Order by:
Rating:

Porn Star Shot in Head

A male porn star was shot in the head today at his Florida home. However, surgeons say that the man should pull through because the bullet missed his brain by a good 60 centimetres (2 feet).

written by IN SEINE, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Let Me Know when it Becomes "Critical"!

The UK terror threat has been raised from "substantial" to "severe" and is expected to last until the general election this year. Gordon Brown says it's not him. David Cameron says it's not him. SO IT MUST BE YOU!

written by IN SEINE, 23 January 2010
Rating:

The Ultimate Irony

It's ironic that hospitals can kill you. Britain's oldest working woman aged 102 died in hospital after being admitted to it for the first time in her life.

written by IN SEINE, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Asda's Top Banana!

A man bought some bananas at his local Asda store, but was shocked to find 2 in one skin.He was afraid to declare his find in case he was charged for the extra one. Asda say they are doing a buy one, get one free offer.

written by IN SEINE, 23 January 2010
Rating:

No basis in fact

that fried rats have enough protein to keep an average man going for a month or so.

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Absolutely no truth

to the rumour that Jamie Oliver's restaurants are serving nutritious food.

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

O'Bomba: " I'm Not Receiving Support From My Own Team"

Time to call the Head Coach. Who would that be by the way?

written by Richard DagNabbit, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Doesn't matter

John Connor (Terminator Salvation franchise so not a real person) put on Al Qaeda kill-list - he's #2 on the list, a civilian (Kyle Reese) is #1 on the list

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Saudi Arabia Claims Yemeni Rebels Are Connected to al-Quaida

and in return for that juicy information, the Saudi King would like a "get out of alQuaida connection" free card.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 23 January 2010
Rating:

In a momentary lapse of concentration baby went through airport

x-ray scanner - mother gave baby to father who was placing his laptop on the conveyor with baby next to laptop

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

"Bambi" born at Chesterfield Zoo turns out to be

an artificial antelope running a learning algorithm on a set of 64-bit DSP chips with wireless uploads from the Met Office's IBM Blue supercomputer.

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Silly Nations

do what Wales does under Welsh Assembly Government control.

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

"Expect the Unexpected"

Welsh Assembly Government actually implements a sensible policy decision

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Terror scare at Manchester Airport

when man attempts to swap his cuff-links for regular buttoned shirt

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

POP QUIZ #2

Jennifer Aniston has placed some eggs in liquid nitrogen storage so that: (1) she can have babies later or (2) she wants to feel she can have babies later

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

POP QUIZ

Jennifer Aniston never gets 'a bun in the oven' because:
(1) she dates men plagued with "early withdrawals" or (2) she never sleeps with them.

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Scotch Porridge Oats

don't die on an empty stomach

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

No Sir, no Sir, no Sir

Professor Richard Bonney is not entirely correct in his opinion that the reason for increasing the threat level is the pending arrival of Clinton in London

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Skoob Arrested for Posing as Online Swimsuit Model

Apparently was so good looking to Brit men, he (she) received $ 15,000 amongst other enticing tidbits of affection.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 23 January 2010
Rating:

US/Cuba Trading Again

Obama: US to begin importing cigars, sugar from Cuba. Exporting clunker cars turned in recently for new ones.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Bunch Of Liars

Iran says they are already making nuclear weapons. Obama: Liars! Thats's not what British/American intelligence is telling us!

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

We Want Him First!

PETA after the Miami Beach Killer as his lead-filled victims in the ocean has led to the loss of thousands of fish, crabs.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Meant Every Word

Clinton comments on his saying Obama running a fairy tale during presidential primary against Hillary. "I meant it as a good fairy tale like Cinderella, Rudolf the Red Nose aw shit, screw Obama!"

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

That Did It

Obama turns gray overnight after this week's defeats and hearing of Mother-In-Law interview with The Republican Enquirer when coming back from Ohio.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Peace From Obama

Obama brings peace between Toledo, Ohio neighbors Idi Ibrahim and Moshe Finestein, up for another Peace Prize.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

What is the Welsh Assembly Government Good For?

"Absolutely Nothing"

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Welsh Assembly Government

claims Bush is responsible for the poor state of the Welsh economy.

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Latest advice from Dept. of Home Security

never speak with your tail 'on display for the world to see'

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Don't tribble

or dribble if you find yourself 'in that situation'

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

American cops warned

not to eat doughnuts with exploding jam

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

"Life is like a popsicle"

"Just make sure it's not yours"

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

She Had Such A Crush On Him

21 stone woman kills father of her children after sitting on him during a row, not during sex as previously reported.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Dyson Congratulated

Dyson invents world's smallest vacuum cleaner that is so tiny it can sit on a bookshelf. Called "invention of the century" by those with small penis.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

That Should Teach Him

Husband of £43,000 boob job benefits cheat who faked death in Moscow to avoid jail, buried anyway.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Mother Confesses Fraud

The mother who sent healthy son to school in wheelchair in six-year scam for money, apparently caught after son in chair attacked by biting ants.


written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

"WTF"

Al Qaeda and their affiliates taking an interest in artificial things like life-like baby/sleeping toddler dolls, limbs attached to persons genuinely missing limbs etc etc

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Really Pissed

Revenge by billboard: Scorned lover pays £150,000 for street posters, local TV commercials, internet, mass mailings to reveal affair with Obama aide


written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

"1, 2, 3" .... 4?

Paltrow adds third "bricks and mortar" to their growing Magiera; growing concern that Paltrow is seeking world dominance

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Pain Pill Accidents

Pain pill risk to drivers after experts link codeine, taken with a shot of whiskey, to fatal road accidents


written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

"Hot" New Jobs

Nuke decommissioning jobs.

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Bad Neighborhood

Burglary victims attacked in their own home once every 30 minutes, decide to move.


written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Mark On Hand & Forehead

Britons will be 'forced to hand over NI number, date of birth and signature to get voting rights', rights to purchase food.


written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

"More balls than canned spaghetti meat balls"

"Ed Balls" - allegedly.

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Just As A Lesson

Unmanned drones similar to those used in Afghanistan are set to be used in Britain to spy on drivers, campaigners, agricultural thieves and fly-tippers. "A few blown up will set a good example.


written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

French Free Millionaire

Conman on the prowl: The Porsche-driving fraudster who stole more than £1m - but was freed by the French because their jails are full up with jaywalkers.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

"Simply the Best" President since January 2009

President Obama

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Blames Society Again

'Something deeply wrong in society': David Cameron blames torture case on Broken Britain. "no, say opponent, something deeply wrong with two little monsters.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

"Sponge Bob" on no-fly watch list

allegedly

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Jean Simmons "links to Al-Qaeda leaders"

"simply not true", that would be "Gene Simmons" - maybe, not sure, probably not so, definitely not so.

written by Tcoah, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Cat Dead

Bus-riding cat Casper killed in hit & run. Also a couple of human beings, I believe.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Ye Auld Hay Festival

Hay Festival in Cartagena for literature lovers also apparently for other types of lovers.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Probably Strokes

Experts: Sitting too much could be deadly. Thirteen deaths reported last year from lap dancing alone.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Astronauts Get Internet

Astronauts finally get Internet access in space. Make their own floating nude video. Look for release in fall.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Just Like 1930's

Silvio Berlusconi is moving to extend his grip on Italy's media to the freewheeling Internet world of Google and YouTube as offices torn down, workers led away.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Mars Lander Upset

NASA finally receives word from Phoenix Mars lander, but not printable. Apparently it's upset over being stuck.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Minnesota Politics A Circus

Black bear on Internet gives birth to cub in Minnesota. Could be their next elected official, following elections of wrestler and clown.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Everythings Coming Up Sunflowers!

A $10.5 million research project aimed at mapping the DNA sequence of sunflowers could one day yield a towering new variety for food, fuel & flat face smiling people.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

W.H. Fights For Bernanke

White House fights for Bernanke support in Senate. Which means he may as well start packing.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

The Obama Scramble

Obama scrambles to revive economic optimism. "First of all, the White House needs a makeover!" Everyone agrees with that.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Pope Urges Priests

Pope Benedict XVI has a new commandment for priests struggling to get their message across: "Go forth and blog. Also twitter whatever that may be."

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Rain Over?

Storm: Arizonans dry out, Californians head home and throw away old "Singing In The Rain" videos.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Lousy Democrats

Democrats hope to recover from a lousy week by first of all, shaving their heads and beards.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

We're The Supremes

Obama blasts Supreme Court campaign finance ruling. Judges say "Lump it! Place it up your wazzoo & dump it!"

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Congressman Runs Against McCain

Former Arizona congressman plans run against McCain, Cites Senator's choice of Sarah Palin as VP running mate.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Time Flew By

Conan O'Brien ends run on 'Tonight' show after a full and satisfying 7 months.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Family Contradict One Another

Balloon boy mom's interviews contradict husband, balloon boy. Could be a TV Show here yet.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Jean Simmons Dies At 80

'Guys and Dolls' actress Jean Simmons, who sang with Marlon Brando, survives until 80 years old.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Stubborn Until Next Elections

Top Democrats: We will push ahead with health care, even if nobody wants it.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Biden Taking The Lead

United States Marines end role in Iraq; Joe Biden in Baghdad as he is expert in early withdrawals.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Mad Obama

Obama blasts Supreme Court campaign finance ruling, Brown being elected Senator, Banks, Mother In Law.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Doubulation Revelation 2.0

Adam Lambert acknowledges he "might not be gay" while Rosie O'Donnell admits she "has a dick."

See upcoming "Whoa Dilly!" O'Reilly Factor Special Edition.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Secret Polansky Deal in the Works?

Judge Says Rapist Must Return for Sentencing." Polansky purchases round trip ticket for same day flights.

"Its in the bag"

written by Richard DagNabbit, 23 January 2010
Rating:

What is the esiest way to Rebuild Haiti?

Let's see... Hillary Clinton "Nation Building Fund" + Halliburton/Brown & Root construction contracts + U.S. Federal Government Contracting & Purchasing, then just send the U.S. taxpayers the bill.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Burger King Changing with the Times

Adding beer to menu so "to go" customers can have a whopper of a buzz while operating as King of the road.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 23 January 2010
Rating:

A New Study Suggests:

that a human being is capable of reaching speeds up to 40 MPH. Especially if that person is being pursued by someone touting health care reform.

written by Adam Click, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Research shows Human COULD Run 40 MPH

Wait a minute. Already Conan O'Brien is running faster than that -- away from NBC.

written by Gail Farrelly, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Contents of First Live Tweet from Outer Space Revealed

"Got milk?"

written by Gail Farrelly, 23 January 2010
Rating:

It's a bird, It's a Plane. . .

. . . No. It's the first live tweet from outer space!

written by Gail Farrelly, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Spencer Pratt Says He's Not in Charge of Wife Heidi's Body

Right. That would be -- her plastic surgeon!

written by Gail Farrelly, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke Tries to Hang Onto His Job

"But I'm Time Magazine's Person of the Year," he protests. "Good, then work for them," a non-admirer suggests.

written by Gail Farrelly, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Who Will Protect Earth from Killer Asteroids?

A NASA spokesman says, "We're from the government, and we're here to help . . . ."

written by Gail Farrelly, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Another Yogi Berra

George W. Bush says that he didn't follow VP Cheney's advice during his second term. "That shot in the face was like cold water in my face", stated the former president.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

O'Bomba to Focus on Economy

Signs up at local college for Home Economics 101

written by Richard DagNabbit, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Edwards Admits He's Baby's Father

John Edwards finally admits that the baby is his and says he's so ashamed that he cannot look at himself in the mirror. Still, he somehow senses that he needs a $300 haircut.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

The Mexican Time Machine

Mexican scientists say they have discovered a time machine in Mexico. It's tequila. One minute you're having a drink, the next it's three days later and you're in a dumpster with no billfold.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Perfect Match

Lindsay Lohan happy after signing long term contract doing those commercials for Cocoa Puffs!

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Jsut Lies There

Friends of Michael Jackson say that Jackson still not doing well.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

NASCAR Scandal

NASCAR Scandal as Dale Earnhardt Jr, Jeff Gordon and Danica Patrick all test positive for Speed.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Back To Normal After Study

Study: Temporary Twitter shutdown improves productivity 50%, decreases auto accidents 15%.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Could Have Been Worse

Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler says that all that saved him during his fall from the stage last year was his landing on his mouth.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Hillary Clinton Packs and then Unpacks for Trip to U.N.

Apparently thought headlines stating "Queen to Address U.N." were referencing herself.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Why You Should be Thrilled as O'Bomba Sinks the U.S.

'Cause the Republicans will be back in soon and "make it all better"

written by Richard DagNabbit, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Senators Schocked to Find Out the Truth about Bernanke and the Federal Reserve

Most actually believed that Bernanke is "appointed" by elected representatives; the "Fed" is a government agency and the "Reserve" is a stash vintage bottles of Henry Weinhard's Private Reserve.

written by Richard DagNabbit, 23 January 2010
Rating:

How's That Again?

Study shows that 1 in 40 Americans are at least 100 pounds overweight. 1 in 100 at least 40 pounds overweight. Study done by former Florida vote ballot counters.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Unlike The Real Thing

Restaurant owner says he can't get use to robot fish in his restaurant's huge aquarium. "All they do is swim back and forth."

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Toot! Toot!

House leader Nancy Pelosi loses eyebrow during the night, will shoot the first "Popeye" reference.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
Rating:

Get The Lead Out

News that women's handbags contain dangerous lead no surprise to husbands who get hit by the things.

written by Bureau, 23 January 2010
« Dec 2009 January 2010 Feb 2010 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
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88
2nd
66
3rd
63
4th
90
5th
84
6th
67
7th
87
8th
73
9th
51
10th
90
11th
83
12th
98
13th
80
14th
70
15th
91
16th
57
17th
63
18th
83
19th
95
20th
117
21st
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22nd
76
23rd
97
24th
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25th
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26th
95
27th
117
28th
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29th
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30th
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31st
144

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