Order by:
Rating:

Cheetah sues Tarzan for physical abuse

Jungle spokesman says "No one explained to him what they really meant by spanking the monkey."

written by Jalapenoman, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Elvis spotted at Dunkin Donuts

Counterman Jerry Garcia and customer JFK insist that it wasn't really him.

written by Jalapenoman, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Taco Bell Reveals Secrets Behind Their New "Drive Thru Diet"

"The secret is that Jared and Subway were killing us, so we had to make up some crap that says our food was good for you."

written by Jalapenoman, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Photos At Paris Hilton Bikini Waxing Reveal She Isn't a True Blond

Paris says "So what if the curtains don't match the carpet, I'm ditzy enough, aren't I?"

written by Jalapenoman, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Discovered Hollywood Papers Reveal Michael Jackson Was to Star in "The Fly"

This movie was not a remake of the classic. It was about the zipper on a little boy's pants.

written by Jalapenoman, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut

An account from a German Army medic from the 1940's confirms the often rumored fact that Hitler had only one nut, and that was donated to him by Rommel.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Judge Starts Packing Own Gun Into Courtroom

The Judge, Mrs. Roya Bean, says its about time to get back to basic rule in the courts. Says from here on, death penalty verdicts will be carried out on the spot!

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Population Under Control?

Global population slowing down for the first time in history this past decade. Experts cite birth control, good old fashioned wars.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Double headed double agent missed by CIA in Afghan compound , BOOOM!

The CIA have cocked it up again this time a double headed double agent dressed as a cleaning lady in a Burkah and "Wellies" bamboozles them and blows up his rubber "wellies" for Allah, uugh!

written by Jaggedone, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Freaking Out, Off

Over 200 marijuana jumpers now since last week's announcement that munchies cause cancer!

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Dubai Tower of Death opened and they can't wait to JUMP

Corrupt bankers and financiers who caused the Dubai meltdown are being sent up (not to) the Tower for a free ride 800 metres above sea level for a quick chat with Allah and then they can JUMP!

written by Jaggedone, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Vatican Cracks Down Hard

Vatican: Church announces really tough policy on pedophilia and will crack down hard! Although, crack down hard could be better phrased.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

In Political Shocker, GOP Chairman Michael Steele Marries Nancy Pelosi!

The GOP Chairman stated "Our parties are now united in every meaningful way." and "She is the salt and I am the spice, now everything will be just like a rigged pair of dice.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Just Need To Learn How To Handle Things

American students lagging behind Europe on sex education. Visiting French teacher say they are ahead on weiner sizes.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Haing A Wrap Session

Three Egyptian mummies to appear on the Larry King Show tonight. Larry asked to move around a bit, wear colorful clothing so they'll know who's who.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

US Developes Smartass Bomb

Rumor: The United States has developed a Smartass Bomb that yells "Get Ready For The Afterlife!" immediately before it explodes.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Society Meeting Disappears

"The Flat Earth Society" meeting on cruise ship has suddenly disappeared. Pirates say they don't have it.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Mediums Getting Hotter By The Day

Clairvoyants now blaming slow access to the other world on global warming. "Chief Horse's Ass says that it's not the heat, it's the humidity."

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

We're With You Guys

"Divorce Lawyers For Gay Marriages" now say they also support priests that wish to marry.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Baby Boomers ARE Retiring

Many baby boomers have decided to retire after all. There has been many stories that they would have to keep working because of the low saving, large bills, but many retire to their parent's house.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Another Cost Cutting Move:

Under the new Health Care Reform Bill a person who used to be sent to "the hospital", will now be sent "to hospital". The ommission is expected to save thousands of dollars in ink costs per year.

written by Adam Click, 05 January 2010
Rating:

TSA Security Screeners Being Trained in Crotch Groping

Convicted sex offenders consulted to develop "best practices" manuals.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

U.S. Declares Chapter 7 Bankruptcy; Uses e-Bay to Auction Off War Machinery

Auctions off All Military Fighters and Sea-craft to Cheney, Clinton. Taxpayers now to be billed directly in lieu of taxes for wars. Largest Carrier renamed "H.M.S. Hillary".

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Icelanders Refuse to Pay Dutch Banker Boys for Their Follies and Failures

Demonstrating at least some people still have some common sense.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

New Evidence Suggests...

that the Underwear Bomber on flight 253 suffered from skid marks.

written by Adam Click, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Bob And Carol And Ted And Alice...

will have to take their clothes off before boarding a plane under proposed new flight rules. Mohammed and Ahkmar will not.

written by Adam Click, 05 January 2010
Rating:

New Reality Show!

New on FOX this Spring: Celebrity Dummy Car Crash Testers! Billy Joel, Tiger Woods, Paris Hilton already sign on.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Now Awaiting The Sequel

Avatar movie lines backed up out into the street and across parking lot since the night before, later tell reporter it was kind of silly, mostly for young kids.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Faked It 20 Years

Man arrested for posing as a psychiatrist for 20 years asks arresting officer, "And how do you feel about this?"

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Call Her Kitty

Single Mom regrets allowing small son to name the kitten as she hears him tell her date, "Mom almost lost "Little Pussy" last night.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

PE A Major Problem

Berkeley California study reveals that premature ejaculation a problem one in four men, four out of four women.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Look The Part

No offense towards Patch Adams, but survey reveals that most patients prefer doctors in white shirts, pants and not clown outfit with big feet.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Barrymore Seeing Things

Drunken Drew Barrymore still sees ET's brother DT, sometimes late at night.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Service With A Smell

Waitress bounces your servings on the table, spills wine and ignores your drink refills and then bounces while smiling over with your check. "Here you are, Sweetie!"

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Happy anniversary honey! What?

France will become the first country in the world to ban 'psychological violence' within marriage later this year. Hard of hearing couples begin packing.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Cannot Be Bought

Clegg warns Labour and Tories that Lib Dems 'will not be bought'. 'We can be influenced, however."




written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Those Manson Hearings

Charles Manson's annual hearing always brings back a more innocent time to mind for today's Baby Boomers.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Iran Issues Warning

Iran wars the U.S. to stay out of their affairs or they will need to change those old root cellars back to fallout shelters.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

We Were Wrong

Satellite images show evidence of Mars lakes, lifeguard chairs, when planet was thought to be frozen desert.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

May Be Needed Later

Think twice about that clear-out: Throwing out unwanted clutter, such as sleeping husband in chair with remote in hand, is a bad idea, say experts.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Bulbs Gone Out!

Bombarded by 200m eco-bulbs: Energy firms meet green targets with mass giveaway, and we all have to pick up the bill. "The bulbs have gone out from over their heads", states one recipient.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Young Attacks Moms

Desert Island Discs presenter Kirsty Young has launched a scathing attack on mothers who want to turn their children into 'baby Einsteins', contributors to The Spoof!

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Hundred Stricken

Cursed! Hundreds stricken as bug hits luxury liner three times in three weeks. "They should rename this 'The Shitliner", says one aboard.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Britain Hit Hard

White-out! Schools shut, roads closed, stiff upper lips frozen in place, and 3million workers stay at home as blizzards sweep across -12C Britain.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

No Seigfried & Roy Comeback

No comeback for Siegfried and Roy as Roy will spend full time trying to retrain Tiger Woods.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Google's Latest Gadget

Google poised to take wraps off new mobile phone that will run back home and make sure you turned the coffee pot off.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Strawberry Crab Discovered

New 'Strawberry' crab species found off Taiwan. Crab named after grouchy ex-Yankee baseball player.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Mesa Bankrupt

Mesa Air files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Judge wants to know if there really is a Mesa Air Line.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

New Updated Watch List

Watch lists grow; Obama to meet with security team. Saw YOUR name on it. What's up?

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

"Where I Was Born!"

South chilled by Arctic winds, record snow in East as Obama family headed back to Hawaii.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Men Still At It!

Dubai opens half-mile-high tower, world's tallest. Men strutting around after huge phallus symbol revealed!

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Simple Solution

Obama to announce new airline safety measures. "Anyone who wants to fly must wear a straight jacket."

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Decade Review

Review of the past decade: 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 and 2009.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Brain Injuries & Injuries Unconnected

Dr. Casson, a neurologist, has stuck to his position that there is no connection between football head injuries & brain disease. "Their brains have problems already or they'd never play football."

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Health Spending Down

US health spending slowed in 2008 as many couldn't affor to see a doctor.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

US Embasy Still Open

U.S. says Yemen raid allowed embassy opening, especially the clearing of al-Qaida training camp from bottom floor of the building.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Running Old Cars, Burning Tires On Purpose

South chilled by Arctic winds, record snow in East, leaving many wanting global to be speeded up!

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Rattlesnake Protection Except In DC

A new study suggests that a layer of denim offers at least some protection from rattlesnake bites. Health officials say to remember: "Denim Stops Venom!"

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Job Satisfaction Low

Americans' job satisfaction, especially those of window cleaners on high rises, falls to record low.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Hort Mysteries In Space

Planet-hunting telescope unearths hot mysteries in space, especially around Venus where the women come from.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Be Sure To Latch

Watch list grows as extra airline screening begins as screen doors placed inside instead of outside doors on planes.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Amy Winehouse to Perform without Face Mask on 47 City Tour

Shows now rated "R" to prevent sudden lethal shock syndrome on those less than 18 years of age.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Quitting Smoking May Raise Diabetes Risk

The study says up to 70% more likely to be specific. Bring on the unfiltered camel 100's ............Please!!

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Time Magazine: O'Bama Defaults to Bush Policies

It was that or join Michael Jackson for 2010 honors.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Christian Science Monitor: O'Bama Must Step on Yemen Carefully

Must make sure Al-Quaida can relocate before crushing military invasion and occupation.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Americans' Job Satisfaction Falls to All Time Low

To be expected as employment at fast food chains rises to 50% of workforce.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Scientists Create a See-through Goldfish, Its Brain Clearly Visible

In similar research, a see-through politician was created. No brain, not even a tiny one, could be seen.

written by Gail Farrelly, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Cheertoff Says Scanners Not Enough to Stop Terrorism

Is now implementing full cavity searches, prison style to locate explosive suppositories.

New TSA Job opportunities available now for people with large dexterous hands.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Turns out

that the man who went the wrong way through Newark airport 'security' was let through by the Secret Service.

written by Tcoah, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Study: Half of Americans Depresed, Get No Treatments

Number one treatment prescription:

Stop Watching Television.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Blagojevich Joins Cast on "Celebrity Liars"

To tell his greatest gubernatorial whoppers live!

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Clinton: Yemen Instability a "Global Threat"

Nation Building Project to follow.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Diet De-Mystified: Why We Overeat at McDonalds

Its 'cause the food is so darn good! Just ask Marlon Brando.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Monty: Woods will Never be the Same Threat

True. His babes will insist that he use a condom.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Clinton: Al-Quaida a "Global Threat"

Suggests solution is global nuclear war.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Trump Gets Good News

Doctors in New York City were able to give Donald Trump some good news this morning. That alien thing grown to the top of his head can be removed with minimal brain damage.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Regularly

Makers of new Bran/psyllium/prune flakes to take a long working vacation.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

The Terrible Twos

Ozzie Osbourne bites the head off of chicken as part of his new act with Alice Cooper, Circus Freaks.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

US/Russia Deal

The United States and Russia promise to reduce number of 'state's enemies' within their own countries.

written by Bureau, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Bankruptcy Filings Soar in 2009; Same Prediction for 2010

Time to sell Alaska back to Russia to square with the bookies. Perhaps with Palin as part of the package?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Footprints

A new university study reveals that elephants have a bigger Carbon footprint than mice!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 January 2010
Rating:

A New Boogie Man in Town

Mercury, global warming and now fructose may be the left wing's new Boogie Man. But wait the right wing's Boogie Man has been prayer in school, abortion, gay marriage and gays in the military.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Banks Add New Checking Account and Credit Card Fees

The new checking account fees will be the lesser of your maximum account balance for the month or the balance in your savings account. Credit Card fees will be quadrupled as of the 1st of the month.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
Rating:

Mental Wizzard Arenas to Pay Severely for Gun Incident

Basketball Commissioner says two butt slaps and a high five ought to do it.

Washington Wizards game ratings are up 144% since the locker room shootout.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 05 January 2010
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