Order by:
Rating:

If Not Hijacked By Hamas

Palestinians get $52 million from EU. With Arafat gone, maybe some of the people will get help.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Biden Charged $219,000

Vice President Biden has been fined $219,000 for spending violations during his failed presidential bid, and a spokeswoman for Biden calls the ruling "commonplace." "Nobody plays by rules anymore."

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Tapeworm Harvest Beginning

Fine print of Obama Health Care Plan on bottom footnote on page 10,566 "Every Obese person to be fed tape worm".

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Fat's In The Fire!

Obesity Rating 'for Every American by 2014'. "Either shape up or be shipped out!"

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Well, Gibson Holding On!

BP: No signs of new leaks in capped well. Mel Gibson: No signs of any new leaks from capped mouth.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

More Tests Needed Say 400-Pound Researchers.

Scientists now say that obesity could be caused by a common McVirus!

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Chinese Recall

China today recalled all their laundries in the United States. "Washee Your own Dim laundry!"

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Susan Boyle Will Not Be Singing On The Island of Japan

Susan Boyle said that the reason she turned down an offer to tour Japan was because she hates chopsticks.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Jessica Simpson Is Still Pining Like Hell For Cowboy Quarterback Tony Romo

Jessica Simpson was asked if she still misses her ex-boyfriend Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo. Jess replied that she does, but then she goes to sleep.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Adam Lambert Says That Elton John Is Extremely Gay (Duh!)

Adam Lambert was recently asked if he thought that he was gayer than Elton John. Lambert laughed and said that not even Elton John was gayer than THE Elton John.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Paris Hilton Begs Larry King To Allow Her To Appear On His Show

Paris Hilton asked Larry King if she could appear on his show to show America that she has not gone into the 'witness protection program.' Larry reportedly said, "Thanks, but no thanks bitch."

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 July 2010
Rating:

The New Quiet As A Mouse Rev. Al Sharpton

Reverend Al Sharpton says that the reason he is keeping such a low profile is because Vice-President Joe Biden paid him $500,000 to keep his big, fat, friggin mouth shut. Now that's "Hush" money.

written by Abel Rodriguez, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Eastwood Into Cologne's"

Clint Eastwood releases his own line of men's cologne & aftershave, "The Cologne With No Name".

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Messed At Both Ends

Police in New York City say the are fed up with hauling in drunken bums. "Plus it didn't help any that they came up with this cheap 'Prunes Farm' Wine."

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Kent Wells & Llandrindod Wells Are Not Related

Kent Wells is BP's senior vice president of exploration and production.
Whereas Llandrindod Wells is a spa town in Wales.

written by IN SEINE, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Daly Going Back To Mullet

Golfer John Daly says that his new haircut didn't help a bit at British Open. "I'm going back to "Mullet City".

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Alley Having Surgery?

Actress Kirstie Alley admits that she has a weight problem an may have her stomach stapled, only she called it, "Cutting out the middle man & going straight to the bottom.".

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Gore In Hospital

Former Vice President Al Gore has been hospitalized in Knoxville, Tennessee with a stomach virus or as Gore says, I'm going "green" by reducing a load of solid waste.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

"I'm Sure It Was Important At The Time!"

Scientists say they have made an important breakthrough in the study of marijuana. But none of them remember what it was, nor can they understand writings "Mula Pull bone leaper net! 100%!"

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Must Have A Lot Of Miles On IT

Stats: A car in the United States is stolen every two minutes and 44 seconds. No one knows why this car is so popular.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

All-Time Survivor!

Voted the All-Time winner of all survivor episodes? Osama Bin Laden! Second place goes to Fidel Castro.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Costed A Fortune In Batteries

Sex toy bought at Sex Toy Party still back there in a bedroom somewhere.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Bad Dog!

"Man's Best Friend" in doubt as second pair of $200 Nike shoes chewed to bits!

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Don't Know What You've Got Till It's Gone!

"They took all the jobs and put them in a job museum, then they charged the people a dollar & a half just to see 'em."

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Tickets Are A Quarter Each

Thousands gather in Detroit once again to see where the United States once made cars.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Lies Lies Lies!

Politician admits that he lies awake at night and sometimes, even in his sleep.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Line Up The Rubes!

Michael Moore says he's completely rested, needs more money so he's taking a long look at the oil spill to see which group will pay $10 for tickets to another documentary.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Cannibal Wisdom

Cannibal chief tells young smartass, "I eat punks like you for breakfast!"

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Hawking questions modern language

Stephen Hawking says US-led phenomenon of finishing all sentences like a question will kill off questions as we know them. "It's bad grammar!*#" ,he said without any intonation or variation of pitch.

written by A MCRORY, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Mafia Controlled?

The porn industry has been cited for making obscene profits!

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

CNN, Democrats In Conference

CNN and Democrat Party in conference as the two may merge by October of this year.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Will Search For Male Hideaways

United States to test all-woman submarine this October!

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Fifth Speech In Ten Days

Fidel Castro appears again, warns of war between "Opplenopedy and Fluiristan."

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Really Warm

It was so hot around the nation today that Obama addressed a quick press conference in Maine in his boxers.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Another Puzzle

Scientists that discovered dozens of new species in the Indonesian jungle three years ago, say every single one tastes like chicken.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Over 300 Million!

U.S. Census confirming that there are well over 300 million people in the country. So, don't give up on getting a woman yet.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Another Gap Widening

Psychiatrists say that gap between Mars men and Venus women widening.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

He's Never Wrong!

Paul the Octopus says that there's some kind of shit going down on this spy-swap deal!

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

NKoreans Celebrate

North Korea launches still another missile into the Ocean but at least 100 miles beyond usual spot.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Paul The Predictor

Psychic Octopus, Paul, says that BP Oil spill thing not over with yet!

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Bed Bugs Bite Victoria's Secret Models

Bed Bugs Hit VICTORIA'S SECRET! Film of models trying to shake them off selling for $100 per copy.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Schwarzenegger Sends Troops!

Schwarzenegger Sends National Guard Troops To The Border...of Arizona.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Green First Family?

GETAWAY: First Dog Bo flew in on separate jet than the Obama family. "Just in case there was an accident."

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Obama Insulted

7th Obama vacation draws GOP rebukes. "He's even worse than George Bush."

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

John Edwards Film

Sorkin to direct John Edwards film. Edwards to be played by Meryl Streep right after role as Thatcher.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Not The Hottest Summer

Meteorologist disputes hottest summer on record: Weather stations placed in warmer urban areas by then VP, Al Gore!

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Philly Lost For Good?

Philly Mayor orders Rolling Firehouse Closures To Ease Budget Woes. Whole city burns to the ground.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Came Out Wrong

Mere's Candy Company to recall all the boxes of Milk Dudes!

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Pelosi On $1,000 Bill?

Having Nancy Pelosi's face on the $1,000 bill not objected to by Republicans. "It would be almost impossible for anyone to counterfeit!"

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Libs Living In Movieland Again

Margaret Thatcher children appalled at Meryl Streep portrayal of mother as dementia-addled. "It's Streep that has the dementia!"

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Post Recall

Post Cereal Company has announced a recall of all boxes of "Banana Butt Crunch!"

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

St. Josephs Sued

Patient in St. Joseph's Hospital claims that he was awake during part of his operation. Claims he overheard, "Hey! He was a twin!"

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Iraq Getting Ahead

Iraq situation seen as making head way after beheadings drop from 100 to 2 per year!

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Invisible Osama

President Obama, frustrated that after years of calling Bush blind for not finding Bin Laden says he can't find him either.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Clapton Purchases Plot

Eric Clapton purchases small burial plot between George Harrison and his wife.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Siamese Cousins?

Woman with TWO wombs falls pregnant with babies who are not twins due a week apart, father by sperm from ten men.


written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Bad Eggs Eat Bad Eggs!

Prisoners 'poisoned' by bad egg mayo sandwiches set for £500,000 compensation windfall. Warden, guards say they are sick too.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Judge Gets Serious

At last, a judge who believes that prison DOES work... as he jails a prolific drug addict thief murdering ten-time killer.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

BBC Cuts Costs

The BBC television licence fee cut under the Government's public spending austerity drive, the Culture Secretary has warned. "You'll be mostly getting Benny Hill reruns for the next ten years!"


written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Cameras, Sound Detectors Out There!

Motorists face being hit by a massive increase in fines to plug a black hole in the coalition's spending commitments. New fines include sneezing or farting while driving.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Blew #3 Tee-Shots Into #2 Cup.

Players at the British Open in Scotland admit that they are getting a little winded over the weather there.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

MP Refuses Meeting

Tory MP refuses to meet Muslim women while wearing burkas. "I'd look ridiculous wearing one of those."

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Stranded Abroad!

Summer holiday hell for 16,000 Britons stranded abroad as UK tour operator collapses. "Probably should have said something earlier", states leader.


written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Obama's Head In Maine

Obama's head to family weekend on Maine coast. The rest of him still at White House.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Bieber's Baby #1

Bieber's 'Baby' is most-watched video on YouTube. "Mel's Tales" comes in second!

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

FDA Panel Rejects New Weight Loss Products

FDA panel rejects experimental weight loss pill, lip staplers!

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Outback To Be Investigated Further

Cave of marsupial fossils discovered in Outback. Restaurant inspectors say it's the worst they have even encountered.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Badly-Timed Weddings??

Warmest June on record, climate scientists say. Record number of June brides already widowed after new husbands shoot their wads on honeymoons.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

25,000 MORE???

25,000 new asteroids found by NASA's sky mapping as they immediately go home and build asteroid shelters.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

"Here's Your Money!"

Banks eye higher fees to boost declining revenue. No more free 'You have a great day'.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

New Bank Fees!

Banks eye higher fees to boost declining revenue. Window cashier at drive through will wear lowered top for surcharge on cashing checks.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Banks Looking For New Fees

Banks eye higher fees to boost declining revenue. Issue new fee for big smile at drive through window.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Don't Get Enough Oxygen

Short-snouted dogs face greater air travel risks, also chimps that play with themselves a lot.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

"It's Nice Down There!"

Obamas continue busy Maine holiday promoting Americans going to Florida for vacations.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Iroquois Team Bows Out

Iroquois lacrosse team bowing out of UK tournament. Leader: "We will play lacrosse no more, forever!"

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Iran Mosque Bombing

Police say they have detained 4000 after Iran mosque bombing.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Joe Again?

Berkeley prof: 'Mystery plumber' may have designed the new BP containment cap. Was it Joe or Watergate specialist?

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Lot Of Legroom!

94 charged in Medicare scams totaling $251M. One patient had to have her leg removed 54 times.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Blows His Cool In Maine

Obama slams GOP for obstructing economic progress. Gives 'Red Ass" speech from Maine.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Apple Shows Defects

Apple CEO on new antenna problem: 'We aren't prefect'

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Starting Too Young?

An early taste of kindergarten as one-year-olds get backpacks for starting school next month.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Like George On Seinfeld!

For anyone who has ever thought Charles Dickens was lurking inside his or her prose, a new website claims it can find your inner author. Most say, however, that their inner author is an idiot.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Clooney Is Cool

George Clooney radiates cool on witness stand. "More like him needed to stop global warming", says Al Gore, who apologized blowing his cool several times lately.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

She's Taking It "One Day At A Time"

Lawyer: Lohan staying at substance abuse facility in order to dry out before jail sentence. Jail sentence won't do much good if she doesn't know where she is.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Obama Slams GOP

Obama slams GOP for obstructing economic progress. "They're trying to keep us from borrowing to pay off our debts!"

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

New Heat Records

World simmers in hottest year so far...or is it me?

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

If You Think This Is Bad...

World simmers in hottest year so far. However, old timer, a Neanderthal, motions that this is nothing!

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Could Have Been Stopped After One Week?

Berkeley prof: 'Mystery plumber' may have designed the new BP containment cap. "They finally listened to what people were telling them."

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Medicare Fraud

94 charged in Medicare scams totaling $251M. One medicare case received 4400 claims filled. Tells investigators, "I was REALLY sick."

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

A Little Behind Times

Clinton off to Afghanistan as war fears rise. "War could break out here any day now", states Secretary of State.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Mexican War Out Of Control

Car bomb signals new dimension to Mexican drug war as al-Qaida offers to send suicide bombers.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

People Not Happy

BP, scientists try to make sense of well puzzle, hoping that continued rumbling underground & in the Gulf population isn't building up more pressure as no one really knows what happens next.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

They're not so smart

Study: Plants transmit and record information with electrical impulses similar to those in our own nervous systems. Still barely able to outperform U.S. students in standardized tests.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 17 July 2010
Rating:

He just can't shut up

Earth's thermosphere, which blocks harmful UV rays, recently shrank so much that researchers could not explain it. Now attributed to Rush Limbaugh stopping to take a breath for first time in 43 years.

written by The San Francisco Onion, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Steve Jobs Announces Fix for iPhone 4 Glitch

Apple's Steve Jobs announced today that frustrated iPhone 4 owners are now going to have a solution to the antenna problem. The fix has been aptly named "The Rubber Buggered iPhone Bumper."

written by Charpa93, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Jobs Saved

The Obama administration claims the stimulus money has saved 2.5 to 3.6 million jobs that former VP Al Gore has squirreled away in his lock box!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 July 2010
Rating:

We're all Going Green

Raw sewage backed up into a home after sewer crews repaired waste lines in an environmentally friendly manner. Work crews caused the problem when they disposed of their green beer cans in the lines.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Health Care Reform Pays Off

The White House is the residence of the US head of state. At the other "end" of Pennsylvania Avenue is Congress, where in November 2010 Dr. American Public will be administering an enema!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 July 2010
Rating:

The Dipsy Doodle

Some economists are predicting a multiple dip recession that looks like a finger pointed directly at the White House!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Americans are Smarter than Congress

Wall Street banks' earnings didn't meet expectations. Americans are very pessimistic that the Wall Street Reform bill gives Congress more taxes to spend & are keeping their savings in tin cans

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Presidential Lexicon II

The Obama administration is still dysfunctional. The word Obama in Hawaiian also means: oil spill politics; bailouts; an ideologue who ignores facts; medical incompetence; and at sea without a paddle.



written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 July 2010
Rating:

The Obama Administration Executive Head Shed

Never held a real job; trip over tall buildings; wet their pants; smell like bulls; get hit by locomotives; slower than creeping snails; got hands in your pockets; & got hands in your underwear!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Crime and Punishment

A bank robber shoots himself while fleeing from police in a botched robbery. The criminal's lawyer plans to sue the city and its police department for negligence!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 July 2010
Rating:

New Weapon Deployed

A ship from Oregon carrying banned Coke and Pepsi to a parched San Francisco CA populace turns back to Portland. The Captain says SF bay was seeded with vertical sticks tied to small round sea mines.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Regulations for the Regulators

A Congressional bill to regulate laxative manufactures has met with stiff resistance from the Out House. Oops that should have been the White House!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Wall Street Reform Bill to be Amended

The recently passed Wall Street Reform bill will be amended to include Sperm Banks. Congress watching pundits can't believe the dick-heads missed a chance to regulate these kinds of deposits!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 July 2010
Rating:

A New Ice Age

House Speaker Pelosi thinks President Obama is doing a good job. The BOTOX treatments have frozen her brain as well as her clown-like facial expression!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 July 2010
Rating:

President Obama Takes Credit for Stopping BP Oil Leak

My walk on a gulf beach, my MMS being incompetent & my EPA dragging their feet has allowed me to once again to stick my hands in the American people's pockets for my Dem. far left liberal agenda!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Maryland's Democratic Governor

Maryland's governor is using deceptive ads in his reelection bid. An earthquake shook many Marylanders awake, spurring political talk about the significance and timing of this act of providence!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Maryland's Democratic Party Blames Bush Tax Cuts

The Maryland Democratic Party blamed the recent earthquake on Bush's tax cuts. The Maryland Republican Party called this bogus statement a significant political wakeup call for all state Republicans!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Presidential Primary 2012

The press and pundits make headlines about Sarah Palin challenging President Obama in 2012. But there is also another woman after the president's ass, her name is Hillary!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Obama Administration Short of Money

There was a For Sale sign outside the White House. A nice young couple named Bush stopped by to look at the property and deemed it a "fixer upper in a couple of years!"

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 July 2010
Rating:

What Did He Say?

The global economy is at risk of folding in on itself unless policy makers check inflation inflexibility & exchange-rate inflexibility, according to some egghead trying to ruin our weekend.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Gore On The Move

Al Gore seen visiting Dick Cheney's old "Undisclosed Location" at Hooters in Maryland.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Old Saying Untrue

Barrel of monkeys no fun at all say gang. "Every one of us got bit, or were hit, by shit!"

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Also, Clean-Up

Judge orders gag order to everyone in court as dug-up corpse's injuries displayed before jury.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Man Have Overstepped Boundary

Nickelodeon warned about "SpongeBob Squarepants Goes To Clean Up Patients At Women's Hospital" episode.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Keeps Expanding

New Think Tank say they worry about widening gap between the wealthy and Think Tank employees.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Wheat Creamed

Wheat field creamed by sudden heavy hail storm. Cream of wheat now on sale at half price at local groceries.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

A Really Severe Case

Astronaut with severe hemorrhoids makes first US space landing while standing up.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Gifts For Guards

The ACLU is demanding that feeding prisoners day-old doughnuts is cruel and unusual punishment, so guards are free to take them home for their families.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Amy Winehouse, Humanitarian!

Amy Winehouse today received a special award from a family group, for providing so many reporters with enough weird news to feed their mates and children.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
Rating:

Earthquake in DC

Mild earthquake in the Washington, DC area caused one man to say that his bed seem to race across the floor but admits that he might have been drunk.

written by Bureau, 17 July 2010
« Jun 2010 July 2010 Aug 2010 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
1st
96
2nd
32
3rd
91
4th
100
5th
87
6th
97
7th
96
8th
81
9th
103
10th
70
11th
69
12th
127
13th
96
14th
114
15th
100
16th
85
17th
123
18th
97
19th
93
20th
68
21st
49
22nd
59
23rd
80
24th
66
25th
95
26th
68
27th
114
28th
87
29th
100
30th
97
31st
91
 

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