Order by:
Rating:

Really Really Slow Replays

One good thing about smoking pot while watching sports events, you don't need the slow replays.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Rather Be Lions

The Detroit Lions say they will keep their nickname although they need to start living up to it. This after someone suggested the Detroit Inner City Gangs.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Godzilla Doing Commercials

Godzilla now doing commercials on Evening News: "For Heartburn and acid reflux, I use Prevacid. After a hard day of burning Japan, it always quenches my fiery throat."

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

The People Are Having Withdrawal Fits!

Anti-smoking ads using old B/W footage: 1938 Movie with Marie Antoinette: "Let them wear patches!"

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Old Shows For Ads

Anti-Smoking ads using old B/W shows. "We were going out (hack). Frank had just lit his cheroot & began hacking.
He had meant to light his cigarette. Now we're at the emergency room. I'm Joe Friday."

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Old Movies For Ads

Anti-smoking ads using black & white movies: "Here's loo ahack hack hack! Hereee's looking at hack hack hack! you, Kid! Hack! Hack (poooot) Hack!!

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

US Will Spoil Them

Pakistan will not hand Taliban suspects to US. "We now have ten water boarding facilities, busy day & night."

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

$10 Souvenir!

Vials of genuine astronaut piss now available at museum at Houston.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Tiny Holland show massive England what winning is, WHY?

Tiny Holland WIN, massive England don't, WHY? Easy, Dutch talent play top footy everywhere. English talent doesn't because there aren't any apart from Rooney, maybe? But he's certainly not a Messi-ah!

written by Jaggedone, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Clint Peckerwood Dismissed From Jury

Guy thrown off Arkansas jury for the eighth time for cell phone ring tune from "Hang 'Em High".

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
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Jurist Dismissed

Guy thrown off Arkansas jury for the seventh time for loudly proclaiming, "I Smell Fried Baloney!"

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Alley Stalker Arrested

California man arrested for constantly harassing Kirstie Alley by following her around yelling, "Free Willy!"

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Mermaids Threatened By Oil Spill #2

Weeki Wachee Springs with their mermaid show, located in Florida, say that Wikipedia has wrong info on Weeki Wachee Wiki page. Still aware of oil spill. 2,000 volunteers ready to clean mermaids.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Mermaids Threatened By Oil Spill

Weeki Wachee Springs with their mermaid show, located in Florida, say they hope the oil spill doesn't injure or kill any of their mermaids.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Zuid Afrikaans Witch Doktor cures England of ancient curse LOSERITIS (hopefully!)

A Zuid Afrikaans Witch Doctor has been ordered to cure England, his remedies are bats crap, scorpion piss and snake spunk, Rooney swallowed them all and is now chomping at the butt!

written by Jaggedone, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Pekosi Booed By Democrats

Nancy Pelosi booed on House floor at not taking her turn to change Senator Byrd's Diaper.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

$7 A Gallon!

$7-a-gallon gas in the near future? Gas stations, in order to avoid high price signs, may begin selling by the quart.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

"We Must Avoid Waste Of US Funds"

Obama Ohio trip cost 'between $500K and $1 million'; Spoke for 10 minutes. Spoke about not using heavy foot on gas pedal.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

BP Stalls Money Leak

As Pay Czar Promises Money, Workers Turned Away From BP Claims Center. Spokesman: "We're too busy trying to stop that leak at the present."

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

"Putin Could Lead It!"

Medvedev sees opportunity for new world order, based on the secret one that has lasted 2,000 years.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

We Have 100 Years Left

Human race 'will be extinct within 100 years', claims leading scientist. "Hundred years? I remember 1910 as if it were yesterday", says Larry King hearing the news on CNN.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Hitler Planned Millenium Of Peace!

Cherie Blair has suffered the humiliation of a secret dressing down from a top judge after sparing a Muslim criminal from jail because he was 'religious'. "So was Hitler!", states judge.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Recycling A Lot Of Rubbish

So much for recycling: Binmen caught emptying 'green' bin and ordinary rubbish into the SAME lorry. "But that's the way we've always done it", they answer.


written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Paper Shredders Recalled

Asda recall paper shredders after customers complain about receiving electric shocks, wastebasket catching fire, whole house burns to the ground, city block wiped out.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

"Chocolate Box" Cottage Flattened

Fury over bulldozing of 'chocolate box' cottage in village visited by John Constable, pissed upon by Churchill in emergency stop during WWII.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Fan Breaks Into England dressing Room

South African police hunting angry fan who broke into England dressing room reveal he was wearing a red shirt (well, that narrows it down. Male or female?)

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Obama May Watch PGA Tourney Today

Obama sees Strasburg set record, but White Sox win. "We're sure not winning down here in the Gulf, Mr. President" say victims.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Grand Canyon Exhibit Opens

Exhibit at Grand Canyon features park's plants, full-sized replica.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Large Crowds At Art Show

Lakefront Festival of Arts started Friday in Milwaukee. I said Festival of Arts.....FREE BEER! (Alright!)

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

He's The Piano Man

NYC to plunk down pianos at ferry, Brooklyn Bridge, 48 other places around city for anyone to play. Now only 48 after Billy Joel runs over one near Central Park and one in the Guggenheim Lobby.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Director Neames Gone

'Poseidon Adventure' director Ronald Neame dies after being found upside down in bath water.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Med Abuse Up!

Abuse of meds sends as many to ER as illegal drugs, imported products from China.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Another Food Recall

Marie Callender recall after salmonella outbreak. Being hurriedly recalled before "Salmonella Marie" phrase catches on.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Bushmeat, Roadkill, Whatever

Tons of bushmeat smuggled into Paris, study finds. Smoked kangaroo tail now a delicacy.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

New FCC Vote On Broads

FCC votes to reconsider banning broads regulations. Sorry, that should be broadband regulations.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Placing It In Burnt Kegs To Age

US decision on ethanol blend put off until fall. Meanwhile, moonshiners buying up most now produced.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Sea Creatures Eye-Balling BP Workers

Sea creatures flee oil spill, gather near shore. Keeping eye on BP workers. "We go down, we're taking a few with us", says shark.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

No Ducks On Space Station

Russian capsule carrying 3 ducks at space station. I'm sorry, that should be "carrying 3 docks at space station.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Brazilian Marines Prepare For Punishing Attack On US

On the off chance that the Americans don't withdraw from their threatening draws in the World Cup, Brazilian troops are being prepared to deter America from being good at everything.

written by ronin47empire, 19 June 2010
Rating:

It Was BP's Fault!

Anadarko Oil points finger at BP on Gulf oil spill even though they own 25%. "It's those 75% that did the dirty."

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

A Prime Candidate

Kagan's e-mails show dry wit, political savvy. "She can bullshit with the best of them!"

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Michael Palin, Admitted "Silly Person" To Attend

Calif. university will allow media at Palin event but bans Palin.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Lead Found In Both

Campbell Soup recalls 15M pounds of SpaghettiOs, ten paintings by Andy Warhol.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Gay Marriages Settled By Courts?

Outlook: Gay marriage. Its fate rests in the courts of law. Then why did Californians, others bother to vote, wasting money on campaigns?

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Michelson Comeback

Mickelson discovers route to 66 at Pebble Beach. Tiger still in the Woods.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Jimbo's very short history lesson

If the name of where you live ends in 'by' like Derby, you live above the line between 'the wash' and the severn estuary. If where you live or who you are contains 'x' or 'great' it is pre-1066.

written by Jimbo123, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Naaa, What's With The Packing Up, Doc?

Senate fails to spare doctors from 20% Medicare cuts. 20% of US doctors get ready to leave.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Hello Mullah, Hello Fatah!

Canceled West Bank vote affirms Fatah decline as Hamas Take Control.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Russians Found That Out 25 Years Ago

UN chief: Security in Afghanistan has not improved. Should be out of the hospital by Thursday.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Meanwhile, Gas Could Hit $10 Gallon

Gulf spill could swing Obama's power play on energy policy of going to alternate energy. We have heard that since 1970's. 6-7 Presidents. Where is the alternative energy?

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Blame Bush, FEMA Over Oil Spill

New Orleans rally against Bush and FEMA over Oil Spill. "Obama wouldn't sit on his ass like that."

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

BP & Their $20B Promise

For BP, a $20 billion drop in a very large bucket. "So we have decided to pay it over a 20 year period."

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Today on: "As The Spill Flows"

Questions about who's in charge of BP oil response! "Everybody but me", states Obama. "Probably Bush!"

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Campbell Recall

Campbell Soup recalls 15M pounds of SpaghettiOs after consumer in Bear Wallow, Kentucky found three SpaghettiX's in his son's soup.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Too Healthy For You

Campbell Soup recalls 15M pounds of SpaghettiOs. "We put too much nutrition in them by mistake" says CEO.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Az. Gov. Peeved

Clinton comment on immigration law riles Ariz. gov. "We can sue too. If there is anything in US government after you guys get through."

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Obama & GOP

Obama: Republicans blocking progress in Congress. Republicans: Welfare state is not progress.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Indian Candidates

Record number of Indian candidates seeking office but Chief Lying Compromiser ahead in the polls. "Promising Them Everything running second.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

I was doing research: Expelled Bully

Danko(14) claims to have been researching Freud when he was interrupted."I've been set back years in my studies,dillholes!" 'He did keep asking me if I wanted my mommy now' Said a veggied nerd(11).

written by ronin47empire, 19 June 2010
Rating:

New Religion Surpasses Scientology This Decade

"GoForthandBorrow" the fastest growing religion this decade according to Forbes study."The USP of this religion is that it allows dual citizenship.You can borrow and be Christian,Buddhist,Jewish etc"

written by ronin47empire, 19 June 2010
Rating:

I'll Apologize Later

Today the CEO of BP Oil apologized for the second well that has began to...you hadn't heard? Never mind.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

More Leaks

Today a worker for a large oil company apologized to the President after being caught leaking on one of his 2008 posters.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

More Leaks

Today a worker for a large oil company apologized to President after being caught leaking on one of his 2008 posters.

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Times Hard But Better Than The Old Days

New York Policeman admits times are hard today but not like in his grandfather's days, when there were no sirens and the whole crew had to scream at the top of their lungs while heading for a fire!

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Palin Admits Mistake

Sarah Palin admitted today that, although she did call Africa a country, she did not say that Hong Kong was a giant gorilla. "That was Joe the Dumber."

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Monks Making Specialized Caskets

Monks at Gethsemane say one of their top selling handmade coffins, "Arnold Palmer's 19th Hole" has dropped to second behind the "Tiger Woods 1000th Hole"

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Baskins Robbins #5

Baskins Robbins ice cream, in order to cut costs, have decided to eliminate their "Pickled Beets With Hot Caramel Sauce"

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Baskins Robbins #4

Baskins Robbins ice cream, in order to cut costs, have decided to eliminate their "Tripe Nuts With Honey-Covered Chives"

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Baskins Robbins #3

Baskins Robbins ice cream, in order to cut costs, have decided to eliminate their "Sauerkraut Supreme"

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Baskins Robbins #2

Baskins Robbins ice cream, in order to cut costs, have decided to eliminate their "Malted Liver Shake"

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
Rating:

Baskin Robbins

Baskins Robbins ice cream, in order to cut costs, have decided to eliminate their "Brussel Sprouts Sherbet"

written by Bureau, 19 June 2010
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2nd
86
3rd
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4th
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5th
79
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7th
106
8th
81
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69
10th
87
11th
89
12th
72
13th
149
14th
96
15th
118
16th
95
17th
105
18th
93
19th
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20th
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23rd
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26th
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