Spoof news snippets from Friday 18 June 2010
Still Manages To Sneak Out At Night
Hillary Clinton reveals that all of Bill's pajamas she has bought him have bells on.
Virtual Result Passifies England Fans!
England win 7-1 on XBox Live!
Too many sports channels on cable. "Flaming Fart Race from Little Rock funny but not a real sport.
Madman Goes To Ground!
You havent seen me.................right!!!
Madman Still On The Loose
Right, I F*ckin warned you not to read this.........I'm coming to get you...............
Madman On The Loose!
Read this, and I'm going to kill you.................
Gordons Gone Brown!
When asked where he got the suntan, Gordon Brown replied;
"I canny afford a holiday, so me an the messes have te rub awer selves doon whi gravy powder"
Song Writer #11
Swift among diverse honorees at Songwriters Hall. Writers of "Monster Mash" and "Mmmm Bop?" passed over again.
Swift among diverse honorees at Songwriters Hall. Writers of "Kung Fu Fighting" and "Purple People Eater" passed over again.
Swift among diverse honorees at Songwriters Hall. Writers of "The Disco Duck" and "It's Me Again, Margaret" passed over again.
Swift among diverse honorees at Songwriters Hall. Writers of "Hello Muddah, Hello Fattah" and "Beep Beep!" passed over again.
Swift among diverse honorees at Songwriters Hall. Writers of "Gitarzan" and "Along Came Jones" passed over again.
Swift among diverse honorees at Songwriters Hall. Writers of "They're Coming To Take Me Away" and "I Like Onions" passed over again.
Altercation at No 10 again
Just in: Another disturance at No 10 today, caused concern when three members of the cabinet fought over ownership of the Thomas the Tank shaped nail brush in the gents.
Altercation at No 10
Just in from Downing Street - an altercation took place this morning between memebers of the cabinet. Damage was caused to nappies, dummies, and a rocking horse. More later.
Obama Catches Fire in The Gulf....
...ignites leaking methane. BP demands compensation.
Prince Charles upsets President Sarkozy during visit
Throws wreath over statue of Charles de Gaulle and shouts 'Hoopla!'
Germany 0-1 Serbia
Germany say it's a shame, but they are saving all their good penalties for after extra time against England.
No Coleman Funeral
No funeral after cremation of Gary Coleman's remains as there was absolutely nothing left.
Honor Could Backfire!
Nobel-winning Portuguese novelist Saramago dies. Is the curse to hit Obama next?
Computer Dating Needs Oversight
Many nerds are saying that computer dating is fun. "You just need to keep an eye on one who just chauffeured one date at a Barnes & Noble Store In Nashville.
Carla Brunei Matches Husband
Carla Brunei visited London today wearing a grey Dior dress. "I am doing zis in sympathy with my usband's hair, I just don't want to let him feel left out." she said.
Holes Are Different.
TIGER WHINES: 'The holes are much different at Golf Classic. Most say they are sure that they are extremely different than most where hes been playing.
Service Stations Going To "Half- Gallon"?
$7-a-gallon gas? It'll never happen, Claims Obama. "However, I can see $3.50 for a half gallon."
Cat: I'm Suing!
Son, cat extremely upset as heiress mother leaves £8m to her DOGS, £17m to her housekeepers... and just £650,000 to him
Give You A Pretty Good Guess
Scientists analyse ancient plants, sheep entrails to work out when the Egyptian kings ruled.
Check To See If They Look Spikey!
Thousands of British women in dangerous breast implants alert as hair-style gel used by mistake.
Bore Being Banned
Radical preacher banned from entering UK for saying 'every Muslim should be a terrorist' -for stating the obvious.
August: Happy New Year!
Town hall under fire for spending thousands on three-day Christmas party in July. "It keeps the moral up", states naked drunk employee."
Innocent Man Jailed
Innocent man jailed for 3 years over false rape claim - despite police knowing 'victim' was a fantasist and that it happened on the moon.
Guide Dogs Attacked
Three guide dogs attacked every month on British streets... mostly by bull terriers, winos disturbed from sleeping on the streets and alleys.
Father Needs To Be Around
Babies more likely to survive and thrive when fathers are involved with pregnancy. Sperm banks object to findings.
Swift among diverse honorees at Songwriters Hall. Writers of "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" and "Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer" passed over again.
Swift among diverse honorees at Songwriters Hall. Writers of "You're Having My Baby" and "Who Let The Dog's Out?" passed over again.
Opponents Getting Rough
Roger Federer handed tough draw for Wimbledon, Octoman, from Titan!
Not Too Much Attending
Exhibit at Grand Canyon features park's plants, rocks, dirt.
John Rocks Israel
Elton John rocks Israel after other artists cancel. "We get to see enough rocks as it is", says one attendee.
Female Viagra Falls Short
FDA: 'Female Viagra' falls short, although breasts do appear to hover.
Songwriters Hall Of Fame
Swift among diverse honorees at Songwriters Hall. "Ghostbusters", "Mickey's Monkey" passed over again.
US Congressional Lynch Mob
BP CEO Tony Hayward dubbed only sane person at US Congressional lynch mob "Investigation" into oil spill.
Kind Of Vague
Abuse of meds sends as many to ER as illegal drugs, argue potheads, or it sounded like that what they are saying.
Ethanol Blend Shelved
US decision on ethanol blend put off until fall. Won't say what year.
Gulf oil leak video could haunt Obama as Michelle says he has began making bubbly noises in his sleep.
More Trouble For The Gulf
Gulf oil full of methane, adding new concerns as beached whale explodes!
Sarkozy Quotes de Gaulle
Sarkozy marks de Gaulle's famed wartime appeal: "RETREAT!"
A Word From Nessie
Sea creatures flee oil spill, gather near shore. Nessie warns BP CEO to keep his distance.
Modern Teaching Techniques
LA teacher makes algebra cool with a hip-hop beat. Math, with a sperm's chances to make the big time!
Campbell Soup recalls 15M pounds of SpaghettiOs! Still more good news after this short commercial.
Obama dashing to Ohio to keep economy out front. Bypasses Detroit once again!
Swift among diverse honorees at Songwriters Hall. Writers of "1,2,3 A,B,C" and "The Streak" passed over again.
Swift among diverse honorees at Songwriters Hall. Writers of "Teen Angel" & "Louie, Louie" passed over again.
Swift among diverse honorees at Songwriters Hall. Writers of "Achy Breaky Heart", "Don't Worry, Be Happy" passed over again.
Looking For Prankster
Utah firing squad executes convicted killer after blank prank that no one thought was funny.
Firefighters In Bliss
Officials: Firefighters gaining on Fort Bliss wonderful fire!
"A challenge, but fun", states wildly exuberant firefighter.
Oil Slick Hits Humans
Michael Phelps, gold-winning Olympic swimmer now being cleaned up from oil slick.
BP In More Trouble
Sea creatures flee oil spill, gather near shore, plot revenge on BP around the world.
May Wear Aprons In Back
Feds announce arrests in crackdown of flashing plumbers, other repairmen.
Feds Announce Crack Down
Feds announce arrests in gorgeous frog crackdown. I'm sorry, that should read: "mortgage fraud crackdown"
"Boogey On In Here, Bishop!"
Vatican endorses "The Blues Brothers". Pope Benedict especially loves "I'm A Soul Man".
Jake, Elwood & Pope Benedict!
Vatican endorses "The Blues Brothers" but not "The Blue Traveler" as they were not on a mission.
Sea Turtle Loves Slow-Motion Shots
Sea turtle films self, becomes YouTube sensation. Sharks consider using same to present better image.
Gulf oil full of methane, harmful gas adding new concerns. Workers asked not to smoke, fart while cleaning up.
Wayne Bridge pumps Terry's wife
Wayne Bridge finally pumps John Terry's wife, while the former skipper is on duty with England in South Africa a report suggests
There's just one time I look forward to stopping at a red light
....it's when I have to finish that text message I started.
Recent survey shows what men have really thought for generations
A recent UCLA survey on women showed 10% of men liked women with thin legs. Another 15% of men preferred women with muscular legs. The rest liked something in between.
Adam Lambert pressures companies to promote a 'more gay awareness public attitude'
As recently as last week, Lambert worked with the K-Y Company to place missing gerbil photos on the labels of all its products.
The US Government changing is symbol from an eagle to a condom
After all, a condom stands for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while actually being screwed.
According to NASA a newly discovered comet just crashed into our sun...
The Obama administration's Homeland Security chief, Janet Napolitano, plans a rescue mission but to be safe, will wait until after dark.
If anyone just happens to talk to Obama, please...
Please, please, please never mention what comes after a trillion!
Most any man will say that a women's fantasy is to have two men at once...
But if you would delve deeper the two men theory really is one man cooking and one man washing dishes!
2014 World Cup to be Played Underwater
The world's top footballers are set to put in extra swimming practice after FIFA announced this week that the 2014 World Cup will be held at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.
Miley's Vagina Breaks Silence!
Miley's vagina went on Larry King Live in response to stories that appeared on thespoof.com. "I'm only 17, Larry. Isn't it improper to write stories about children's privates?"
Welcome to Management 101
President Obama is to enroll in evening executive management courses next year. The president will have lots of free time once the Republicans regain control of both houses of Congress!
More and More New Political Bumper Stickers Appear
New bumper stickers are appearing on Democratic Liberal owned Prius automobiles, next to the Obama for Change stickers. The message reads "Is it November 2012 Yet, Vote Republican!"
Ireland Declares War on Britain
BP Board Chairman says "we care about the small people!" Ireland's prime minister thought he said "little people" and immediately declared war on Britain for meddling in Irish matters!"
EPA is a "F**ked-Up" Organization
Congress must fire the rabid environmentalist EPA administrator & file criminal charges against her. What kind of moron refuses foreign oil skimmers because they only pick up 90% of spilled oil!
Executive Decision Time
Russia & China conclude, the only solution to Iran's nuclear ambitions is to destroy enrichment sites. President Obama was asked to join them, but said he first had to task a fact finding commission!
Environmentalism is a Disease
A psychiatric group has declared rabid environmentalism a mental disease. Symptoms of the affliction are being anal retentive, never getting laid and pissing off every normal person on the planet.
BP Oil Company Escrow Account
BP opens an escrow account to compensate gulf residents affected by the oil leak. Former VP Al Gore hired to keep the money in a lock box, preventing HS Pelosi from spending this money on her office!
Presidential Decision Making
President Obama is compensating for his lack of executive experience! Secret Service agents sweeping the Oval Office for bugs found a Ouijas Board & Astrology Charts hidden under the president's desk.
Muslims Claim Discrimination
A UN committee is to investigate discrimination against Muslims by interviewing approximately 1 billion Muslims. The committee will publish its findings in 500,000 years!
BP Oil Leak to be Fixed by Obama's Oil Czar
President Obama has appointed an Oil Czar, tasked with getting the gulf oil leak stopped. The new Czar was seen in New Orleans LA wearing scuba gear and carrying a pipe wrench!
Pope Condemns Scanners
Pope condemns misuse of Airport scanners, also thousands of strip-searches! Asks, "Whatever happened to throwing them in the river and seeing if they float?"
A Happy Happy Place
Although Hawaii voted the most happy state recently, Arkansas say "Then how come we have the most people in the happy houses?"
The Dog Whisperer
Dog trainer who tried to kill his wife before committing suicide often told his neighbors that they wouldn't believe what their pet dogs say about them. "They're animals!"
Fourth Time Around
Kirstie Alley says she now feels a lot better about herself after hearing that Rush Limbaugh just got married for the fourth time.
Tipper Gore: The Real Al
Tipper Gore: You could always tell when Al wanted to get playful in bed. He'd loosen his tie.
Those Old Pros
Study reveals that nearly 75% of ugly old prostitutes have Carpel Tunnel Syndrome!
More Lawyer Hits #10
New 2010 reveals lawyers have other song favorites that "Lawyers In Love", among them "Sitting In The Dock Of The Bay"
More Lawyer Hits #9
New 2010 reveals lawyers have other song favorites that "Lawyers In Love", among them "Somewhere, Beyond The Plea"
More Lawyer Hits #8
New 2010 reveals lawyers have other song favorites that "Lawyers In Love", among them "It's A Beautiful Sworn-In""
More Lawyer Hits #7
New 2010 reveals lawyers have other song favorites that "Lawyers In Love", among them "Since I bailed For You"
More Lawyer Hits #6
New 2010 reveals lawyers have other song favorites that "Lawyers In Love", among them "Love Motion #9"
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