Order by:
Rating:

Blowing Off Steam?

Stocks took a drop today as Fed Chairman suddenly ran in circles, screaming & shouting about a gold calf.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

The Ole Hem & Haw!

Republicans say they plan to hem and haw until November elections while allowing Dems to dig a bigger hole for themselves, especially in the Gulf.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Hillary Stays Hillary

Sec. of State Clinton was asked by a reporter why she didn't go in for the facelifts, that other politicians seem to do. "Tried it. Then I saw Bill, he tried to hit on me. Told me I was out of town."

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

World Cup Final 2010 - Spain 1 Netherlands 0

According to expert opinion

written by Jimbo123, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Moat Finds Lord Lucan!

Raoul Moat has written to the police telling them he has found the wanted Lord. Moat says he was taking a piss behind a bush, when this old bloke jumps up and shouts, Im fukin royalty you know!

written by armfeetandtoe, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Spreads To 25% Of The Country

Northeast United States suffers from Solar energy leak! 103 degrees in New York, Boston!

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Club Foots Bill

Club footed students get tuition bill. I'm sorry, that should be "Club to foot student's tuition bill!

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Rising Temperatures Mean an Decrease in Global Warming Deniers

Rising global temperatures over the last couple weeks has helped to lower the number of global warming deniers' claims that global warming isn't real.

written by UWGB-Beek, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Spoofs Itself!

Tired Gay succumbs to Dix in 200 meters. Now how are you supposed to spoof a headline like that?

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

What's Next: "No More Spoofs About S.F."

San Francisco considers banning sale of pets! Also, smoking anything but marijuana in public.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Laws Too Tough

There may be another big illegal immigrant march in Washington DC soon. The protest is against how hard it is to come here. But if it's so hard, how did these millions get here?

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Still Looked Nice

John Edwards has finally admitted that the $60 haircuts included a massage in the back room.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Az. To Give In?

Word on the street is that Arizona may repeal it's strict immigration laws. It's not the federal government suit, it's the fact that all the Walmart stores are threatening to close.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Must Have Kept It Hid

The Food & Drug Administration has announced that since marijuana became legal in California, there has been a 200% jump in cases of glaucoma.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Mom's At WalMart

According to a recent study, husbands who are couch potatoes have kids that are tater tots.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

The Little Guy Gets It Again

Hundreds Of Fishermen Missing Checks From BP. BP Gives No Indication Of When Payments Resume. Conclusion: Fishermen Screwed!

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Someting Wicked This Way Comes

Egypt unveils discovery of 4,300-year-old thumbs! Sorry, that should have been "tombs".

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Worth A Fortune!

UK treasure hunter finds 52,000 Roman coins, five bars of gold pressed latinum!

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Reason For Drill Ban

Obama administration set for drill ban legal fight. Many say that's why the oil is leaking now.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Judge Sends Lohan To Jail.

Lindsay's PR firm releases following statement: Mrs Lohan is looking forward to serving her sentence, and hopes to enjoy all the lesbian sex she will be having when attacked in the showers.

written by SirBeavis, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Allstate: Decision Helped.

After three years, Allstate Insurance Company says they are glad stopped selling new policies to homeowners in California because of too many disasters. "We would have lost millions on movies alone."

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Biden Checked Out

Joe Biden stated today that he had had a full colonoscopy on his recent trip to the Mideast. "It was in the middle of the night on my second night in Afghanistan."

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Exports To Double

U.S. on track to double exports in 5 years: Obama. Mostly people leaving to get medical treatment in time.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Never Stopped

Obama back on the campaign trail. After taking of 30 days to run down and see the oil spill firsthand.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Just Kidding

Japanese scientists have now created a digital camera with such a fast speed that it's now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.

written by Spicewood, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Secret cause of Gulf oil spill revealed...

... Tony Blair tripped and cracked his fa├žade, allowing his real personality to leak out.

written by matthatt, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Could 100,000 Be Closer?

27,000 Abandoned Gulf Oil Wells Draw Shock, Anger! Obama immediately criticizes findings. Name new '27,000 Abandoned Oil Wells Czar!'

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Lohan Keeps Drugs

Lohan Can Keep Taking Doc-Prescribed Meds Behind Bars; She'll Likely Be Held in Solitary Confinement for Own, and her drugs, Safety.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Winos Break Into Machine!

Pa. Offers Nation's First Wine Vending Machines. Next thing you will hear: "Hey, Chuck how about loaning me five bucks?"

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Quaker Upset?

Mild-mannered Quaker, 54, Strikes Southern California! I'm sorry, that should be 'Magnitude 5.4 Quake'.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Netanyahu Sceptical?

Does Israel's Netanyahu Trust Obama? About as much as the rest of us.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

That Sinking Feeling

Oil Sinking Into Gulf Beach Sands Could Linger for a century or two.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Buffett Advice

Buffett recounts the best advice he's ever received. "Don't give away any information you receive, always charge a buck."

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Let It Be!

President Obama has told Michelle to discontinue her research on his ancestry after discovering that he is closely related to Jomo Kenyata, according to his latest birth certificate.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Pope's critics claim 'Excessive Popery'

We can only speculate as to why the Pope's visit should have increased demand for dried and fragrantly scented plant material!

written by Stevey G., 08 July 2010
Rating:

Video Two Hours Per Day

Children who play video games for two hours a day may 'DOUBLE' risk of getting the Princess freed.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Only Fair

Private schools forced to offer free places to poor. Private auto dealers forced to give away autos to indigents. Both Schools and Dealerships close.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Benefits Cheat Caught Dancing

The 'wheelchair-bound' benefits cheat caught jiving at 1940s dance competition. "It was a miracle, Judge."

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

They Had A Near Collision

Recent near-collisions raise air safety alarms. Shouldn't that be near-misses?

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

An Englishman's semi and his tombstone teeth

US impressions of the English have hit an all-time low following the Gulf Of Mexico spill. Typical comments were, "They've shite teeth. They live in egg boxes. They worship bumpkins like Cheryl Cole."

written by A MCRORY, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Lohan Luke?

For Lohan, the intense scrutiny is just beginning. Wait until she hits the showers.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Cyberattacks Continue

Repeat of SKorea, US cyberattacks does no damage as North Korean squirrel pauses to rest in wheel.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Nano Nanoo

Energy Secy advances nano science in spare time, often joined by Mork from Ork.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Early Hmans Went Farther North

Early humans ventured farther north than thought after discovery of ancient well-digger's ass.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Horton Hearing Things?

Japanese spacecraft may have dust from asteroid. Scientist "Horton" thinks there could be life in the dust but can't say Who.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Renting A Yacht For Now

New retail data: Luxury shoppers pull back in June. Head for WalMart, Costco.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

For Better Appearance

Groups launch effort to change campaign money law. "It looks so much better if large sums given behind closed doors."

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Moat Surrounds Castle!

Historians say that moats often surround castles. However police have still not managed to surround Raoul Moat, a dangerous killer hiding in woods. Police say, "There are no castles in the vicinity!"

written by IN SEINE, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Peace In Mideast

Obama says there's hope for Middle East peace. Just need to get the 2,972 factions together.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Using Only Eyelids?

French team performs face transplant with eyelids, using an old Harry Houdini trick.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Former Would Have Been Nice If True

East Coast to get relief from heat, not stupidity. I'm sorry, that should state "humidity".

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Cuba Frees Political Prisoners

Church: Cuba agrees to free 52 political prisoners. Round up 52 new ones as soon a Vatican rep. leaves.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Need Oslo's Kicked

Officials: 3 Oslos arrested in Norway al-Qaida bomb plot!

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Need To Keep Mind On Road Actual Road

New town motto: Looking ahead & being mindful of the past! leads to 25-30 car pile-up.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Second Big Find

UK treasure hunter finds 52,000 Roman coins, three wooden nickels.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Duck Boat Capsized

Captain of barge capsized duck boat in Philly stated that he had earlier spotted a quack in the hull.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Court To Hear Drilling Case

Appeals court to hear drilling moratorium case as horny couple keep a close eye on the situation.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Not Really Encouraging

IMF lifts world growth forecast: "Oh you can make a buck here and there."

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

It's A Start To A Beginning

Beach cleaners only skimming oil off surface sand. Like removing one flea from the dog pound.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Saves On Energy

Heat islands: Cities heat quickly, cool slowly. NYC renters cooking off the cleaned sidewalks.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Gays All Leave Iran

Iran offers modest new haircut guidelines for men, the "Mahmoud" style for everyone.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Iran's New Haircuts

Iran offers modest new haircut guidelines for men, especially after the lice plague.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Secrets In The Logo

The secret code in U.S. Cyber Command's logo. Also, the powerful green ring many are wearing.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Al-Qaida Desperate

Officials: 3 arrested in Norway al-Qaida bomb plot as those Norwegians causing so much trouble in the world.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Spy Swap

Russian, US spy suspects brace for possible swap. CIA encouraged to get two blonds for the redhead.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Buffett Positive

Buffett: 'We're coming back, no question in my mind' Probably to about the Middle Ages!'

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Gottta Dig Deeper

Beach cleaners only skimming oil off surface sand. "At this rate, it'll be cleaned up by 2090."

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Psychic Octopus gets new job!

Now that the World Cup is almost over, Paul, 'The Psychic Octopus', from Germany has landed a dream job - reading palms - 8 at a time. You gotta hand it to him!

written by IN SEINE, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Living with Snakes Record Attempt

A Sussex carpenter is to try and break the world record by living with venomous snakes for over 4 months. However, ex-Prime Minister, Tony Blair claims to have lived with over 600 venomous snakes for 10 years.

written by IN SEINE, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Firewalker Uses British Rail Excuse

When nine people on a motivational exercise were badly burnt by walking on hot coals in Italy yesterday, their teacher used the old British Rail excuse: "THEY USED THE WRONG TYPE OF WOOD!"

written by IN SEINE, 08 July 2010
Rating:

UK worker complains

A man complained en route to work today rhetorically cutting short his rant with"Oh what's the point!" The remark is expected to 'severely damage the green shoots of recovery' said a Tory spokesman.

written by A MCRORY, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Raoul Moat Evades Police

Raoul Moat slipped through a police cordon last night and robbed a butcher's shop. Inattentive officer's, if found guilty of misteaks could be for the chop!

written by Stevey G., 08 July 2010
Rating:

Proton shrinks in size

Using muon, heavier cousin of electron, researchers determine proton is actually 0.00000000000003 millimeters - about 4 percent - smaller than believed. Proton pump use expected to rise sharply.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Just Like The Beer Ones!

Today President Obama and Israeli leader Benjamin Netanyahu held a joint conference that was a lot better than their last meeting. The reason? Like I said, it was a 'joint' conference.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

A Little Late On That One

A nature watchdog group says that we have five years to fix global warming or face catastrophic consequences...like a giant oil leak.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Well, Honest, Abe!!

President Obama said never again would an uninvited guest sneak into the White House. All the while, Abraham Lincoln's ghost was pulling his ears out like Obama's in the background.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Generation Gap

In political news, John McCain and his dad got into another fight over who's turn it was to use the Scooter.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

It's A Jungle Out There


The government is warning that substantial amounts of marijuana are now being grown on federal park lands. They noticed the problem when large groups of bears and wild boars started laughing.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Amy Switches Habits

Amy Winehouse's mom says that since she has stopped doing drugs, she has become addicted to eating bugs. Of course, they are invisible.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Joe Knows All

Joe Biden: I haven't noticed any mullet haircuts in the South. Of course, how does a person's hairstyle be the same as a fish?

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
Rating:

Joe The Observant

Joe Biden: Ever since that first Iraqi War, it seems like Veteran's Day gets bigger every year.

written by Bureau, 08 July 2010
« Jun 2010 July 2010 Aug 2010 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
1st
96
2nd
32
3rd
91
4th
100
5th
87
6th
97
7th
96
8th
81
9th
103
10th
70
11th
69
12th
127
13th
96
14th
114
15th
100
16th
85
17th
123
18th
97
19th
93
20th
68
21st
49
22nd
59
23rd
80
24th
66
25th
95
26th
68
27th
114
28th
87
29th
100
30th
97
31st
91
 

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