Order by:
Rating:

World cup squad missing!

After a sightseeing visit to the Kinsala Lion Park the England team have gone missing. Smiling Head Keeper, Mr Okubu, said; "I have never heard of this England united team".

written by armfeetandtoe, 11 June 2010
Rating:

KKK New UK Chapter Uncovered!

Following the dismal showing of the British National Party in the recent UK elections former candidates elect have united in forming a KKK alliance based in the seaside town of Eastbourne.

written by iscrivener, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Dud Of The Year Named?

June 2010, Chelsea's John Terry has been named "Dud of the Year" after he came top of a poll of English footy fans in a "I'm Firing Blanks" survey!

written by iscrivener, 11 June 2010
Rating:

He's The Expert

V.P. Joe Biden has began his African tour, which includes visits to Egypt, Kenya, & S. Africa & already he's put his foot in his mouth. Oh he hasn't said anything, it's just a custom in S. Africa.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Reason #2 Why Lindsay Lohan's Assistant Quit her Job.

Message she left on Lohan's answering machine: "Hi, Lindsay. I got your message. Listen, I don't think it'll help if I breathe into your SCRAM bracelet for you, OK?

written by anthonyrosania, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Reason #1 Why Lindsay Lohan's Assistant Quit her Job.

She was sick of answering Lohan every time she yelled, "Keg stand! Hold my legs."

written by anthonyrosania, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Reason #3 Why Lindsay Lohan's Assistant Quit her Job.

Because Lohan turned the assistant's bedroom into a meth lab.

written by anthonyrosania, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Reason #4 Why Lindsay Lohan's Assistant Quit her Job.

She finally had to say, "Lindsay, that is my bath powder. It's not what you think."

written by anthonyrosania, 11 June 2010
Rating:

3 Quarters, Dime & 2 Pennies = Dollar!

Latest drop in the US dollar to 87 cents has citizens all over the country looking for change in couches & chairs.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

A breath of hot, fresh air

Rush Limbaugh ties the knot a fourth time to show his respect for the sanctity of marriage. Bride Kathryn: "It was the happiest day of my life." Limbaugh: "It probably placed in the top 3, folks."

written by The San Francisco Onion, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Dog At It Again

BP to Obama at meeting: "Sorry Sir, the dog ate the figures we had when the oil well first started leaking."

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

"Weep No More My Lady!"

It was so hot in Washington DC today that the statue of Lincoln began singing "My Old Kentucky Home".

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Man Eater

Hall and Oates have canceled their scheduled appearance in Phoenix because of Arizona illegal immigrant law. Also because their real names are Huaxpitzcactzin and Ortez.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Look! A Walking Ass!

Top Portuguese science award goes to 2 US neuroscientists researching human sight, mostly at WalMarts. "Quite a sight", says one.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

US Consumer's Giving Mixed Signals

US consumer data for May give mixed signals for economy. "Some days you get the smile, some days you get the finger", says Wally Mart greeter.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Solar Flares Hit The Road!

Solar flares could become so hot this summer that it will melt tar on the road. But it shouldn't bother you because your tires will have melted already.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Also Sport Goatees

Seal whiskers sense faraway fish. "I smell fish but they are faaaar out, man!"

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Needs To Lose A Few Stone

Kirsty Alley says that since she's gotten really fat, she mostly goes on blind dates. "I've been on so many blind dates in the past two years that I won a seeing eye dog.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Michelle's Mother' Bad Health

Michelle Obama admits that her mother is not in good shape. "She's never really exercised. I remember when she got winded using a rotary dial telephone."

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Japan's Solar Sail In Space #2

Japan unfurls Ikaros solar sail in space. It is immediately attack by Somali pirates.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Solar Sail In Space

Japan unfurls Ikaros solar sail in space but debt collapse on ground not smooth sailing.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Really Really Bad

BP oil spill now double that of early "catastrophic" prediction.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Tribe take in GB

Ex UK Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has been accepted as a member of the Zulooze tribe in Uganda. Criterior is strict as they only accept PM's with less than 3 years service under their belt. Zulooze!

written by whatinthe world, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Blatter pulls plug on South African World Cup

With the first game in the World Cup just a few minutes old, Sep Blatter has decided to cancel the tournament because a fan called him an "old fart". Blatter was said to be enraged by the comment.

written by whatinthe world, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Brown headed for South Africa

The former Prime Minister of UK, Gordon Brown, has been chosen as a late addition to the England World Cup Squad in South Africa. Brown will warm the bench for England's first Cup game in a few days.

written by whatinthe world, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Google Too Interfering #2

Google announces that you two still can really go at it for a couple married over 35 years.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Google Too Interfering

Google just showed your old "Demented looking junior high school photo" to millions, as camera's rally zoom in. Why were you looking at that old annual?

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Recommendation Angers Castro

GOP recommends placing huge jet fans on shores to blow oil slick to Cuba.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

CAMER'ON ENGLAND!

Prime Minister Dave Cameron is backing England to win the World Cup. "I got 8-1 at Ladbrokes & bet the entire economy on it." If England are successful the country will be a staggering £64 better off.

written by Ron Smith, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Maybe This Would Help

BP Considering changing name to Blackwater or Whitewater or Goldwater to try and improve image.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Economist: "I Give Up!"

U S Retail sales unexpectedly fall in May after being unexpectedly being up in April.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Thomas Retires

Helen Thomas retires to spend more time studying the Third Reich.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

No More Royal Treatment

President Obama becomes the first US President to be slapped by his Mother-In-Law for comment about wife. Bush was the first slapping from a Mom. Jimmy Carter, kick in the ass by Miss Lillian.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Obama Still Working On It

Obama says he's "Had enough of these doodlewhacking leaks from this dadgum spill!" Says he still needs some practice.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Elton John To Play

Elton John accepts offer to play at friend's wedding..but not the piano.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Fox Back With Transformers

Megan Fox Dumped From "Transformers 3"; may be back. "She's totally transformed herself", says director.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Customers Not Laughing

Stand-Up comedian driven from stage in Florida after announcing that he was getting over 59 miles per pelican.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Americans Depressed

Most Americans depressed as oil keeps leaking into Gulf, "Sex and the City 2" remains in theaters.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Immigrants Dumbing Down Country

'Immigrants are making our country dumber': Anger as board member of Germany's central bank cites, Goebbels Hitler, shows 'ample statistics'

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Tired Of Dragging Privates As He Reached For Extra Helpings

Tipper Gore says she was turned off Al Gore after his global warming excuse allowed him to walk around naked all day.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

No Global Warming

Doubts about global warming are on the rise after 'big freeze' winter and heated emails row!

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Police Car Rampage

Pensioner, 89, killed by marked police car! Police crew ordered to remove all four previously marked kills on side of hood.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

This Time I Mean It!

Obama, with a grim face, summons BP Chief to White House for 54th time.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Couple Survive 300Ft Plunge

Miracle couple walk away with minor injuries after sports car plunges 300ft down a ravine. Credit extra airbag, parachute.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

NCAA Sanctions Rough

USC hit hard by NCAA sanctions! "No football for the next twenty years!"

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Probably In Lost Luggage Department

Delta apologizes for putting kids on wrong flights. "They'll pop up somewhere assures Officials."

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Obama Gas Rules 'Pass'

Obama's greenhouse gas rules survive Senate vote. Senator Byrd wheeled back onto Senate floor as GOP put on gas masks.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Greece Objects To Phrase

Japan PM warns of Greece-like debt crisis. Greece starting to be offended with term "Greece-Like"

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

BP Shares Up

British Petroleum shares slide back in today's London trading.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Not Necessarily Nixon

Impressionist Rich Little confessed to doing most of the better "Nixon Tapes" found at the White House.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Files Almost Ready

Release set for more of Kagan's Clinton-era files as workers finish up black-out pencilings.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Clinton Encourages Dems

Interview: Bill Clinton to Dems, 'Never give up! There are plenty of Monica's out there if you will just look."

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Simpson Headed For Reform School

Videos will likely be star witnesses in BART trial as young Simpson seen breaking over 10,000 laws.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Solar Flares #8

Mort Active Sun Means Nasty Polar Storms A head! Cood interfeer wid cumpooters.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Pope Begs Forgiveness

Pope begs forgiveness, promises action on abuse. Many parents say there's been too much "action" by priests already.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Solar Flares #7

More Active Sun Means Nasty Solar Storms Ahead! Hollywood starlets told to move to Alaska until they are over of risk melted boobs, face, ass.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Worthlesss Paper

Ahmadinejad calls UN resolution 'worthless paper'. Wipes his ass on it on National TV.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Really Old Shoe Discovered

Oldest leather shoe steps out after 5,500 years. "Air Grogg" brand on the side.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Solar Flares #6

More Active Sun Means Nasty Solar Storms Ahead. Don't be surprised if Howdy Doody, Dave Garroway & Mr. Muggs show back up on TV with mixed satellites.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Solar Flares #5

More Active Sun Means Nasty Solar Storms Ahead! Fire walkers may stay in the fire as highways, etc. melt.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Solar Flares #4

More Active Sun Means Nasty Solar Storms Ahead! Weathermen will be able to roast pig with apple in it's mouth on the sidewalk.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Solar Flares #3

More Active Sun Means Nasty Solar Storms Ahead! Should be able to light cigarettes on parking meters while smoking outside workplace.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Thosre Solar Flares #2

More Active Sun Means Nasty Solar Storms Ahead! Nudists warned to cover themselves in Gulf Oil.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Those Solar Flares

More Active Sun Means Nasty Solar Storms Ahead as solar flares expected to down satellites, set forests ablaze, but milder than expected.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Oil Getting Worse #2

Oil to wash in for months, years as President Obama meets with BP chief for first time almost two months after spill.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Oil Getting Worse

With each look at oil flow, the numbers get worse as President, BP Oil ask that cameras be turned off.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

She's got a lot of balls

16-year-old sailor Abby Sunderland rescued after activating emergency beacons in stormy seas off Madagascar. Unfazed, Abby plans to be first teen to cross Gulf oil spill this hurricane season.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 11 June 2010
Rating:

EPA: Should the Gulf's Oil-soaked Birds be Rescued or Killed?

Said Quackers, the oil-soaked birds' spokesperson, "Are you kidding me? So my choices are get cleaned or DIE?! We'll go with 'cleaned', thankyouveryf-ckingmuch."

written by anthonyrosania, 11 June 2010
Rating:

World Worried China Seeking Major Oil Spill Of Its Own To Counter US Gaining Free Publicity

Chinese subs spotted off coast of Hong Kong targetting two giant offshore rigs.Politburo out to prove that as a great power China's negligence can cause problems for global environment too. full story

written by ronin47empire, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Reason #1 Gary Coleman's Handwritten 2007 Will Might Be Fake.

"I hereby bequeath all my possessions to Shannon Price, who is sweet, and beautiful, and is in no way a gold-digger, and would never consider profiting from my death."

written by anthonyrosania, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Reason #2 Gary Coleman's Handwritten 2007 Will Might Be Fake.

"To Shannon Price, I hereby bequeath all my possessions. Because there is no way that, three years from now, she will push me down the steps and I will suffer a brain hemorrhage and die."

written by anthonyrosania, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Reason #3 Gary Coleman's Handwritten 2007 Will Might Be Fake.

"To Shannon Price, I hereby bequeath my copy of Kendra Wilkinson's Sex Tape. God, do you KNOW what I would do to her? Seriously, what would I do? Because I have no idea."

written by anthonyrosania, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Reason #4 Gary Coleman's Handwritten 2007 Will Might Be Fake.

"To Shannon Price, I hereby bequeath my souvenir tar-ball from the Gulf Coast. Damned BP."

written by anthonyrosania, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Reason #6 Gary Coleman's Handwritten 2007 Will Might Be Fake.

"To Shannon Price, I hereby bequeath my photo with President Barack Obama in the White House."

written by anthonyrosania, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Reason #5 Gary Coleman's Handwritten 2007 Will Might Be Fake.

"To Shannon Price, I hereby bequeath my Mass Card from Rue McClanahan's funeral. Good night, funny lady."

written by anthonyrosania, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Reason #7 Gary Coleman's Handwritten 2007 Will Might Be Fake.

"To Shannon Price, I hereby bequeath my autograph from Captain Sully. Damned geese."

written by anthonyrosania, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Reason #8 Gary Coleman's Handwritten 2007 Will Might Be Fake.

"To Shannon Price, I hereby bequeath my McCain - Palin 2008 t-shirt. Sarah'll be back. And I doubt they're implants."

written by anthonyrosania, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Reason #9 Gary Coleman's Handwritten 2007 Will Might Be Fake.

"To Shannon Price, I hereby bequeath my Tivo'ed copy of the Series finale of Lost. God, JJ Abrams screwed the pooch on that one."

written by anthonyrosania, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Reason #10 Gary Coleman's Handwritten 2007 Will Might Be Fake.

"To Shannon Price, I hereby bequeath all of my Zhu Zhu Pets."

written by anthonyrosania, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Pope Benedict Notes Appeal

Pope asked to allow priests to marry by priests, parents of choir boys and divorce lawyers!

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Americans Behind Others Behind

Report: U.S. lags behind most nations in Sex Education, as
Americans "among the worst ass kissers." France comes in at #1.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Desperate Drivers

Police patrol along beaches in Florida to make sure there is no oil looting.

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Top Nudist TV Shows #15

A survey of nudists included on the 2010 Census reveals their all-time favorite TV shows, such as "The Beaver & Butt Show"

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Top Nudist TV Shows #14

A survey of nudists included on the 2010 Census reveals their all-time favorite TV shows, such as "Horace Ripley's Believe It Or Not!"

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Top Nudist TV Shows #13

A survey of nudists included on the 2010 Census reveals their all-time favorite TV shows, such as "American Noodle"

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Top Nudist TV Shows #12

A survey of nudists included on the 2010 Census reveals their all-time favorite TV shows, such as "All In The Family Way"

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Top Nudist TV Shows #11

A survey of nudists included on the 2010 Census reveals their all-time favorite TV shows, such as "Alfred Hitchcock Presents: His Hitched Cock"

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Top Nudist TV Shows #10

A survey of nudists included on the 2010 Census reveals their all-time favorite TV shows, such as "The Stark Naked City"

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
Rating:

Top Nudist TV Shows #9

A survey of nudists included on the 2010 Census reveals their all-time favorite TV shows, such as "ABC's Nude World Of Sports, Live From Greece"

written by Bureau, 11 June 2010
« May 2010 June 2010 Jul 2010 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
1st
90
2nd
86
3rd
112
4th
108
5th
79
6th
143
7th
106
8th
81
9th
69
10th
87
11th
89
12th
72
13th
149
14th
96
15th
118
16th
95
17th
105
18th
93
19th
71
20th
89
21st
81
22nd
93
23rd
143
24th
80
25th
162
26th
149
27th
121
28th
122
29th
154
30th
121
 

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