Order by:
Rating:

Bishop "Stole Own Cummerbund"

The Bishop of Ballybutton, one Mick Flanagan, of Goole, was arrested last night for stealing an 18th-century cummerbund belonging to the Bishop of Ballybutton.

written by Erskin Quint, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Walliams Cross

Cross-dressing comic cross-channel swimming actor David Walliams got very cross yesterday when his 'noughty' nephew beat him at noughts and crosses.

written by Erskin Quint, 17 February 2010
Rating:

First Quarter Down?

Economists predict first quarter losses as year gets off to a rough start in Afghanistan.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Robbie Williams a Hit at the Brits

Ageing former pop singer Robbie Williams won an award for being an ageing former pop singer winning a Brit Award at the Brit Awards last night. Williams won the award at the Brit Awards last night.

written by Erskin Quint, 17 February 2010
Rating:

She Dumped Me, Judge

Man who spent thousands on girlfriend suing her in court over "illegal dumping".

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

How's That Again

Nursery assistant in Boston who cried rape is jailed for four months because 'she made genuine liars appear to look innocent', rules judge.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

"Shrove Tuesday Not What It Was" Claims Stroud Woman.

Shrove Tuesday is not what it used to be, claims Mrs Eleanor Buckle of Stroud. In a letter to The People's Friend magazine, Mrs Buckle, of Stroud, claims that Shrove Tuesday is no longer what it was. 'Shrove Tuesday is not what it used to be' writes Mrs Buckle in a letter to The People's Friend.

written by Erskin Quint, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Biathlon Athlete Apologizes

A biathlon athlete apologizes for not realizing the rifle was not for shooting other skiers. Commented the athlete, "I seriously thought it was a paintball gun, and a last-man-standing format."

written by Nik Voelz, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Renta-pussy OK?

Jennifer Aniston = Join Fannies Rent

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Totally off the wall

Mardi Gras = Mad Rag Sir?

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Surprised School Inspection

Lawmakers doing probe of E. coli and school lunches find kitchens with cobwebs on top stack of dishes, kid playing with himself in walk-in cooler, weapons of mass destruction.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Planet in tow

Mardi Gras = I Drag Mars

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Nothing damp about this coke stash

Mardi Gras = Arid Grams

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Gay carnival for UAE princelings

Mardi Gras = Drag Amirs

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Fat Hitting Clowns

Thirty Nine clowns stuck in clown car come before congress asking for a bail out.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Politically Correct

PC brigade ban police from saying 'gang rape' as it is 'too emotive' Instead, use "penis crowd gathers".

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Blame lousy suspension for this one

The Vatican = Van Tit Ache

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Implied retreat

The Vatican = Tacit Haven

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Mumbo jumbo only spoken here

The Vatican = Native Chat

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Bleedin cheek!

The Vatican = Attach Vein

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Marching orders

The Vatican = Vacate Hint

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Feeble excuse

The Vatican = Thin Caveat

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Tough-skinned beast

Sophia Loren = A Pole's Rhino

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Classy puss!

Sophia Loren = A Posher Lion

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Jail cell?

Sophia Loren = A Prison Hole

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Opiate dregs

Sophia Loren = A Heroin Slop

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Axis of evil nation's a lot falser

Sophia Loren = Phonier Laos

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Falsies here?

Sophia Loren = Oral Phonies


written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Prying eyes...

Sophia Loren = Hail, Snooper

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Nuts about these chox

Sohpia Loren - Ooh, Pralines

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

True or Spoof?

Which is true? Justin - son of "The Million Dollar Man" or Greece is going 'belly up'?

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Innovative surgery needed

Sophia Loren = Hernia Loops

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Cleft palate trouble?

Sophia Loren = Harelip Soon

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

President Shoveling It, Alright

Obama says stimulus package is working. "Just look at all those part time jobs in the snow shoveling sector.!"

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Take the stand!

Elizabeth Taylor = Oath Zeal Liberty

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Don't buy your cappucino here!

Elizabeth Taylor = Hazy Latte Boiler

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

She's a drinking song!

Elizabeth Taylor = Hazy Ale Libretto

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Kinda pecan pact zit?

Elizabeth Taylor = Hazel Treaty Boil

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Admit To Few Mistakes

CONGRESS INCUMBENTS HIT HISTORIC LOWS IN POLLS! Reid & Pelosi called "The Boobsy Twins".

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Dentist's dream!

Elizabeth Taylor = Loathe Lazy Biter

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Marathon shagging queen

Elizabeth Taylpor = Royal Athlete Biz

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Sasquatch hates stripey jackets!

Elizabeth Taylor = Blazer-Loath Yeti

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Bigazzi Cousin To Hannibal?

Celebrity chef Beppe Bigazzi upsets viewers with his cat casserole, kid knee pie.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Oh, poo!

Elizabeth Taylor = Lazy Rehab Toilet

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Tales Of Toyota

TOYOTA faces class-action problem; Claims could reach $3.6 billion. Will pay more if you'll accept the American dollar.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Drowning In Debt

Drowning in Debt: What the Nation's Budget Woes Mean for You, your family and which barracks you will be occupying after home sold.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Get a lungful, missus!

Elizabeth Taylor = Breathe Lazy Toil

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Warsaw hooker's tariff

Elizabeth Tayklor = Labia? Three Zloty

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

The Fuherer's hot plaything?

Elizabeth Taylor = Hitler Toy Ablaze

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Blame the pus

Elizabeth Taylor = Zit Hole Betrayal

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

No shrinking violet

Elizabeth Taylor = A Blithe Zealotry

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Love that crazy Polish currency!

Elizabeth Taylor = A Heritable Zloty

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

She's on the wagon - just!

Elizabeth Taylor = Breathalyze Toil

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Goodguy grabs the headlines

Horoscope = Scoop Hero

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Divination by cadaver?

Horoscope = Ooh, Corpse

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Has Special Odometer Showing 50 Miles

Electric cars are going to appear in showrooms any day now. Car makers say they'll be able to go up to 150 miles on a single charge, provided that you park & crank the lever in front every 50 miles.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Poverty of choice

Horoscope = Chose Poor

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Mutt butt divination?

Horoscope = Or Pooches

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Crapomancy?

Horoscope = Sore Pooch

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Wild Scene

A wild scene at the end of the dog show in Madison Square Garden yesterday as the dogs went bonkers over the dropped confetti and the women went wild over the two muscle-bound janitors.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Groovy, baby!

Capitol Hill = I Call Hip Lot

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Mortal coil gone wrong?

Capitol Hill = Ill Path Coil

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

No hanging chads here...

Capitol Hill = Ha! Licit Poll

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

No denying the Halliburton patronage

Capitol Hill = Oil Pact Hill

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Runs on caffeine tabs

Capitol Hill = Cola Hit Pill

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Hotlips Hoolihan?

Capitol Hill - Lilac Hot Lip

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Licence to print money!

Capitol Hill = Oil Chap Till

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Turn it over to growing jalapenos!

Capitol Hill = A Chilli Plot

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Always suspected it was a handjob!

Capitol Hill = Phallic Toil

written by queen mudder, 17 February 2010
Rating:

China has Wormhole 'scatter gun'

generates millions of tiny itty bitty goodie wormholes of one or two microns in diameter to controllably alter the weather.

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

"IMPEACH OBAMA"

"About time."

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

The Latest From American Idol

Ryan Seacrest's expense accounts being audited to see why 95% of his money is spent at beauticians.

written by Jalapenoman, 17 February 2010
Rating:

The Latest From American Idol

Randy Jackson insists that this year, he wants a contestant to actually "sing the phone book."

written by Jalapenoman, 17 February 2010
Rating:

The Latest From American Idol

Paula Abdul's role will be missed this season. None of the judges have decided who will come to the tapings drunk.

written by Jalapenoman, 17 February 2010
Rating:

The Latest From American Idol

Ellen Degeneres announces "just because I'm the shows token dyke doesn't mean that we can't have Lesbo contestants too."

written by Jalapenoman, 17 February 2010
Rating:

The Latest From American Idol

"Vote for the Worst" announces that Adam Lambert won't be eligibile this year, even though he broke all their records last year.

written by Jalapenoman, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Honda Recall

Japanese recall all Honda personal robots after being sued by 22 new eunuchs.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

The Latest From American Idol

Ryan Seacrest's laryangitis cuts show from two hours to fifteen minutes

written by Jalapenoman, 17 February 2010
Rating:

The Latest From American Idol

When man in Arkansas asks "who gives a rat's ass about this show?", most local viewers mail in rat asses.

written by Jalapenoman, 17 February 2010
Rating:

The Latest From American Idol

Adam Lambert will not be allowed back as a contestant (so that ratings may increase).

written by Jalapenoman, 17 February 2010
Rating:

"When Wearing 'Gay Pride' T-Shirts....What?"

BBC in talks for the Pope to appear on Thought For The Gay. I'm sorry, that should be, Thought For The Day!


written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

The Latest From American Idol

Stretching thirty minutes or boring selection show into four hours over two nights still beats Olympic Curling in the ratings.

written by Jalapenoman, 17 February 2010
Rating:

The Latest From American Idol

Producers to launch new spin-off series: "Who Can Spell and Pronounce Kara's Last Name?"

written by Jalapenoman, 17 February 2010
Rating:

The Latest From American Idol

Simon Cowell buys a button up shirt, but vows not to wear it unless Ryan comes out of the closet.

written by Jalapenoman, 17 February 2010
Rating:

The Latest From American Idol

Simon Cowell's ego is still the biggest thing about the show.

written by Jalapenoman, 17 February 2010
Rating:

The Latest From American Idol

Kara decides to be the newest Paula with crush on long haired contestant.

written by Jalapenoman, 17 February 2010
Rating:

The Latest From American Idol

Randy Jackson's vow not to say "dawg" this season didn't last until the first commercial break.

written by Jalapenoman, 17 February 2010
Rating:

The Latest From American Idol

Ryan Seacrest reveals that he bought Donny Osmond's teeth.

written by Jalapenoman, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Legal Mumbo Jumbo!

The verdict on juries: Two-thirds of jurors do not understand judges' directions. Step into closets. Go to the wrong bathrooms.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Long Cold Winter

The worst cold snap for 20 years is turning Britain's lawns, male students stuck inside together, PINK!


written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Sony Recall?

Japanese may have to recall nearly one million Sony televisions as buyers claim there's nothing on worth seeing!

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Japan Recalls Banks

Japanese Sumitomo Banking may have to recall their banks as three have roofs falling in, due to heavy snow.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

"No Old People Smell"

US company that no giant windmills will be built near retirement homes.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Ads To Be Turned Down

ITV finally censured for turning up volume on ads to annoyance of millions. I SAID, ITV FINALLY....hurt my throat.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Flaklands War II?

Tory anger at Argentina 'blockade' of Falkland Islands as row over oil drilling rights escalates. Chavez to receive proper dressing down.


written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Ready For High Adventure!

Exclusive: Princes William and Harry to go on first joint royal tour to Africa. Backpacks filled with Acapulco Gold!

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Immediately Fall Off

Poor fit may explain why men refuse condoms, according to Jon Gosselin.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

New Hawaiian Programs

$600K awarded for Native Hawaiian programs. First off, a baked pig with an apple in it's mouth for every home!

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Family Guy Attacked

Palin lashes out at 'Family Guy'. Tears cartoon character a new ass!

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Israel Discovers Wine Press

Israel discovers large Byzantine-era wine press as apparently Byzantines had huge feet!

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Obama: I Saved The Economy

Obama says stimulus bill saved troubled economy. You can all go out and purchase something silly now.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Biden His Foot Again

Biden on capital: 'Washington right now is broken!' This should help consumers regain positive outlook!

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Zsa Zsa Babor's Husband California's Next Governor?

Prince Frederic von Anhalt reads like a tabloid writer's dream: 8th husband of Zsa Zsa Gabor, lover of Anna Nicole Smith, self-proclaimed member of European royalty. In other words, PERFECT for Calif.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

'Human Error"

British Met Office used archived weather data from wrong supercomputer in predicting mild winter.

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Sadie Wins!

Scottie Sadie wins best dog at Westminster after PETA protest. Susan Boyle comes in at #2.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Stimulus "Money's Worth" Though Still 10% Unemployment

Biden: US got 'money's worth' from stimulus act. Plus we built thirteen more bridges to nowhere, one in Afghanistan.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

"Surfing Dolphins" picture - worth $3.1 billion?

As part of Obama's economic stimulus package 3.1 billion dollars will be spent on answering the question: Do Dolphins Like to Surf?

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Sarkozy Visits Haiti

French President Sarkozy pays surprising visit to Haiti. Apparently thought he was head to Hawaii.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

I Was Flying Over The Clock Tower!

Hopeful talks about visions for university changes, as several students admit they were drunk when visions occurred.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Winter weather Continues

Wintry weather persists as experts predict it will last until Spring.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

US Sends Envoy Back To Syria

U.S. to return envoy to Syria after five-year absence. Asked if he had minded the waiting, states "Just as long as I was paid, I'd waited 15 years and retired.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Biden Flips Flops In Two Days

Biden worried about another terrorist attack. This after denying any possible terorist attack on news when former VP Cheney that one was more likely due to new government policies.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Gore Told Lyposcution Won't Help His Image!

Fat doctor refers him to brain surgeon for possible frontal lobe lobotomy.
Wags suggest half brain now matches his half assed approach to Global Warming!

written by Morse, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Submarine Sighting In Orlando Lake a Hoax!

Marine Patrol investigated tourist sighting to discover it was Bargis Tryhol floating on his back during morning work out. After lowering his periscope, BT was allowed to continue exercise.

written by Morse, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Murtha's Last Earmark to Cost Taxpayer's $5B!

Recently departed corrupt pol John Murtha arranged for a slots casino at the John Murtha Airport, legalized prostituion, and mandated that just because he died didn't mean he couldn't vote any more.

written by Morse, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Napalatano Buys Collection of Kelvar Pants Suits!

Spokeman says $500k expenditure necessary to combat terroritst threats saying "hey, all the other Hummers have them!" Unfortunatlely, Pentagon says she is NOT being deployed to the Mexican Border!

written by Morse, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Greeks Blow Up Bank in Fit of Pique!

EU members Spain and Portugal applaud act: if Greeks can't get anymore money, neither should anyone else. Nigeria, Turkey, Detroit and California await approval to join the federation.

written by Morse, 17 February 2010
Rating:

British Met Office predicts snowstorm made up of quarks and gluons

in line with previous weather forecasts predicting warm winter and sizzling British summer

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Government Earmark Finally Pays off for South Carolina!

After 10 years of inactivity fleet of snow plows at Myrtle Beach Airport deployed during recent 3" Snow Fall! Batteries were dead, tires flat, and plow hydraulics froze up due to lack of mainenance.

written by Morse, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Another Japanese Car Recall

Toyota now probes Corolla steering problem, fat Americans getting stuck in the Yaris!

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Alabama College says Muderous Professor Seemed 'Normal' to Them!

Backround shows alleged pipe bomb threat at former job, killed her brother, beat up woman in restaurant over highchair, and bothed robbery. She also was univited guest at White House at "Retard Week."

written by Morse, 17 February 2010
Rating:

$50,000 A Month To Mia Farrow & 50 Adopted Kids.

Kevin Eubanks exiting as Leno bandleader. New bandleader said to be Woody Allen.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Brit Hacker Accused of Hacking Porno onto Moscow Street Screen!

Officials say perp was out of work computer genius with time on his hands.
Earl Grey says he's not out of work and has his hands full, most of the time, usually after his wife gets home.

written by Morse, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Ex Pat in Thailand Questioned Over Multiple Identities!

Security Officials concerned when body scan show both Tits and Balls and discover 4 pass ports for both sexes. Brit says he only uses female ones to confuse Jman and claims he really isn't 21 and hot!

written by Morse, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Hawaii Very Happy

Happiest States: Hawaii Moves into First Place! "We were so happy that we actually rolled on the floor laughing at the airport, before we were greeted!", stated one couple.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Hawaii Overcomes Arkansas

Happiest States: Hawaii Moves into first place Arkansas now #2 as number of visitors who point and laugh themselves sick, down.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

63% of Americans Say Incumbants Must Go!

Obama agrees, prepares to set up Monarchy....he's got the EARS for it!

written by Morse, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Westminister Dog Show Attracts Arkansas Viewers in Droves!

Most said they were disappointed and didn't understand the promo touting
"Best Inbreed." All thought they were tuning into Miss Arkansas Beauty Pagent.

written by Morse, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Hawaii Happiest

Happiest States: Hawaii moves into first place, after Hula girls great passenger with flower leis, grass skirts.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Don't Use Spin Dry

Japanese may recall Toshiba washing machines as spin cycle jars them loose in Hot Springs, Arkansas and eventually out the door and past a runaway Camry.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Clinton Collapse Linked to Vertigo!

Proctologist said President lost consciousness when all the blood in his body rushed to his Penis. Hillary denies she caused relapse. Everybody believes her!

written by Morse, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Toshiba Recall?

Japanese may recall Toshiba washing machines as spin cycle bouncing dryers chase Laundromat users out the door.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

52% of Americans Say 'No" to Obama 2nd Term!

Funny how they can always smell a loser, but can't pick a winner!

written by Morse, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Japanese Woes

Japanese may recall Toshiba washing machines as spin cycle on some throw clothes to stick on the ceiling.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Japanese Products Fail

Japanese may recall all Karaoke units due to reports that many back-up vocals in Japanese.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Cheryl Cole Gives Birth to virtual Elephant

at "feisty Brits performance" - thinking an elephant was heading their way - audience ran for their lives

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Show Goes To The Dogs

Scottie Sadie wins Westminster after PETA protest by two more bitches carrying signs.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Bayh Says Good-By

Disillusioned Bayh advocates electoral "shock" to broken system. "But wait until I'm gone."

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Kint Tut Tooted Off!

A frail King Tut died from malaria, broken leg, severe gas attack.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Tut Used For Target Practice?

A frail King Tut died from malaria, broken leg, 37 bullet wounds.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

King Tut, What A Nut!

A frail King Tut died from malaria, broken leg, vision of horrible song about him by Steve Martin.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Tut Shipped Upside Down

A frail King Tut died from malaria, broken leg. Actually leg may have been broken during shipment. Let's just say malaria.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

King Tut

After mummy examined: A frail King Tut died from malaria, broken leg, curse of previous king.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

More Problems For Japan

Toyota probes Corolla steering, considers recall. Toshiba computers acting strange.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Now It's Corolla

Toyota now probes Corolla steering problem, considers recall!
May just recall all newer cars and get it over with.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Iranian Woman Skier Admits "It's All Downhill From Here"

An Iranian woman skier at the Winter Olympics has admitted that her training may work against her. "There's snow and ice here" she said.

written by Earl Grey, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Obama staffer 'gained access to sensitive files'

Specifically, Professor Phil Jones 'missing raw climate data files"

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

So Deadly Accurate

F22s can shave a hairless Sphynx cat

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

F15 undercarriages collapsing at higher rates

F15 repair technicians suspect F22s are to blame, "They must be parking on them".

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

"Short Pickings"

F22s pick pockets on State Street Chicago and on 'Avenues of the Americas" in Manhattan

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Deadly Belgian Rail Crash

Caused by inappropriately parked F22 - but will never come out in the press.

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Confused?

Turns out that the supposed 5th generation F22s are in fact 6th Generation F22 transformers

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

F22s thought to be

hiding among church parishioners

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Off secret F22 production line: Vertical take-off super-cruise F22

can't be cut by Obama, because no one knows where they are.

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

5th Generation F22s seek out "X-Generation"

Some F22s think members of teh X-Generation are 'the competition', said Pentagon Air Vice Marshall General.

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

'Population Control'

On-base Pizza delivery van accidentally takes out line of parked F22s; F22s take out all Pizza delivery vans in existence; students and couch potatoes starve to death.

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Giving G5 fighters animal and human personalities

F22: snippet; F35: slinky cat; F15: girl next door; F16: hedgehog; F4s (mothballed): Welsh Corgi; F18As: rabbit; Pentagon's secret Space Shuttle: Owl; Aura (still classified): British robin

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

F22s "clean house"

F15s going AWOL - assumed shot down by F22s anxious for more runway space.

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

F22s - pilot injuries up

Said pilots: "We keep walking into them".

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Fight breaks out between F22s and F35s

Pentagon top brass: "We think so, but can't be sure - it's hard to see them fighting."

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Can't be found anywhere - especially at bath time

Super-Stealthy F22s

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

President Obama has done

what Al Qaeda couldn't do: rip the heart out of America's soul

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Super-Stealthy F22 scout out parking spots

found hiding in the bushes in Obama's back yard back in Chicago - Mayor Daley responds, "What's the big deal, I have them in my backyard too."

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Obama had journalists rolling in the aisles

Obama's opening line at his latest Press Conference: "I'm as tough as Ronald Reagan"

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Pentagon secretly activates

miniature transparent deadly silent 'autonomous swords' of the "Screamer Variety" as defined by the late Phillip K. Dick.

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Pentagon silent about

new silencer design

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Court Marshall for

Totally secret weapons programmer who gave his fridge-freezer high-velocity ice-cube making capacity

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Lawn Mower chip reprogrammed by a rogue ICBM technician goes 'tits up'

Grass mower deploys multiple re-targetable law mower blades able to change their trajectory 'in flight' while 'in flight'.

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Giving ICBMs 'personality' full of unintended consequences

Lone ICBM 'went off reservation' when it activated its on-board target designator. Turned out the ICBM's priority target was a tennis ball left out on a neighbour's lawn.

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

News Headline: "Obama grants funding for new nuclear reactors"

Said Obama: "Well, it's like this, if You Can't Beat the Iranian Regime - Join Them".

written by Tcoah, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Wouldn't Have Suspected

A behind the scenes report from the Winter Olympics says that most two-man luge teams are gay.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Vote Republican

Six good reasons to vote Republican in November 2010: VP Biden; HS Pelosi; SML Reid; Rep. Frank; Sen. Franken & Rep. Conyers. Unfortunately, many of the middle-of-the-road Democrats are also retiring.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Wrong Day

February 15, 2010 is Presidents Day. House Speaker Pelosi thought it was Pelosi day!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 February 2010
Rating:

President Obama to get out More

White House advisors are trying to get President Obama out of Washington DC more often. A Republican Party spokesman says that is our goal too, in 2012!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 February 2010
Rating:

"Only the Shadow Knows"

House Speaker Pelosi must be the Shadow! That is because she feels she is the only one who knows what health care reform the American public should have.

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Constitutional Change

An addition to the current Constitutional requirements to be a member of the US Congress has been proposed. The added sentence specifies that a candidate for office must have a brain!

written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Still Working On It

Tiger Woods offers Elin the "concubines solution", hit with 5 iron this time.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Roof Caving In

Heavy snow caves in roof of meeting of specialists of global warming. Two injured, 1 million laughing till their sides hurt.

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Oh Canada!

Olympic viewers in America seem to be saying, "We oughta go up there one of these days. It would give us a whole new lookout on the world, I bet."

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
Rating:

Arkansas #58

Arkansas Sheriff: Mexican people flubs our English speech till I plumb can't tell what they's sayin'. Bunch of gibberish. Speak Americanish!

written by Bureau, 17 February 2010
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