Order by:
Rating:

NJ Man Goes Cukoo For Cocoa Puffs

Clyde Torkel of Bayonne, NJ, dropped his pants and ran down the street throwing handfuls of the Cocoa Puffs into the air. It took seventeen EMT's to sedate Torkel. He is now in custody.

written by Daniel Bristol, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Jiminy Cricket Buried After Making Mistake As Pinocchio's Conscience

When you are an insect wanting someone to hurry up, never say "step on it!"

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Obama renews "The War on Poverty"

France surrenders.

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Hickory Daquiri, Doc?

I don't care what the swizzel stick is made of, just give me the damned drink!

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Who't the leader of the club that's made for you and me?

Not some mouse, say most men. Give us a girl with nice hooters.

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Hey Diddle Diddle

Scientists say that cats can't play the fiddle.

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Paper or Plastic

Doctors say that sheepskin and rubber are more effective.

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Paper or plastic?

Men prefer natural flesh or silicone implants instead.

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Notes From The Olympic Village

Canadian women's hockey team that scored eighteen goals said that they didn't try to run up the score...against the American Men's soccer team.

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Notes From The Olympic Village

American Women upset at curling competition...."we brought our curling irons, mousse, conditioner, and hair spray, and didn't need any of it."

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Notes From The Olympic Village

International Ski Federation wants more minority participants....not for racial diversity, but because it's easier to spot them on the snow.

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Heather Mills McCartney Announces She's Broke

Barbara Bach says "she should have stayed married to her Beatle. I've been with Ringo for 30 years and we've never run out of money."

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Heather Mills McCartney Announces She's Broke

She's burning the furniture, and old legs, just to stay warm.

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Heather Mills McCartney Announces She's Broke

Check her closet. Did she break the Imelda Marcos shoe record?

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Heather Mills McCartney Announces She's Broke

Can someone give her a hand? (since she has a few extra legs in the closet)

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Heather Mills McCartney Announces She's Broke

Tries to sell naked pictures of herself for money, but they're already all over the internet.

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Look Behind You, Al

Poor Kirstie Alley can't win. Now Al Gore is talking about fining people over carbon ass prints.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Heather Mills McCartney Announces She's Broke

Asks Tiger Woods if she can marry him (since he likes blonde gold diggers) for a few years.

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Heather Mills McCartney Announces She's Broke

Splinters from that wooden leg ruined $50 million worth of nylons.

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Heather Mills McCartney Announces She's Broke

....and nothing went to help the Haitian refugees.

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Heather Mills McCartney Announces She's Broke

If Paul had given her $75 million instead, she could have lasted another six months

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Heather Mills McCartney Announces She's Broke

It cost lots of money to buy razors that only shave one leg.

written by Jalapenoman, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Muse's doubletalk?

Shirley Bassey = A Sibyl's Heresy

written by queen mudder, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Obama Going Nuclear

President Obama goes nuclear, wants two new plants built. "Well, if you can't build nuckular plants, these will have to do", states man on the street in Crawford, Texas.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Erie Freezes Over

Lake Erie Frozen over for the first time in 14 years. "Gives you an eerie feeling just looking at it", says new weekend weatherman.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Toyota Temporarily Closes Plants

Report: Crisis-hit Toyota to idle two US factories after worker driving Camry out of factory takes off across the field at 110 MPH!

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Fur The Good Times

Fur makes a comeback: Cold Winter inspires fashion designers, paint throwers.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Iran Acting Suspiciously

Iran wants to supply friends in region with nuclear energy, especially Hamas, PLO, Hezbollah, Taliban, Al_Qaida and Tony Bitchtits visiting from Jersey.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Census Wasted

Audit finds US census preparations wasted millions by hiring people who can't count.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Arkansas #57

Maggoty, Arkansas man gets too close to outdoor grill as hair grease fire leaves him bald, ruins the barbecued sow belly. Then he's arrested for forcing laughing neighbor to eat it.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Arkansas #56

Near-sighted health freak in Maggoty, Arkansas drinks eight full gallons of water a day. Drowns.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Oprah Loses Money

Forbes magazine is reporting that Oprah Winfrey lost $400 million last year. Oprah says she found too late that she had a hole in her pants pocket.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Flashing Red Light

Biden flashes red light at Obama, "Stop your high-spending agenda or the Democratic majorities in both houses will be wiped out in November."

written by Tcoah, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Most Teenagers Get Alcohol From Parents, Study Reveals

With Tesco's new six cans for the price of four it woks out cheaper than pocket money.

written by Earl Grey, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Man Holds Breath For World Record Time

Thousands to attend funeral tomorrow.

written by Earl Grey, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Tesco's REALLY Suck!

A human fly scaled a wall just like Spiderman using just two Tesco vacuum cleaners. A spokesman said: "Eat your hearts out Dyson!"

written by IN SEINE, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Shoe Bomber's Brother

Idiot suicide terrorist blows up old movie set of "The West Wing".

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

New Reality Show

New television reality show, "Name & Shame" already facing a lot of lawsuits.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Michelle Seroius About Health

Michelle Obama has long walk constructed near Senate in new health drive. "As examples, Senators, Congressmen will have to walk 'the walk' before they can talk the talk.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Apple Rules!

Study says apples have controlled man's destiny. First Adam & Eve, hit Newton on the head, Music Company & Computers along with billions brought to school teachers.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Record Number!

Record number of women now in the Senate and Congress. Will be featured in May issue of Hustler.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Obama Reminds Americans

President Obama in his Tuesday morning speech, reminded Americans that there's only 318 shopping days until Christmas.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Lots Of Gift Ideas

After reviewing final sales numbers for the fourth quarter, 99-Cent stores say their sales were up over 30%!

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Yao Top Player

Yao Ming voted by fans as top NBA player of all time. Beats Jordan, Chamberlain, Jabber by four million votes.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Over Clinton's Bad Heart Condition

Both Burger Kings close in former President Clinton's Library.
McDonalds, Wendys and Krispy Kreme Doughnuts all that are left.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

NKorea Is Out!

North Korea has been kicked out of the Axis Of Evil after Leader, Kim shows up at meeting in Donald Duck outfit.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Concert Injuries Up!

Study: Injuries at Rock & Roll concerts up nearly 25%. Experts blame the age of the old performers.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Illegal Alien Vote

Report: Illegal aliens in California, Texas and Area 51 are beginning to lean towards Republicans for 2012.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Harrah's Classics

Harrah's Casinos welcome 100,000th Has-Been for this weekend's live performance. This weekend's stars: Peter Frampton & Kermit the Frog!

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Harrah's Presents

Harrah's Casinos welcome 100,000th Has-Been for this weekend's live performance. This weekends big show: Gary Lewis and Tennille!

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Come-Back Kids

Harrah's Casinos welcome 100,000th Has-Been for this weekend's live performance. Get your seats now for the big Ringo and Art Garfunkle blowout!

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Soon Be Approaching Bush Numbers

Democrats blame Barack Obama's drop in the national polls on Newton's Law!

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

More Trouble

Reports this morning that police have discovered an FBI mole in the CIA.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Larry King On Twitter

It's been reported that Larry King has opened a Twitter account. The first messages is signed:"The Galloused Phallas"

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

"Oh You Kid!"

It's been reported that Larry King has opened a Twitter account. So far, it's been "Kilroy was here", "Don't take any wooden nickels" and "23 skidoo!"

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Larry King Twitter

It's been reported that Larry King has opened a Twitter account. So far he's stated, "Here's me at the Alamo with Davy Crockett. Got out just in time."

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

"Bring Me The Comfy Chair!"

The questioning of captured top Taliban militant commander Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar isn't going well. He steadfastly refuses to have anything to do with the milk and cookies being offfered him.

written by Adam Click, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Tough Enough

Study: Tough love 'is good for children' Also, 'Tough luck!" when they keep asking for money.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

No Discipline

Quarter of parents avoid disciplining their children for fear of upsetting them. "The 16-year-old and his friends beat the crap out of us last time!"

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

They Mean Well

Quarter of parents avoid disciplining their children for fear of upsetting them, having house set on fire.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Teen Really Excited

'Whatever': Teenage daughter's hilarious reaction to £56m EuroMillions jackpot win, while both parents shit pants.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Some Cause Migraines

Only in Vegas: The magic carpets designed to keep you awake and gambling. Bright colored flower designs better than free coffee.


written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

So Now What?

Baby boomers urged to shed 'spare tyre' in new campaign to tackle obesity. Many seen placing them in their garages this morning.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Credit Where Credit's Due

Hunt for the blonde 'assassin': 'Hit squad' with British passports accused of executing senior Hamas leader in Dubai 5-star hotel, did a 5-star job of it.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Dogs, Owners Finally Back Together

America's top dog show starts with Razzle Dazzle as some joker lets a squirrel loose.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Wall Street: Say Cheese!

Kraft Cheese Foods 4Q profit more than triples, sales up. Makers of laxatives jubilant, accident prone!

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Clinton Warns Saudis In Speech

Clinton warns of Mideast nuclear arms race. "Could get out of hand. Destroy the earth. Just saying."

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Back To Square One

Obama seeks return to campaign-style discipline. Plans to spend entire year going from city to city for 2012 re-election campaign. US problems can wait.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Kid Wanting Off School?

Clearing roads in winter requires snowphistication! "You have to be very careful when shoving aside 12-foot tall snowmen built in the roads.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Bayh Goes For Good

Bayh cites strident partisanship in leaving Senate. "Paper wad battle lasted two days. Janitors quit."

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Bayh Says Good-Bayh

Bayh cites strident partisanship in leaving Senate. "One 'Did/Did Not' argument lasted for 45 minutes."

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Bayh Quits

Bayh cites strident partisanship in leaving Senate. "Can't even agree on what not to agree upon."

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Nothing Getting done

Bayh cites strident partisanship in leaving Senate. Reports two hour staring contests between Dems & GOP.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Say That Again!

White House defends year-old stimulus. "It slowed our progress of going backwards", says Joe Biden.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Mardi Gras To Begin

New Orleans readies for Mardi Gras. "We have plenty of floats should a dike break", says Mayor.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

French Experimented On Own Troops

France used troops as nuclear "guinea pigs" in 1960's. Left them in the open to study nuclear effects. Then placed them running on a big wheel after elusive croissant.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Ruling The Roost

Taliban's top military commander captured. Placed on the very top o pile of naked prisoners.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Big Bang

Hottest temperature ever causes science group meeting to discuss the Global Warming by running through the grounds naked! "Everyone got so hot and bothered", it turned into the Big Bang Theory,

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Too Much Global Warming

Florida family gives up on small-town North Dakota and heads back to Florida as soon as somebody helps dig them out of three-foot snow.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Florida Famil Returns

Florida family gives up on small-town North Dakota after meeting three people in the past two years.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Cameron Calls Brown 'A Donkey'

"Hee-haw. Hee-haw. Hee-halways calls me that. I have no idea why," brays Brown.

written by Skoob1999, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Nascar Driver gives up driving

Nascar Driver Peter Wright has given up driving because he could never get to his destination because he could not stop taking left turns

written by SPECTRUM, 16 February 2010
Rating:

A little boy was introduced to the concept of a 'right angled triangle'

he dutifully concluded that if there is a right-angled triangle there must be a 'left-angled triangle'. The boy's surname? Biden.

written by Tcoah, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Nancy Pelosi Full of Shit, Scientists Say

Nancy Pelosi has been discovered by Scientists at Brigham Young University to be totally full of shit. This comes after the recent discovery that Democrats are total bat-shit loons.

written by Daniel Bristol, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Throw In Schwarzenegger!

President Obama met with Mexican President Calderon & they discussed the immigration problem. Among things discussed was a trade, all illegal immigrants head to California and we give it to Mexico.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Supreme Court Ruling

Today in a suprise move, the U.S. Supreme Court struck itself down.

written by Boone Adams, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Hillary Flies to be by Bills Side!

She made it very clear that it was by his side; not under, on top of, in back of, and God Forbid in Front Of, the former President. Aides said Bill was overjoyed also.

written by Morse, 16 February 2010
Rating:

The Big Three In Action!

Makers of Cialis, Levitra and Viagra stocks climb as they point the way to a recovering economy.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Pot Cures

Study: Legal use of marijuana for medical reasons creating a huge buzz around clinics!

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Bird Talk!

A bird in the hand claims that those two in the bush are nothing but perverts.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Stupid Sunspots!

Men on Mars say that recent sunspots ruining their reception of girly shows from Venus.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Average Complaint

Average call during Super Bowl was complaints from viewers that silly people chasing pigskin was interrupting some great commercials.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
Rating:

Pre-Census Poll Completed

Census Poll: Average politician 49, balding, takes Viagra and penis enlargement medication, and that's just the women.

written by Bureau, 16 February 2010
« Jan 2010 February 2010 Mar 2010 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
1st
86
2nd
147
3rd
172
4th
155
5th
154
6th
142
7th
123
8th
109
9th
183
10th
146
11th
0
12th
163
13th
115
14th
136
15th
133
16th
93
17th
180
18th
185
19th
183
20th
211
21st
121
22nd
99
23rd
134
24th
166
25th
99
26th
113
27th
109
28th
150

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