Order by:
Rating:

"Big Snake In Aisle Three!"

The Rain Forest completely cut down to build the mother of all WalMarts!

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Monkeys Got The Bomb

The big oil spill quickly forgotten after gorillas in the Congo discovered to have nuclear weapons. Questioning Angelique Todd.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Crowe Adopts 2nd Son!

Sheryl Crow Adopts 2nd Son and this time it's not One-Nut Armstrong!

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

President Az Governor Condemned!

Protesters Await Arizona Governor at the White House.
Immigration activists also accuse Obama of 'half-ass leadership'

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Wheeling & Dealing

GOP chairman renews demands for Justice Department investigation of White House deal making. Told that that would go back 200 years.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

According To Inside Source

Whistleblowers turn in undercover agent's names to Masonic Underground. Three Shriner Clowns kicked out, little bikes repossessed!

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Mayor At A Loss!

Mayor to Detroit hoodlums: If we're the most violent city in the United States, why can't we win more football games?

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Had A Dress & Veil On It

ABC Evening News to show how they secretly smuggled an atomic bomb aboard an American Eagle Jet.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Also, I Whipped Bill's Ass!

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton admits that she used steroids during 2008 campaign.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Grandchildren Doomed!

National debt is growing by 100 million dollars an hour. So if your grandson asks for a buck, please let him enjoy it while he can!

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Tar Balls & Shit! We're All Doomed!

BP: We are sorry about the oil spill and plan to have it well taken care of BEFORE the shit starts flying in November elections.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

New, I Say, New Cigarette Commercials

Foghorn Leghorn to do anti-smoking commercials: "What, I say what are you doing there, Son. You just put a weed in your mouth and set it on fire! (This boy ain't the brightest bulb on the tree)"

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Obama Knew Early

Obama knew early how bad it would be, says Michelle's mother. "He came in and kicked the dog on Day #2 of that oil spill!"

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

False UFO Reports

UFO Sightings Spike- After US Rocket Goes Up! "You're only seeing a US rocket", says Nogg of Titan.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Brown changing his name

Former UK Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, wants it known that in future people should call him Rufus K. Nobody quite knows the reason for this transformation however psychiatrists are contacting Brown.

written by whatinthe world, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Sounds A Bit Fishy

Chinese-made land mines recalled after finding that they have lead in them. "You'll have to dig up those 1,000 in that you planted in Afghanistan", China tells UN.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Violence Down

Police violence for 2009 is down slightly according to FBI!

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Keeping An Eye On It

Midwest watchers moderately optimistic about any deep water oil well accident. Pretty dry right now.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

"Who Paid You To Do That?"

Owner of NFL football team in a rage as incompentent demolition crew blow up the new sport stadium instead of the old one.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Wait Till He Sees The Tar Balls

Navajo Indian eying factory smoke in Utah: "Everything is going to the Happy Hunting Ground in a hand basket."

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Summer Intern Applies For Job of Japanese Prime Minister

Psychology Undergrad Woshi Quiji applied to Emperor Hirohito for the job of the Prime Minister of Japan. "I'm totally free for the next 3 months and my girlfriend says I'm bad at handling pressure"

written by ronin47empire, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Note: Goodbye. We're Both Ruined

Seventy-Two-Year-Old man in Illinois commits suicide after taking three Penis pills before fiance arrived and having penis explode!

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Dylan Christmas # 12 & 35

Bob Dylan says he forgot about putting "Don't Think Twice, The Tie's Alright" on his Holiday Album last year.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Dylan Christmas #12 & 35

Bob Dylan says he forgot about putting "A Hard Reindeer's A-Gonna Fall" on his Holiday Album last year.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Dylan Christmas #12 & 35

Bob Dylan says he forgot about putting "Absolutely Sweet Myrrh Rhea" on his Holiday Album last year.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Santa Claus In June

Santa Claus relaxing by the pool at the North Pole, finally admits to global warming, that both Dancer & Prancer are gay.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Also Tipping Cows!

Hoodlum Amish kid in Pennsylvania reportedly driving his family buggy!

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Also, First Known Tardrops

The first "Oilbow" in history appears in Florida after rainstorm on the Gulf coast.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Misunderstanding

Illegal immigrant apprehended as he tried to hide by dressing up as Donald McRonald.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Messing Up Images

US Airport Security teams reporting that they are having trouble over liver piercings.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Wear Your Slicker

Unusual predictions by weathermen today of late snows in western mountains and the first known heavy oily rain alert in Florida.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Actually Crime Hs Fallen As Result

So many bullets leaving for Iraq, Afghanistan that police in US, especially in rural areas, issued crossbows.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Still On Hold

California woman buried with cell phone still doesn't answer but visitors to cemetery freaked out.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Won't Be Walking Upright By 3000!

Scientists have now discovered that man' evolution has totally stopped & reversed itself with the invention of the television set.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Ten Year Study Result!

New health study reveals that it is better to get up off the couch to go to the refrigerator than to have someone else to bring you a sandwich & beer!

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Thanks Cheney For Help, Getting Fingers Loose

Former President George W. Bush has announced that he has finally conquered the "Chinese Handcuff" puzzle. Next, a five-year study of the Rubik's Cube.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

May Use Video In Fall Elections

President Obama nominated for academy award for performance in meeting with BP officials.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Congree Pissed Over Trial Run!

House of representatives may vote "Beer Conferences" out as penalty against Omama, after he practiced chewing them out before he met BP officials.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Putin To Join The Elite?

Putin could step up to role of new Russian god any day now, says "World Watch".

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Fatty Sausage on buns, Burgers Could Contain 2000 Calories

Health investigators deny food calorie, fat amounts at Major League sporting events to only give them a ballpark figure.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Just Found Out

A secret secret branch of the CIA claims that for three years, it was totally unaware that it existed.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

"Want A Beer, Half-Pint?"

Drivers could be over limit after less than a pint under new law. Pubs go to "half-pints". Customers object to name. Now it's 'Near Pints'.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Stop Blaming UK

Stop blaming UK for BP oil spill disaster: Cable hits out at America. "We can't control them either."

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Too Much Fitness?

Skin cancer kills fitness fanatic after he develops SIXTY tumours years after giving up sunbeds, nudist colonies.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Cereal Drops Claims

Kellogg drops Rice Krispies health claims. Admit that Snap, Crackle, Pop do not help with arthritis.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

"Some More Turbulence, Sorry!"

United Airlines plans fuel-saving flight, occasionally turning off motors & gliding from time to time.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Lots Of Exercise!

To burn more fat, skip breakfast before workout. After skipping, workout, eat light.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Tar Balls Drive Away Prostitutes!

Prostitutes leaving south Florida. "We heard the warning about getting sick from handling Tar balls when sailor's arrive", one tells reporter.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Careful With Tar Balls

Wash off tarballs, but brief encounters not risky. "But don't play with the things or you could wind up looking like the Swamp Thing", states BP spokesman.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Millionaire Has New Toy

Millionaire's test rocket reaches orbit on 1st try. Elon Musk may go nuclear to protect his and friend's millions.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Obama Chooses Intelligence Chief

Obama to name new intelligence chief...since there are none in the White House at the present.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Gas Price Jump

Jump in gas prices not a result of spill. "Just the everyday greed", says expert.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Basketball's Top Coach Gone #2

Former UCLA basketball coach John Wooden shoots his last basket. To be buried in Wooden casket.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Nervous Meeting Wooden

Little nervous meeting John Wooden, says sports writer. Especially with him being dead.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Gulf Spill Oil Coming In!

Birds frozen in oil: image of a desperate summer for the US Gulf Coast. Frown frozen on Nancy Pelosi's face. Of course, that is always there.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Labor Dispute Settled

Honda says Chinese labor dispute has been settled, after all new workers hired.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Americans Still Going South

Mexico drug war doesn't stop Americans from moving south of the border. "Actually, we came here for the drug", states old Boomer.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

South Carolina Race

'Raghead' slur is new ugly twist in S.C. race. "Shithead" also a slur being cast about.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Limbaugh To Wed, Movie?

Limbaugh to wed as Hollywood flirts with his life story. Will the fourth marriage succeed? Will three million dittoheads attend movie?

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Shorter School Week Popular

4-day school weeks gain popularity across US. In fact, many students would agree to three days.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Another Indian-American Winner

Spelling bee winner part of Indian-American streak. Experts credit outsourcing telephone calls done by parents.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

War Crime Dances?

Israeli forces board Gaza-bound aid vessel. Force those aboard to dance to Hava Nagila.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Basketball's Top Coach Gone

Former UCLA basketball coach John Wooden shoots his last basket.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Dubya-speak

BP's latest attempt to stop the flow of crude fails. Maybe they should stop the flow of crude ideas that haven't stopped the flow of crude and try something a little more refined.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Father knows best

Miley simulates lesbian kiss with backup dancer during show. Later seen backstage with same backup dancer simulating three-way with father Billy Ray.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Tarred, not yet feathered

President Obama promises to stand with the people of the Gulf Coast through the oil spill catastrophe on Saturday. Unfortunately, presidential waist-high fishing boots won't be ready until Monday.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Oró Sé do Bheatha 'Bhaile

Israeli forces intercept an Irish ship of humanitarian aid bound for Gaza. Commandos: "We could tell it was an Irish ship by its erratic course and the way it listed drunkenly in the water."

written by The San Francisco Onion, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Quit clowning around

Mickey D's recalls 13.4 million collectible glasses containing deadly cadmium, but the green ogres still won't recall billions of not-so-happy meals containing deadly fat, cholesterol.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Bushisms Back

Former President Bush says he can be cool with kids too, just as good as Obama. Then blows it by asking one teen with Twilight Magazine, "Which one plays the mummy?"

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

The Terminator Is Bock!

Governor Schwarzenegger scares the crap out of kids by dressing as Terminator and telling them to get off his lawn.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Russia Removes Missiles

Russian President Medvedev tells President that a full third of all Russia's nuclear missiles have been placed on the top shelf in the back of the closet, where no one can reach them.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Octomom Quotes PT Barnum

Octomom says that within a week of being home with her eight babes she finally understood what PT Barnum meant when he stated that there "was a sucker born every minute".

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Abe Still Around

CBS announced today that the planned Abe Vigoda Memorial Christmas Special will not be on this year as it turns out he's still alive!

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

The Obama Girls

President Obama said today that his daughters thought the 4 major food groups were Churches Fried Chicken, McDonald's, Wendy's and Taco Bell!

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Marvel Cancels Comic #36

Marvel Comics, having been bought out by Disney, has decided to end it's superhero comic "The Fantastic Two" series after the one issue.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Marvel Cancels Comic #35

Marvel Comics, having been bought out by Disney, has decided to end it's superhero comic "Doc Salvage" series after the one issue.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Marvel Cancels Comic #34

Marvel Comics, having been bought out by Disney, has decided to end it's superhero comic "The Tickler" series after the one issue.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Marvel Cancels Comic #33

Marvel Comics, having been bought out by Disney, has decided to end it's superhero comic "The Rubber Chicken" series after the one issue.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
Rating:

Marvel Cancels Comic #32

Marvel Comics, having been bought out by Disney, has decided to end it's "Archie's Friend, Dickhead" series after the one issue.

written by Bureau, 05 June 2010
« May 2010 June 2010 Jul 2010 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
1st
90
2nd
86
3rd
112
4th
108
5th
79
6th
143
7th
106
8th
81
9th
69
10th
87
11th
89
12th
72
13th
149
14th
96
15th
118
16th
95
17th
105
18th
93
19th
71
20th
89
21st
81
22nd
93
23rd
143
24th
80
25th
162
26th
149
27th
121
28th
122
29th
154
30th
121
 

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