indicates that cave men were trying to catch Pterodactyls.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Betty White Hosts SNL

Betty White to host 'Saturday Night Live' with special humorist, Abe Vigoda, as guest. Should be some laughs.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Blind Salmonella Testings Protested

CDC uses shopper-card data to trace salmonella as people at random take given it to see what happens. Shoppers now in hospital beds, say that they should have been told.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Turtles Becoming Extinct

Endangered listing eyed for US lagerheads. I'm sorry, that should read "loggerheads".

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Museums To Show What Trees Looked Like, Abandoned

Meeting on deforestation boosts morale, budget. Now ready to hire hundreds of Johnny Appleseeds, Paula Pinecones.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Zero Results?

Need for results drives Obama's domestic juggle. Since nothing has been accomplished in over a year now.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Pope Meets Bishop

Pope meets with German bishop amid sex scandal. "It could happen to anyone in a weak moment", reassures German Bishop.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Michelle's Hillary Jokes

First Lady marks International Women's Day with Hillary 'President' joke. "Oversea she wears bullet-proof pantsuit. Same kind she wore to bed with Bill here in the White House for 8 years."

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Philly Bar Raids

Beer lovers froth with anger over Philly bar raids creating a real brew haha.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

It Balances Out

Senators question $1 million pay for charity's CEO whose charity brough in nearly $1 million dollars last year.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Immigration Overhaul

Obama says he's committed to immigration overhaul. "If they are going to come in and pick vegetables, etc. they MUST wear overhauls!"

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Al-Qaida Recruits

'Jihad Jane': How does Al Qaeda recruit U.S.-born women? By sweet-talking them and beatings.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Doctor Are Consistant

Experts say US doctors overtesting, overtreating, overbilling!

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Also Some Bill Clinton Jokes

First Lady marks International Women's Day with Hillary 'President' joke about dodging those bullets in Bosnia.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Doomsday Seed Ready, Mankind Also Seems To Be Ready

Norway doomsday seed vault hits 1/2 million mark. Should grow really large with all that radiation everywhere.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Cases Dropped

More SF drug cases dropped amid crime lab scrutiny, fumble-fingered FBI agents.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Health Overhaul

Democrats pare differences over health overhaul or else Rahm head-butts them!

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Insanity Defined?

Cardiff residents actually campaigning for 1.5 million tons of water to be stored behind an earth embankment dam above their houses and local school.

written by Tcoah, 12 March 2010
Rating:

'Can't make this stuff up'

'Lindsay Lohan Files $100M Suit Over E-Trade's 'Milkaholic Lindsay' Baby'

written by Tcoah, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Victoria Beckham sues "The Spoof"

BREAKING NEWS: Victoria Beckham is suing The Spoof for slander as she discovers story claiming she had once eaten...something. more to follow.

written by Jo Dash, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Unions Caused Prosperity

A company was taken over by unions last month. Since then it has prospered.

written by J.K. Baltzersen, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Was Beck's Massa Interview

His biggest car wreck since he stopped drinking?

written by Potholes_in_my_Lawn, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Rising oceans threaten Gilligan's Island

The well known TV show backdrop in Burbank,Ca. has shown a rise in local waters of 2/3 centimeter over the last year.

written by Wumf, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Oprah in lawsuit against Obama for using patented "O"

"I had a clear lead in using the letter," said Winfrey yesterday (Wednesday) in a prepared statement Thursday.

written by Wumf, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Secret weapon "Hillary" smuggled into Iran

She has gained access to the top secret uranium facilities of the country. Only a matter of time now until the situation is completely defused by world's most "International Woman".

written by Wumf, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Marshmallow Peeps cargo hijacked enroute to troops

In a sad note, Peeps Season will have to be postponed for soldiers overseas looking forward to the annual treat. Somali pirates suspected.

written by Wumf, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Reason Al Gore So Stiff

Tipper Gore blames Bill Clinton for Al being so stiff. "He experimented using Viagra on Al before using it on himself."

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Aging Boomer #7

The Beatles (Paul & Ringo, anyway) re-release George Harrison's "All Things Must Pass, Eventually".

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Radical Football

New Radical Arena Football League this summer will use live greased pig instead of football.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

NBC: They Don't Own The Clock

CBS sues NBC over their new television talk show, "61 Minutes"

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Help For The Unemployed #9

Treasury Sec: Watch for little things to tip you off that your company is moving: For instance, the signs of the bathrooms now read right to left instead of left to right.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Help For Unemployed #8

Treasury Sec: Watch for little things to tip you off that your company is moving: For instance, "Most of the new employees taking pictures of each other all the time."

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Help For Unemployed #7

Treasury Sec: Watch for little things to tip you off that your company is moving: For instance, "Those horrible Pearl Harbor jokes".

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Help For The Unemployed #6

Treasury Sec: Watch for little things to tip you off that your company is moving: For instance, "You can't understand a word they gang around the water cooler is saying."

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Help For The Unemployed #5

Treasury Sec: Watch for little things to tip you off that your company is moving: For instance, you notice that bowing has replaced handshakes.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Help For The Unemployed #4

Treasury Sec: Watch for little things to tip you off that your company is moving: For instance, When you say 'see you tomorrow' it brings all this laughter from the other cubicles.

written by Bureau, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Postman Stuck in Letterbox

Mustard fell while guinea-fowl held up at Tokyo.

Lollipop sticks showed a non-linear payoff diagram, thogh there was no embedded optionality evident.

Macassar oil refused to future-forward, preferring to abjure counter-hedged exotic spoiling.

written by Erskin Quint, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Life in Nelson's Navy

The moon is passing through stradivarius. This is the time to buy marmalade and make a hat from starched corduroy.

The lobster is on the cusp - it's best to shelve any plans to store any plans on shelves.

written by Erskin Quint, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Alone Among the Mongols

The late inventor Percy Flage has had a street named after him in his home village of Queer-on-the-Wold. Who The Fuck Is He street was opened by County Councillor Bern Wood yesterday.

written by Erskin Quint, 12 March 2010
Rating:

Aluminium Deal Foiled Again

For Pisces, it is better to look back on yesterday now, than to anticipate nostalgia by leaving it until tomorrow to reminisce about today. You can see through the intentions of Pyrex friends.

written by Erskin Quint, 12 March 2010
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