Order by:
Rating:

BP: Bend U.S. over the Barrell

BP has offered a fiver to anyone that shows USA plc has caused disasters in their lands to claim damages against them. Iraq and Afghanistan can't enter the competition, nor Iran - erm - just in case!

written by The Big C O Jones, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Another Magazine Bites The Dust

Doctor H. Lector's "Wine And Dine" Magazine to end publication by the end of the year.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

BP Releases Official Report On Oil Spill

They blame the captain of the Exxon Valdez

written by Jalapenoman, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Limbaugh's Wife Mad Already

New wife a little sore at hubby Rush Limbaugh after he eats whole drawer full of edible panties. "You can't just eat one", claims Limbaugh.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Hard To Hind A Jury

Former VP and presidential candidate Al Gore was shot 1347 times today during his "Oil Slick Bringing Down Global Warming Unto Our Head". At least he don't have to worry about it", says one shooter.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Up To 600% Of Your Daily Requirements

Mister Natural Cereals has announced that they have the healthiest cereal yet. Sugar Marshmallow Vites. Bite-sized chunks of flavored marshmallows & sugar-coated vitamin crunch.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Good News For Bigasses

A new study says that fat people not only live longer but also have longer livers!

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Lady of 93 beaten up in street

93yr old Mrs pew was beaten up by a gang of skinheads in fulham southwest London.
When asked why he did not stop the beating, witness, Arthur Sputem replied; "I dont know who started it"!

written by armfeetandtoe, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Should Have Read It Closer

Too late, Boomers find section 565 at bottom footnote on page 3489 Obama Health Bill says no one is to live past 69.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

The Fat Facts

New Jersey insurer to face questioning over rate hike. Agree to lower it back if clients lose 75-100 pounds or pay double premium.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Pilot, BP Heroes!

A pilot from Virgin Airlines has safely landed his plane and all 300 passengers after losing all guidance systems. He landed in the Pensacola Oil Slick which floated the plane in on top of the water.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Tiger Woods "is back in the groove" and holing in ones again!

Tiger Woods has admitted I'm in the "groove" once more and boy is he feeling hot about it (so are his pussies waiting along the fairways hoping for a quick 'Birdie' and a 'hole in one')!

written by Jaggedone, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Boxer Wrong As Usual

Boxer declares global warming will be 'leading cause of conflict' wrong. Turns out to be left uppercut.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

EU Chief Has Visions

EU Chief lays out 'apocalpytic' vision as some countries run out of money. Others blow each other away.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Guess It Works

New Bill Gives Obama 'Kill Switch' To Shut Down The Internet At Will! Why the lowdown no-g............

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Twenty-Minute Meeting On Oil Spill!

President Obama finally meets with BP brass for TWENTY minutes after two months of oil spill. "It doesn't take long to kick ten asses", says President.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Obma Down, Congress Up

Obama approval ratings now at 42%, an all-time low. Congress actually improved from -5% to a -3%.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Former PM to audition for TV show

Former UK Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will audition for a spot on UK's Got Talent TV programme. Brown says he will balance a set of books on his elbow. What!!!?? He couldn't balance the economy.

written by whatinthe world, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Using Snipped Rubber Gloves Instead Of Condoms

Victory for faith schools as Labour's recent sex education laws are being pissed down.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

"He's The Tax Man!"

Swiss to release Americans secret bank accounts. Give politicians a chance to pull their billions out before the tax man comes.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

"Not By The Hair Of My..."

New Tabloid reveals that Jay Leno has no hair on his chest as his chin wears it off during the night while he sleeps.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Viewers Want Reality

Television audience wants more reality shows. "Less canned laughter and more opened cans of whupass!"

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Keep Falling Off!

Ill-Fitting condoms blamed for lower use. New shops in China that make them think all Americans have whoppers after watching porn movies.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Aging Is Expensive

Scientists say living 300-400 years not such a good idea; You will go broke buying so many big diapers.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

400 Years Old

Scientists say living 300-400 years not such a good idea. "You'll wind up looking like Larry King or Nancy Pelosi with your face on top of your head.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

AA Needed For AA Pilots

Passengers accuse yet another American Airlines pilot of being drunk: "Iff youse look to your left you'll shee the right wing of de plane!"

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

He Can't Stop

US Panel on Bioterrorism Preparedness gives our government an "F". Then each one is kicked in the ass by President.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

It's Beans OR Beer!

Methane seen as growing climate risk as law passed that beans on toast must no longer be eaten with beer.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Ferengi In Afghanistan

UN forces disturbed as Ferengi spotted near newly-discovered mineral riches, apparently looking for gold-plated latinum.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Obama Speech Marred

Chinese accused of hacking into President's teleprompter again as audience shocked by unbleeped expletives.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Using Funhouse Technology

Latest: New full-length mirrors make you ass look smaller.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

The Wine Diet

Report: A glass of wine a day can help you stay slim, if you leave off the food. Study used 300 drunks for study.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Another Flop Predicted

Despite being a flop the first round, sequel to "Men Who Stare At Goats" entitled "Men Who Stare At Throats", a vampire movie, out in August.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Brain Scanner Latest

Brain scanners coming that can read minds. Over one million aluminum hats sold to date.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

French Retirement Age Higher

French workers' fury as retirement age is raised from 49 to 62!


written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

"I'll Have Two Please"

Had a pint? Don't drive: Motorists may face lower limits and random tests. Pubs now serving 'Near Pints'.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Fair Trade Offender

Traffic PC jailed for having sex with women in exchange for letting them off driving offences, jaywalking, causing a disturbance (for those who refused).

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

No More Loud Barks!

The dogs that barked 800 times every hour and made neighbors' lives a 'living hell'. So owner sells dogs, buys night birds and roosters.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

UK Drought Continues

Drought warning for UK as country suffers driest start to year for almost 50 years, say authorities. "We're dry as a popcorn fart!"

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Ofsted: Nation's Learners At Fault

Almost half of all schools in England do not provide a good education, says Ofsted. "We need better teachers to learn students better."

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Unemployment Rises Again

Unemployment rises 23,000 to 2.47m as more than one in four working-age Britons now have no job. 50% of employed work for the government.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Not Many Left

Report: £50bn a year in welfare benefits is handed to the middle class. Most are asking, "WHAT middle class?"

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Your NHS At Work

A cancer sufferer was told he could not book a hospital appointment - because records showed he was dead. "I'm sorry but we have a policy against treating dead people..where are you calling from?"


written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

What A Tip!

Keep the £250,000 tip! Pensioner leaves regular cabbie her entire estate in her will. "If I had known, I would have opened the door and got her into her wheel chair", says former cabbie, in Vegas.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Plane Craps On Car

Motorist's miracle escape as giant block of commode ice smashes through windscreen seconds after he leaves the car. "Worse than pigeons, they are!"

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

"Same Ole, Same Ole"

Obama vows to make 'reckless' BP pay for oil disaster... but says U.S. 'addiction to fossil fuels' must end. Quotes from President Kennedy's plans to leave fossil fuels behind & 60 year progress made.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Places Close To View Cup Games

Bangladesh asks shopping malls, movie theaters to close for Cup. All three agree.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Museum Has Jewish Life Exhibit

Museum presents exhibit on Jewish life in NC as both families were well-known.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

New NC Exhibit

Museum presents exhibit on Jewish life in NC, before being chased out by Billy Graham.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Especially The Fun Girls

Tax credits, fun girls and mud masks to boost Thai tourism.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

I Should Hope So

Initial stages of new Egypt museum completed, and before you ask, Yes, there will be mummies!

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

After Learning Who Free Performers Were

Free NYC concert canceled after crowd gets unruly. "Hanson? It's the Hanson?"

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Nepal Orders Probe

Nepal orders probe into slaughter of winos. Sorry, that should read "rhinos".

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Life Out There Somewhere

Scientists retrieve capsule, seeking asteroid dust, they find small amounts of poop.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Obama Plages To Gulf Coast

Gulf Coast welcomes Obama's pledge to restore land. President promises, "Within a hundred years, this will have corrected itself."

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Oil Spill Down?

Scientists: Oil leaking up to 2.52M gallons daily, could be a quart low.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Knew There Was A Catch

Free NYC concert canceled after crowd gets unruly at $10 hotdogs, $12 cokes.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Actually Both Are Correct

Oil hovers near Pensacola Beach as stock rally slows. Sorry, that should be "$77".

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

First One Dollar, Then Another

EPA: Climate bill costs less than postage stamp, even though no one expects it to work.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Engineer's Prediction True

BP engineer called doomed rig a 'nightmare well' says he will never prophesy again.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Whoever Did Whatever

Hispanic, what's his name, apparent winner in unusual NY election.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Laden Misunderstood

Pakistan: Doctor examines bin Laden hunter from US. "He has this unreasonable hatred towards Laden for some reason."

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Obama Faces BP

After blasting BP, Obama now faces its leaders while very angry over oil-squirting carnation on label joke.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

A Jewish man want his Trix

" Silly Rabbi, Trix are for kids" one Jewish boy said.

written by EXILAR, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Germany hold it first "Blind Basketball"

The white team defeated the red team with the score of 2-0 in 21OT in the first blind basketball game. A blind man scored the winning basket with 2:42 minutes left in 21OT.

written by EXILAR, 16 June 2010
Rating:

First thing Adam said to Eve 3#

"Ouch, what the.. what happen to my ribs" - Adam

written by EXILAR, 16 June 2010
Rating:

First thing Adam said to Eve 2#

"No Eve, the leaf doesn't make you look fat" - Adam

written by EXILAR, 16 June 2010
Rating:

First thing Adam said to Eve 1#

"Damn" - Adam

written by EXILAR, 16 June 2010
Rating:

New Contraceptives: Ray Guns

Geeks unlikely to get laid this decade have come up with a new contraceptive that involves shooting the genitals with rayguns. For full Story click here

written by ronin47empire, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Bizarre Movie Recasts, #36

The Brain of Pinky and The Brain for Orsen Welles, Citizen Kane. "We did use The Brain, actually. Listen to the voice! Couldn't you tell?"

written by anthonyrosania, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Rejected Jeopardy questions, #5

ANSWER: This ginger is stupid, and smells like the Clap, allegedly.

QUESTION: Who is Linsday Lohan?

written by anthonyrosania, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Rejected Jeopardy questions, #3

ANSWER: This brown hardwood item is nicknamed "The Louisville Slugger."

QUESTION: What is Muhammad Ali's penis?

written by anthonyrosania, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Rejected Jeopardy questions, #2

A.: Dog food and garbage pickings.
Q.: What is grandma going to eat until her foodstamps come?

written by anthonyrosania, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Bizarre Movie Recasts, #35

George W. Bush instead of Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump: "Insert 'President Bush is a moron' joke here."

written by anthonyrosania, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Bizarre Movie Recasts, #34

Selena Gomez instead of Thora Birch, American Beauty: "Well, we needed the topless scene, and Selena was, like, 4 when we filmed it. Thora was 7, so it was Ok."

written by anthonyrosania, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Bizarre Movie Recasts, #33

Paris Hilton instead of Guy Who Got 'Curbed', American History X: "It would have made no sense in the movie, but it'd been great to see Paris get her head stomped on, right?"

written by anthonyrosania, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Bizarre Movie Recasts, #32

Kristy McNichol instead of Jodie Foster, Taxi Driver: "We had both of those fine young gentleman audition, but we felt Jodie was the man for the job."

written by anthonyrosania, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Bizarre Movie Recasts, #31

Sandra Oh instead of the Alien, Aliens: "Well, Sandra was much uglier than the original Alien, so continuity would have suffered. Also, who could stand looking at her that long. YUCK!"

written by anthonyrosania, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Bizarre Movie Recasts, #30

Tina Fey instead of Olive Oyl, The Shining: "I gotta admit, Nicholson trying to kill Tina would've been entertaining. Hell, I'd back any movie in which Tina Fey got killed."

written by anthonyrosania, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Bizarre Movie Recasts, #29

Kim Cattrall instead of Virginia Cherrill in Chaplin's third silent film, City Lights: "That was only 77 years ago. Kim was too old."

written by anthonyrosania, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Bizarre Movie Recasts, #28

Ray Liotta instead of Joey Pants, Memento: "Who gives a sh-t, nobody saw the movie anyway."

written by anthonyrosania, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Companies Applaud Citizens

Life insurance companies say that Americans live longer today than ever. "We couldn't be more happier for them."

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Lighter Oil At The End Of The Tunnel

BP spokesman says they can now see a light at the end of the tunnel, whenever the oil thins.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Also, More Cookie Breaks

Study reveals that home-schooled kids have a much higher attendance record.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

Keebler Sets Limits

Keebler products now allow for .005 percent rodent and elf feces.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

A Flakey Breakthrough

Scientists today say that they have learned to clone snowflakes exactly alike. No breakthrough on cancer.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

In World Cup News #11

Thus far, "The All-Time Greatest Hits As Performed On The Vuvuzela" like "Tell Me What'd I Say!" are not selling well.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

In World Cup News #10

Thus far, "The All-Time Greatest Hits As Performed On The Vuvuzela" like "Louie, Louie, Oh, Baby, Insane I Go!" are not selling well.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

In World Cup News #9

Thus far, "The All-Time Greatest Hits As Performed On The Vuvuzela" like "The Vuvuzela Shuffle" are not selling well.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

In World Cup News #8

Thus far, "The All-Time Greatest Hits As Performed On The Vuvuzela" like "Red, Red Horn" are not selling well.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

In World Cup News #7

Thus far, "The All-Time Greatest Hits As Performed On The Vuvuzela" like "(I Can't Help) Falling Insane With You" are not selling well.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

In World Cup News #6

Thus far, "The All-Time Greatest Hits As Performed On The Vuvuzela" like "Gettin' Vuvuzela Wid It" are not selling well.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

In World Cup News #5

Thus far, "The All-Time Greatest Hits As Performed On The Vuvuzela" like "Break Down Tonight" are not selling well.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

In World Cup News #4

Thus far, "The All-Time Greatest Hits As Performed On The Vuvuzela" like "The Vuvuzela Polka" are not selling well.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
Rating:

In World Cup News #3

Thus far, "The All-Time Greatest Hits As Performed On The Vuvuzela" like "Bad, Bad, Leroy Blown!" are not selling well.

written by Bureau, 16 June 2010
« May 2010 June 2010 Jul 2010 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
1st
90
2nd
86
3rd
112
4th
108
5th
79
6th
143
7th
106
8th
81
9th
69
10th
87
11th
89
12th
72
13th
149
14th
96
15th
118
16th
95
17th
105
18th
93
19th
71
20th
89
21st
81
22nd
93
23rd
143
24th
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25th
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26th
149
27th
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28th
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29th
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30th
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