Spoof news snippets from Friday 5 February 2010
She looks after snotty kids
Mary Poppins = Pappy Minors
This frock's not uplifting
Russell Brand = Null Bra Dress
Former head of the KGB?
Russell Brand = Ran Reds' Bulls***
Eveningwear on the catwalk
Russell Brand = Ball Dress Run
Probably on eBay
Russell Brand = Sells Drab Urn
Now about those little jibes...
Russell Brand = Re: Bland Slurs
Misting over that loudmouthed defamation?
Russell Brand = Blurs Slander
Stop the Presses !
I just allway's wanted to say that ! You didn't have to actually stop the Presses !
I was going to write something for the Marine Corps "Green Machine," since they all ready have enough of " Gomer's Piles," for their " Stars and Stripes," that I have to shovel manure on Spoof !
B-52's Cold War Peace Keeper's
You've all heard of the B-52's with songs like " Love Shack ?" Well if I was a B-52,my song would be " Out House !"
Army Air Corps B-17
If I was in the Air Force as an Ace Fighter Pilot as 'Officer in Charge of the Latrine's,' my title would be " Colonel of the Urinal's," a real angel !
Captain Cabin Boy
If I was a sailor in the Navy I could be the Cabin Boy, (Officer in Charge of the Latrines )!
Don'tcha think I'm sexy?
Tom Cruise = I, Mr So Cute
Tom Cruise = I Core Smut
Obama's Senate Seat Up for Sale !
I hear President's old Senate Seat is up for sale ? Like "George Washington's Slept Here," to rent a hotel the President should try " B.O. Farted Here," as well ! "He rode a Blazzing Saddle !
Damn vermin make us decompose!
Tom Cruise = Mice Rot Us
Regret tacky TV comedy
Tom Cruise = Rue Sitcom
Teensy beef dripping
Tom Cruise = Micro Suet
Tom Cruise = Moist Cure
He's a sexy number!
Tom Cruise = Erotic Sum
Pest control's in charge!
Tom Cruise = Routs Mice
Tom Cruise = Ice Tumors
The Russian F22 will
not make a grown man whine, not unless he's President Obama
While one will come out on top?
The American F22 or the Russian F22 clone?
The Russian F22 - why? Because they will build hundreds more of them.
Just Like TV Stations
Old guy in long trench coat in park tells police that he was trying to capture the youth market.
Bruin or Trojan ?
After telling an UCLA fan that I preferred KUSC Classic Radio to his Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll he became very angry with me since it was he who showed me Spoof's Univeristy of Horse Manure ?
Nick Clegg and the story of the Little Red Riding Hood
I will count to three and will blow your house down and/or set fire to your greenhouse.
It's nearly always best
to marry someone rich, but if you are rich the rule is optional.
Hemetwood a city in Riverside celebrates it's 100th birthday with song's like the " Star Spangled Banner," by Dan Damon, and " Springtime for Hemet and Riverside," by some Dork named Cork !
Not Closing The Gap
US Military Chief says US way ahead on technology such as unmanned drones but woefully behind in suicide bombers.
The Cop turned to the 20 something "pretty woman"
and whispered something into her ear. The girl young woman back and pulled out an apple and smashed it as hard as she could onto the cop's bald shiny head - hence the term "Copper Plated".
Nothing lowdown cock here...
Nicole Kidman = No Menial Dick
Pig's got nits!!
Nicole Kidman = Oink! Damn Lice
Once upon a time there were three bunnies
GB, DC and NC - not Great Britain, District of Columbia (i.e., Washington, DC) or North Carolina. Just Gordon Brown, David Cameron and Nicholas Cage not Clegg.
Had sex with furry beast
Nicole Kidman = Once Laid Mink
heard lightning while its snowing? Spoofer Tcoah just did.
Fond of the old crook
Nicole Kidman = I Liked Conman
found orbiting Mars - aliens made "it happen".
Livingstone's bipolar about the open air pool
Nicole Kidman = Manic Lido Ken
KGB - 'wants to know' - 'don't u know'
the feeding and sexual peccadilloes not of you, but of your neighbours ...
She ain't the evil type
Nicole Kidman = No Kind Malice
"Retail Experience" - "how was yours?"
MOD Admiral found wandering in his pajamas wearing socks with a bobble hat, and a blank expression on his face shopping in Tesco.
No Balloon Payments
Despite some being legally back on the market, cosmetic surgeons say that breast implant sales are flat.
Find her in a wandering moose!
Nicole Kidman = In Nomadic Elk
Family's into citrus LSD
Nicole Kidman = Lemon Acid Kin
"Secrets Leaked Onto The Internet"
Gordon Brown whines like a kangaroo; Norman Lamont and Cherie Blair hate each other ("who knew"); Trident subs fire blanks ("didn't see that coming"); new Type 42 destroyer can't brew a decent cuppa
Friar's into LSD
Nicole Kidman = Acid Line Monk
"Wasn't A Gun"
Detainees at Guantanamo still cannot convince public that they were each shot in the face.
Pity there's no doctor in the family...
Nicole Kidman = No Medical Kin
Her metallic world
Nicole Kidman = Nickel Domain
Nicole Kidman = Lacked Minion
Satan's in her oven!!
Nicole Kidman = Daemonic Kiln
Connected to some funny guy
Nicole Kidman = Comedian Link
Her pet name's crude
Nicole Kidman = Nicknamed Oil
First Annual Reunion A Blowout!
Report from Islamabad, Afghanistan: Suicide Bombers reunion has a disappointing turnout.
Freezing her butt off?
Susan Boyle = Yon Blue Ass
Any slut will do
Susan Boyle = Use Any Slob
What a lazy asshole!
Susan Boyle = Ye Slob Anus
The fish was off this Christmas!
Susan Boyle = No Yule Bass
Hubble finds that of the two moons of Mars, one is only a quarter moon.
Susan Boyle is innocent, OK??
Susan Boyle = No Sly Abuse
She pays for classes
Susan Boyle = Buy A Lesson
Susan Boyle = US baloney
Got a shirt for our Sue?
Susan Boyle = Any Blouses
What's That Sound?
Paranoia reportedly on the rise according to..you know..Them!
She's a nervous mess
Susan Boyle = Uneasy Slob
Only an erotic lad will do for our Sue
Susan Boyle = Sensual Boy
Blames Heinz for flatulence
Susan Boyle = Lousy Beans
Like Little Lambs
President Obama in a rage after team of con artists talk congressional committee into $1 trillion bailout.
England coach cuts down cult enemy!
Fabio Capello = I Lop Cabal Foe
Pus-filled zit's a right gem!
Fabio Capello = Face Boil Opal
Thwarts competent Godfather
Fabio Capello = Foil Able Capo
Henhouse pixie's oral
fabio Capellon = Labia Coop Elf
England coach's gay cult porkies
Fabio Capello = Poof Cabal Lie
England coach is a slippery character
Fabio Capello = Capable of Oil
Four-eyes Warsaw ref?
Fabio Capello = A Bifocal Pole
No dummy pills for England coach
Fabio Capello = Foil A Placebo
Chase Ends After Running Out Of Gas
Police in Maggoty, Arkansas chase speeding driver at 120MPH, both of them in a Toyota and both yelling on the phones.
Hid Inside 1,000 Speeches
Republicans accuse President Obama of hiding weapons of nuclear welfare!
Capello dumps Terry and hires the first GAY England captain!
Sick of sex-scandals, England boss Capello has hired the first GAY England soccer captain. He feels that his sex-hungry superstars must be controlled and unleashing a GAY in the showers, WELL!!!
This Is From A Curse
The head of the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission says the radiation from the Three Mile Island nuclear power plant is not significant. That his having balls the size of coconuts came from elsewhere.
Size Of Coco Nuts
Pope Benedict XVI says that ten arrested Baptists in Haiti were trying to take over the country. Asks voodoo chief to return his balls to normal size.
Polanski Does A Stretch
Roman Polanski, still under house arrest, allowed to come out and stretch his legs.
Arkansas Organizes "Nader's Taters!"
Ralph Nader really serious about 2012. Say voters will see a different side of him in the next two years. Asks to be called "Darth Nader".
Based On Bull Moose Party
Many in GOP say that former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin may lead a united Tea Party by forming The Polar Party.
Britain is flat BROKE
Latest UK financial news aint looking good, the whole place is bankrupt including Grannies who have too pawn their hot water bottles and the Government who are sinking in their own crap!
Obama Wanted Boomers Gone
People attending Freedom Party rally say that Obama's healthcare bill would have placed all the "Old Farts" in the past, if passed. Guest speakers are Sarah Palin & Boomer Esiason
Air Marshalls Report Cronyism, Chaos
They must have been reporting from Spoofington, N.Y.
Opinion: O'Bomba Must Pull HIs Party into Line
Actually the GOP has already done that!
Only 100,000 Betters, All From Arkansas
Oddsmakers in the US and Briton offer $1 Billion against $10 against the earth being destroyed by nuclear warfare.
Good Time For A Break
TV executives announce that the week of June seven will be declared "No Awards Show Week".
Les Paul Still At It
Music heard from the clouds over the grave of guitar legend Les Paul, sounds like a new type of harp.
Ten Still In Jail
Ten Baptists being held in jail in Haiti encouraged by the release of 20 Hare Krishnas allowed to leave airport and go home.
Thinning The Ranks
The United States having a hard time keeping up over two million prisoners. May place a few detainees in each prison to sort them out.
Geraldo Shoot Shot
Geraldo Rivera, back from trying to locate and do show revealing VP Cheney's Undisclosed Location, staggers back after being shot in the face.
"I Blow Him Up"
Al Gore in Haiti encounters voodoo leader saying people there are adding to global warming by building many outdoor fires, goes home with balls the size of coconuts.
"I Blow Them Up!"
Al-Qaida hoping to stir up unrest in Haiti encounters voodoo leader, go home with balls the size of coconuts.
Hoover Helps Haita
Hoover, Electrolux helping in Haiti. Hope to later fill the vacuum in power there.
She Was Awesome
'Striking' feathered dinosaur resembled 'exotic chicken', scientists reveal following fossil discovery of a big tooth.
Flash In The Sky
Fireball lights up the Irish sky as 'extremely rare' "meteorite" falls to the Earth at 100,000mph. Searcher hunt around the O'Kent farm.
Six Times Alcohol Limit
UK's drunkest driver who was six times over the limit and driving from the back seat is jailed. Claims his brakes didn't work, plans to sue Toyota.
Five-minute YouTube apology from Toyota boss as first of 1500 lawsuits filed so far over faulty pedal recall as other Toyota buyers at home stomping pedals to death.
24-hour drinking is cut to 21 hours: Law to shut bars should help those who want to go take a leak, go home and change soiled clothing.
Police question global warming 'sceptic' scientist over 'Climategate' email leak in effort to "kill the messenger".
Camel Burgers Now Being Served
Camel burger newest "healthy" option on Dubai menu, joins last year's hump roast.
Lifeguard To The Rescue
Lifeguard describes rescue of shark attack victim. "I poked him in the eye like we're told to do. Then I hit him in the face with a pie."
US Goverment Taking Over
US Government moving into central role in health care, everything else.
Ancient dinosaur had stripes, researchers say, also stars on those on North American Continent.
Have A Cold One?
Explorers' century-old whiskey found in Antarctic. May be offered on eBay as world's oldest Scotch on the Rocks.
Scott Brown takes Kennedy seat in Senate, asks Republicans "What can Brown do for you?"
Bomb Suspect Talks
Law official: Airline bomb suspect flips on cleric. "We only used a dripping faucet", say jailers.
Bankers Appear Before Congress
Bankers try to put a better farce before Congress. I'm sorry, that should be "put a better face before congress."
Growth In The Pastry, Coffee Department
Washington cities clamp down on bikini baristas as near nude ladies serving has made hundreds of thousands fat as pigs.
Snow bears down on DC as Mid-Atlantic region preps. Al Gore points out that Snow Bears should not be this far south and global warming has them mixed up.
New Ketchup Packet
New ketchup packet allows for dunking or squeezing, for those who love it on their doughnuts or in their coffee.
They Did It!
Job losses from Great Recession about to get worse as politicians rush to point their fingers at each other.
Pluto Still Trying
Hubble sees Pluto changing color, ice sheet cover in trying to once again become a planet.
Obama Still Speaking
Obama to help commemorate 7 slain CIA employees today after speaking on all news programs except FOX, show up at several televised sports events & kid cartoon shows plus your cousin Chester's wedding.
Toyota's chief apologizes for global recalls and that we finally got caught.
The CIA announced today that waterboarding and other controversial measures will be replaced by forcing terrorists captured to watch National Public Radio fund raisers. DooWop and Roy Orbison lives.
NBC Announces New Show
Furor over the Tonight Show driving viewer numbers further down, the network announced a more diverse offering for the coming year. An example, A Down Home Country Christmas With Louis Farrakhan.
VP Biden's Double Fired
The Vice President's look alike was fired this afternoon after he gave a speech without once trying to shove his head up his ass, effectively "blowing his cover".
Nicholas Parsons changes his name
After joining his local nudist club Nicholas Parsons
changed his name by deed poll to Nickerless Persons
Tesco Forced to Change Their Slogan
Tesco have been forced to change their advertising slogan from "every little helps" to "very little helps" after banning a glamour model for wearing a designer tracksuit.
UK Auditor: Politicans to Re-Pay Over $1.6M in Bogus Expense Claims
Must have caught the "Fraudster1A" virus from U.S. Politicians
Lawyer: Jackson Doctor to Surrender Friday
Jackson Doctor: Like Hell I Am
14 Years of Japanese Whaling "Research" Not Complete
Whalers say "Ongoing Taste Testing Research Inconclusive, More Whales Needed."
"Precious" Movie Star Gabourey Sidibe Denies Nude Pics Rumor
Let us pray.
Sandra Bullock Poised to Win Her Frist Oscar
Madonna in interview says "she's not that cute."
Talent Madonna, Talent.
TeaParty Convention Begin in Nashville
FBI taking down license plates and using cams to photo all participants.
Looks like the Palin decoy worked. Time to drop the net.
Firm to Pay $ 200K for Importing Bin Laden's Toys
Included were toy suicide bombs with Winnie the Pooh Graphics.
Queen Mudder Writing Small Snippets
Very small. Like this one.
O'Bomba Shows Up Headling Big Dem Fundraiser
Raised more pocket change than anything. Big donors gave rolled coin.
Republican Response Rambling, Incoherent, Liberals Say.
"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem."
Toyota Apology Letter Recalled
Toyota's open letter to it's customers,apologizing for the recall of it's entire product line,has been recalled after several customers lost control while reading it.They promise a safer letter soon.
Blame Game Simplified
Obama administration issues an internet form to speed up blaming Republicans for everything. True believers only need to fill in The REPUBLICANS did_________, and forward it to DEM party headquarters.
Revelations of a Politician
House Speaker Pelosi says "She is shocked to find that President Obama is a big spending, rabid environmentalist, open borders advocate, I know what's good for you, far left wing liberal, like me!"
Chris Mattress announced that "he didn't realize that House Speaker Pelosi was a woman until she jumped up and down 32 times during the president's state of the union address."
Khara, Khara, Khara
Saudi Arabia's Culture Minister announced today that Arabs are the lost tribe of Israel. Iranian pretender President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was overheard saying "khara, khara, khara!"
Frankly My Dear
Frank the fallible fumbler facilitated fracturing Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac financially, frustrating families to frantically freak, folks finally furiously forwarding the fiendish fellow to Fiji!
Congratulations to Democratic Loony Left Liberals
You have succeeded in doing something President George W Bush prevented from happening in seven years. Homeland Security has predicted a terrorist attack on the USA in the next three to six months.
A Real Snow Job
Washington DC is in the path of a winter storm that may dump two feet of snow. The storm would shut down the Capitol making children happy and taxpayers overjoyed that Congress will not be in session.
Some Things Remain the Same
LONE RANGER: Obama says AIG millions of dollar big bonuses are not good! TONTO: House Speaker Pelosi says millions of dollars for going to Copenhagen good! Washington still speaks with forked tongue!
It's Called Murder
Iraq, Pakistan & Afghanistan must realize homicide bombers blowing up pregnant women/children in markets & burning girl's schools are called murderers & the deeds are not blameless religious events.
EPA sues all US environmental organizations, via a class action law suit, charging these groups are polluting the air and water with their environmental bullshit!
O'Bomba Calls for Surrender Talks
GOP, with flanking Pentagon and Supreme Court Divisions Rolling towards White House demands "Full and Unconditional Surrender." Dems speechless, wondering how this could happen.
Gold Is Third Commodity
World markets rally as gold hits new record high. Experts agree that in an uncertain economy, gold your third best investment. Right after food and water.
Economy Subject To Shocks
World economy still 'highly vulnerable' to shocks, warns IMF chief. "Let's say a sun flare set computers off that launch the nuclear weapons. That could be one big mess."
Plumber attacked after opening bedroom door to complain that he couldn't hear his "snake" going through the line with all the loud sex going on.
"Remember That Time?"
Rom Houben, trapped in a 23-year 'coma' was conscious all along and came out of it last year, doing very well off everything everyone said and did around him when they thought he wouldn't know.
Death row inmate chooses
death by Toyota over death by injection
Death Row Inmates offered reprieve if they
test drive Toyota cars after brake fix - civil rights groups complain
Toyota declares itself illegal
And sells itself for a song to the Lada car company
Sarah Palin's Outrage Retraction
Upon hearing Rahm Emanuel's offensive comments were directed at liberal democrats, she told reporters "Well never mind then. They ARE F-ing retards!"
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