Order by:
Rating:

Claus In Court?

Mrs. Santa Claus has had it with hubby. "How would you like to Pole dance every night but one for 400 years?"

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

What Ya Got Inna Tank?

East Tennessee man, running his car on alcohol, pulled over by revenuers.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Man Only Can Do So Much

Workaholic dad complains that he not only lays on the sidewalk wearing dark glasses and selling pencils all day, twice a week he slips out in the dark & gathers coins out of fountains.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Off We Go!

Nagales, Arizona man sitting in lawn chair with beebee gun and being surrounded by helium-filled condoms shoots off into the wild blue yonder.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Regional Judge Issues Order

Mississippi regional judge has issued a "Keep Your Pie Hole Shat" order on big trial there.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Regis Announcement

Friends and family of Regis Philbin announced today that they had to have him put to sleep, yesterday at 7PM.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

What's Yer Hurry?

Drunken mother caught drinking, eating burger, talking on cell phone and breastfeeding while driving in Australia. Gets off with warning, free peek at breast.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

FBI/CIA Attempt To Share Records

FBI reassures the CIA that their computer systems cannot be hacked into should they begin to share their hotdogs, sauerkraut and underwear.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Kirstie Signs Contract

Kirstie Alley signs to do Mr. Kool Aid commercials if she can get into costume.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Close & Closer

Robots are narrowing the gap between themselves and humans, say several leading robots.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Wear A Wig

Senior at Butler High School in Arkansas blows chance of becoming Homecoming Queen after party leads to head-shaving.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Elvis Link To Lennon Murder

Following recent disclosures via the 30 year secrets rule from the UK and US governments it has emerged that Elvis sanctioned the murder of John Lennon following his meeting with Richard Nixon.

written by iscrivener, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Worn Off!

Having sex twice a day can reduce heart disease in men, the length of his penis by half, study reveals.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

High Society

Every British bank note is contaminated by cocaine within weeks of entering circulation "Sometimes before", snorts Treasury employee.


written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

There Will Be Changes

We will hand power to restrain unruly pupils back to the teachers, say Tories as they wash their hands in public!

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Angry Motorists

Motorists' anger as council charges them £150 to retrieve vehicles abandoned in the snow. "Wonder how much they would have charged to remove our frozen bodies?", asks one.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Windchill Saturday

Windchill Saturday: Icy blast makes Britain feel even colder as snow decimates sport and councils are told to ration their grit, porridge.


written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Sniffer Dogs Find "Bomb"

Armed police storm plane with sniffer dogs at Heathrow and arrest three after 'bomb threat' as one dog sniffs out copy of movie, "Miss March".

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Guards May Get Pistols

NJ airport video shows security guard leaving post. "He was supposed to keep that post with him at all times", says boss.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Food Has More Calories

Restaurant food has more calories than advertised. Kirstie, Aretha file suits.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Turner Bid Protested

Turner bid for Yellowstone bison draws protest. Picketers will set up around huge barbecue.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

We Were Right

Astronomers finally discover earth-like planet just before it explodes.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Pass A Few Around

Analysis: Obama's buck-stopping goes only so far. "He can't keep all the bucks in Washington", say opponents.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Completely Ignores Downside

President Barack Obama, eager to sign a health care overhaul bill into law, on Saturday highlighted the benefits for the 123rd time.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Abusing A Corpse?

Tennessee man found guilty of lesser charge in shooting death. To serve time to field-dressing victim who was accidentally shot by another deer hunter.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Montana Out?

'Hannah Montana' may be ending after next season. To be replaced by "The Miley Cyrus Show".

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

The Leno-O'Brien Shift

NBC stations would like to see Leno-O'Brien shift but thus far they have refused to dance.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Gay Marriage Defendant Quits

California gay marriage defendant wants out of case. Claims health problems. "I've been feeling a little queer lately."

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Taco Never Sold Well

Marvel sues to keep Spider-Man, X-Men copyrights but give up on Captain Taco!

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Two Air Disturbances

Unruly passengers cause 2 flights to change course. "Kept trying to join that mile-high club in the aisle", say one Captain.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Record Large-Mouth Bass Caught

Man ties record for biggest large-mouth bass. "Looks a lot like me mother-in-law", says fisherman.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Rare US Coin Sold

Rare coin fetches over £2.3 million in auction. Ironically, it is the wooden nickel no one would take during the 1930's and 1940's.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Just Saying Goodbye

Man arrested in Newark airport security breach says he was saying goodbye to girlfriend. Officers say he may now say goodbye until finishing prison term.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Bombers Confused

CIA bomber calls for attacks on US in video. Many bombers in Afghanistan say they don't even have cameras for a video.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Scots Plan Ahead

With the threat of flooding due to blocked drains with tonnes of grit the Scottish Environment Agency has sub contracted firms from England and Wales to keep the province free of floods!

written by iscrivener, 09 January 2010
Rating:

"Ood Dear"

Russell T Davies is the latest target to blame for the worst winter in decades. Until he writes out the Ood from the last series of Dr Who then the Ood have said they are here to stay, snow and all.

written by iscrivener, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Here's To You Mrs. Robinson

Disgraced Iris Robinson has announced she is to marry Dustin Hoffman in a desperate bid to recapture the thrill of taking a younger lover.

written by iscrivener, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Crashes to Ashes

While Scotland copes with the extreme weather the English Highways Agency has been given emergency powers to collect ashes from crematoriums to spread on untreated roads throughout England and Wales!

written by iscrivener, 09 January 2010
Rating:

The Week in Review:

Thursday: The Rapture. If you are reading this, we're sorry. You missed it.

written by Adam Click, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Man city sign Viera and Man U revitalise killer Keano, we can't wait!

Viera has flown into Man City vowing to kick the crap out of Man U, Sir Alex has offered Roy Keane a short term contract too, let the French - Irish battle begin. Keano is training with the SAS BTW!

written by Jaggedone, 09 January 2010
Rating:

British Police Drag CIA Man off airliner bound for Dubai

- as a professional courtesy; the CIA agent didn't want the gig.

written by Tcoah, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Kate Winslet in twosome

she's married, right?

written by Tcoah, 09 January 2010
Rating:

US seeks death penalty for unruly airline passenger

"He demanded an extra bag of peanuts," said a TSA spokesman, "and that is a capital offence under new counter-terror laws..."

written by Robin Berger, 09 January 2010
Rating:

"Darling warns of 'toughest cuts for 20 years'"

The Chancellor says UK men face severe cuts to their manhood, "We need to create openings for 16-18 year olds", said the Chancellor.

written by Tcoah, 09 January 2010
Rating:

President Obama is going down

to the shops

written by Tcoah, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Global Warming a Problem?

You bet, because we don't have enough of it right now. Brrrrr . . .

written by Gail Farrelly, 09 January 2010
Rating:

President Obama Attempts to Emphasize Jobs

He knows he may be in the market for one -- sooner than he thought.

written by Gail Farrelly, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Teenager Drivers Law Repealed

A new law in New Jersey forcing the state's teenager drivers to display a special sticker on the back of their car has been repealed. Too many old guy's in trench coats hanging around.

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Just Old Weird Harold Tentpeg

The Asheville, North Carolina Council Boy Scouts of American say they have become 99.5% Counselor molester free!

written by Bureau, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Climate change activist chipped off pavement

Prominent missing Climate Change activist Biolene Gullible was today found frozen to death in Trafalgar Square wearing a bikini,tragically still clutching a banner reading "We'll never see snow again"

written by jeremy griffiths, 09 January 2010
Rating:

Emergency call for more CO2

As the big freeze continues the EU today called for an increase in Carbon emmissions in order to combat Global cooling."For god's sake chuck some more coal on the fire" the directive urged.

written by jeremy griffiths, 09 January 2010
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